Shamelessly Worth It: For Me, #2

By Nickie Nalley Seidler

This is Book 2 in the For Me Series, it's recommended to read book one first.

It is said that the cruelest of lies are often told in silence. Millie's secret she has kept all these years is about to turn the world upside down for the one person she has tried to protect. As a mother, she will stop at nothing to keep her daughter from getting hurt.

Strong, dependable, and utterly gorgeous Dean has always held a special place in Millie's heart. Can the reignited passion they once shared help him overcome the obstacles he must now face?

Millie's life with Brian was a roller coaster ride from the start. They tried to be happy as they made their life together with their daughter, but some things can't be fixed or forgiven.

Follow Millie as she discovers the power of love, honesty, and forgiveness. The current love or the ex? Both stand to recapture her heart.

This book contains adult material. It may make you laugh, make you sad, make you happy, and may make you cry. Of course, the author isn't responsible for these emotions!
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nickie Seidler
• Release date: Oct 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781386097259

Book preview

DEDICATION

To the people who went through divorce, here’s hope for you.

To families who aren’t perfect.

Everyone deserves to be happy no matter what your happily ever after is.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

THIS BOOK WAS VERY difficult for me to write! The characters were really emotional and it put a strain on me! It took more time than I thought it would for just that reason alone. Plus, most of the time the characters didn't give me a clear direction! I hope you’re just as emotional reading it!

I’d like to first thank my wonderful husband for being there for me always. I have such a great support system.  I love you with all my heart. Thanks for cooking the nights I didn’t feel like it. Accepting me and my crazy mind while I try to explain my stories to you!

To my Mother- thanks for constantly being my rock, my assistant, and my everything! I love you!

To my author friends, Glenna- if it wasn’t for you this book probably wouldn’t be done! Thanks for being a great friend and keeping on my ass about everything! Love ya chick!

FL Jacob- Another one to keep on my toes and give me amazing feedback and help with this book! Look forward to sharing a table with you in Nashville!

Bev- Seriously a blessing to have come in my life! Thank you so much for helping me with everything BETA wise and just being a friend! You helped me get through this book and saw my vision. I hope we get to meet one day!

To Brandy, Melissa, Dee, Victoria, Kim, oh brother the list goes on! Thank you for being there for me!

For the love of God, forgive me for not naming everyone but being pregnant and having a pregnant brain has really made me forget so much!

To all my BETAs thank you for your constant support and help with the process! To Bev, Glenna, Suzie, Lori, Felicity, Caiti...you all ROCK!

Lastly to my street team, the Seidler Stars and bloggers to help get my name out there! We all know we wouldn’t be very far without our bloggers to help spread the word! To them, I am thankful!

To my READERS! THANK YOU! I wouldn’t be ANYWHERE without YOU! You all rock and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you! Love you all!

Cover Design by K. Keeton Designs

https://www.facebook.com/KKEETONDESIGNS

Editor: Beyond the Cover Editing

https://www.facebook.com/beyondthecoverediting

https://www.beyondthecoverediting.com

The author acknowledges the use of the following:

UNO, Malibu, Arizona, Wild Cats, Hilton, Ford, Explorer,

Land Rover, Old Style, IHOP, Indiana

http://www.brainyquote.com/

Chapter 1

You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. – Epicurus

Millie

THE RAIN FELL HARD outside my hotel room window. It pelted off the overhang and poured down in buckets. I clung to my pillow and held it tightly to my chest. The thunder mimicked the pounding in my head and the lightning illuminated the pain written across my face. I was sitting in the dark, and that’s how I wanted to be. Everything in my life was crashing down around me. It was my fault, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. The pain that stabbed deep in my stomach radiated all over my body. One would have thought I was outside being poured on in the cold rain the way my body shook. It had been three days, just three days since Dean left me in Arizona. I hadn’t heard one thing from him. It had been the longest three days of my life. I came home immediately after finding the cards scattered on the floor, and his suitcase gone. I knew he had read them. I knew he was hurt, but I didn’t think he would ignore me this long. Would he ignore me for the rest of our lives and forget what he saw? I didn’t want that. I brought those cards with me for a reason. I had planned on telling him on this trip. I did. I just never knew the right way. How do you tell someone you’re falling in love with again, fifteen years later, that he’s the father of your child? There wasn’t an easy way of letting that out. I had no clue how Dean was going to react, but the last thing I wanted him to do was find those cards without my explanation first. The last thing I wanted was for him not to feel my arms around him comforting him while I explained to him the hardest thing I’d ever had to go through in my life—the whys and the hows, the dos and the don’ts, the could haves and the might haves.

As soon as I returned home, I explained to my mother what had happened. She didn’t quite understand, but I needed her to lie for me. It took everything in her to agree to do it. She wasn’t a liar, and she would never lie for anybody, but she understood where I was coming from. I didn’t want Kate to know where I was. Needing space, I checked into a hotel on the outskirts of town. I wasn’t ready to let Kate know. I wasn’t ready to talk about it with anyone. I needed to find Dean. I needed to talk with him before I spoke with anyone else. He needed to tell me he was okay and what he planned on doing from here on out. Would he plan to be involved in her life? How would this all unfold? I didn’t tell my ex-husband, Brian, anything other than the trip got extended. Nobody knew I was in town and I didn’t plan on leaving the hotel room. I’d called Dean a handful of times, but I knew he was avoiding me. I tried to give him some space, but not a moment went by that I wasn’t thinking of him. I had to see him.

I picked up my cell phone and ran my fingers over the display unlocking the phone. I stared at his phone number long enough that the screen timed out and I unlocked it again, and again, and again. I knew I was going to call him, but I needed something to make him call me back. He needed to know we couldn’t avoid this forever and even though I wanted to give him space, he needed to respect the fact that I had an explanation to give. He needed to hear me out even if it hurt him. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him, but I had to explain. My finger ran over his number, and I clicked dial. To my surprise, he answered.

This is Dean, he answered sternly, too sternly for me. A lot of background noise hovered on the phone line.

Dean, I came off in a whisper-like voice. I was ashamed, embarrassed, scared.

This isn’t a good time, Millie. I heard the background noise vanish.

There won’t ever be a good time. I need to talk to you, and I need to see you. Please, don’t shut me out. We need to handle this like adults, I said softly, hoping for the best, crossing my fingers, toes and legs while I sat on the floor of the hotel room in the dark. Listening to the rain was supposed to be soothing, but each raindrop felt like a dagger to my own heart, making it pump even faster not knowing what the outcome of this situation was going to be.

I heard him sigh and I could picture him running his hand over his head pacing back and forth with that sexy stride he had about him.

Handle this like adults? he chuckled into the phone. I could tell he was starting to get tense by the tone in his voice.

Please, Dean, just let me explain, I begged. I pleaded with every bone in my body. I needed him to accept my offer. I needed him to hear me out.

Meet me at the lake in one hour . . . and no, I don’t care that it is raining, he snapped, then hung up the phone.

I placed the phone in my lap and stared at it. I knew what lake he was talking about. It was the same one we always used to hang out at back in the day. I had to gather my thoughts quickly. I planned it over and over in my head what I would say, but there wasn’t really a right way to go about it.

I buried my head in my hands and let out a deep, frustrated sigh. My mind tried to focus, though it was doing anything but. I brought the pillow to my face and screamed into it. I held the pillow there for a second. If I just suffocated myself, would the pain go away? No, I couldn’t do that to Kate. She needed me, even though it could be very soon that I would lose her forever because she would not take my news lightly. I had to prepare myself for that, too. Then Brian, but first, Dean.

It was late, so I knew the lake wouldn’t be too populated, not just because of the time of night but the fact it was raining. Thankfully, it let up a little bit, so at least it wasn’t pouring. I put on my gray sweat pants and slid my purple hoodie on and pinned my messy, un-brushed hair on top of my head. I wore no makeup so I could reveal my true self to him. I looked like hell, and I wanted him to see it. I wanted him to know it hadn’t been easy these last few days for me either. I knew he must look like hell too, but he needed to know he wasn’t the only one hurting.

I grabbed my keys and set off for my Malibu. Once I was in the car I stared at myself in the rear view mirror and took in the bags around my eyes. I gripped the steering wheel tight and took in a deep breath. I had to calm myself. I couldn’t lose it in front of him. I just couldn’t.

I took off towards the lake and parked in the far parking lot where I saw his car. I parked a spot away from it and took another deep breath. My tears were on edge of falling but I had to hold it together. I got out and put my hood up quickly as rain dampened my hair. I walked through the area where all the boats were parked on land and made my way to the trail that circled around the lake. I picked up the pace until I rounded the corner and noticed Dean standing in the gazebo that overlooked the lake. His hands rested on the railing and he was leaning forward, his head down between his arms, staring at the wet ground. I just wanted to walk up behind him and wrap my arms around him. I walked up next to him and he heard my footsteps. Immediately, he stood up straight while he looked over at me. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was soaked, dripping from under a ball cap, and he looked like he hadn’t slept. He looked me right in the eyes and it was hard to hold his gaze.

Does she know? he asked straight out. I could see the concern in his eyes.

I slowly shook my head back and forth. No, I whispered.

He stood in silence. I couldn’t tell his emotions. Was he happy? Was he upset? I couldn’t gauge it and that scared me. We had gotten to such a great point in our life and I was terrified that I had ruined it.

God, Millie, I have so many questions. He shook his head, panicked, and confused.

I’ll answer anything you need to know. I stepped a little closer to him, my nerves tearing up my stomach. I wanted to touch him, hold him, and make him feel my love. When I got close, he backed away. I got it. He was hurting.

"Why now? I mean, why on this trip? Why not