Jean, A Small Blue Bottle

By Peggy Buxton

A car wreck costs Jean a foot, and Sally an arm plus a few fingers. Jean quickly moves forward with her life, vowing to not let the amputation get in the way. Once she learns about devotees, then wannabes, her life takes a turn she never expected.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Peggy Buxton
• Release date: Jun 9, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310685859

Peggy Buxton

Author, wife, lover, and amputee. I have been missing my left leg for years. Growing up I felt that it should not be there, and it is has been a blessing to have it gone. Today's term for this condition is BIID and in the past simply referred to as being a 'wannabe'. I am a full-time crutch user. Like my husband, I find amputees fascinating. 'Devotee' is the frequently used term. My stories have characters that mirror my life in some manner - wanted/needed to be an amputee or want to live with an amputee. I make no apology for my descriptions of these people and there is no intent to take away from the suffering of some amputees. I love feedback on the stories, but I cannot promise to reply.

Book preview

Chapter 1 - The Loss

I woke with a severe pain in my right foot. The surroundings were unfamiliar. I realized after a few befuddled moments that it was a hospital room. With a flick of the sheet, I found the right foot was gone. All that remained was a bandaged lower leg. I could not tell how much was missing, but it appeared to end about halfway between my knee and ankle. By now I was sitting, trying to not scream or cry. I reached down and felt the end of my leg. It helped the pain to subside so I rubbed it for a few minutes while trying to remember what had happened.

Jean, I’m Dr. Grayson, said the middle-aged woman in the white lab coat standing beside my bed.

What happened?

What do you remember?

I was driving home with Roger and Sally. Are they hurt?

Sally is in surgery.

Surgery?

I’m sorry to have to tell you that there was a car accident. Roger did not survive, and we are trying to save Sally’s right arm. This is her second trip to the operating room.

Am I okay, other than my foot has been amputated?

A few bruises, but yes you are just fine. Later someone from P.T. will be here to help you walk on crutches. When you can go home will depend on that, but maybe in the next day or two.

Sally is right handed....

I’m afraid her arm was mangled pretty badly.

How much will she lose?

The surgeon was thinking about halfway above the elbow.

How about scars?

Most of the damage was to the elbow, and the skin above there was in good shape so I suspect there won’t be any other than where the stump is closed and that will be minor. You and she were very lucky.

What happened?

I don’t know the details. I suspect a trooper will stop by to get your statement. I’d ask that person.

How can I find how Sally’s surgery went?

She’s down the hall so you will have the same nurses. I’ll make sure they know they can tell you. Dr. Grayson’s beeper made a noise. I need to go, but I will swing by later. Do you need a pain shot?

It hurts some, but not as much I might have expected.

I’ll have them give you a little something.

Thanks.

After the doctor left the room, I continued to look at my bandaged leg. There was nothing I could do about what had happened. No amount of crying would bring my foot back. I had never known an amputee, though I had seen a few at the mall. They were all missing more of the leg, and all walking on crutches. Maybe I had seen some with a prosthetic leg without realizing it. I did not know if I could get one or how long I might have to wait.

I thought about what kind of clothes I could wear, and if I had the guts to leave my stump exposed while wearing short skirts, short pants, and bathing suits. I was only twenty-three and hated the thought of only wearing slacks. Guys would always tell me what lovely legs I had. Would I hear that anymore?

Poor Roger, I barely knew him. Sally had dated him a few months. She was even considering saying goodbye. I guess this simplifies that issue. I knew it was cold to feel that way. I had known her since we were Seniors in high school. We went to college together, and were roommates the whole time.

Sure, I liked guys, but I loved Sally. Our freshman year the heat in the dorm room went out. Without much thought we cuddled under several blankets. It was our first experience with another woman, but it was not our last. It was our secret, but our love grew quickly that term.

Missing an arm, what will that be like, and how will she handle the loss? I sat there looking at my stump thinking how she will do the same soon. I wish I could be there to comfort her.

Chapter 2 - Interview

Three hours since realizing my foot had been amputated, and already I was somewhat comfortable with the reality. I had no idea why I felt that way. I just did. Maybe it was the pain shot, but I did not think that was it. I leaned back and let my mind drift about the future.

A woman in a state trooper’s uniform knocked and waked in. She introduced herself as Trooper Kelly, and offered an apology for my loss.

I need to you to answer some questions about last night.

I remember nothing. I didn’t even know there was an accident until the doctor told me.

Do you remember where you went?

Jake’s Restaurant. We had steak dinners.

What did you have to drink?

Ice tea.

The others?

Sally had a glass of wine. Roger had a beer...just one.

I tried to keep my answers brief and factual. I watched her writing in the notebook, sometimes glancing at my face in the process.

Then what?

I remember getting in the car. She and I were on the passenger side...she was in the front.

How long had you known Roger?

Sally had dated him a few months. I knew him about that long because of her.

How was his driving?

It seemed okay. Who was at fault?

That has not been determined.

Where did it happen? I looked at her wishing she would tell me more than she was. Had we gone very far?

Third and Banner.

Were the they hurt?

She looked though the notes, but probably knew the answer. Male driver died at the scene. Two female victims transported to the hospital with serious wounds. The occupant of other vehicle died. She made a few more notes. You really don’t remember?

I remember getting in the car. Next thing I knew I woke to find my foot had been amputated.

She stood, closed the notebook. Again, sorry for your loss. Trooper Kelly walked from the room.

A nurse passed the trooper and stopped my bed, holding a pair of crutches. She was from P.T. as Dr. Grayson mentioned, and asked how I felt. I said good considering then smiled.

Dr. Grayson said that your ticket out of here is to walk the length of the hallway and a short flight of stairs. Are you ready to try?

Anything to get home.

We talked about where I lived and if there were stairs or other obstacles that would make being on crutches difficult. I mentioned I lived alone in a warehouse loft with an elevator and no steps. She described the two basic styles of crutches - forearm and underarm - and mentioned the underarm style would be easiest to learn to walk with.

I once had a broken foot...the other one. I laughed.

Most people find it easier with a missing leg than a cast.

I remembered the difficulty I had at first and when the cast was ready to come off I was managing quite nicely. She helped me stand, and it was clear right away that she was correct. I did not have to hold the foot up off the floor. I would never have to do that again. Each step was easier than the last. Soon, I was comfortable and she no longer held a hand near my arm or back should I lose my balance.

Very good, she said.

Uh-huh. Not so bad. It really was a lot better than I would have imagined. My stump points back a little.

Try to hold the knee straighter. If you get in the habit of letting it bend, eventually, your muscles will tighten and it will be harder to keep the knee straight. That will be a major problem when you start to use a prosthetic leg.

How long until then?

Maybe a month or two. There is swelling following surgery and if you are fitted too soon, it won’t fit as that goes away.

Okay.

She promised that later I would be taken to the P.T. room for stair training, and that there was a short flight of five steps to practice on. I asked about walking in the room on my own and she thought I was doing well, but recommended I have someone to assist me for now.

Chapter 3 - Sally Returns

I had walked around the room and halfway down the hallway to the nurse’s desk. I ask about the status of Sally, and was told she was in the recovery room. I learned she was in a room three doors away and would be back soon. I was proud of myself for having walked as far as I had. It actually was quite easy, and soon I would be walking as though I had always used crutches.

My stump hurt, and I asked for something. One nurse said she would be there soon. I had no idea how long that might be. A gurney came around the corner, and I saw Sally on it. Her right arm was bandaged, but I could tell there was not much of a stump. Sally’s eyes blinked open.

Hey sexy thing, I teased, and began walking along side.

Be careful, don’t fall, the P.T. nurse, and another nurse said.

The nurse who promised me something for the pain said she would watch out for me, and we all continued to Sally’s room. I stared at the bandaged stump, and now could tell it was shorter than Dr. Grayson had expected. It appeared to be less than a third of the upper arm, and I wondered if she would be able to do anything with it or even be fitted with a prosthetic arm.

Soon, Sally had moved onto the hospital bed. The nurse took her vitals, made some notes in the chart, then told me to not stay long. At last we were alone.

Lookin’ good, darling, I said, kissing her forehead.

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