The Myths of Manhood: Outside Plumbing

By Virginia Llorca

Are you in a relationship? Why? Is everything just great? Why not? Having a rough time getting along with your mate, at least some of the time? Who doesn't. Want someone to make it all better?

I can't promise to make every thing all better. But herein you will learn some new ways to look at an age-old problem and I can promise you will look at the male animal with a slightly gentler cast in your eye, no matter what your relationship is to him.

Ever since they got the vote, women are declaring that all bets are off, what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Or vice-versa in this case. Sometimes that just is not so.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Virginia Llorca
• Release date: Sep 10, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301440818

Virginia Llorca

Irish Catholic Conservative from the West Side of Chicago. No wonder I'm bipolar. Rewriting history at this time. Huge family. Don't like vegetables.

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You’re kind of a dick.

--Virginia Llorca

Outside Plumbing

The Myths of Manhood

by

Virginia Llorca

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012

by Virginia Llorca

I make stuff up.

--Virginia Llorca

Up Front

Do not think, going into this, you will be reading another light-hearted comparison of the male and female genders in the human race. This is not intended as a diatribe, but rather to open up minds, and I am thinking, in particular the female mind, to a greater grasp of why the two sexes are so incapable of understanding one another. Like the guys care, right?

Hopefully, it may open some sort of dialogue between the sexes, or among people in general, but I’m not considering whether it will open up that dialogue, a long over-due dialogue. Instead it is my hope that, perhaps, at least some guys will read this, and you never know, do you?

Ideally, it will become a textbook that you have to study and pass a test on before being allowed to obtain a marriage license.

You’ve seen the joke currently making the rounds of the Pinterest boards relating what the women is writing in her journal about her darling’s moodiness while she is going through a list of different things that she may have caused or what other factors may have affected this quiet and sullenness in her husband and how to approach him to help him solve his problem without bruising his fragile ego or starting a battle or appearing nosy. And then the entry in the little thought bubble over his head, saying how he couldn’t find a certain golf club and was trying to remember if he lent it to someone.

So, really, it is all just a matter of perspective. No matter how much people want to say the sexes are equal, they have done tons of research. In most cases the girl will pick up the doll to play with and the boy will pick up the toy gun. This has been documented and written about over and over. So we can accept from the get-go that there is actually a male perspective and a female perspective. These things are a given. Culturally, comedically, historically. That is an undeniable premise. Don’t argue. What we need to do is establish why the male and female differ so widely in most of life’s pursuits and understand the history.

All this will do is help our tolerance of each other. It isn’t going to change the way things are. The only purpose I would hope to serve is a deepening interest in and understanding of these differences. This will solve at least half of all marital arguments. You can keep score in your personal life if you want. I would not be at all surprised if a widespread acceptance of this knowledge would actually lead to a decrease in the divorce rate. Don’t bet on it. Besides, no one is going to keep track of that.

Honestly, I really cannot remember if I read this as a part of a commentary, or actually heard males discussing it within the range of my hearing, but this is true. This did happen. A guy said, When you ask us what we’re thinking and we say, ‘Nothin’, we mean just that. We actually are capable of thinking nothing. The speaker, an unusually introspective and caring individual explained further that he knew it was impossible for a female mind to grasp that fact because they had female minds, but it was a reality. Isn’t it great to know there are guys like that?

Yeah. Guys do work as geneticists and psychologists and psychiatrists and stuff like that. But, do me a favor? When you run into one, enjoy. But please don’t forget this is a male you are interacting with.

***

So what is your problem? (It must be yours because I don’t have a problem with this. Anymore. I’ve been around a while.) Where did this all go so very wrong?

There is certainly the chromosomal difference. Was there always? Was there always a male and a female of each species? Or did it evolve as the most efficient way for nature to propagate a species? We know that there are frogs that can change sex, certain worms, but usually such an event occurs in the simpler life forms. I know for a fact, a Peking duck can lay a fertile egg when there is no male present as this has happened within a group of ducks that I raised. (1)

There are, of course, documented cases of humans who have the sexual organs of both the male and the female, a rare occurrence which happens in the early stages of zygote development. (2) Other medical oddities such as Chimerism and those cases involving people who are psychologically aware of feeling like the other sex than the one into which they were seemingly born, are not a part of this discussion. There is enough literature devoted to that, and I am discussing here the basic differences the sexes have, mostly in the realm of getting along and understanding why one behaves as one does, intrinsically.

Choosing a mate doesn’t enter into it until beings are on another, more psychologically advanced level. The simplest of forms, such as an amoeba, have asexual development, becoming two and then more by simply dividing. Yet most animal species cannot just divide the germ cell to propagate but must have the germ cell fertilized by a male cell. This is also true of most plants.

Making a choice isn’t part of mating for most species. Possibly, only for humans. I wonder, if you are walking through a grove of Horse Chestnut trees, if you had the psychic ability to so discern, would you hear squabbling among the male and female trees about whether or not this bark makes one’s girth appear too wide, or what has the female tree done to provide nourishment or other sustenance to the male tree.

**

Yeah, it’s an amusing concept. But all over the world, arguments are left unsettled or ended with a good sexual experience, or a divorce, or a murder, or never started at all, because the female knows there is no point in belaboring the facts. If her partner is male, he just won’t understand. I might as well be talking to the wall.

And he says, Yeah. Try that. And it escalates from there. Always. Everywhere. Every day.

And she’s right. He won’t understand.

How many jokes are there about PMS? How many different ways are there to refer to a woman’s period? How often do men excuse something their wife did because she is on the rag or hormonal, or PMS-ing? They welcome the opportunity to explain away a behavior they may find quirky or annoying, but for sure, they have absolutely no clue what it feels like to be at the mercy of some chemical forcing its way through your system, or how it feels to have blood pouring out of your most sacred areas for days at a time, year in and year out.

They worry, as far as the mating rituals are concerned, only about how long their dick is and whether or not it can become hard at the proper time. And with the onset of the viagra type drugs, they don’t worry about that so much anymore. Just about becoming blind from it, which they already lived through in adolescence, re: masturbation. Actually, by the time they leave adolescence, they are pretty much coasting. That is why fantasy football has become so popular. They no longer have to worry about getting a spontaneous erection while standing in the aisle of the school bus at age seventeen. Yes, that is exactly the way one male explained it to me.

***

Maybe I am rushing to judgment, but I know of two websites--at least count--that deal only in women’s confidential secrets.