Bankrupt, Coked Up and Fxxked Up: One Woman’s Account of Her Life With Her Sociopathic Husband

By Verity Veritas

‘I don’t have to kill you in order to kill you.’ These were the chilling words repeated to Verity Veritas by her husband whenever she tried to break free from his suffocating control. In this shocking, no holds barred memoir, Verity recalls the two decades of hell she endured married to a millionaire sociopath. Verity was a single mum and working as a stripper to make ends meet when she met her former partner, whom she nicknames Agent of Chaos, in a nightclub. Although wary at first, it wasn’t long before Verity had fallen for her wealthy, handsome admirer and they duly tied the knot. But as Verity bluntly points out, this is no fairy tale and there is no happy ending. Although blessed with movie star good looks, captivating charm and an entrepreneurial brain, A.O.C. was devoid of empathy and a conscience. This is how Verity became trapped in an abusive, violent relationship that saw her fear for her own life, become dependent on illegal drugs and twice declared bankrupt.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Sep 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781483488509

Book preview

VERITAS

Copyright © 2018 Verity Veritas.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-8851-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-8850-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018908402

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 07/26/2018

I dedicate this book to my three wonderful children:

My love for you is endless.

Murphy’s law

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

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INTRO

This is the chaotic, factual account of my life while married to a sociopath. I have chosen to write this book as if I were talking or writing to ‘him’ – let’s call him Agent of Chaos. The reason I have chosen this style is because when you write a letter the words you use are untamed, almost raw. In other words, they have no filter.

Now, some people may think to themselves, ‘sociopath?’ Oh yeah, my boyfriend/husband is one of them. Well, I’m telling you bitches, if he is then God have mercy on your soul because that is exactly what sociopaths are after! They are emotional vampires, so they will suck the very life from you, leaving you a mere shell of your former self. And believe you me, being with one or married to one is actually the easy bit. You won’t believe what it entails trying to get rid of one, and no one can or will help you. I found this out, much to my horror, when I turned to the authorities. The judicial system is fucked up in my country and ill-equipped to deal with mind control and sociopathy. I’m talking about the people who had the power to help yet failed me miserably. Put it this way – it was like being sent to hell even though I hadn’t killed anyone.

My story is very complex, with many twists and turns, which is the norm when you’re involved with a sociopath. It’s almost like being on a rollercoaster and not being able to get off. It involves sex, as in addiction to prostitutes, legal and illegal drugs, abuse of all kinds, bankruptcy for debts that did not exist, corruption, money laundering and polygraph tests. My former husband could give J.R. Ewing a run for his money, and the Wolf of Wall Street would pale in comparison, leaving the characters in Gone Girl eating his dust. We are talking fugitive here; my very own sociopath, Aka Agent of Chaos, is wanted in many countries. In fact, moving around a lot is a sociopathic trait. I suppose you could call them nomads. They are always looking for new ground from which to hunt their prey, because they are in constant need for a ‘narcissistic supply’ this is anything that builds their ego and reaffirms feelings of superiority, grandiosity and self-entitlement. This is sucked from their victims in a Dracula-like fashion. People do eventually catch onto them, but not before they have left a trial of destruction in their wake

One of the main things that spurred me on to write this book and speak out about domestic abuse/violence is that it is such a social taboo. No one really wants to talk about it, especially regarding so-called coercive control, because that is such a hard one to distinguish – there are no actual physical signs or proof and many victims don’t report it because they don’t actually realise they are being abused. Tragically, for them it has become normal. However, since I started writing this book, coercive and controlling behaviour has become a criminal offence in the UK. But it’s one thing introducing a law and another implementing it. Either way, stats show that in America on average, 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner. You may well ask: Why is this happening? Well, it’s largely down to ignorance because we are uneducated. Now where do we go to receive our education? Why school, of course, so let me convey to you that if we do not educate our children, most of them will grow up ill-equipped to deal with domestic abuse – mainly because they won’t be able to define what it is. This is what happened to me. When it came to inappropriate behaviour, I was uneducated and desensitised. You see, I grew up with a narcissistic father who was mentally and verbally abusive to my mum. She was naïve and unworldly, and he would torment her by doing cruel things such as buying her a one-way train ticket for her birthday. And if he wasn’t doing that he would be browbeating her into participating in a threesome. She never did, of course, but he would have liked it if she had…

I guess that’s no surprise when you take into account this all came from a man whose favourite saying was, Quis custodiet ispos cutodes? Translated from Latin, this means, Who will guard the guards themselves? And my dad was a policeman! It doesn’t sound good, does it? Yes, my dad was a complete hedonist, so I didn’t know any different and was therefore unprepared for what was ahead.

People who haven’t been affected by this kind of relationship will often just argue, You should have left him. In my book, this is code for, It’s all your own fault. Basically, if something hasn’t happened to them they don’t want to know. This really saddens me because we accept transgender and gay people and people of different religions and origins, but for some reason we don’t want to accept abused people. This needs to stop. If we remain silent then we are all allowing it to continue. This is why I have decided to speak out. Whilst writing this book, I have discovered that people think that sociopaths aren’t real and must only live in the USA or in fucking movies. Come on, people, you know how you love to watch movies with sociopaths in them? Be honest, you can’t get enough of them. And why is that? Because it’s entertaining watching, isn’t it? You don’t want to watch shit where everything is sugar coated or covered in rose petals and everyone lives happily ever after, do you? That’s boring, isn’t it? The truth of the matter is that we all want to be freaking voyeurs and observe these sordid subjects, but only from a distance. No one wants to really get involved because their perfect little lives may become infected or out of sync. Anyway, I shall enlighten you. Sociopaths are very much real, and they live here amongst us, so open your eyes and your minds and give yourself a shove into the 21st century.

I have been shackled to this life of purgatory for years now and I had hoped justice would prevail, but that shit ain’t happening, so the only way I will ever be free is to purge my soul – what’s left of it – and tell the truth. In order to do that, you need to be one of the participants and not just an observer.

Take heed my learned friends; this ain’t no fucking fairy tale and there ain’t no fucking happy endings.

So, buckle up and I’ll take you on the ride of your life. Let’s descend into hell, shall we?

A quick debrief before we continue, just so you know what you are dealing with and the characteristics that define a sociopath – or any other antisocial personality disorder. Some may say they bear a strong resemblance to certain politicians, but that’s a whole other book…

Sociopaths are:

* Glib and superficial…

* Manipulative/prone to conning people

* Grandiose

* Pathological liars

* Lacking in remorse, shame or guilt

* Shallow in emotion

* Secretive

* Incapable of displaying love

* Easily bored/need constant stimulation

* Lacking in empathy

* Impulsive

* Incapable of controlling their behaviour from an early age

* Prone to making threats of suicide, which they rarely carry out

* Irresponsible/unreliable

* Promiscuous/unfaithful

* Lacking any life plan/tend to move around a lot

* Entrepreneurial/versatile/morally lax

And these were the mild ones! The Agent of Chaos ticked every box. He also had an attachment disorder, which is a condition where the individual has real difficulty forming relationships. This usually happens when there has been abuse or neglect. They can never truly feel affection for another person because they were never shown any, which would typically have stunted their development, hence their lack of a conscience and their inability to trust.

I guess witnessing these traits should have been a red flag, but a sociopath doesn’t present them to you in one sitting. Oh no. You are slowly drip fed them until the death of your soul! Anyway, I can give you a better insight into the mind of a sociopath than any freaking doctor. This is because I lived with one for nearly 20 years, and what better way than to get it straight from the horse’s mouth? Besides, they are such pathological liars that a doctor would never get to see the real them. They don’t go to a doctor and declare, Yes, I’m a sociopath! The only way to ‘discover’ one is to live alongside them.

So, what makes a sociopath, you may ask? Well, their environment plays a big role. For example, the early life of the Agent of Chaos was peppered with trauma, abuse and rejection. No child should have to endure that; then again, no wife, or any living person, should have to, either. But I did because he projected his pain, misery and suffering onto me. And, like a fool, I sucked it up. I loved him, and he was my soulmate. We had a bond that nobody could break – or so he told me every day until it was imprinted on my brain. Why, I do believe they call that brainwashing.

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PRIVATE DANCER

All the men come in these places

And the men are all the same

You don’t look at their faces

And you don’t ask their names

(Private Dancer, Tina Turner)

The year was 1998 and I was working as a dancer when I met you.

I was 24 and you were 37. I must add you were rather handsome with your film star looks and persona. I’m talking Clark Gable here…

I was the single mother of a daughter and to raise the money I needed to take care of her I worked as a stripper. Yes, the job where you’re paid to take your clothes off. Don’t judge me, because it did not and does not define me. Besides, that was nearly 30 years ago now. When I think back, you chose me because I was a stripper, because they are just scum, right? They’re not human! They don’t have feelings! They have no credibility! And who is going to believe them, right? It’s almost like when paedophiles target children in care because they think no one will do anything about it.

Your friend had hired the services of me and two other dancers for his stag party, which was held at a well-known bar called the locus. This was frequented by rich and vulgar oil men, who were always snorting lines of cocaine … I’m talking white stuff everywhere. It was like a freaking snow blizzard. (Hoovered up with £50 notes I might add.) I didn’t join in, as I was very naive to the world of narcotics back then. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had tried them, but it wasn’t really my thing. I didn’t drink either, as I always had a 100-mile round trip to drive each night. Also, my father was an alcoholic, so I guess that kind of put me off, as I saw the misery that came with it.

I didn’t notice you to start with, as you were sitting in the corner. This was a rather dark corner, which I guess could be a metaphor for the life I was about to embark on with you.

You didn’t

Reviews for Bankrupt, Coked Up and Fxxked Up

[Caroline Bell · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Too many contradictions.
Two sides to every story.
Wouldn't recommend.