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    The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can't Master the Madness of Love -- and Why That's the Best Part
    The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can't Master the Madness of Love -- and Why That's the Best Part
    The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can't Master the Madness of Love -- and Why That's the Best Part
    Ebook260 pages5 hours

    The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can't Master the Madness of Love -- and Why That's the Best Part

    By Mari Ruti

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    Praise for The Case for Falling in Love

    "Why play 'hard to get' when you can just get what you want? Mari Ruti's lively research, from Plato to Freud to Gossip Girl to her own bedroom, finally puts an end to playing games, and provides a resource for lovers and the love-scorned alike. A must-read for anyone who has ever fallen in love, wants to, or wants to know what went wrong."

    —Arianne Cohen, creator of TheSexDiariesProject.com

    "At last, a relationship advice book that will actually work. If you're intelligent, interested in love, and like a book you can't put down, this is it. John Gray, move over. The brilliant Mari Ruti has arrived."

    —Juliet Schor, professor of sociology, Boston College, and author of Born to Buy and Plenitude: The New Economics of True Wealth

    "Groundbreaking…Ruti opens the eyes of her readers so that they can love better…A must-read."

    —Nancy Redd, New York Times bestselling author of Body Drama

    "Finally, a book that takes love seriously. Written with passion and verve…I wish I had read this book years ago!"

    —Sean Carroll, author of From Eternity to Here: The Quest for the Ultimate Theory of Time

    Are you tired of reading book after book and playing game after game, trying to avoid heartbreak? It seems impossible, and maybe that's because you can't lock up your heart like that—not if you want the real thing. And maybe that's one of the best things about love.

    We've been thinking about it all wrong. Our culture's insistence that women need to learn how to catch and keep a man is actually doing much more harm than good. The more we try to manipulate our relationships, the less we are truly able to experience love's benefits and wonders.

    Love is a slippery, unruly thing, and trying to control and manage it robs us of its delicious unpredictability.

    Sure, letting go of the reins a bit might mean a broken heart, but heartbreak, in fact, offers a wealth of possibilities—creativity, wisdom, and growth—that we need in order to make the most of our lives.

    Liberating for women who are frustrated by the idea that they just need to learn the right "formula," The Case for Falling in Love shows that there isn't a method to mastering the madness of love. But that might be exactly what's so wonderful about it.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSourcebooks
    Release dateFeb 1, 2011
    ISBN9781402250811
    The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can't Master the Madness of Love -- and Why That's the Best Part
    Author

    Mari Ruti

    Mari Ruti holds a BA from Brown, two MAs from Harvard, and a Harvard PhD in comparative literature. She earned a degree in psychoanalytic theory at the University of Paris. Currently she is an associate professor of English and critical theory at University of Toronto.

    Read more from Mari Ruti

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    Reviews for The Case for Falling in Love

    4/5

    12 ratings9 reviews

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    • 3/5
      I was slow and reluctant to get into this book, as I might be considered jaded on the subject of love. But, once I got into the material and realized it was not another "how to win the perfect guy" self-help book, I really paid attention and enjoyed the read. I especially liked the second half of the book, which helps figure out where love went wrong. It's an honest and up-to-date look at what relationships are all about. I especially like Ruti's opinion that not all relationships need be life-long commitments, and the failure of one relationship does not make it a life failure. It's also an easy book to skip around in and find chapters or sections that apply to your life right now, or pick it up in the future and find another section that applies to you later in your life.
    • 3/5
      While reading this book, I tried to think about my own relationships. I think Mari has a point here and this book can be helpful to people unlucky in love! I found this book enjoyable to read.
    • 4/5
      College professor Mari Ruti invites her readers to see beyond the mirrors of popular self-help books, and into the maelstrom of what we call falling in love. Love is messy, it can’t be controlled and tamed, but most self-help books that profess to help women navigate the uncertain waters of singlehood try to instill precisely the opposite message: that by acting a certain way with men a woman will eventually get to “catch” the man of her dreams. On the way they manage to perpetuate antiquated gender views, elevate dubious “scientific” research to absolute truth, and implicitly call into question the wisdom of the women’s movement of the last few decades.Instead, Ruti proposes a philosophical and humanistic approach to understanding the madness that falling in love is. She approaches her subject seriously enough, but with a light touch: besides the requisite philosophy texts on love, she also uses references to pop culture for new models of relating to men, in t.v. shows like Gossip Girl, Glee, and Smallville among others. With this book Ruti helps balance the scales on the debate, which are pointedly skewed towards the stereotyped vision of outdated gender roles.One of the most illuminating chapters in the book concerns the “love at first sight” phenomenon (Chapter 7: It’s All About the Thing). Contrary to what we usually read in many relationship guides, that first sparkle, that instant attraction we sometimes feel towards another person can be, Ruti argues, “an uncannily accurate gauge of romantic compatibility”. Feeling incomplete, we look to another to fill the void left by the disappearance of our own personal paradise. When we feel that immediate spark, our initial reaction may well be to run in the opposite direction; that’s how well-trained we are to see chemistry as an inappropriate criterion for romantic bliss. But Ruti advises us: follow your gut. Listen to that spark of intuition. It won’t always lead you to your ideal mate, but it will definitely lead to that person who has the potential of what she calls “The Thing”.It might be argued that Ruti falls in the same trap of any other book that purports to advise women on relationships with men. But rather than being an all-or-nothing guide to romantic relationships, The Case for Falling in Love presents the reader with the opportunity to see beyond the confines of outdated conventions and into the possibilities of what may be. In this sense, this is a book filled with hope and, dare we say it, common sense.
    • 5/5
      This was a very well-written book and very easy for the reader to navigate. Though it is obvious that the author has a great deal of education behind her, she doesn't talk over our heads, but explains things in a manner that most people would be able to understand. This book is a far cry away from the 1950's style of love that most of us have come to believe as commonplace. Far better than self-help books that promote feminine weakness and dependence on a man.
    • 4/5
      I found this fascinating; Dr. Ruti's book isn't a self help bok but instead an offshoot of a course she's taught at Harvard. It examines love, relationships, and how people perceive the act of falling in love in general.
    • 3/5
      I was quite interested in reading this book when I saw it on the February 2011 Early Reviewers list and was excited to hear I'd been chosen for a review copy. Unfortunately, my excitement was to be short lived. Since the book description listed this as being "based on a popular course taught at Harvard", I had high hopes that it would be well researched and intellectually challenging. In my opinion, the author's "research" was less than compelling. At one point, it consisted of e-mailing her male friends for their reactions. To be fair, she does note that using that method is not the most scientific way to proceed, but it's about on par with the rest of it. For the most part, it felt to me that the entirety of her (very repetitive) argument could be summed up as "They're wrong, I'm right." I do have to say that the book is quite accurately named though. Ruti certainly does make a case for falling IN love, but not so much for working at keeping love (or relationships) alive. She seems to believe that if a relationship loses its initial passion, then it might be a sign to move on. It was also frustrating to me that this book was solely directed at female readers. I felt like it would have been very easy to include both genders in the discussion and advice giving as the few good bits of advice she does offer about choosing a potential partner for relationships could be helpful to all. Overall, if you've read many self-help style books in the past and enjoyed them, you'd probably enjoy this one as well. If you only need to be told something once to understand it, then this might be something to pass on or move down on your reading priority list.
    • 3/5
      Written for women who have played games, are tired of games and especially tired of myths about what to do to get a man, the author shows us, with examples from television shows and movies, that we can learn better romantic behaviors than we now know. Citing John Gray's analogies of Mars and Venus characters, Dr Ruti points out that we can master the art of love, not with outdated gender stereotypes, but with use of each of our own unique and irreplaceable qualities. The style of writing is interesting,and makes for easy reading, by the use of questions and answers. Dr Mari Rute brings to this book the course that she taught at Harvard and just as she taught students to dispel myths and notions of love, the reader now has the opportunity to achieve lasting love by attracting the right love partner. And if love fails, which it might due to the fickle nature of love, Dr Ruti emphasizes ways to use this normal heartbreak as an opportunity for growth in ways to help refine our character. A must read for today's person who wants to go beyond the old ways of thinking about partners, love and game playing. And for those who want to pursue more information on this theme, I found it helpful that Dr Ruti included a list of the academic texts used when she taught this course at Harvard.
    • 4/5
      I have to admit that I haven't read many relationship books. I basically think they're all pseudo-psychology and that they pretend to know the secret of dating that doesn't really exist. Books that tell women to pretend they're stupid and play games don't appeal to me. If you're like me and think those books are ridiculous, you'll really enjoy The Case for Falling in Love. Even if you HAVE read a lot of the other self help books, you may still think they don't have the answer, so check out this refreshingly honest take on dating.
    • 4/5
      The Case for Falling in Love is a useful advice book that talks about broad selection of topics about romantic relationships. The author, Mari Ruti, Ph.D., gives many examples of how women end up dating the wrong men. She discusses men who have trouble committing, and talks about advice offered in other available self-help books that present ideas like men wanting women who appear weak and needy. The book also discusses unhealthy ideas about relationships, such as how men are supposed to be predators and women their prey, and how these ideas are the reason for unhealthy romantic relationships.

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    The Case for Falling in Love - Mari Ruti

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