Summary of Sarah Schulman's Conflict Is Not Abuse

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

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#1 Confusing being mortal with being threatened can occur in any realm. The fact that something could go wrong does not mean that we are in danger. It means that we are alive. Mortality is the sign of life.

#2 We can project our fears and insecurities onto others, and this can lead to unnecessary separation and pain. Because the question is so big, I will start with the smallest place: the flirt.

#3 The woman across the table from me is a bit naughty, and she uses the word G-spot in a professional setting. This is not unusual for queer people, who have a sexualized vocabulary that many straight people find inappropriate.

#4 Being accused of desire is as old as history itself, and it has been and still is dangerous for queer people. We have been excluded, shunned, imprisoned, and murdered for believing that others find us attractive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Mar 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669373636

IRB Media

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Insights on Sarah Schulman's Conflict Is Not Abuse

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 3

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

Confusing being mortal with being threatened can occur in any realm. The fact that something could go wrong does not mean that we are in danger. It means that we are alive. Mortality is the sign of life.

#2

We can project our fears and insecurities onto others, and this can lead to unnecessary separation and pain. Because the question is so big, I will start with the smallest place: the flirt.

#3

The woman across the table from me is a bit naughty, and she uses the word G-spot in a professional setting. This is not unusual for queer people, who have a sexualized vocabulary that many straight people find inappropriate.

#4

Being accused of desire is as old as history itself, and it has been and still is dangerous for queer people. We have been excluded, shunned, imprisoned, and murdered for believing that others find us attractive.

#5

The use of accusations of desire as an overstatement of harm is a powerful example of how we project social evils onto personal relationships. We are unable to see the big picture, to imagine economic consequences, or to ask about other people’s motives and objectives.

#6

We cannot know everything about ourselves, and sometimes we reveal things to others that we are not ready to accept. But refuting male Supremacy does not mean pretending that we all understand ourselves completely.

#7

The role of anxiety in escalating conflict is why email and texts are so often the source of tragic separations between potentially enriching relationships. Refusing to speak to someone without terms for repair is a strange, childish act of destruction in which nothing can be won.

#8

If we can’t communicate with someone, it is the person with the most limitations who is in control. The desirable goal for all of us is not to restrict those who can, but to bring more communication skills to those who can’t.

#9

Emailing to ask