I Don't Know... Ask Her

By Albert L. Sledge Jr.

I Dont Know ask her is an engaging conversation between men and women, addressing the issue of why women fake orgasms while challenging men as much as necessary to take a self assessment - a glimpse in the mirror sort of speak - that forces them to look introspectively and make an honest evaluation of their strengths as well as their shortcomings.

Learning and continuing to communicate with your spouse or partner about love making will always enhance the intimacy of your relationship.

"Great lovers know what women need and want--and they ask questions."


Dr. Natasha Valdez PHd author,
Vitamin O: Why Orgasms are Vital to a Womans Health and Happiness, and How to Have Them Every Time

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 10, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462876433

Albert L. Sledge Jr.

Albert Sledge doesn’t hold a PhD in sex education. He’s not a medical doctor. No; he’s not a licensed psychologist, and he’s definitely not a mental health professional. A licensed marriage and family counselor he’s not; and he doesn’t even claim to be a sex therapist. He’s just a mature guy who – prior to marriage – dated humbly, made mistakes and took risk. Albert’s only desire is to satisfy his woman, every time and has learned that it starts with him listening to and, “asking her.”

Book preview

I DON’T KNOW... ASK HER

Albert L. Sledge, Jr.

Copyright © 2011 by Albert L. Sledge, Jr.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011909931

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4628-7642-6

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4628-7641-9

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4628-7643-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

94265

Contents

AUTHOR’S NOTE

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

INTRODUCTION

PART ONE

BAMBOOZLED

1. THE DECEPTION

2. OH NO, THEY DIDN’T

3. THE DEBATE

PART TWO

OUR EGO

4. EGO 101

5. BEING DR. JEKYLL

6. BEING MR. HYDE

7. OUR PATHOLOGICAL FEAR

8. GOING LONG

9. DROP IT . . .

YOUR EGO, THAT IS

PART THREE

TUNE IN

10. TUNE OUT

UNIMPORTANT DISTRACTIONS

11. FOCUS YOUR WHOLEHEARTED

ATTENTION ON HER

12. UNDERSTAND YOUR GOOD AND BAD

QUALITIES AND ADDRESS POTENTIAL PROBLEMS

PART FOUR

FOR MEN

13. EMOTIONALLY PRESENT

14. THINGS CHANGE

15. TALKING DIRTY

16. DON’T . . .

FOR WOMEN

17. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

18. YOUR

PATHOLOGICAL FEAR

19. FEEL FREE TO TRESPASS

20. TALKING DIRTY TOO

21. TAKE AWAY

PART FIVE

PASS IT ON!

22. TAKE AWAY

CONCLUSION

NOTES

BOOK SUMMARY

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dedicated to the memory of my mother,

Dorothy Sledge

Thanks for remembering when . . .

AUTHOR’S NOTE

This conversation is intended for men . . . and women who are in a marital relationship, for I—now!—believe that sexual intercourse should be between married couples. However, it extends far beyond the union of marriage and speaks to every individual who have decided to take on the emotional consequences that is associated with a sexual relationship.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First and foremost, I thank God for giving me the courage and mental endurance to take on this project.

The thought of this project could not have been completed without the generosity of the men and women who granted me access into some of the most intimate parts of their lives. Their honesty truly inspired and challenged me to create a manuscript that would meet their standards, worthy of their contributions. I would also like to express my sincere gratitude to my family and friends who connected with and encouraged me to present this conversation in book form.

To my sister Brenda Faye, thanks for providing me with more to think about, while challenging me to read from all sides. To my brother Michael L. Taylor, I can always count on you to keep it real. To my cousin-and one of my best friends-Judy Smith, thanks for taking my calls and sharing your thoughts. To Michael Solomon, thanks for the last minute suggestions and for pushing me to give more.

And finally, my team at Xlibris Publishing. To Jacquelyn Ortilano, thanks for always responding so promptly to my emails and phone calls. To Percy Facturan and the copy editing squad for polishing my manuscript. To Ryan Bontia for understanding how I wanted things pieced together, and to Grace Valdez for starting me on my way; you guys are the best!"

The answer to a fulfilling love life for both parties lies not so much in compromising as in giving and receiving with a spirit of adventure and generosity.

—Jenna McCarthy

INTRODUCTION

Hey, guys! I’ve got a bit of bad news for you. She fakes it! Maybe not all the time; maybe it only happened once or twice. But it’s happened. And believe it or not, we’re the supporting cast behind her Oscar-winning performances.

This book is presented as a conversation between men in an effort to raise awareness to this growing trend and how to eliminate the need for women to fake the big O. Although it offers suggestions, it is not intended to be one of those how-to books. There are several books and articles—good ones at that—on the market written by licensed psychologists, mental health professionals, and sex therapists who are experts on the subject of sex and orgasms who can provide you with medical, clinical, and biological facts and research regarding their material. And trust me, I’ve read a lot of them.

It is intended for those who are in a marital or serious relationship—not the casual hookup, friends with benefits, or one-night stands. Those types of relationships imply that it’s every man—or woman—for themselves. Going forward, I want to make it very clear that this conversation is not meant to be substituted for professional help should you need it. However, it is a conversation with the boys and motivating them as much as necessary to take a self-assessment—a glimpse in the mirror so to speak—that forces us to look introspectively and make an honest evaluation, not only of our strengths but our shortcomings as well. Everyone is unique and deserving of individual attention and examination. This conversation is meant to provide you with a starting point in this process.

During our conversation, you’ll come to realize that you don’t have to be a sex expert to become one.

Simply allow your lady to educate you on her body and her individual needs. By knowing her body and what pleases her, you’ll quickly become her expert lover.

You’ll become more concerned about satisfying your mate above yourselves. We’ll discuss our need to consider the woman’s mental and emotional state of being first, while placing our ability to—I hate this word—perform, second. If you truly believe she’s your soul mate, you’ll learn to make every sexual experience for her as romantic and intimate as possible.

During my research, I ran across a blog that asked, How to identify when a woman was faking it? The blogger responded with disappointment because he was expecting a definite answer when all he got was what he deemed another article on what a woman wants in bed. As I pondered over the blogger’s intentions of being able to identify when women faked orgasms, I realized that he was looking for an answer that would satisfy his ego as opposed to one that would satisfy his woman. You see, we need to identify and know what our women want from us between the sheets. Trust me—when you have that answer, you won’t have to guess or worry about her faking it.

A while ago, I shared my intentions of doing this project and why I decided to do it with one of my closest friends. One of the first things he asked was how I thought this conversation might go over with our Christian community. As I informed him, God created man and woman as opposites, brought together sexually for the purpose of multiplying and communion. Although I did not provide him with any scriptural references to support my assertion and you won’t get any during this conversation, I will say this: Christians just as non-Christians enjoy sex and making love.

This prompted me to ask him if he satisfied his wife every time he made love to her. He responded with an example of how his wife finds pleasure