Narcissism is a Trauma: Learn Why Every Introvert is Actually a Narcissist

By Mohammed Kilani

This is the only book you’ll ever need to resolve your self-confidence problems.

If you’ve spent years going through courses that target raising your self-confidence only to get more confused, you’ve finally arrived.

This trauma touches each and every one of us. It’s almost as if it’s the story, and the resolution to, the problem of the human ego. It touches all of us in varying degrees of intensity.

The concepts that are presented in this book are the closest thing to explaining the nature of the human ego. It’s a true revolution in the world of human psychology and consciousness.

You'll be positively surprised! Therefore, behold, as it will be a very interesting journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 18, 2024
• ISBN: 9798823025348

Mohammed Kilani

The author, Mohammed Kilani, is a clinical psychologist and an influencer with millions of followers from all around the world. During his 20 years of research, Kilani has delved into streams of knowledge with attempts to find resolutions to humanity's psychological and physical problems. He's a clinical psychologist, a computer engineer, a researcher in the field and nutrition, health, and science.

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© 2024 Mohammed Kilani. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  04/17/2024

ISBN: 979-8-8230-2535-5 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-8230-2534-8 (e)

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expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Narcissism can touch every single person in a way or another.

It is a natural unconscious defense mechanism that can strike

whenever a person loses their intimate energetic connection

to people, especially during the person’s early years.

This book is the closest thing to explaining the nature

of the human ego. It’s a true revolution in the world

of human psychology and consciousness.

If you’ve spent years going through courses that target raising your

self-confidence only to get more confused, you’ve finally arrived.

Note:

The previous books: Everything is a Trauma, and The Manual

of the Reverse ReiK are essential prerequisites to reading this

volume in order to understand the steps and procedures that are

performed during the implementation of the therapeutic process.

Note #2:

When I refer to the word ‘introvert’, I’m referring to those who

don’t feel comfortable around people in general and thus limit

their social lives. I’m not referring to those who have a healthy

social life yet choose to dedicate bigger portions of their time to

giving something worthy back to the world. I salute the latter.

CONTENTS

Introduction

How I Came to Discover This Trauma

Glimpses from Interactions with Religious Men

How Do We Begin to Resolve This Complex?

Argument #1: The 100 People Argument

Argument #2: The Skillset Argument

Argument #3: The Wisdom of Destiny Argument

You Must Master the Key Arguments

The Key, and the Major Obstacle in the Therapeutic Process

Depression, You Cannot Dismiss it

A Brief About the ReiK Method

Utilizing the Reverse ReiK to Help the Patient Forgive

The Selfish Mode

The Descent into Narcissism (A flow chart)

The Scale of Introversion

But I Know an Extroverted Narcissistic Person

What Characteristics Arise When a Child Becomes Introverted?

The Primary Session

How to Perform the Primary Session

Stage 1: Entry Point

Stage 2: Revealing the Concept of Introverted Narcissism

Stage 3: Setup The Primary Arguments

Stage 4: Handling The Key Obstacles

Stage 5: The Homework

Summary of the Primary Session

Two Things That a Therapist Should Always End a Session With

Working on Secondary Traumas & Building Any Missing Skills

Is There a Single Primary Trauma That Have Caused an Introverted Person to Become One?

The Aftermath. How to Know That You’re No Longer a Narcissist?

Example Cases

Case Study #1

Case Study #2

Case Study #3

Case Study #4

In Conclusion

INTRODUCTION

I know it’s a big claim to say that narcissism is a just a trauma, but I promise that what you’ll read in this book will change your entire perception of anything related to introversion, shyness, low self-esteem and low self-confidence, and with that change your life as you know it.

It took me 20 years to come to these realizations, during which I immersed myself in various fields that tackled understanding the human behavior, including completing a second major in psychology. It’s indeed a long story, so let me take you through it.

In the world of psychotherapy, there’s an inclination to look at Narcissism as a trait a person is born with. If you have it, it’s because it’s embedded in your genetic constitution, and you’re likely to be stuck with it for life. But I want to go through this differently, and for that I’ll revisit – and challenge – a great concept presented by one of the greatest psychiatrists of all time, Dr. Carl Jung.

I’m sure that you know the terms:

Introvert, and Extrovert.

This is how the great Carl Jung divided people. You got to be one or the other, a little in the middle perhaps, but inclined towards one nonetheless.

I’m challenging this thought.

In this book, I’m theorizing that all people are inherently born extroverted, and that the symptoms which we have come to call ‘introversion’ are merely symptoms of traumas, traumas that compose - when grouped together - the mother of all traumas: Narcissism.

I’m sure that many of you have associated the concept of narcissism with Narcissus from Greek Mythology, and must have the mental image of an outgoing, loud, self-assured person when the term is considered. I’m also sure that you’ll find it extremely absurd to state that an introvert, shy, or poorly self-assured person is actually a narcissist, simply because it intuitively seems to be the exact opposite. Therefore, I want you to bear with me a little as I go through the steps that led me into this interestingly odd conclusion.

Let me begin by giving you an example:

Can you recall a shy person at school, a person who usually sat politely, and didn’t speak much or associate with their peers? At least not to a significant extent.

Though usually respected by people around them because they tend to do things by the book, social interactions do not come to them easily, and by the definition of the word, these people are simply: Introverted.

What thoughts do you think are going on inside the mind of a person who does this?

Looking at other classmates, and seeing all those with outgoing personalities functioning within groups, having extended social lives, and expressing themselves as openly and candidly as they wish to, this person certainly cannot help but wish if they were able to be as outgoing as the people around them, having the liberty to express themselves openly, and being similarly spontaneous.

What do you think is really stopping this person from doing so? What are they afraid of exactly?

Why doesn’t this person feel safe around other people? And if this person considered themselves to be good people, then what does this make all others? Vulgar? Immoral? Shallow? Stupid?

Truth is: If this person viewed others positively, then there would be no reason to fear associating with them, and this is where we begin to look at the other side of this dilemma.

This introverted person fears communicating and approaching other people, but at the very same time, they are also secretly resenting and looking down on them, and it’s because they usually consider people around them to be of lesser intellectual or moral constitution. It’s not that this person is merely afraid of associating with other people, but that this person is also not interested in associating with them due to the negative views that they have developed throughout their years.

This is the irony that we’ll attempt to digest.

If a person viewed other people positively, they will naturally feel safe and comfortable around them, wouldn’t they?

In other words: if a child saw people positively, then this child will be extroverted and play around other people, but it’s not the case now, is it? A shy person is shy because they feel uncomfortable about something, and it’s because they see people around them as a source of threat, or perceive them negatively in a way or another.

Are those people monsters who are going to hurt them? And if an introverted person considered themselves to be good people, then yet again, what does that make all others?

Is this person the only good person around? A victim who was unfortunate to be born around bad or ignorant people? Or were they born around people of lesser qualities?

This is why an introvert is always, always, a narcissist.

There is a constant battle of feelings, feelings of superiority and inferiority that confusingly intertwine in paradoxical and conflicting ways at the same time.

– This person is afraid of associating with other people and feels intimidated by them.

– This person wishes to be like other people, spontaneous and outgoing.

– And, at the same time, this person feels superior intellectually and morally to them.

This is why we very often see introverts following ideologies (in the form of religion and/or spirituality), as well as overachieving academically. They want to prove that they are superior and that they are the ‘good people’. But if they were, then again, what does this make all others?

Can an introvert spot a person around them who is more skilled at something they’re not good at? I.e. in sports, music, poetry, art etc. If this introverted person was indeed the best person around, then how come other people are more skilled at different things?

Do you see where I’m going with this? No one has the right to assume that they are better than other people.

I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with ideologies, nor with being an over achiever. I’m only questioning the motives and the conclusions that this person is unconsciously functioning with.

You’ll be easily able to spot scenarios of introverts running away if they’re not the best people around, the very constitution of this personality is extremely judgmental.

If there’s any slight sense of imperfection, it will immediately draw a deep state of shame, and they will easily run away.

But no one is perfect, hence the inevitable distance.

Perhaps the whole deal began when this person first received the notion that they are special compared to other kids, it can also happen due to extreme ideological teachings at a young age, or maybe it happens when they first got disappointed in people around them. These all can indeed be primary traumas that might have started the chain reaction that followed. However, there’s much more to this story, and you’ll learn all about it in this book, with concepts that literally took me 20 years to figure out and understand.

As you follow through, you will realize why the presented model can very well be one of the greatest revolutions in the world of human psychology.

This trauma touches each and every one of us. It’s almost as if it’s the story, and the resolution to, the problem of the human ego. It touches all of us in varying degrees of intensity.

Therefore, behold, as it will be a very interesting journey.

HOW I CAME TO DISCOVER

THIS TRAUMA

I remember the first time I began to draw the connections that led me to the conclusions that I present in this book.

Things began with a patient of mine a few years ago, a patient who suffered from an extreme state of low self-esteem and wished she could be more confident.

She had no friends and tried everything: Therapy sessions, human development courses, and even ended up taking SSRI antidepressants. She eventually came to me for a session, hoping to find relief by addressing her traumas with the ReiK method. She believed that there might be underlying traumas that had caused her to lose her sense of self-worth and confidence and wanted to work on them.

I was going through a standard ReiK session with her, following the steps outlined in the first volume Everything is a Trauma, in order to address any traumas that may have triggered her issues.

I tried to determine the roots of her traumas, but during the session, I noticed something peculiar that grabbed my attention.

As I guided her through a memory from her early years in primary school, I prompted her to visualize herself standing in the classroom, observing a group of classmates. I then asked her to explain, in simple terms, why she felt afraid of her classmates and why she hesitated to approach them.

To my surprise, her reaction was quite startling.

I saw gestures of ‘disgust’ on her face as she imagined looking at her peers, and it took me by surprise!

Here I was trying to take this person through her feelings of low self-esteem by testing a scenario of her talking to her classmates, only to see expressions that simply told me that she was actually ‘appalled’ by them, despite the fact that she desperately wanted to be accepted by them. This ironic reaction had me think in a completely different direction.

I couldn’t but ask:

Do you actually wish to talk to them? Or not? Because you’re not giving me an indication that you’re interested in these people!

She didn’t know how to answer, she too was taken by surprise with the question.

She knew that she desperately wanted to be outgoing like them, and wished she would be accepted into the group, yet felt extremely intimidated. But at the same time, she had no respect for them and had strong condescending thoughts instead.

Somehow, they weren’t up to her standards.

When I saw that look on her face, I immediately changed the course of the session. Instead of being interested in figuring out the traumas that led her to lose her sense of confidence and self-worth, I became more interested in figuring out why she doesn’t seem to respect people around her.

Once I began to address that, she too realized the ironies in her behaviors.

Although she was desperate to talk to her peers, she also thought that they were shallow and ignorant, wasted their time with silly matters, and were even of lesser moral standards. She indeed had very little respect for them.

The course of the session took a major turn, and we literally went in the opposite direction.

Instead of asking about the time that led her to lose her senses of confidence and safety, I had to examine the reasons that stood behind her extreme disrespect of those very people she wishes to interact with.

It was that moment that I began to realize that introverts are actually narcissists in disguise, and started to draw a lot of connections based on my previous studies.

I set myself to explore and test this theory, and the observations were phenomenally interesting. Not only did I find out that this conclusion seemed to be completely valid in every way and in almost every case I had, but it also took my therapy to a whole new level and revealed more information about the human ego than I could have ever thought possible.

The theory presented in this book, and the statement that ‘every introvert is a narcissist’ became a unifying theory that explained the dynamics of the human ego, and I’m sure that you’ll find the conclusions laid out in this book of extreme significance to your work, and to yourself.

Since that initial revealing session, I spent countless hours drawing conclusions from thought-provoking sessions as well as contemplative observations of patients’ behaviors, including the behaviors of every introverted person that I’ve known in the past.

In order to present things correctly and understand how this ‘trauma’ is brought to exist in different individuals, we need to make the assumption that:

Every child is born extroverted, in the sense that a child doesn’t naturally mind or fear being around other people. That is, before experiencing any traumatic events that trigger a collective sense of distrust in people.

But why does that happen?

As it’s destined for every one of us, challenges come our way. In other words: Traumas.

But unlike other traumas that we seem to be able to resolve swiftly in few minutes using the method that I presented in my first volume, this one seems to be different due to some additional factors, and you’ll learn more about them as I follow through with this book.

It’s impossible to go through life without encountering adversities in varying degrees of intensity, and regardless of how insignificant these adversities may seem to be, they can indeed be traumatic enough to alter the entire course of a child’s life.

At the same time, nearly all children experience various traumas throughout their lives. So, what factors really contribute to some children becoming introverted?

In other words, why don’t all children lose their senses of safety due to these traumatizing events?

The statement above is important, because truth is, some children have fantastic parents, and still turn to be shy, while others have parents who are loud and obnoxious, and yet remain extroverted.

Some might say that genetics play a major role in this, but I think that I have enough evidence to marginalize this possibility.

There’s a choice that a person makes at a point in time, because an introverted child is not necessarily the product of bad parents, evident by the limitless examples that we can easily present.

Interestingly, one of the most common ways to produce an introverted child starts with something completely unexpected:

The endeavor to raise a ‘well-behaved’ child, particularly when it’s linked to various ideological interpretations that categorize people as ‘good and bad’ based on specific moral standards, rather than instilling the importance of treating all individuals with a collective respect.

This is exactly why introverted people are more predominant in societies with fundamental teachings, and it’s the beginning of a great argument against referring to genetics for a dominant factor. Kids who are raised in fundamental societies and households are raised with repressive principles that rob them of their spontaneity. I’m not against religious principles, in fact I’m all for them, if they were taught correctly.

I remember seeing a documentary about life in Tibet a while ago and being baffled by the way kids appeared in the movie, especially younger ones. While thought of as one of the most spiritual places on the planet, as I took a look at their faces, I unmistakably was able to see how armored (in the words of Dr. Wilhelm Reich) and deprived of life and spontaneity they were. When strangers approached, looks of distrust and fear appeared on their faces. This is almost always the case in any fundamental environment.

Again, if a child saw people positively, don’t you think that this kid will play around other people comfortably? Feeling completely safe.

And on the other hand, if a child was shy, then it must be because it’s expecting harm in some way, or because it sees something wrong with people.

You might be thinking at the moment:

Shouldn’t we attempt to raise a good child? And of course we should. However, let’s contemplate the following example:

Imagine a scenario that includes an introverted child who has been brought up by strict fundamental parents, which led this child to spend most of its time alone at home. Meanwhile, imagine a group of kids that are naturally playing nearby in the neighborhood.

What do you think is going through the mind of this child as it chooses not to join in and play with its peers?

This child must have developed the perception that there is something wrong with other kids, leading it to maintain a distance with them.

This is usually due to parents (or teachers) instilling some ideological standards in the child. However, I want you to contemplate the following. Instead of a parent utilizing phrases like:

You should be a good kid, be careful not to hang out with those who do bad things.

A parent can utilize phrases like:

You should treat all people with respect. Make sure to smile and greet people as you see them and be kind to all people because we are all one. However, always make sure to do the right thing.

Do you see the great difference?

The second phrase will lead to an extroverted person who mixes up with people while maintaining great ethical standards, and will probably love people and develop a beautiful social life and be respected amongst everyone. However, the first phrase would mostly lead to a lonely introvert who’s daunted with guilt and spends their lives attempting to overachieve in ways that can feed a form of narcissism that was unintentionally instilled in them with such teachings. This person will likely be extremely judgmental, repressed, and though polite in their appearance, will have tremendous repressions leading to a strong state of anger.