The Superpowers of Introverts: How to Live Your Life Your Way – Without the Guilt

By Karen M. Caito CPC ELI-MP

Do you long to change how you and others perceive yourself? Have you been told you’re too shy and quiet or that you need to get out more? Have you been made to feel as if something is wrong with you?

The wait is over. The Superpowers of Introverts aims to help you to realize that you’re OK and to guide you to take advantage of your hidden superpowers. You’re an introvert, and you should be proud of that. Your purpose is to honor your special gifts and share them. The world is waiting and needs you.

Create your best life with actionable strategies that work and inspiring stories of introverts like you. Motivate yourself to take action and finally navigate your life your way, without the guilt.

Discover the six most common superpowers that come naturally to introverts, and capitalize on them to become the person you really are. Learn to make your introversion work for you once and for all.

Written from an introvert’s perspective, this guide offers introverts a way to turn their quiet strengths into limitless superpowers while embracing the people they are meant to be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jul 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9781663234735

Karen M. Caito CPC ELI-MP

Karen M. Caito, CPC, ELI-MP, has more than thirty years of experience in pharmaceutical sales. She is a confidence and career coach and is known as the Confidence Coach for Introverts. She holds a BS from Rochester Institute of Technology, contributed to the book Communication Toolkit for Introverts, and edited the book Job Interview Success for Introverts.

Book preview

Copyright © 2022 Karen M. Caito, CPC, ELI-MP.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by

any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.iuniverse.com

844-349-9409

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022910027

ISBN: 978-1-6632-3472-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-3471-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-3473-5 (e)

iUniverse rev. date:  07/18/2022

CONTENTS

Dedication

Introduction

Author’s Notes

Chapter 1     Who Are You? Are You An Introvert?

Chapter 2     The Superpowers Of Introverts

Chapter 3     How To Live Guilt Free

Chapter 4     How To Mingle Or Not — The Ins And Outs Of Stepping Out

Chapter 5     How To Maintain The Balancing Act Of Relationship Dynamics

Chapter 6     How To Work

Chapter 7     How To Take Care Of You

Conclusion

Resources

Endnotes

DEDICATION

To my parents, Samuel and Rosemary Caito for their unshakeable commitment to raising our family. To my four introverted children, Nicole, Kendra, Patrick, and Maxwell Rose. Always remain true to yourself.

INTRODUCTION

Welcome introverts, friends, and families of introverts. You’ve probably picked up this book because you would like to discover more about yourself or your loved ones. Congratulations on taking this step. You’ll find that this book focuses on practical strategies to use in different areas of life, starting with the background on introversion, followed by chapter 2 on introvert superpowers. Chapter 3 covers concerns in everyday life and how to live guilt-free, addressing social interactions, priorities, routines, and quiet time. Chapter 4 relates to socializing in various situations, and chapter 5 focuses on relationships, from romantic ones to those with family and friends. Chapter 6 covers the workplace, and the book wraps up with chapter 7 on self-care. The reason I wrote this book is that all introverts need to be heard and to realize that they are okay, they are meant to be proud introverts, and the world needs them. I would like to thank Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking for starting this amazing introvert revolution, along with the many talented introvert authors who followed, sharing their experiences, stories, and ideas for introverts everywhere to lead more fulfilling lives knowing they are not alone and there is nothing wrong with them.

I would like to share with you my story and how I came to be known as the confidence coach for introverts. I grew up in a household of introverts; however, I didn’t know what introversion and extroversion were, as the topics were not discussed at that time. I didn’t realize I was an introvert till my late twenties. I would also classify myself as a sensitive individual and a late bloomer. I jump in response to loud and sudden noises, and anything too bright, such as artificial lighting, bothers my sensitivities. I dislike any clothing that is too tight, and yes, sometimes I cut the tags off of clothing. I had a great childhood. I was a tomboy yet also timid, had a small group of friends who are still with me today, and had an entrepreneurial spirit, often creating and selling things. As a young adult starting off in my sales career, I began to see and experience firsthand how difficult it is for introverts in the workplace. I was frequently called out for not being as animated or boisterous in my sales presentations as other colleagues. My style is educational, reserved, and quietly assertive. I would sit back and observe others in meetings, at times not making my voice heard. When I didn’t get the recognition I desired, I started to search for the why. Having always been interested in self-help books, I turned to them again and discovered the meanings of introversion and extroversion. Once I learned I was an introvert, everything changed. I could look back and review the reasons behind my own, and other people’s behavior. As a lifelong information seeker, I read more and more about introversion. Then, after spending more than twenty years in my career field, I found myself unemployed for fourteen months after my company downsized. I enrolled in and graduated from a certified professional coaching program and a career coaching program simultaneously, thinking I would coach people on sales. My first client changed that thinking. When I asked, What do you want to be coached on? his answer was, Confidence. During the coaching process, we discovered that he didn’t actually lack confidence. He was an introvert and had been made to feel different from the rest of society. That was a turning point for both of us. Amazingly, my second client announced that she too wanted to be coached on confidence, not realizing that she was an introvert as well. From that point on, I focused on introverts and on assisting them in finding their true passions in life and thriving in an extroverted world.

AUTHOR’S NOTES

This book is designed to cover all aspects of life, from your everyday routines and priorities to a variety of social situations, relationships, conflicts, work, and finally self-care. If you are interested in a certain topic, feel free to jump right to that section. However, I urge you to read chapter 1 first. It explains not only what introversion and extroversion are, but it also addresses empaths, who are highly sensitive people. That may be important to check out to determine whether you or your loved one fits into that category as well. The chapter additionally discusses whether introversion and extroversion are genetic, if environment plays a role, and the science behind introversion. Reading the first chapter will allow you to gain a good understanding of introversion before proceeding to the others. In chapters 2 through 7, you’ll find strategies that I call Introvert Insights—Navigating Your Way. These have been created to offer you some ideas to respond and take next steps. Included in many of the Introvert Insights are open-ended questions, also called coaching questions. They have been developed to elicit more information from you than a simple yes or no answer. Coaching questions are used to initiate a deep thought process and uncover the reason behind your beliefs, assumptions, interpretations, behaviors, and actions—to peel back the many layers of the onion and get to the real issue. Thus, there is some work to be done on your part. In each chapter, starting with chapter 3, there is a Sidebar segment that offers additional information pertaining to that specific chapter’s content. For example, in chapter 4, How to Mingle or Not—The Ins and Outs of Stepping Out, the Sidebar is titled, When to Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone. At the end of each chapter is space for you to take notes. Writing down what comes to mind and documenting actions that may suit your circumstances can be beneficial in moving forward to a balanced, healthy life. Enjoy the book and explore what else you can discover about your fabulous, introverted self.

CHAPTER 1

WHO ARE YOU? ARE YOU

AN INTROVERT?

Your vision will become clear only when you

look into your own heart. Who looks outside

dreams, who looks inside, awakes.

— Carl Jung

What exactly is an introvert? When you hear the word introvert, what words come to mind first—shy, loner, private, social avoidance, no drama, dreamer? Or do you think of reflective, self-aware, thinker, thoughtful, listener, or quiet strength? Many times, people have misconceptions regarding introverts. The second list of words includes some of the many strengths of introverts, while the first list is the fallacies.

In this chapter, we will cover the definitions of introvert and extrovert. Are we born this way? How do science and genetics fit into this equation? What about our environment contributes to being an introvert? Empaths, highly sensitive people, introverts—are they all the same, or is there a difference? This chapter will conclude with the power of quiet, the pros and cons of introverts showing up in the world and how we can thrive successfully.

In an Extroverted World

Introverts live in two worlds. We visit the world of people,

but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.

— Jenn Granneman

In the article Are Extroverts Happier than Introverts? published in Psychology Today,¹ researchers estimate that the population is made up of about 50%–74% extroverts and 16%–50% introverts. While research shows that the number of introverts is on the rise, the world is still dominated by extroverts. What is it like to be an introvert in a predominantly extroverted world? It seems that the more extroverted qualities of an individual are the ideal, such as thrives around people, enjoys social settings, outgoing, the first to speak up, and confident. If you are an introvert, what effect does this have on you since your strengths are entirely different? Even though your extroverted friends may mean well, do they sometimes make you feel like something is wrong with you? In the present age of social media, it seems as though everyone is having the time of their lives and constantly on the go. This can cause introverts to feel that they are not doing enough. They play the should game—I should go to the lake, I should attend an event, I should call a friend to go with me. Introverts could start to think, Well, maybe I am not good enough. The reality is that we are good enough; everyone is good enough, and the world needs introverts. On the other hand, because listening is one of introverts’ superpowers, we spend more time listening before speaking. Like others, colleagues have told me that, when I do speak, they listen because they know I have given thought to what I am about to discuss and am taken more seriously.

Extroversion

An extrovert is more likely to share immediate reactions

and process information through conversation.

— Laurie Helgoe

About a hundred years ago, Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung introduced the terms introversion and extroversion. He defines extroverted as an attitude-type characterized by concentration of interest on the external object. Susan Cain, the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, defines extroverts as people who crave stimulation to feel their best. Their characteristics tend to be outgoing, talkative, energetic, social, and active.² Not all extroverts are the same, however; both personality types have a spectrum. Individuals can fall at an extreme of either spectrum or, more commonly, somewhere in between. Extroverts get their energy from being around people. Think of someone you know who is an extrovert—what happens to their energy levels when they are around people? They are generally the ones who speak up at work or who have the family at their homes for all of the holidays get-togethers. Extroverts like the company of others and are normally on the go, involved in all kinds of activities. They thrive on others, and that is where they get recharged. What is it like to be an extrovert in a world that is mostly extroverted? What advantages do they have? Are there any disadvantages?

Matt, who is in his late twenties, finds that being an extrovert is an advantage in his work as a sales professional. He feels he is an expert at making small talk with people he does not know, which is important when he is meeting with a variety of people in multiple offices daily. He can strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere, at any time and be super comfortable. His wife, who is an introvert, had no worries when they first started dating about taking him to family functions and other get-togethers with her friends, knowing he would be able to fit right in and find some common ground to hold conversations when meeting others for the first time. He has recently realized an obstacle, though, when speaking with introverts he doesn’t know. He hadn’t considered that some introverts don’t like being approached by people they don’t know. Further, he would often share his views and opinions openly, not thinking that others may not share the same thoughts. He believes that he may have come across as arrogant, but that was never his intention. Matt’s energy level is like that of the Energizer Bunny—he keeps going and going and accomplishes a lot in a day. However, with that comes a time management challenge; he overschedules himself, thinking he can get everything completed. He realizes this is a barrier for him and is consciously taking steps to manage and organize his time and office so he can be most effective.

Introversion

You may think I’m small, but I have a

universe inside my mind.

— Yoko Ono

Introversion, as defined by Jung, is an attitude-type characterized by orientation in life though subjective psychic contents. A person who is generally directed inward toward his or her own feeling and thoughts is an introvert. Cain adds, Introverts prefer lower stimulation in order to feel their best. She also mentions, It’s important to see it this way because people often equate introversion with being antisocial, and it’s not that at all—it’s just a preference.³ Like extroversion, introversion has a spectrum as well. Envisioning the spectrum as a straight line, people on the far left of the introversion line may exhibit pronounced characteristics such as extreme social anxiety. Folks on the far right may present themselves to the outside world as extroverts in terms of their qualities of confidence and speaking in public. Individuals right in the middle can be considered balanced introverts, meaning they could exhibit qualities of both introversion and extroversion. In the end, how is one to tell if people are introverts? They need quiet time or alone time because that is how they recharge and is where they get their energy.

What is it like to be an introvert in an extroverted society? Of course, everyone has different experiences in life that depend on individuals’ personalities and how they view their world. What are their energy levels? Do they tend to lean on the negative side and play the victim role, or are they more positive and look for the good in whatever situation they encounter? Some people have commented that they have mistaken me for an extrovert, but it is simply that I have learned through the years to manage my life in an extroverted world. At this stage in my life, I consider myself a balanced introvert. It took some time and personal growth to get to this stage. In my younger years, I was certainly quiet around people with whom I was unfamiliar, but with my friends I could always be myself. As I started out in the workforce in my twenties, it was more about learning and navigating my way in the world. I recall several times when my work was not appreciated, yet I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings and thoughts. The experience involved my not feeling good enough and watching while