Seasons of Change

By Selma Bloomfield Weisman

Seasons of Change is a realistic approach to why bad things happen to good people. It looks at the life of one young person who was raped for 7yrs and nobody ever knew. This person grew up, lost her mind, spent time in and out of Mental Health Facilities not knowing how to recover from her past until one day she discovered certain skills and techniques which restored her sanity. She used those skills daily and recovered her sanity. She recovered the overall quality of her life, returning to work and college, enjoying a successful life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496911858

Selma Bloomfield Weisman

Selma Bloomfield Weisman, M.Ed., is a practicing Certified Peer Specialist with the Western Massachusetts Recovery Learning Community, has a Theology, and Psychology degree with a minor in Art Therapy, and has been a Mental Health Counselor for over twenty-four years. She is also a trauma survivor. She has lived experience as a sexual assault victim. Her life in psychiatry has been far more exciting and colorful than any medium she has ever painted. Weisman has a wealth of knowledge and insight that she brings to the world of writing. She has an extensive history in the Mental Health field as a Counselor. Currently she lives in Agawam, Massachusetts, has one daughter and four grandchildren. She is passionate about art and values the therapeutic aspect of painting. Weisman says of Seasons of Change, “I understand that we all go through some changes, some difficult and hard times but after reading this book, this should be your seasons of change.”

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© 2014 Selma Bloomfield Weisman, M.Ed. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/12/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4969-1187-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-1186-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-1185-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014908810

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Dedication

Preface

Introduction

Meet The Collectives

Phase I

1

Young Man Mr. Winter

2

A Season Of Discontent

3

Spring Meadow

4

Summers In North Carolina

5

Five By Autumn

6

Summer In The Abyss

Phase II

7

Deoxyribonucleic Acid Made Us Siblings

8

Incest Lives Across The Hall

Phase III

9

Welcome To … Stop The Abuse!

10

Quiet On The Home Front

11

Trauma And Theology

Phase IV

12

The Working Forces

13

The Asylum Years

14

The Great Cover Up

15

Signs, Symptoms, Diagnoses And Misdiagnosis

16

Dissociative Identity Disorder

17

Behavioral Health Network Partial Hospitalizataion Program And Day Treatment Program

18

Recovering Sanity

19

Startling Statistics

20

Moment By Moment

21

Summary

Glossary

DEDICATION

This book is dedication to the memory of my late great grandmother and my rock of Gibraltar, my aunt, a very special woman. My great grandmother taught me to love in spite of. She also taught me to forgive. I watched her do this as a small child growing up. It looked easy. But little did I know that this was going to be the biggest and the hardest lesson I had to learn in my life;—love and forgiveness.

My heart holds a special place for my aunt. In all that I have ever gone through she was always there. Before I knew myself, she was there. She has never failed me, and my hope is not to disappoint her either. It is my hope to grow up to be half the woman she is. She has taught me that no matter what I go through square my shoulders, stand up straight, pick up my head, hold it up high and walk right on.

It is because of these two great women that I have the courage today to tell my story in order to help other women and men in my situation.

PREFACE

Did you know that trauma, abuse and neglect can cause the mind to regress? And, if not treated properly people will forever feel overwhelmed, carrying the burden of a painful past.

I have been studying psychology, theology and health and human service for over 30 years, and prior to that I have lived experience as a trauma survivor for 41 years. During this time I have had the opportunity to care for many individuals in need of services with every conceivable physical and emotional challenge. There have been individuals from every walk of life, from every social economic status, and from various religious persuasions. One of the most common problems I have encountered among these individuals is a deep-rooted sense of emotional pain and distress. I should know I have been there too.

This book has been written primarily for the person hurt, labeled, stuck in their life, has no hope, feels all alone, sees no way out, and is lost. Losing our awareness of feelings or emotional states is as tragic as losing one’s life or sense of being or purpose in the world. This is equally comprehensible to psychological rape, in which an essential part of our society is being morally violated every day leaving us with feeble and irreparable damaged individuals in need of services. It is only when we are consciously made aware of our emotions that we are able to account for them due to the inevitable conflicts in life that we may constructively respond.

Furthermore, many individuals do not know how to verbally express their internal-emotional need or desires in a healthy way. Their lack of communication skills causes them to act out and results in good people doing bad things, which unfortunately means somebody gets hurt.

This book offers techniques and skills to those who are hurt, specific guidelines that can improve your overall quality of life, empower you in many situations, charge your atmosphere with positive energy, support you to reach your goal(s), aide you in moving beyond your past traumatic experiences, provide you with hope and most importantly open and enlighten the eyes of your understanding and provide you with sound accurate insight that is practical, logical and easy to do. Mastery of these skills will be of great asset to you.

The knowledge, wisdom and research shared in this book comes not only out of a solidified psychological approach, but I found these truths, principles and precepts to be self-evident and consistent with the oldest most mast published and reproduced book there ever was and still is, that is the Bible.

The skills and techniques offered throughout this book are those that I have personally tried myself in my own life and have seen in the lives of other individual’s use innumerable times. This book comes not only out of a theoretical perspective, but out of lived experiences, accrued wisdom and knowledge, and research. I can gladly report to you that I have seen very effective results as people begin to take these small steps on their journey to recovering their sanity.

INTRODUCTION

If I told you I have thirty-five ‘alter ego states’ would you believe me? If I told you they prefer to be called ‘Collectives’, would you believe me? What if I told you that nearly most of or the entire Collectives have been documented and have spoken with my psychotherapist and my psychiatrist at some time during my counseling sessions? Now, you would probably start to think that I am certifiable and belong in the Loony Bin or in the world record breaking book.

Are you intrigued by the idea of why do bad things happen to good people? How do these people survive against such insurmountable odds? Let me tell you, it takes more than the survival of the fittest. I should know I was one of them.

This is the story of one little girl who was chronically sexually assaulted at the tender age of 5 years old until she was 12 years old and she never said a single word, therefore, no one ever knew. This book is not for the faint of heart. This book tells the story of how she battled Clinical Depression, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Affective Disorder, Trichotillomania, and an actual suicide attempt. It includes her experiences of what it was like to be an in-patient at a psychiatric facility.

This book is about her mental struggles to be free of the past traumatic memories that plagued her, her quest to heal her broken heart, and find peace. This book was written for everyone who has found themselves in a similar situation. It is written for the common everyday person, the professional person, for pastoral leaders, for the church members, the non-believers and most of all it is written for those who are hurting, lost, and seeking a way out and do not know where to go and do not know what to do.

This book provides concrete solutions to psychological trauma. Included are step by step skills and techniques which will work for you when activated in your life. Try them they will work for you.

This book is a testament to a life filled with and surrounded by mystique as well as psychological suspense. Each and every word is every bit truthful as it occurred. Subject, verb and context may not always agree and follow the proper tense as The Collectives interject themselves into the story line. I beg of you to remember their chronological age, their psychological maturational stage of development, their lack of psychosocial interaction and the fact that they have not been intergraded or age progressed.

(All the words highlighted with an asterisk (*) before them can be found in the Glossary at the end of the book).

MEET THE COLLECTIVES

Logic—a nostalgic, stoic, middle aged old chap. A brit from Merry old Liverpool, England; who speaks the Queens good old English. He is the reasoning factor of The Collectives and he prevails when all else fails. He loves his slicker and his corn cob pipe and he is surrounded by a cloud of mystery.

Layla—she is the libido of The Collectives. We have to keep both of our eyes on her, if it was not for our moral and religious restraints she would have The Collectives arrested and put under the jailhouse with her flirtatious ways. She is 32 years old; is a sucker for men with foreign accents and a tan; she is the biggest flirt since sliced bread.

The Secretary—she writes down and keeps all pertinent information necessary; relative to and regarding The Collectives (Where as . . .)

The Recorder—works along with The Secretary in recording and restoring and maintaining all information processed by The Collectives for the purpose of later retrieval or restorative information processes. *Thank you Logic, I could not have explained that without your help!

The Mean Guy—protects The Collectives from external and internal stimuli and stressful life events. He prevents people from taking advantage of The Collectives. He serves as the backbone for The Collectives.

The Cherub-faced Angel—is believed to be a Guardian Angel; mooned faced; rosy cheeks; and does not speak. She conveys her thoughts through her big brown eyes and radiant, soft glow. She was the first alter to appear the night of December 25, 1970, the night following the first sexual assault at the age of 5. Forty something years later she still does not speak.

Mute Little Boy—he is the mirror image of The Mute Little Girl behind the Rocking Chair. These two evolved about the same time. He loves to dress up in a shirt and tie, dress slacks and shoes. He has severe problems with verbal expression, physical emotions and introspection. People often think him to be either severely retarded or a high functioning autistic.

Mute Little Girl behind the Rocking Chair—she sits in a fetal position, knees to chest; arms around her knees; feet to butt; rocking back and forth, behind the rocking chair, trying to pacify herself. This soul has never said a mumbling word after the night of December 25, 1970. She is an empty, pitiful, shell of a kid; rocking, trying to be comforted.

Selma-Bee—is great grandmother’s nickname for Selma Bloomfield Weisman. Great grandmother is the only one who can call Selma, Selma-Bee and get away with it. Selma-Bee is the host of the body, the silent one who suffers in silence and rarely presents for therapy. It is difficult for her to stay in the room and be present in social situations and functions.

The Wise Guy—is a comedienne, too darn smart for her own good. She takes care of the comical stuff and warehouses The Collectives sense of humor, which thanks to Logic is kept in check.

The Nurturer—is the loving, caring, supporter of The Collectives. She is the mother and provides solace when none can be found. She nurtures and cares for The Little Kids, and looks after The Collectives when they become depressed.

The Little Kids—are a group of four, five and six year olds who play together. Male and female; there are five of them. They function as their own cohesive unit. There is no fighting, only laughing, giggling and lots of child’s play. They have no individual names. They all answer to the name of Selma; their primary purpose is to play.

The Teenage Kids—are a group of four teenage alters as they prefer to be called. They too function as a unit. Their primary purpose is to get the host through her teenage years; to stop the rape and incest; help her function in society, and get her through Junior High School and High School.

The College Students—which were given to me were four wonderful A+ college students to help me get through my studies. Having a Learning Disorder, I needed all the help I could get, plus then some. I am thankful to have a) psychology majors, b) mental health majors, c) art therapy majors, and d) general study majors. These alters pointed me in the right academic directions and helped me to perform with academic superiority. Without their help my thoughts ran wild.

The Occupationist—these guys are the main staple of The Collectives. They range in age from their early twenties to their late forties. They are the working class. It is their responsibility to obtain and maintain employment. There is: A) The Certified Nurse’s Assistant, B) The Home Health Aide, C) The Reference Librarian, D) The Church Secretary, E) The Residential Group Home Counselor, F) The Mental Health Counselor, G) The Mental Retardation Worker, H) The Emergency Medical Technician, Defibrillator and MAST pants certified, I) The Sunday School Teacher, J) The Substitute Health and Science Teacher, K) Resident Artist and L) Certified Peer Specialist.

PHASE I

1

Young Man Mr. Winter

Key concept: Life is what happens to you when you are busy living.

Picture this, Winter, December 25, 1970. It was the season of my first discontent. I was five years old, a young, happy, silly, giddy, five year old child. Full of life, adventurous, inquisitiveness, and pretty funny, I must admit. If it gives you a clue, my favorite childhood characters were Curious George, Gilligan from Gilligan’s Island, Jethro Bodine from The Beverly Hillbillies and The Hee Haw Show. This five year old loved a good laugh and music from the 1920’s through the 1960’s. The Big Bands, the Rat Pack, Dizzy Gillespie, Little Richard, Smokey Robinson, Muddy Waters and all the old guys. Now that was music.

This kid had a positive outlook on life. She only had a few problems like bedwetting and not all of them were bad. She idolized her dad and worshipped the ground he walked on. He was a Firefighter and the apple of her eyes. She loved her mom—a Registered Nurse. Selma loved to visit the hospital where her mother worked. Selma liked to watch the controlled chaos in the Emergency Room.

Selma’s pleasure and desires were simple: to play and to be with her family and friends. In the earlier years of her life at the Day Care Centers and Pre School, she had issues with Separation Anxiety, Socialization, and Isolation. However, she overcame those issues to become a well-adjusted five year old. At least her family thought so.

This was Christmas time. In our home Christmas is a special time of the year. It has a two-fold meaning in our house. We acknowledge the spiritual celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ and we exchange gifts as well,—the two fold meaning. We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ around this time of the year.

Aunt Sophie my mother’s sister use to take me to Sunday school at Mount Olive Baptist Church where the Pastor was Reverend Richard Battles. I would spend the night at Aunt Sophie’s house at 1009 Chesterfield Road in Hartford, Connecticut. I also lived in Hartford, Connecticut. I have one older brother who is not so nice to me and one older sister who I always look up to whenever I am in trouble. I admire my sister a lot and enjoy having her around all the time. Everyone should have a big sister like mine. After God made my big sister He broke the mold leaving me with the best sister in the world.