Sex & Happiness: It Gets Better With Age

By Laurie Handlers

True or false?
Now that I’m older, I’m not sexy anymore.
Now that I’m older, I’ve become invisible.
Now that I’m older, it’s normal to feel low-energy, heavy, and blah.
Now that I’m older, it’s too late to long for sex and happiness.
Now that I’m older, I’d better get used to the death of my sex life.
Really?
International sex and intimacy coach Laurie Handlers has spent a lifetime teaching people how to have great sex and also be happy. Yet, when Laurie hit menopause, she was stunned to find herself prey to all those same feelings—that wrinkles and hormonal changes and aging meant that she was no longer sexy, no longer attractive, and no longer important, or even visible, to the world.
Sex & Happiness—It Gets Better with Age is Laurie’s story of how she decided to change all that. Using her extensive knowledge of sex, science, and Tantric spirituality, Laurie uncovered seven essential practices to keep feeling juicy, vital, and young, no matter your age.
You don’t have to be a Tantra practitioner to reap the benefits of this book. You don’t have to be anything but willing to try a few new approaches. There’s help out there. There’s help in here!
Sex & Happiness—It Gets Better with Age shows you that pleasure doesn’t end just because you’re older. Pleasure is your birthright!
Sex and happiness can and should be yours at any age. Laurie reclaimed her place as a thriving, joyful, sensual, and sexual being.
You can, too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Unapologetic Voice House LLC
• Release date: Dec 12, 2023
• ISBN: 9781955090308

Laurie Handlers

In addition to being the author of Sex & Happiness: It Gets Better With Age, Laurie Handlers is also the author of international best seller Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy. She’s been featured on countless radio shows, podcasts, summits, and festivals, and has appeared on Canada’s Bloomberg Report, and in The New York Times. She has led retreats worldwide since 1978 and has spoken live about sexuality, sensuality, embodiment, empowerment, relationships as well as sex and radical life extension (biohacking) before thousands of people. She’s hosted a podcast for almost two decades starting with Tantra Cafe and now Sex and Happiness. She also co-hosts a podcast for powerful women business owners called “Power Suits and Pillow Talk.” With her unique style of humor and directness, Laurie empowers people to transform shame, fear and guilt into embodiment, power and self-love. Her vision has always been, “women and men dancing in eternal ecstasy on earth now!” She is a Lead Facilitator for ISTA (International School of Temple Arts), for Tantra meets BDSM with Om Rupani and for Awaken as Love with James Stevenson. She travels the world regularly offering these courses, retreats and workshops to diverse audiences. Her current focus is on extraordinary lovers because she believes couples are an endangered species. Since finding the love of her life at age 67, she and her partner, Michael Gibson, create sacred space for couples and singles to do the work necessary to attract, ignite and maintain love in their lives. Laurie holds a BA in psychology and sociology and an MAT degree from the George Washington University. Learn more about Laurie at www.LaurieHandlers.com

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Sex & Happiness

It Gets Better With Age

By

Laurie Handlers

Sex & Happiness: It Gets Better With Age

© 2023. Laurie Handlers. All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by the Unapologetic Voice House. The Unapologetic Voice House is a hybrid publishing house focused on publishing strong female voices and stories.

No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

The practices, disciplines and understandings in this book are not to be taken as specific medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or social advice; nor are they intended to be used as a diagnosis, prescription, or cure. Each person has individual needs and differences and should engage in a treatment program with a licensed, qualified healthcare provider or other competent professional.

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-955090-29-2

E-book ISBN: 978-1-955090-30-8

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023907607

Dedicated to…

My partner, Michael Gibson,

who has contributed to my sex and happiness

since we first met.

We are Extraordinary Lovers!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Many thanks, once again, to Karin Goodwin, my writing partner, without whose patience and help I could have never gotten this book into print. She is a dedicated friend, a person who knows how to stay focused, and a hell of a writer.

Next, I want to thank my juicy partner, Michael Gibson, who believes in me and loves me with all his heart. He has experienced sex and happiness with me for almost a decade. He encouraged me to finish this book for all the people who fear they will dry up after they reach fifty years.

I also acknowledge Briana Cribeyer and Rich Priddis for co-facilitating a test series with me for people over fifty who wanted to spice up their lives. Great thanks to them and all those who participated and expanded their lives as a result. In this book, you will see some of their contributions.

I feel such gratitude for being able to live my life filled with love, passion and adventure. I am truly blessed.

—L.H.

Contents

INTRODUCTION

LAW I PRACTICE INTENTIONAL SEX

LAW II SHAKE THINGS UP

LAW III SET BOUNDARIES

LAW IV LET THE PAST GO

LAW V RESET YOUR PURPOSE

LAW VI STAY YOUNG

LAW VII STAY SEXY

APPENDIX HOMEWORK FROM THE PILOT SEX & HAPPINESS COURSE

Conclusion

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been out on the forward edge, exploring a new concept or activity and bringing other people along with me. The unknown, though sometimes scary, never stopped me. I always knew that sex was magic. Sex is a primary force, a built-in source of pleasure and self-care. This is true for every one of us, but not everyone knows it, or remembers.

I am one who never forgot. This simple fact sets me apart. This fact alone might explain how I became a worldwide expert in sex. I never forgot, and I never let anyone guilt or shame me out of it. Using sex as the foundation of my life, instead of as an afterthought, has kept me anchored in my body and in touch with pleasure.

I’m in my seventies as I write this, following daily practices that keep me feeling so good I just want more of this satisfying thing called life. In fact, I’m creating a happier, juicier life for myself at a time when other people are retiring and pulling back, consciously (or not) preparing to die. My daily practices make up the framework of this book.

I believe in transformation through pleasure. I believe pleasure is the best medicine you have. This book is about getting over the shame of being older and still wanting sex, needing connection, and maybe having to re-learn how to have good sex with the changes that come with age.

My goal with this book is to show everyone—especially those of us over sixty—the magic that is the human body. That magic doesn’t stop at any predetermined age. Sex, sexiness, and sensuality shouldn’t wither away because of a few wrinkles and a drop in hormones. Sex is deeper than that. It’s more powerful. Sex is the creative life force that pulses through us all.

And sex is healthy! You get great benefits from it, no matter your age. Sexual release is just that—a release. It opens us up and enhances your physical experience, and not just because it’s a form of exercise and touch, although everyone needs that. Sex is also a way to flood your body with beneficial hormones. Why should you stop making serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin at a point in your life when you could really use the extra juice?

Maybe because you don’t have a partner, or you have functional problems you didn’t used to have. Maybe you’re too busy, and it’s not as pretty (or effortless) as it in the movies, or when you were young. Maybe you and your partner don’t see eye-to-eye on the subject.

I know. It can feel easier to let it go than to broach that painful issue again. I get it. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or living alone; if you’re mainstream or way out there, monogamous, sex fanatic, sex deprived, or somewhere in the muddled middle, this book is for you. My goal (and my life’s work) is to teach people of all ages and orientations how to claim the sexuality that is rightfully, happily, theirs.

That said, I wrote this book with a focus on sex after sixty. I know how to make it better. I’m living it myself. All anyone needs is a small amount of focus and the willingness to try something new.

Since turning sixty, I’ve made a habit of practicing (and sometimes mastering) these twenty-one habits:

Giving myselflove;

Going with theflow;

Trying newthings;

Being less serious and having morefun;

Taking risks that createadventure;

Exercising more, sleeping more, and eatingbetter;

Ending the fight andstruggle;

Eliminating drama andstress;

Practicing lessself-abuse;

Collaborating on everylevel;

Enhancing skills, even some I considered myself badat;

Insisting on respect in my professional and personal life and earning acclaim in myfield;

Asking for what I want and getting what I’mworth;

Communicating discomfort in the moment, not holdingback;

Taking the time to tune into creativity and birthing newprojects;

Breaking patterns, breaking out of my comfort zone, breaking away from the sameold;

Enjoying money that comes my way regularly andeasily;

Feeling the effect of compounding in practice (regular small investments of time, money, or effort that pay off big in the longrun);

Seeing the law of attraction at work in myworld;

Insisting on being treated as a Goddess, woman, and an accomplished being;and

Having lots of sex, alone and withothers.

Life is communication. So is sex. I loved being young and I also love not being that raw anymore. Communication is easier now. It still takes deciding to do it, but there’s less drama and more allowance. Even in communicating about something as (potentially) fraught as sex.

A few years ago, I was invited to give a talk at a conference in San Diego on radical life extension. RAAD Festival™ (Revolution Against Aging and Death Festival) focuses on enhancing and extending the human lifespan. I had fifteen minutes to speak on my topic, sex and aging. I called my presentation, What’s Sex Have to do with Super Longevity? My focus was on using orgasm to manifest desired intentions, tapping into transcendental, life-enhancing power.

I knew the subject would be interesting, entertaining, and useful. I got a standing ovation! The interest and appreciation from the crowd, and the steady and growing follow-on from that talk surprised me. I saw an awakening on the planet. People are finally ready to talk openly about sex, and about sex later in life. The idea for another book was born.

I have an unusual job. I teach transformation through pleasure. That means that my life’s work is to combine the heart’s desire to feel happy and fulfilled with the body’s desire to feel good. Specifically, I teach people how to feel good through sex.

Some people might think that this kind of talk is for sex freaks and weirdos. I disagree. Everyone wants to feel pleasure in their bodies. Everyone wants to feel joyful expansion, and everyone wants to feel connected to other people. That’s what I teach. I help people make peace with their wonderful bodies, and with the sexual shame and trauma that almost seems inherited. And there’s more–lots more. I teach about intimacy, clarity, boundaries, pleasure, fun, fear, taboos, acceptance, and enlightenment. Sex is complicated!

I’m talking about more than sex therapy. What I teach is sacred sexuality. That is, there’s a spiritual component to the way I talk about sex. I believe in a universal life force powered by sexual energy. I believe you can tap into that energy through sex. Consciously tapping into universal sexual energy increases sexual pleasure and expands into every aspect of life. This is a central tenet of a practice called Tantra.

Most people don’t think of sex and spirituality in the same sentence the way I do. Many people wouldn’t tap into anything to enhance sex except romance, porn, staged situations, or substances. And that’s fine, when those options work, no problem. What about when they don’t? I’m talking about ways to stop relying on something outside yourself for sex and happiness; about not needing anyone else’s technique, magnetism, or drama to obtain the pleasure that is rightfully yours. Tantric yoga is part of that.

In my first book, Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy, I shared how a regular person could practice modern, everyday Tantra, including techniques to expand orgasm, balance male and female energy, set boundaries, communicate truthfully, and release expectations. Since then, I’ve added to my experience, increased my sexual knowledge, and improved my overall happiness. There are differences to having sex when you’re older that I want to talk about this time around.

In our culture, people make fun of age, and mock the changes that come with getting older.

Why?

I love being an expert at what I am, expert because I’ve been doing it for a long time. I love being free to create my own life. I get better at it all the time. I’m not afraid of wrinkles and sagging—I have a cure for both. I have cures for lots of things, age-related and otherwise.

Most people don’t base their lives on their sex practice the way I do. I wish they would—the world would be a happier place. Everyone has access to the powerful force of creation. When the biological imperative to procreate is behind you, sex can become the greatest source of pleasure and well-being you will ever tap into. I don’t mean you should be having sex every second. I mean you can feel sexy whenever you want to, simply by learning to allow it.

My one big secret to enhancing and extending life, intentional sex, is the essence of this book.

Do you need intention to have sex? You are sexual from the moment you’re conceived, chromosomally speaking, and, of course, you’re conceived from sex. Follow the dots. You’re a sexual being. But, when you’re young and naturally full of sex, you’re socialized and shamed out it, and then, when you get older and your hormones change, it’s just so easy to let sex fall off the radar. In this get-it-done culture, obligations take precedence over sex. Working long hours, raising families, commuting, worrying about money (or anything chronic), and cramming a million to-do items into every day, all very normal, and all not-so-conducive to good sex.

Society seems to expect the sex drive to wither up and die after the kids come along. A common belief is that, by forty or so for men, and by menopause for women, most people are pretty much over it. If you keep going past fifty, you’re a sex fiend. If you’re still interested at sixty, you’re either movie-star lucky or perverted. By seventy, you’re definitely washed up (and dried up) and done.

It is very sad to me that often this is the case. Until the culture changes, the answer is: Yes. Yes, you do need intention to have sex. Intention keeps sex alive and revives it if it’s been dead a while. Intentional sex is a signal to yourself and the universe that sex (and happiness) matters!

To that end, I sifted and sorted through my own practices to come up with the list of twenty-one habits that have worked magic in my life. Then I distilled those habits into the seven laws making up the chapters of this book:

Practice IntentionalSex

Shake ThingsUp

SetBoundaries

Let the PastGo

Reset YourPurpose

StayYoung

StaySexy

I believe that anyone can go from a life of sexual frustration to a life of sexual satisfaction. I did. In each chapter, I’ll give you exercises to practice so you can, too. Your body will thank us both.

LAW I

PRACTICE INTENTIONAL SEX

Just after my fifty-sixth birthday, I parted ways with my business partner, lover, friend, and mind-mate. I lived in Washington, DC, one of the most locked-up, workaholic cities in the country. At the time, I was writing my first book, about Tantra, intimacy, and relationships. Then my own relationship failed. As a world-renowned Tantra teacher, I successfully taught thousands of other people how to have happy relationships, yet I couldn’t manage one myself? I was enraged, I was heartbroken, and I was uncharacteristically uncertain.

I’ve always had a mission and I’ve always had lots of great people around me. I did even then. But after emerging from the initial anger and grief of that breakup, I had to face the fact that my life wasn’t working anymore. I wasn’t the Laurie I used to be. I didn’t know why, or how to fix it. For the first time, I was no longer sure where I was headed.

On the outside, things looked the same. I worked as hard as ever, leading workshops, teaching and learning new techniques for sex and expansion, traveling around the United States and the world.

But still. Holding on to my old way of being wasn’t cutting it. I didn’t have a sense of knowing my path, which I had always known before. I knew it would still be about sex and expansion, but how? When? Who with? Why was everything so hard? Where was the joy?

There was only one thing to do: follow my own