Batshit Crazy: A Peak Behind the Curtain of Bipolar 1 and P.T.S.D. From One Man's Perspective

By William Spindler

Batshit Crazy is a peek into the mind of someone suffering from PTSD and bipolar disorder, authored by William Spindler, a sufferer of both conditions. Before writing this, William had read many books on his conditions, but few offered any real-world experience or offered a look at what he could expect realistically from his symptoms, or even what to look for. Hoping to offer some help to others who find themselves asking the questions, Batshit Crazy was born.

A peek behind the curtain of his mind, his struggles, and even a few nuggets of advice. A window into what you may expect if you're suffering, and signs to look for to those with a loved one who suffers.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Apr 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662471353

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Batshit Crazy

A Peak Behind the Curtain of Bipolar 1 and P.T.S.D. From One Man's Perspective

William Spindler

Copyright © 2022 William Spindler

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2022

ISBN 978-1-6624-7134-6 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-7135-3 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

PTSD(Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

The First Trigger

Make the Damn Bed

Just a Day at the Mall

Welcome to My World

Bipolar 1 Disorder

All in the Family

A Day in the Life

It Seemed a Good Idea at the Time

The Fallout

The War in My Head

Losing My Religion

Not My Day to Die

I Don't Know?

One Lucky Man

This is Not the End

About the Author

Introduction

Iwould like to start by saying I am in no way a mental health professional, I don ' t hold a degree in any form of therapy, and I am definitely not qualified to offer advice or counsel on treatment options for any mental health issue I bring up in this book. These are my thoughts, actions, and takeaways of living with these conditions, a look into the mind of someone dealing with advanced PTSD, bipolar disorder, and severe depressive disorder. My hope is to let people like me know, you aren't alone, to help those living with someone like me to know it isn't all in their head, and hopefully make it all a little easier to understand.

During this, you read a few statistics or facts about each thing. These were found on the web using simple searches on these topics. Although I personally do not recommend self-diagnosis by reading a list of symptoms on the web, it will give you a basic jumping-off point with a doctor and maybe give you enough basic knowledge to ask the right questions.

I am going to again caution you that this is about my experiences. What I have done or experienced is what personally happened to me. My experiences are not going to be the same as anyone else with these issues.

I have not experienced all the classic symptoms; you may or may not either. Knowing the symptoms, and how to see them when they happen, is the key to success with these conditions.

I guess I should start out by telling you about me. I am fifty-four as I'm writing this. I served in the US Marine Corps for six years in a combat unit seeing my fair share of tragedy. After leaving the service, I was in retail management in inner-city stores for a couple of different companies. I was extremely competitive in everything I did, from my professional life, the sports I personally engaged in, as well as my expectations from my kids. I demanded 100 percent from myself and nothing less from those around me.

Although I had great parents and a wonderful homelife, I was constantly picked on in school and had very few friends. Kids then were expected to take care of some things on their own. Let's face it, who wanted their mom going to school, or someone's house, to ask that their child not be picked on? If you wanted money, you earned it. If you wanted to be on the school's baseball or football team, you practiced more and got better than your peers because not everyone made the team and not everyone got a trophy. Third place was usually the cutoff point, and everyone else went home empty-handed.

Born in the mid-'60s, I watched the birth and death of disco. Starsky and Hutch were the greatest cops alive, Pete Rose was the man to watch when the Red were playing, Lynda Carter introduced a whole new generation to Wonder Woman, girls had a new teen idol every other week, and Daisy Duke was not only most teenage boys' first crush but changed the fashion industry forever.

I'll explain a little more in pages to come, I'm sure, but I was not diagnosed bipolar as a kid. Looking back now, some of my more outlandish exploits make sense—not so much on what I did in part but a lot more on why I thought it was a good idea and did some of the most stupid and crazy things I ever thought of trying.

As I get farther into my personal experiences, more of my background and exploits will emerge and will fill in the gaps and help tie everything together. At least I hope it does. Who knows, this may actually turn into a complete mess, but I will leave you in judgment of that.

I've decided to take each of my issues one at a time and explain how they manifested in me the cause and effect on both my life and those around me. Hopefully, it be will easier to grasp, instead of information overload. In the last chapter, I will try and explain how or what it's like to deal with all these things at one time.

So let's get started, shall we?

PTSD

(Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

PTSD has been around for as long as there has been war at least, not to mention any other traumatic experience in someone's life. Back in the day, it was given names like war nerves or shell shock. Most of these men and women who came back from war with these conditions were shunned by society, thought of as cowards even, and in some of the small close-knit communities, considered a disgrace to their family, and even the town.

As far back as the American Civil War at least, these men and women were left to deal with the pain, nightmares, regret, and shame all by themselves. Most turned to self-medication for escape and became the town drunk or hung out in the opium dens staying perpetually drunk or high until they finally succumbed to their disease. Some, although I wouldn't call them lucky, would find themselves committed to a state mental facility. It wasn't till the early '70s when our troops coming home from Vietnam that the medical community began to really take notice.

Our fighting men and women are not the only people who can suffer from PTSD either. Many first responders suffer from it. Survivors of domestic abuse suffer from it, as well as survivors of natural disasters. It is more common than you think.

Here are some facts (based on the US population):

About seven or eight out of every one hundred people (or 7–8 percent of the population) will have PTSD at some point in their lives.

About eight million adults have PTSD during a given year. This is only a small portion of those who have gone through severe trauma.

If you think about just these numbers (eight million adults), those are just the people who have gone to a professional and been diagnosed. Some statistics claim as high as 12–15 percent, and that does not include children who can and do suffer daily.

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is a mental health problem that some people develop after experiencing or witnessing a life-threatening event, like combat, a natural disaster, a car accident, or sexual assault. PTSD can happen to anyone. It is not a sign of weakness. Several factors can increase the chance that someone will have PTSD, many of which are not under that person's control. For example, having a very intense or long-lasting traumatic event or getting injured during the event can make it more likely that a person will develop PTSD. PTSD is also more common after certain types of traumas, like combat and sexual assault.

That is the clinical definition. Now I could spend pages giving you the ins and outs, symptoms,