Forward and Into The Light

By Kenny Higgins

As with any recovery program from a condition, recovery from PTSD requires knowledge coupled with a burning desire to return to a productive and joyful life. To be effective, the knowledge has to be in an order that is appropriate to the condition. After years of research, study, and education, I offer this knowledge in the order in which I used it to return to a normal life. PTSD does not mean that you are crippled forever. In this book, I also point out the roadblocks that can interfere with the most diligent and passionate journey from the throes of depression of PTSD to that life that we all seek. Besides the education and my own recovery, I take my information from the over one thousand veterans that I have interviewed over the past seven years. Pharmaceutically produced drugs only serve to mask the side effects of this most horrific condition which can drain your life away. At the end of the day, the decision to recover is yours and only yours. If you make the decision, there will be people like myself to support you. Let's get on it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 29, 2017
• ISBN: 9781640288560

Book preview

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Forward

and into the

Light!

My step by step return from PTSD Depression

Kenny Higgins

ISBN 978-1-64028-855-3 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64028-856-0 (Digital)

Copyright © 2017 by Kenny Higgins

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

My name is Kenny Higgins. I am a Christian, veteran, and a PTSD coach, and, fortunately for me, I am a suicide attempt survivor. Like many others, I was traumatized by my experience witnessing the carnage of war. Specifically my trauma took place while flying as a crew chief aboard a UH 34-Delta helicopter in the Vietnam conflict.

I was once a very powerful figure in my industry and a millionaire. I was the CEO of Frontline Solutions, a small solely owned company that started with three people and grew to 200 employees and 150 trucks in the field. It was a company with receipts of $1 million plus each month from the cable company giants like Time Warner and Comcast. I had a penthouse in Washington, DC, as well as a home in the redwoods in California and a place in Denver, Colorado. Because of the depression brought on by PTSD, that all went away! During the dark depths of depression which I now understand is PTSD I lost everything. My lady of 20 some years left and stayed gone. Out of five children who I raised as a single father only two offered up any support at all and even those two never bothered to do any research and come to understand what their father was going through. My brother in Atlanta turned his back on me and except for one precious and loving cousin who lives in Phenix City, Alabama everyone treated me like a leper. I lost my business that I had built after over 30 years of dedication to my industry, that being cable-television.

In some ways I can understand the awkward reaction from people who were close to me since I didn’t know myself what was going on inside me. I blamed myself so how could I expect them not to blame me.

Their lack of research and understanding is something I take issue with and it is one of the reasons I wrote this book. Having the knowledge about PTSD I believe would have made a difference in many decisions that were made by me and those around me.

Please understand this very important point. PTSD is not an excuse for your or my behavior. We all have to face the consequences of our actions. We in the brotherhood of PTSD have paid way too much. For some, you have very little or no family support. We must be there for each other. It works like this. If those who count for you don’t come, then let the ones who come count. They are the only ones that do. I will need to always remember to ask for forgiveness for the vindictiveness that I feel in my heart about this point of my brothers and sisters being deserted by those who should have stayed in loving support of them. This book and the ministry that I’m on hopefully furthers that effort to build among us a network of knowledgeable people who really understand what’s going on and are taking steps to deal with it. For us and others around us knowing and understanding the effects of trauma on our ability to behave rationally should promote kindness and empathy.

Many people have written about different aspects of PTSD but in this book I bring it all together for you. This book is an accounting of my step-by-step recovery from a suicide attempt in 2010. I will share with you exactly what I did and the steps I took to return to my former self and go beyond! Today life is sweet and I am the happiest I have ever been.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a very popular subject today in many circles. Fifteen years ago, rhetoric on this disorder was limited mostly to collegiate study and a handful of mental health practitioners who had chosen to delve deep into the cause and effect, as well as the healing of this condition. Most of the attention given was because of client needs. When the suicide rate of veterans with this disorder started to climb, more attention was given to the subject. Today it is reported that at least twenty-two of us take our own lives every day.

After coming home from Vietnam and being discharged from the Marine Corps, I immediately jumped into business and was successful. The effects of the trauma did not appear to have any effect on me for many years. As I reflect back now, I know that is not true. I attributed my sporadic and sometimes out-of-control anger and behavior to the fact that I just had a bad Irish temper.

PTSD is currently the subject of many books, workshops, and treatment center modalities around the country, as well as a major focus to the VA. As you will see as you read the book, I have been an intricate part in all these efforts. At the risk of sounding like a critic, which I am not, it is depressing to me that in so many corners, people who have been through a treatment clinic for PTSD do not have the quality of life that I know is possible. In my opinion and in the opinion of others assembled in the book, it is not because a mistake is being made but because an intricate part has been overlooked in the chain of events that lead us to suicide and/or depression.

I applaud the effort of psychiatrists, therapists, and all the counselors with the VA for their effort to help the disabled veteran. I have found, however, that very few have actually seen the carnage of war. I know the empathy of the practitioners is certainly pure, and it is welcome; however, the experienced veteran can supply a more empathetic and deep perspective.

My book has a dual purpose. First, to assemble the work of some very famous practitioners on subjects relating to PTSD in a manner that I do not feel has been approached before. Here I will fill in the blanks in the chain of events. Second, I will share my own story. It started with my own attempt to take my life seven years ago. I hope to shed light on the possibility of getting beyond the darkness of PTSD and back to being who God intended us to be before we were traumatized. PTSD recovery requires a great deal of personal reflection and research on the part of the victim. It is not the end of the road but a bend in the highway of life toward a great life. I am going to take you past survival and existence and provide the necessary knowledge gained from experience to assist you in getting back to passion and participation in life. The knowledge I now possess is impregnated into my brain in such a way as to cause it to become subtext. This knowledge allows me to hold my head up once again, finally, after all these years.

The story of the crucifixion of Christ and his resurrection teaches us that acceptance is key in overcoming adversity. Christ was the great teacher and has given us lessons that resonate through history and actually grow in meaning and impact. The greatest lesson ever taught was when Christ rose above his adversaries by his submission to them. This is played out every time someone takes the first step in AA, when the person admits that they’re powerless and their life is out of control.

I have been a part of a twelve-step program for thirty-seven years. The true miracle is always realized the night a soul admits to himself, others, and to God that his life is out of control. When he or she steadfastly stares adversity in the eye, all shame is swept away, and healing truly begins.

Christ spoke to all people and all hearts. You may or may not be familiar with Christ’s teachings; however, his insights and messages apply to all of us. I am a Christian and have always been active in the church. My relationship with Jesus became genuine when spirituality became an intimate part of my program for healing thirty-seven years ago.

Throughout the book, I share information that I have assimilated from all corners of the healing world and years of experience studying the human condition into a modality for PTSD sufferers. My experience started with six-week treatment program as an in-house patient at The Meadows treatment center in Wickenburg, Arizona, thirty-seven years ago. The Meadows now has a PTSD program!

I applaud the treatment centers, books, and workshops that focus on PTSD, and I will share a lot of the same information with you here. However, my goal is to see more people go beyond the darkness that is PTSD depression and forward into the light. I know this firsthand because my life is a