The Day the World Went Black A Spiritual Journey Through Depression

By Eleanor Stoneham

It was an idyllic childhood on the family farm. But all was not what it seemed. Beneath the happy veneer was a troubled little girl. She was bright, did well at school and university, gained her professional qualifications, ran her own successful business. No one had any idea of what was to come, of the drama and trauma of her personal crisis, the day her world went black. Why would they? She seemed happy. She had a loving husband and two wonderful boys. But those early childhood problems were to come back to haunt her in later life and nearly push her over the brink of despair to something far worse.
Be inspired by this story of a lifetime struggle through mental illness and depression, breakdown and burnout. This moving and very honest account of how the author picked up again the pieces of her shattered life and found success and fulfillment from a surprising new direction will offer hope to anyone struggling with this crippling illness, and help those who are baffled by what is happening to their loved one or friend.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Eleanor Stoneham
• Release date: Feb 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310775291

Eleanor Stoneham

The author is an active Anglican Christian and jobbing theologian. She started off as a postgraduate research scientist from Sheffield University, became a qualified accountant, tax consultant and financial adviser and is now retired. She lives in South London and loves her family, her church, her allotment and her garden. Her fifth passion is travelling

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What others are saying about The Day the World Went Black

"A great source of reassurance and healing for others experiencing what may seem inexpressible and incomprehensible…a source of insight and expressed with such authenticity and openness."

Olivia Bartlett, accredited practising transpersonal psychotherapist

"This story is one of great courage and inner strength to continue despite all the many setbacks and traumas…the story of a soul who is unfolding spiritual qualities despite bias and prejudice and so many disappointments…a story that will truly help others in similar situations."

Astra Ferro, White Eagle Lodge

The Day the World Went Black

A Spiritual Journey Through Depression

Eleanor Stoneham

An intensely personal account, courageously told, of a spiritual journey through crippling, sometimes life threatening, depression and dissociation

Copyright 2014 Eleanor Stoneham

Published by Eleanor Stoneham at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favourite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedication

To my family, friends and colleagues who have put up with so much

To the health professionals and religious ministers who have supported me through so much

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation… There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things."

Henry Thoreau

Life is a struggle and then you die anon

Table of contents

Preface

Chapter 1 Gender issues

Chapter 2 Down on the farm

Chapter 3 Undergraduate days

Chapter 4 Postgraduate days

Chapter 5 Work experience

Chapter 6 Church

Chapter 7 Not recommended for training

Chapter 8 Burnout

Chapter 9 Hospital

Chapter 10 Therapy

Chapter 11 Shock therapy

Chapter 12 Yoga and other retreats

Chapter 13 Reflections on healing and mysticism

Chapter 14 On suicide, weight and dining room tables

Chapter 15 Perchance to dream

Chapter 16 Moving on

Postscript

Twelve practical tips

Bibliography

About the author

Connect with the author

Other books by this author

Preface

Depression is no fun. It has dogged me all my life. And this is probably the most difficult thing I have ever written. So why did I write it?

My uncle, who also suffered episodes of depression, wrote in his own personal unpublished memoir that there could be only two reasons for writing an autobiography: as a record of historical importance; or as an ego trip. I would add another reason or indeed two: an altruistic motive to help other sufferers through laying bare and sharing our own very personal experiences, thoughts and feelings, and at the same time to make a contribution to removing some of the stigma attached to mental illness.

I only came across my uncle’s memoirs after I had virtually finished this book. And I think in some way he may well have been motivated by that third reason of mine. His memoir certainly does not read like an ego trip and on his own admission his autobiography is of virtually no historical importance in the grand scheme of things. So this little book is all about me wanting to share with you some of the problems and pains I’ve felt along life’s journey, written from the heart and soul of someone who has been deeply wounded and bears the scars. It is my sincere hope that by sharing this with you, you may better understand what is happening in your own or a loved one’s life, and more easily see glimmers of light and hope at the end of what may seem at times a very black journey.

We all love stories. Reading about real people, with real lives and real hurts and pain, can often prove far more enlightening and helpful than studying the information leaflets or struggling through the rather more weighty self help guides of which there are many, and some very good.

On the other hand I had to take into account those innocent bystanders, both friends and family, who were caught up within my personal crisis and who need protection from exposure. So while this is my very personal story, of course there has to be an element of fiction to protect those others who would have no wish to be included quite so publicly.

There is no doubt that mental illness can suck those nearest to the patient into their own living hell and how they cope with the illness of a loved one, whether it be physical or mental illness, and whether it is acute or chronic, will vary from person to person depending on many individual factors. Some can be strong and understanding and supportive. Others find the whole process very difficult to understand and come to terms with and this can put serious strain on any relationship, perhaps especially so if there are already cracks and vulnerabilities ready to be exposed.

Something like 350 million people worldwide have some kind of depression and about one third of these are in America. There are about six million people in the UK with anxiety or depression. One in four of us will have some kind of mental disorder in any one year and at any one time that will include 10% of our children. The alarming fact is that the majority of people with depression are not receiving treatment for a real and painful condition that can so often be relieved by medication and talking therapies. Tragically, a million people will commit suicide every year across the globe and a large proportion of these will have suffered from depression. These figures are astonishing, disturbing and getting worse.

We are experiencing an epidemic of depression and other mental illness and we are not very good at dealing with it.

So you have probably picked up this book because you are already one of those statistics, know someone who is, or have a professional interest in treating those afflicted with this unpleasant illness.

Why the epidemic? Many would point the finger of blame largely towards the Me Millennium egocentric way of life we have built for ourselves in our suburban environments where we no longer live in real community and where true friends and family are scattered across the globe. Depression may possibly have less chance of getting a stranglehold in close-knit families and communities where there is an effective mutual support system in place for all our needs, emotional as well as physical. We all need that emotional support at many stages in our life.

But that is not the whole story by any means because mental illness can strike anyone even if they have those support systems in place. And there is also plenty of evidence that the tendency towards depression is passed down through families. That is almost certainly the case in my own family. Understanding the reasons for the epidemic and striving to do something about it are important not only because of the suffering that depression and other mental illness cause in their own right, but because there is a knock on effect on our physical health. It is now well known that many of our twenty first century physical ills are caused or certainly made worse by mental ill health issues, particularly by stress, anxiety and depression. So if we could get to the heart of this, strive for good mental health, we would have the opportunity to save a great deal of physical and mental suffering, and at the same time have the chance to reduce the ever burgeoning costs of our struggling and overburdened health services.

It also seems to me that our health care has become too mechanized and technical, with too many unnecessary tests and interventions, when many patients are crying out simply for a return to good old fashioned values of care, compassion and healing in the broadest holistic sense of that word. And nowhere is that more needed than in the understanding and treatment of mental illness.

There is no doubt that there is still a huge stigma attached to mental ill health. The staging of world Para Olympic events has done much to break down negative preconceptions about physical disabilities. There have been amazing feats achieved by many physically disabled sportsmen and women. But little seems to be done in the Para-Olympic events for those whose disabilities are mental rather than physical. I was told once by a consultant that if only those with any kind of mental illness wore a huge white bandage or plaster around