Walking A Tightrope: How the Disease of Addiction Affects Everything!!!: A Practical Guide on How to Stay Clean in Spite of Ourselves: As Long as you are laughing at me, not With Me!

By WW Woods

This is a book about ongoing recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. It is a collection of approaches that I have used in the past thirty years to build and maintain a semi normal and sane methodology for clean living. Recovery is not for the faint of heart, as the disease affects every aspect of our lives, continues to live inside us even after we establish abstinence and is just waiting for an opportunity to weasel its way back into our lives and fulfill its quest: Jails, Institutions and Death. The writing is a collection of stories, personal experiences and real world examples of what it is like to be a recovering addict. It is meant to be funny, inspirational and maybe even tragic in some respects. The intent is to be as factual as possible without violating any of the participants anonymity. My personal hope is that this provides someone out there with an opportunity and hope of living a regular spiritually based life. Life is a spiritual journey and we need to work for that!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 3, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667827391

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©2021 WW Woods

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Print ISBN: 978-1-66782-738-4

eBook ISBN: 978-1-66782-739-1

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 – The Laws of Physics

Chapter 2 – The Recovery Pie Chart

Chapter 3 – The Steps, when in doubt, follow the instructions.

Chapter 4 – Recovery

Chapter 5 – Work

Chapter 6 – Play

Chapter 7 – Self Care

Chapter 8 – Meetings, Don’t Be a Whiny Bitch!

Chapter 9 – The Ups and Downs without the Physics

Chapter 10 – Heavy Metal, The Devils Chord & This One Goes to Eleven – Over the Top Addiction and the Higher Power’s Saving Grace

Chapter 11 – What About Relationships? (Girls, Boys and Intimate Relationships?)

Chapter 12 – Religion, Spirituality and a Higher Power – Holy Shit! (No Pun Intended)

Chapter 13 – The Silly Things that Married People Do

Chapter 14 – Will I Ever Really Fit In?

Chapter 15 – The End of the World as We Know It! Living in the Age of Covid, Climate Change and the Chinese are Coming!

Chapter 16 – WW Woods, The camp, Meditation and the Spirit of da big lake, Gitchee Gummee.

Epilogue

About the Author

Introduction

This is not a publication for the faint of heart! I swear, I drink lots of coffee, I absolutely love hard rock music and according to my wife am a sexual deviant (still working on this one). And I even know how to play the Devils chord and have been known to whip it out on occasion just to see if the hair stands up on the back of your neck. I just celebrated my thirtieth sobriety birthday and in reflection, it is extremely hard to digest that a sick and twisted individual such as my self is actually clean and sober. Who’d a thunk it?

This book serves multiple purposes. First and foremost, it allows me to review the events, defeats and celebrations of my life as both a serious dirtbag and a recovering person. A form of comical Fourth Step if you would. The names and places may have been changed (but typically not), to protect both the guilty and the innocent. Borderline personality disorder is one of the many underlying themes of this compilation. Second, it is meant to hopefully be an inspiration to someone out there who is struggling in an attempt to find their way. I spent 17 years actively using (more if you count the drinks I took while my parents were partying in the 60s and 70s), 15 of those years in full blown addiction. About 13 of those 15 years a small voice within told me that I was in serious fricking trouble but I never allowed myself enough time to come down so I could actually be able to see or hear it. Third, it is meant to be not only a serious representation of what addiction can look like but also a comedy of sorts. If you are regularly exposed to the dialogue of recovering folks, you will find some seriously funny shit embedded in the stories, tales and possible exaggerations that make up most addict’s lives. And last, on the outside chance that this book peaks the Recovery community’s interest enough to actually turn a profit after publishing, I will be able to provide some financial support for the continued operation of Phoenix House, the facility where I went to treatment in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Pete H, I will buy you a cup of coffee and we will go fishing.

My truth! Over the past 60 years I have experienced things that I am sure many people have been through. I have also experienced a plethora of experiences that while like many people’s experiences, are somewhat unique in the way that they have unfolded and transpired. I want to make it extremely clear at the onset of this rough and tumble guide that what is contained herein, has been molded and shaped into what I identify as my truth. What you are going to read, experience and hopefully see as an epiphany is not your truth. Your truth is yours and yours only, I cannot tell you or anybody else what their purpose or meaning is. Hopefully, through being as honest as I can be, sharing what happened to me and what I believe to be a relatively concise path to getting clean and sober, you can find yours. I do not lay claim to all the answers.

Particularly to the medical community and your allies, medically assisted recovery methods may be the way to go for the hundreds of thousands of people who have been affected by the opioid crises and the invention of synthetic opioids. I personally do not agree. It is a part of my truth that we must face the pain; physical, spiritual and mental that comes with chemical free living if we want to get better. Popular or not, I believe this must be a part of the path and the journey and it, to this day, pains my heart to see my addicted brothers and sisters die at the hand of chemicals. I wish there was another way but I don’t see it. My biggest hope is that what I have written helps someone to kick, stay clean and deal with the life that we have been so graciously afforded. If medically managing the disease is a part of this for you, then please, also work for the maturity to be an adult and then be the miracle.

My history is just like anybody else’s that finds themselves sitting in one of those damn church basement chairs. Sitting there talking about the meat and potatoes crap in their life while trying to make some sense of the menagerie. Am I different? I suppose in some quirky obtuse ways I probably am, but from the dope fiend perspective, I am just like you (well if you’re reading this then you are either really screwed up or you have an incredibly morbid sense of humor, I just happen to be both).

I have seen and done things that still make me shudder to this day. Blackout using was pretty much the norm for an extended portion of my using career and I am still waiting for the pictures to surface. You know, those pictures of some heinous felony that I committed while in a chemically induced stupor. I continually thank my Higher Power for the statute of limitations and the forgiveness that I have been so graciously afforded. I hear people at meetings talking about losing their cars or forgetting where they spent their money, for me, 1981 to 1987 is a blur. I have tried innumerable times to reconstruct where I was, who I was with and what happened, ironically, the story always seems to take a slightly different shape every time I go through it. If you read this and you were a part of that story, I whole heartedly own my obnoxious behavior, I was truly insane and was quite a dick! I only hope that someday I may be able to make face to face amends. There are still a ton of them hanging out there that due to the ninth step, I have been unable to make in person. The 12-step ideology works in mysterious ways at times.

I have had many people ask me over the years, How in the hell have you stayed clean and sober for XXX number of years, days or decades. The politically correct answer is that I have found a Higher Power in the 12 Steps. The meat and potatoes answer is that I have awkwardly, begrudgingly, filled with fear, anxiety, prejudice, bias, loathing, deviance and a variety of other defect-based beliefs, managed to continue to attend meetings, call my sponsor, work with others (regardless of the fact that few, if any, have stayed cleaned). And I regularly pray to a Higher Power that is some sort of amorphous entity that I have quit trying to define. This however is only a part of the f****** magic" that I have found in the rooms. There is very little, if any, original thought contained in this potential Roadmap to Recovery. What you will find in these pages is a conglomeration of assumed to be true facts, opinions, perspectives, and nuggets of wisdom that have been graciously afforded to me. These are active miracles if you don’t believe in such things. The biggest miracle is that I can remember any of it; the human capacity for chemicals constantly amazes and baffles me but my own personal capacity and affinity for hallucinogens absolutely defies any sort of logic or reason. When I was a kid in the 60s and 70s, LSD was labeled as a source of brain damage, flashbacks, genetic deterioration, and mutation. It’s astonishing that both my kids are borderline genius. With that in mind, I should be a quivering pile of flesh locked away in some institution or government laboratory somewhere. Go figure!

This book is dedicated to anyone who has decided that they don’t want to die alone. I thank all of you who have been a part of the journey, especially those who have played a pivotal role in the continuation of the miracle: my wife, my kids and my fellows in the program, both those living and those who have proceeded me. And especially those who have died in the trenches. It probably sounds morbid, but it is the addict who still suffers, or has died as a direct result of this disease, that has allowed me the luxury of going to another meeting, to make another phone call or to do another open talk. This allows me to divert to a state of sanity again.

I would also like to add that having a sense of humor has been pivotal to me in my ongoing journey. Without the occasional uncontrollable belly laugh here and there, I surely would have decided that this is too much and let my twisted little brain take over. Here is an example, I wrote these for an open talk that I did when I was relatively new in the game. They are all actual examples of my history, both in and out of recovery.

You May Be an Alcoholic/Drug Addict if:

If the local law enforcement officers in your hometown refer to you as Otis.

If your idea of working out involves some kind of 12-ounce curls.

If your last vacation was to…. I don’t remember.

If the credit card company skips the application, simply informing you of the fact that you can’t have one of their cards (yes, this actually happened).

If, when you are done blowing snow, you could park several semis in your yard.

If your financial portfolio consists of a roll of quarters, a bag of empties and a get out of jail free card (the monopoly kind).

If you put more than two of your attorney’s kids through college.

If a night out on the town lasted from 1982-1985.

If you have ever forgotten to eat for more than two days in a row.

If when the local law enforcement agency runs a background check, the computer printout exceeds 12 pages.

If when the local law enforcement agency runs a background check, the officer in charge glares at you from the printout approximately every 10 minutes to quiz you on your height, weight, eye color and if you’ve ever been to Texas.

If your history of nicknames includes: Killer, Mister Twister, Yank, Dog, Mr. Clean, Cupcake or Mental Man.

If you really liked working in the food service industry.

If when applying for jobs, the human resource department calls to inquire about that eleven-year hole in your resume.

If, when you were seven, your parents allowed you to stay home from school to bartend.

If you spent more years on probation than you did in the public school system.

If you ever mumbled the words, take me drunk occifer, I’m home.

If you ever dreamed of a career in testing drugs for the government.

Upward and Onward, let the show begin!

Chapter 1 –

The Laws of Physics

I have to preface this with a statement, My name is WW Woods, and I am a Physics geek, also a raging dope fiend, alcoholic, codependent, sexual deviant, workaholic, perfectionist, survivor, really intense", a wacked out white guy in da woods, seriously addicted to duck hunting, quite possibly a gambling addict (although the boundaries seem to be working for the time being) and not quite right besides. I am sure that if I really thought about it, I could add other things to the list as well but for the time being that should suffice.

WW Woods

What exactly is a Wacked out White Guy in da Woods. People with our/my affliction seem to have a set of common traits that shine through regardless of how sick, or well, we are. Things like anger, EGO, OCD (this one is particularly prevalent for me), worry, fear, etc. We are not afraid to shoot something and eat it, we are not afraid of growing something and eating it, we know that water and bullets will be the currency of choice when it all goes to hell and when shot at, we will typically shoot back. We are not afraid to take care of ourselves, plan for, not on, the total social breakdown of society as we know it when the cell phone towers go down and are not afraid to establish and live by convictions. We typically, but not always, have a severe distaste for the smoke and mirror world of politics, corporate hierarchy, extremist value systems, people sticking their head in the sand and pretending everything is Lollipops and Unicorns, music that idolizes a gangster lifestyle, the more is better mentality that is so prevalent these days, the media in general (regardless of the underlying agenda) and the collective current misrepresentation, misunderstanding or denial of the truth that is manifested in so many of societies current historical accounts and beliefs.

With that in mind, let us get a couple of facts straight: Christopher Columbus and the other famous early explorers raped and pillaged the new world and the resident indigenous species that lived there, Slavery is unequivocally wrong yet has been around for thousands and thousands of years (who do you think built those awesome ruins in the Middle East or Central America that you are willing to fly half way around the world to see), religious ideologies have been fighting and killing each other over the same piece of holy ground for thousands of years, the ice age really happened, the earth is round (not flat, give me a f*****g break), climatic evolution is causing problems today and we might want to fix it if we wish to survive, they know where babies come from and gravity really exists. And…., a quick opinion/fact, money makes the world go round, I believe it is the source of 99.9 percent of our problems and: wealth, control and lust have been driving the bus as long as we have been writing shit down, probably longer. These items make up the reality of today, they are all part of the human condition and for most of us just a part of the package. I will always be who I am, as long as I continue to stay clean and pursue spiritual growth, I have a fighting chance today.

The Physics of Recovery

There are certain laws in the universe that always hold true, I believe (i.e., my opinion) that what is contained herein to be a series of universal truths that are inspiring and maybe even comical. There are a multitude of topics available here: KE = ½ mv2, Gravity- isn’t that a bitch, big stuff is made of little stuff (always), The Laws of Thermodynamics, and More.

KE = ½ mv²- This is one of my favorites. First the fundamentals, this law states that Kinetic Energy of a moving system is equal to ½ times the mass of an object times its velocity squared. In layman’s terms, the faster I bounce my head off the concrete, dashboard, spouse, or other immovable object, the more it hurts! There are other contributing factors here as well. In this case, the mass term can not only be an inanimate object, take a 1977 Ford Mustang Hatchback for example, but could also be viewed as some type of character defect. Some quick examples would be dishonesty, promiscuity, verbal abuse towards others, self-will, self-centeredness, and the list goes on. The key point here is that for this addict, there were no speed limits and therefore the damage was always exponential and catastrophic.

An analogy- NCQ=1/2P*CD2. The factors in this equation are NCQ = Negative Consequences, P = powerlessness and CD = Character Defects. Think about it, it really makes sense. If we don’t pile our character defects (i.e., character defects are 0) on top of our powerlessness, then there are no negative consequences.

Working examples of principles is a great way to provide understanding and clarity. Below is one such example.

The Ford Mustang experience- In my infinite wisdom as a practicing addict, I decided that I needed to purchase some weed because I had an affinity for being high, and since there was none available in the college town in which I lived, it seemed like a good idea to drive home (a short 5 hours away) to where I knew that I would be able to locate and purchase the object of my desire. Being slightly compulsive, I also decided that this road trip would require some chemical stimulation in order to not only ensure success but also to keep things interesting. So, myself, my two roommates, LB and MG, 4 hits of LSD, a handful of Quaaludes and a 12 pack of Budweiser, departed in a southerly direction in search of the magic herb. In a popular movie of the time, one of the characters makes the statement, people on Quaaludes should not drive. Not only was this an accurate statement but throwing a little LSD and a lot of beer on top of it doesn’t really help with the task either. The long and short of it is that in my altered state, I drove my vehicle through a T intersection at a relatively high rate of speed, into a red clay embankment. This left a near perfect imprint of the mustang logo and grill pattern from my car in the red clay embankment for at least a year. I would periodically drive by the scene of the crime to pay homage to the