We Survived Sexual Abuse! You Can Too!: Personal Stories of Sexual Abuse Survivors with Information about Sexual Abuse Prevention, Effects, and Recovery

By Milton J Orgeron and Eugene H Benedict

 In We Survived Sexual Abuse! You Can Too! Pamela K. Orgeron, the editor, a Board Certified Christian Counselor, an Advanced Christian Life Coach, and a survivor of past sexual abuse combines her educational and life experiences to compile a book that will be helpful to others struggling with sexual abuse issues and

• Language: English
• Publisher: ABC's Ministries
• Release date: Aug 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9780997956528

Milton J Orgeron

Milton J. Orgeron, B.F.A. (1959- ) was born in Raceland, LA. In 1981 he received a B.F.A. degree in Music from Tulane University. He taught vocal and instrumental music in Louisiana until acquiring a music teaching position in Nashville, TN in 1997. He taught vocal and instrumental music at a number of schools in the Nashville area before acquiring his current position as Equipment Technician at American Red Cross, Nashville. He also is General Partner along with his wife Pamela K. Orgeron managing ABC's Ministries. Along with his wife, Milton too is an active member at Madison Church of the Nazarene.

Book preview

We Survived Sexual Abuse!

You Can Too!

Personal Stories of

Sexual Abuse Survivors

with Information about

Sexual Abuse Prevention,

Effects, and Recovery

We Survived Sexual Abuse!

You Can Too!

Personal Stories of

Sexual Abuse Survivors

with Information about

Sexual Abuse Prevention,

Effects, and Recovery

Edited by:

Pamela K. Orgeron, MA, EdS, BCCC, ACLC

Contributor: Milton J. Orgeron, BFA

Preface by Eugene (Gene) H. Benedict MA LPC-S

ABC's Ministries

Madison, TN 37115

We Survived Sexual Abuse! You Can Too! Personal Stories of Sexual Abuse Survivors with Information about Sexual Abuse Prevention, Effects, and Recovery

Copyright © 2016 by Pamela K. Orgeron. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Control Number: Pending

ISBN PB 978-0-9979565-0-4

ISBN 978-0-9979565-2-8 (e book)

Printed in the United States of America

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the editor or publisher.

Dedication

I dedicate this book to all the victims who are stuck in DENIAL. My prayer is that one of the survivor stories or other information in this book will motivate you to break through denial and find healing through Jesus Christ.

To any perpetrators out there reading this book, please reach out to a professional therapist or social worker to get HELP. More importantly, reach out to God for His healing and forgiveness. He loves you!!!

To all the survivors, who had the courage to face their abuse and submit their stories for publication in We Survived Sexual Abuse! You Can Too!—

THANK YOU!!!

Contents

Preface

Eugene (Gene) H. Benedict MA LPC-S

Introduction

Section One:

Stories of Survival

Dakota’s Story: The Sins of the Fathers

Becca’s Story: She’s Only Six! How Could He?

Alice’s Story: The Cries of Rape

Missy’s Story: Ignorance is NOT Bliss

Removing the Debris: Pam’s Story

A Case from Scripture: The Price of David’s Sexual Sins

Milton J. and Pamela K. Orgeron

Section Two:

Prevention, the Best Medicine

Individual Factors

The Role of Parents/Primary Caregivers

The Role of Educators

The Role of Government and Legislatures

The Role of the Church

Section Three:

Responses and Effects of Sexual Abuse

Sexual Abuse in Children

Powerlessness

Shame

Ambivalence

Suicide and Depression

Sexual Dysfunction

Disordered Eating

Unhealthy Body Image

Sexual Barrier Weight

Desire to Self-Injure

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Response

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Response

Dissociative Disorder Responses

Physical and other Symptoms

Section Four:

Tips for Moving from Victim to Survivor

The Spiritual Disciplines

Facing the Problem

When Your Child is a Victim

Tips for Christian Counselors/Caretakers

The Role of Health Care Workers

The Role of Educators

The Role of the Church in Healing

Section Five:

More about Incest

Introduction

Family Secrets

Indicators of Incest

Cultural Challenges of Disclosing Incest

After Effects of Incest

Treatment

For Parents of Incest Victims

Section Six:

For and about Perpetrators

Introduction

The Grooming Process

Treatment

References

Appendixes

Appendix A: Adaptive Function of Eating Disorder Symptoms

Appendix B: Recommended Reading List

Appendix C: Recommended Web Sites

Appendix D: Guidelines for Working with Survivors of Emotional Trauma

Appendix E: Recommended Support Group Curriculum

Afterword

About the Authors

Preface

Several years ago, my wife and I were in Nashville, Tennessee attending the American Association of Christian Counselor Convention (AACC). After a busy but very rewarding week of conferences, we had decided to stay an extra day and visit a local church. My wife, who never meets a stranger, was saving a seat for me and decided to ask those near her, if anyone was from Nashville because she was looking for a church to attend the next day with her husband. To her surprise, a friendly face next to her responded that, yes, she was from Nashville, and would love for us to visit her church. The following day we were delighted to not only worship with our new friends, Pamela and Milton, but spent several hours sharing our lives and ministries. We saw their hearts and genuine love for people struggling to find their way. That is why, after hearing that they had written the book, We Survived Sexual Abuse! You Can Too, I was more than happy to be part of their journey helping those in restoration.

As a Marriage and Family Therapist of over thirty years, I have worked with hundreds of victims and perpetrators struggling with domestic violence issues. 'We Survived is probably the best resource I have seen on the subject and is a must read" for mental health professionals and those on pastoral staffs. Anyone who provides help to others would find this book helpful. The voices of the victims themselves give authenticity and will help the reader better understand sexual abuse. For any victims, survivors and/or offenders of sexual abuse, I recommend they read this book to aid them in the healing process.

Eugene (Gene) H. Benedict MA LPC-S

San Antonio, Texas

Introduction

What does God say about sex? God is the creator of sex. He set human drives in motion, not to torture men and women, but to bring them enjoyment and fulfillment (LaHaye & LaHaye, 1976, p. 14) within the confines of marriage. The Bible clearly and repeatedly condemns the misuse and abuse of sex. Leviticus 18:6-30 gives clear warnings against the misuse of sex. Romans 2:32 stipulates that those who commit such things are worthy of death (NKJV). The misuse of sex is a sin against the flesh that fulfills the lust of the flesh (I John 2:16), according to McGee (1981).

People who suffered sexual abuse in childhood often have no recollection of what happened, but they experience emotional problems that signal past trauma. (Donovan & Ryan, 1989, p. 25)

Child molestation is a rather vague term that refers to any sort of sexual approach to, or contact with, a child by an adult. (Offir, 1982, p. 405) The technical name for the adult is pedophiliac (from the Greek for lover of children). Whenever a child is sexually abused by a relative, the contact is termed incest.

What is meant by the phrase sexual abuse used in the title, We Survived Sexual Abuse! You Can Too! Personal Stories of Sexual Abuse Survivors with Information about Sexual Abuse Prevention, Effects, and Recovery? Allender (1990) reported that in addition to sexual contact, sexual abuse could be verbal, visual, or psychological. Any violation of a child’s physical/sexual boundaries is considered abuse. This includes actions ranging from very severe contact (genital intercourse and oral or anal sex— forcible or nonforcible) to least severe contact (sexual kissing and sexual touching of buttocks, thighs, legs, or clothed breasts or genitals); exposure to or use for pornography; and, even use of a child as a spouse surrogate.

Rich (2011) offers a more detailed trifactor model than Allender (1990) to describe what entails sexual abuse. Based on Rich’s model, Orgeron lists three questions that should be asked to determine whether a behavior should be classified as sexual abuse:

• Is the behavior against a person’s will, and does he or she possess the mental capacity to understand what is happening and to give consent?

• Is the perpetrator older, bigger in size, have more authority, or mental capacity to wield power over the person?

• Did the perpetrator threaten, use force, black mail, or use some other form of coercion with the victim?

Victims of sexual abuse are not responsible for the sin, as sexual abuse is a sin committed against an individual (Langberg, 2001a). Willingham (2001) noted that for victims of sexual abuse to carry guilt and shame over what happened is not biblical, as the abuse was out of the individual’s control. Allender (1990, 2004) also supports the premise that the perpetrator always carries the responsibility for guilt in instances of sexual abuse.

Persons who were sexually abused will find no quick answers, no easy cures, and will struggle with some issues related to the abuse all their life, according to Allender (2004). He described the effects of sexual abuse and what is necessary to heal from these effects. Allender identified powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence resulting from the sexual abuse as the effects that must be overcome on the journey to healing. Three things Allender pointed out that are keys to overcoming these effects are honesty, willingness to change, and a desire to help others. By honesty, Allender means not living in denial, accepting the damage done, and grieving over the losses. Furthermore, persons who were abused need to look at how they have harmed themselves and others by living out the effects of the abuse. The willingness to change may result in the abused confronting the abuser; although, Allender pointed out that confrontation is not a must for healing to occur. In some instances, confrontation is not possible. Furthermore, Allender reported that a major key to moving ahead on the journey to healing is allowing the abuse to open the heart to want to do good for others.

Yes, for someone to abuse a child sexually is sinful; and, the effects on that child are tragic. However, both the perpetrator and the child can find hope in the Lord who forgives all sin and heals all diseases (Psalm 103:3).

In We Survived Sexual Abuse! You Can Too! Pamela K. Orgeron, the Chief Author and Editor, a Board Certified Christian Counselor, an Advanced Christian Life Coach, and a sexual abuse survivor combines her educational and life experiences to compile a book that will be helpful to others struggling with sexual abuse issues and that will help in the prevention of sexual abuse in today’s world. She divided the book into six sections. In Section One, survivors of sexual abuse share their stories of overcoming past sexual abuse to become healthy, productive citizens in today’s society. In these stories names, locations, and other details have been changed to protect the survivors and any other innocent victims in the stories. By sharing these success stories, the author believes that sexual abuse victims will find hope and strength to face the reality, pain, and the work required to recover from past abuse.

Orgeron believes that prevention is always the best medicine for any type of needed healing or pain resolved. Thus, in Section Two of this book she includes information on and suggestions for the prevention of sexual abuse. The responses and effects of sexual abuse are highlighted in Section Three. Section Four offers information on the recovery process, including the role of parents, teachers, health care workers, and the church in helping an individual recovering