How to ask for help

Self-reliance is a desirable personal trait in most developed countries around the world: the self-made (wo)man; pulling yourself up by your bootstraps; Bear Grylls battling alone in the wilderness. The Western psyche is teeming with ideas and ideals — both unconscious and overt — that celebrate those who go it alone, reject assistance and single-handedly conquer, overcome and succeed.

But does this idea go too far? What damage is it doing to society and your own wellbeing when you prioritise self-sufficiency over seeking support?

The concept of mastering one’s own destiny was encapsulated (and perhaps bolstered) by the 1841 essay Self-Reliance by American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson. In it, Emerson openly rebukes the wealthy city men who expect their careers to be handed to them on a platter and praises the “sturdy lad from New Hampshire or Vermont, who in turn tries all the professions, who teams it, farms it, peddles, keeps a school, preaches, edits a newspaper, goes to Congress, buys a township, and so forth, in successive years, and always, like a cat, falls on his feet”.

From here, the concept of self-reliance cemented itself as a sacred founding principle in the United States, particularly