Summary of Dr. David D. Burns's Feeling Good Together

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book. Book Preview:

#1 We all want to have friendly, rewarding relationships with other people, but we often end up with hostility, bitterness, and distrust. The deficit theory states that we can't get along because we don't know how. The motivational theory states that we can't get along because we don't want to.

#2 The deficit theory states that we don’t know how to make love, and thus we don’t know how to have relationships, so we resort to war to get our needs met. The cognitive theory states that all of our feelings result from our thoughts and attitudes, and that we get angry and upset because of the way we think about events that aren’t actually upsetting.

#3 Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that when you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel and behave. It is not easy to change the thinking patterns that trigger anger and conflict, but it is possible.

#4 The idea that all of these interpersonal problems stem from childhood experiences is called the deficit theory. It states that if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may subconsciously re-create the same painful patterns as an adult. But most people who complain about their relationships with others don’t seem interested in changing their behavior whatsoever.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Apr 23, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669393580

IRB Media

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Insights on David D. Burns and M.D.'s Feeling Good Together

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 3

Insights from Chapter 4

Insights from Chapter 5

Insights from Chapter 6

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

We all want to have friendly, rewarding relationships with other people, but we often end up with hostility, bitterness, and distrust. The deficit theory states that we can't get along because we don't know how. The motivational theory states that we can't get along because we don't want to.

#2

The deficit theory states that we don’t know how to make love, and thus we don’t know how to have relationships, so we resort to war to get our needs met. The cognitive theory states that all of our feelings result from our thoughts and attitudes, and that we get angry and upset because of the way we think about events that aren’t actually upsetting.

#3

Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that when you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel and behave. It is not easy to change the thinking patterns that trigger anger and conflict, but it is possible.

#4

The idea that all of these interpersonal problems stem from childhood experiences is called the deficit theory. It states that if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may subconsciously re-create the same painful patterns as an adult. But most people who complain about their relationships with others don’t seem interested in changing their behavior whatsoever.

#5

I began to see how many of my patients were unhappy in their marriages, but were too afraid to leave for any number of reasons. I would ask them what they wanted out of their marriage, and if they didn’t want a change, I would try to help them maintain the status quo.

#6

The third option is to maintain the status quo. This is the most common choice, as people often complain about their relationships but still choose to stay in them. They believe that if they change anything, things will get worse.

#7

Mickey was a man who was convinced that his marriage was bad. He felt sorry for himself, and told himself that he was