My Heart Gently Weeps

By Vencitys

Madali lang pumili, lalo na kung gamay mo lahat. Lalo na kung kilala mo ang sarili mo. Pipiliin mo ang old songs kaysa sa mga sikat na kanta dahil iyon ang gusto mo. 'Yong tipong kalalatag palang, nakapili ka na. Pero paano kung ang inilatag sa harap mo ay ang mga bagay na ni minsan, hindi mo nakita. Ni minsan, hindi mo sinubukang pamilian. Paano kung kailangan mong pumili, at magdesisyon, pero hindi mo alam ang gagawin dahil hindi mo naman gamay ang mga pagpipilian na 'yon? I'd choose the things I chose the day before. I'm not going to choose the things I don't like. But what if I was given two options that I had never heard of before? What will I do? Paano kung... ayaw kong pumili at ayaw kong magdesisyon? Would a life be lost as a result?

• Language: Tagalog
• Publisher: Ukiyoto
• Release date: Aug 26, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005313425

Book preview

Prologue

He showed me the ocean. He informed me it was the world’s deepest ocean since he had already attempted to reach the seafloor. Of course, I didn’t believe him, as is my natural reaction. It would be impossible to reach the seafloor if it were the world’s deepest ocean. Because I thought the ocean he was referring to was one of the bodies of water. Little did I know, it was a feeling.

Paano magiging pakiramdam ang isang karagatan? Paanong naihalintulad niya ang kanyang pakiramdam sa isang karagatan? Imposible iyon. Imposible dahil kalmado ang dagat noong ipinakita niya sa akin iyon. Tila pinalamutian ng araw at ng mga ulap ang kalangitan nang ipakita niya sa akin ang karagatang iyon. Hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi ko naintindihan dahil magkasalungat kami.

Hindi kami nagkaintindihan dahil paangat na ako at siya ay papalubog pa lang.

Isang malakas na bagyo pala ang nakikita niya no’n. Habang ako, ay paraiso.

Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam na... nalulunod ka na pala.

Naaalala ko kung paano ako nagmakaawa sa Kanya, at sa mga alon noong araw na iyon. Kung paano ako lumuhod sa buhagin habang hinahampas ng malakas na hangin. Inakala kong tuluyan ka nang nalunod, may bangka palang sumagip sa iyo.

Sinungaling ka. Nagsinugaling ka.

I made a decision that I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I need to take responsibility for the decision I made. Nagsisisi ako. Nagsisisi akong ito ang pinili ko. Handa akong talikuran sina mama at hayaan ang sinasabi ng mga tao tungkol sa atin, makasama ka lang. Ngunit tadhana na ang gumawa ng paraan upang magkalayo tayo. Siguro, kung hindi pinilit, hindi na masasaktan.

There are only two choices in the world. Hindi puwedeng sobra sa dalawa dahil hindi tayo puwedeng maging gahaman. Pumili naman ako sa dalawang iyon. Sinigurado kong makatutulong iyon para sa lahat ngunit bakit ito ang kapalit? Hindi ko alam na ang isang desisyon lang ang magpapabago sa buhay ko. I chose this because I thought it would save both of us, but it made things worse.

Nagbanta si Chandni. Ngunit dahil sa tampo, hindi ko siya pinakinggan. All of the things that day were overwhelming. I was forced to decide to save someone.

Lumalandi ka na naman! Nagulat ako nang hawak niya na ang remote control.

Patuloy na bumabagsak ang aking mga luha habang nakaupo at sinusubukang lumayo sa kanya.

I had cuts and bruises earlier, but there are too many right now. Iyong ibang parte ay namamaga na dahil sa bugbog.

H-Harry… Nangangatal ang aking labi habang pinipigilan siya. Ibinato niya na ang remote sa mukha ko. Akala ko, tapos na ngunit nakita kong dinampot niya ang picture frame ng kasal namin.

Unti-unti siyang lumapit kaya naman umuusog ako paurong hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang kabinet sa aking likod.

I closed my eyes tightly. My lips are trembling. I tried to purse it, but I stopped because it hurt. I glanced at my hands, they were quivering because of the wound. May babasagin siyang inihagis kanina at nahawakan ko ang mga bubog no’n.

’Yan ka na naman! Nagpapaawa ka na naman! Eh, lumandi ka nga rin sa restaurant noong nakaraang araw hindi, ba? Pangiti-ngiti ka pa, pero ‘yon pala, lumalandi ka na! Dinuro-duro niya ang sintido ko.

I bit my lower lip but had to stop because it was already sore.

Tumitingin-tingin ka pa sa lalaking ‘yon. Bakit, gusto mo ba siya? Hindi ba’t wala ka ngang naaalala? sarkastikong aniya.

I-I was looking at Charry…

Anong Charry? Pati bata dinadamay mo sa kalandian mo!

Harry… Pagmamakaawa ko habang pilit na hinahawakan ang kanyang kamay.

You chose me, but you are looking at those men! Ako lang dapat, Saoirse! Ako na ang asawa mo at akin ka lang!

Agad akong tumango habang lumuluha pa. I was kneeling, trying to clear my name. But all he did was push me and curse at me.

I looked at him. Pilit kong inaalala kung paano at kailan kami nagkakilala. He was a lovely man before... He always used to smile. He used to faint while looking at me... He was kind. He was.

Opinions and different perspectives can change people.

Tiningnan ko siya habang naglalakad papalayo at ibinagsak ko ang aking mga mata sa mga brasong puno ng sugat, paso, at pasa. Muli, dumagsa ang luha sa aking mga mata. Siguro, mali nga ako. Mali ang pinili ko. Mali ang naging desisyon ko.

Naaalala ko ang awa ni Chandni habang tinitingnan ang long sleeve ko. Lagi siyang gumagawa ng paraan upang mailayo ako kay Harry pansamantala, na kahit minsan, hindi ko gusto. Ayaw ko ng tulong niya.

Muling nanginig ang aking buong katawan nang muli siyang makita. Sa kanang kamay, naroon ang kandado at susi.

Pasok. Tiningnan niya ang kabinet na nasa likod ko.

Nang hindi ako gumalaw ay siya na ang humila sa akin papasok sa madilim at masikip na kabinet. Ang bagay na pinaka ayaw kong pasukan at makita.

Harry... please, I-I was telling the truth, I said as I held his hand, but he revoked it.

Papasok ka o hindi?

Mas nagbigay pa iyon ng panibagong panginginig sa aking katawan, kaya naman kusa na akong pumasok habang nalulunod sa kalungkutan.

He locked it.

Unti-unting kumawala ang panibagong luha sa aking mga mata. I am already twenty-four, but I feel like I was just a kid locked in the cabinet. Natatakot ako. Takot na takot ako.

I cried more when I remembered his eyes.

My decisions are wrong. It all went wrong.

Hindi nagtagal ay napatigil ako sa aking pag-iyak at narinig ang asawa.

It was a client, hon. I was busy. Oh? Okay, I’ll be right there. I love you, he said softly.

Softly.

Slowly, I stopped crying. I am tired. I wonder, why do we need to decide for ourselves?

_

Handa akong makipag-agawan sa mga alon na iyon,

at dalhin ka sa aking paraiso, ngunit ang sanlibutan na ang tutol sa atin.

Handa ako, ngunit hindi puwede. Baka… hanggang doon na lang tayo.

Baka… hindi talaga tayo para sa isa’t isa.

Mayabang

Itinikom ko nang mabuti ang aking labi upang hindi mapangisi sa kanyang mga sinasabi. I feel like I heard those words, or should I say, quotes somewhere on social media. Pero aaminin kong magaling siyang maglaro ng mga salita. Kaya nga siya ang pinili ko, e.

I throw my hair dramatically, kunwaring nalulungkot. Mabuti na lang, nasa likod ko siya. Kung hindi, baka makita niya ang totoong reaksyon ko. Ni hindi ko siya kayang harapin dahil baka matawa lang ako. Kanina pa siya umiiyak at nang subukang tingnan kanina, napansin kong tumutulo na ang sipon niya.

He’s really sad about this, huh?

I was about to face him when my lips suddenly stretched. Dahil doon, kinuyom ko ang aking kamao at pinigilan ang ngiting gusto akong traidorin. When I could finally face him, I tried to calm myself. Narinig kong tumigil siya sa paghikbi. Malamang, naramdaman na niyang haharapin ko siya.

Nang nakaharap na, napansin ko ang kanyang mga mata. Tila may kung anong isinisigaw ang mga iyon, ngunit hindi ko na lamang pinansin.

Sabing hindi nga ako pang romansa, e.

You know, Shanne… I stared at him again. You are a smart and kind guy, but you know me. I don’t want to commit. Tumayo na ako.

We had a deal at the very beginning of this game. Sinabi ko na sa kanya na iiwan ko rin siya sa huli at pumayag siya. He made all of the efforts for two weeks. Two weeks lang naman ang itinagal niya sa akin at ngayon, humihiling pa ng sobra.

Naramdaman kong tumayo rin siya at humakbang.

I really like you, Saoirse. Please, stay. I’ll do everything. I-I know you like me t-too! he said desperately.

This is the part that I hate about clingy men. You gave them what they wanted, but they are asking for more. Siya na nga ‘ata ang pinaka matagal na naka-fling ko. Iyong iba, one week, o three days lang. It’s hard to dump him, masyadong makulit at ma-demand, clingy naman.

I licked my lower lip. I am losing my patience. I said no. Don’t force me to be with you, untag ko habang nakatalikod pa rin. Hindi ko na hinintay pa ang kanyang mga sasambitin dahil nahihirapan na akong magpigil ng galit.

Indeed, I liked him when we first met. He’s a little nerdy, but he’s also really smart and attractive! My heart and soul would undoubtedly be won by the brain. In my opinion, if a man is both intelligent and responsible, he is a perfect package! Gustong-gusto ko ‘yong natutulala ako dahil sa katalinuhan niya. Gusto kong mahiya sa sarili ko dahil sa talinong taglay ng lalaking iyon na hindi ko naman mahanap. If a guy uses his brain and he is kind, he will win me. It pressures me to study more. However, if he is intelligent but an evil one, I would dump him.

What on earth, Saoirse?! Tila gumasgas ang lalamunan ni Chandni sa semento dahil sa sigaw na iyon.

Tinitigan ko siya at agad ring natuon ang atensyon sa shuttlecock na nasa aking harapan, hindi nasalo.

I was spacing out, Chand. Isn’t it obvious?

Really? At this time? hindi makapaniwalang aniya na hindi namalayang kinuha na ang shuttlecock sa aking harapan. Ibinigay rin agad sa akin nang mahimasmasan.

I just remembered someone at school. Guwapo! palusot ko.

I positioned the shuttlecock and scourged it. Siya naman ang hindi pumalo dahil tumunog ang telepono. She immediately grabbed the phone while smiling. Tumingin pa sa akin. I pursed my lips disgustedly and rolled my eyes.

I hate waiting, Chandni, I said boredly.

She didn’t turn around. Nagtipa lamang sa kanyang telepono habang nakangiti pa rin.

You let me wait, Saoirse. You were making a face while staring at me blankly. You even smirked. Katakot! anito, nagtitipa pa rin.

Hindi ko inintindi ang mga tinuran niya. Sa halip, umupo ako sa tabi niya at sinubukang silipin kung sino ang ka-text ngunit agad iyong iniwas.

Hindi ko na lamang pinakialaman ang kaibigan. Pinagmasdan ko na lamang ang mga punong tila sumasayaw dahil sa ihip ng hangin. ‘Di kalayuan, nahagip ng aking mga mata ang mga kalalakihan na papunta sa aming gawi.

We are here in court. Maaga kaming sumibat ni Chandni para ma-solo ang court na ito at halos tatlong oras na kaming nagba-badminton. May mga sumubok na paalisin kami ngunit dahil kay Chandni, hindi nila nagawa. Her father is the Governor here in the city. Takot ang mga kabataan sa kanyang ama at nang umupo ang ama sa puwesto, marami sa kaibigan namin ang umiwas sa kanya. Nang makasama ko naman ang daddy ni Chandni, hindi naman ako natakot. Those people were just bitter and insecure about my best friend. Ayaw na naaangatan.

Oh... that’s Cervantes’ company, she uttered in a vigorous manner.

What’s with the voice, Chandni? tanong ko, pinagmasdan ang mga lalaking nag-uusap at tila papunta na sa aming gawi.

Naagaw ng aking atensyon ang lalaking ibang-iba ang suot sa kanyang mga kasama. Except for this guy, they were all wearing jerseys. I fixed my gaze on him. He has lengthy hair! My brows drew together. Hmm. Smells like a manwhore

When they reached the court, they looked at us and the other men walked towards us. I know what will happen.

Chicks, bulong no’ng isa.

The long-haired guy was dressed strangely in a cream-colored tee shirt and... a dog tag. I mean, I’ve seen plenty of men with long hair, but this weird guy? Don’t even bother. Parang hindi naman bagay sa kanya ang may mahabang buhok. May dog tag pa. Turn off.

Kids, anang lalaking naka-cream white.

Kahit na medyo malayo sila, hindi pa rin ako makatagal ng tingin. Ngayon lang ako nahiya ng ganito. I’m not sure why, but I feel so ashamed in front of them. Perhaps because of the strange guy. I was familiar with the other men, but he was different ‘cause I hadn’t heard of him before. I rarely hear his name.

Chandni, maligayang wika ng lalaking kausap no’ng lalaking naka-cream white.

I looked at Chand, but she just stared at the guy. When he felt that she was embarrassed, he patted his friend’s arm, aalis na.

They don’t own the court, Levi! the man at the back shouted.

The long-haired guy hissed. Napatingin ako roon, napatingin din siya sa aking gawi. I arched my brow.

Time is burning, Lev. Larong-laro na ako. Let the kids play here. Magpapalit pa ako, mayabang na usal niya.

Kumunot ang noo ko roon. Hindi ko napansin na wala na ang atensyon ni Chandni roon. Sa telepono na nakatuon.

Kina Giul? tanong noong isa habang sila ay naglalakad na papalayo.

Hindi sumagot ang lalaking may mahabang buhok. Humalakhak lamang siya at inayos ang dog tag. I’ve been staring and watching them for minutes. Habang si Chandni, wala na ang atensyon doon kanina pa.

That’s Reagan Cervantes, but he is known as Cervantes, Chandni said when she noticed my curiosity.

I cleaned up the mess surrounding us. She is not looking at me. I didn’t ask you, Chand. I am not interested in someone else’s life. I shrugged.

Nang mapatingin ako sa kanya ay ibinaba na niya ang telepono. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin. Ako naman ang hindi tumitingin sa kanya ngayon.

Cervantes is really famous in other universities! You can hear his surname every minute. Guwapo naman, hindi ba? nang-aasar siya.

I stopped cleaning. I looked at her boredly. If he is famous, then why didn’t I know him? I seldom hear that name and this is our first meeting, deklara ko.

I know my best friend; she will ask me over again until I admit that thing. Naririnig ko ang Cervantes, pero hindi palagi. Ngayon ko lamang siya nakita ngunit nagpakita kaagad ng ugali na pinaka ayaw ko. He will never be a dream guy. And if he is from another university, then why is he here? Malayo ang biyahe papunta sa ibang unibersidad.

Bitter ka lang, Saoirse. She smirked. So guwapo nga? pilit niya pa.

I whimpered. He is not! Sa ugali pa lang, zero na, giit ko pa upang matigil na ang kahibangan niya.

You’ve been watching them while they are talking to each other. Hindi interesado?

No, I said disgustedly. Sa dog tag pa lang walang-wala na. Come on, we’re in the twenty-first century. Bakit may mga baduy pa rin? Can he change his style?

She whistled. I heard he was transferring to our school. It’s great, right?

No one asked, Chand. And if he is going to transfer, he will suffer first. You know the rules in school. I flipped my hair and smirked.

Huminga siya ng malalim. Well, you are right. They’re strict, and his beautiful hair needs to be chopped. He is handsome pa rin naman if he has a clean cut, alinlangang aniya.

Natawa ako. Oh, Chandni. Your golden boy is not that great with a clean cut. I know it.

After a few minutes, I didn’t hear her annoying voice and shriek. I was about to mock her when I saw her looking at something, amazed. Namilog ang labi ni Chandni na tila ba nakakita ng kung ano. I was about to shoot the shuttlecock into her mouth when the loud sound of exhaust made me stop. Slowly, my eyes followed the loud sound. The long-haired guy is riding a motorcycle.

It’s a Ducati monster.

I pouted as I watched him ride the motorcycle arrogantly. It seemed he owned the highway, the way he rode and let the exhaust whimper like that.

Ang yabang.

Nakita

Nang sumakay na ako sa pick up, napansin ko agad ang gulat sa kanyang mukha habang pinapasadahan ang buong katawan ko. My lips stretched as I closed the door. Sinenyasan ko ang driver na mag-drive na. Habang si Chandni, nakatitig pa rin sa akin.

Akala ko dress?

Agad kong kinuha ang aking telepono. I scrolled through everything on social media that I had. Nilakihan ko ang aking mata bago bumuntong-hininga. Hindi pa rin tumitingin sa kanya.

I promised that I would wear the dress she gave me months ago, but we will go to Balite. Malamang, magsu-swimming kami. I can wear a dress, but I’ll just remove it and wear my bikini. Kapag ganoon, masyadong ma-effort at nakakapagod kaya nagsuot na ako ng diretso na. I’ll just remove my pants.

My absence silences her noisy mouth. Siya lang naman itong gustong mag-dress at mag-effort ng sobra. Gusto ko iyong mabilis na.

Darating si Clark doon, hindi ba? Hindi ka ba conservative? She eyed my sexy backless top in a doubtful manner.

This top is adjustable on both sides, but I am not conservative. I adjusted it more and smirked at her.

Does it bother you more, Chand?

Kung minsan ay napapatingin sa amin ang driver. Her driver is used to this kind of argument. Chandni’s family is fond of me. Gusto nilang nakakasama ko si Chandni kahit ganito ako. I mean, I am not a bad influence, but they understand me, especially when I have issues with my family. I wish mom was like that, just like Chandni’s family.

Fyi, Saoirse. We will go to Balite because Clark invited us. Obviously, he will be there and that top of yours will make him angry. Aren’t you aware?

Kaya ko nga ito sinuot. Maraming tao ngayon sa Balite and he won’t make a scene because of that. Mahiya naman siya sa balat niya, ‘no! Lalo na sabado ngayon, maraming turista.

I smiled at that thought. Oh gosh, Saoirse.

Pinaglapat ko ang aking labi bago siya sagutin. We’re over, Chandni. I ended it months ago. Siya lang itong hindi maka-move on. Just like the other men who go crazy for me. Although, I didn’t expect that.

Mas lumapit siya upang titigan ako. Not officially, Saoirse. You left him and flirted with—

With Walter, I said. I stopped when I realized I was wrong. Oh, it’s Wesley. I think they are siblings and Walter is the eldest.

Tumango-tango ako nang maramdamang tama na ang sagot.

What?! Nanlalaki pa ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin.

Why? I shrugged. I dumped them both and chose Shanne over them, I said arrogantly. Muling nag-scroll sa twitter.

I stopped scrolling and started watching the view outside. Napansin kong tahimik pa rin si Chandni kaya naman sinipat ko siya. She was wearing a kalley puff dress, her usual outfit.

A few months ago, she gave me one and told me to wear it some time, and I said yes. Maybe… tomorrow?

Inalis ko na ang paningin ko sa kanyang suot ngunit ibinalik muli ang atensyon roon. I’m going to be uncomfortable if I wear that dress because of its sleeves, but I loved how short the dress was. Bumaba na ako nang maramdamang tumigil na ang pick up. I roamed around and I am correct. Maraming tao.

Hanggang five, Miss Chandni, bilin ng driver.

Malamig bukas ng five, I giggled.

Hapon po, hindi umaga, pagtatama ng driver.

Nawala ang ngiti sa aking labi dahil sa pagkapahiya. I thought we would stay here for the rest of the day! It’s already three in the afternoon and staying here for two hours is boring! Napatingin ako kay Chandni na nakangisi, nang-aasar.

Dali-dali akong lumapit sa kanya upang sermonan siya.

Akala ko matagal tayo rito? Five ng hapon? Seryoso? iritado kong sinabi.

She squeezed my hand. Iyon ang bilin ni Mommy. Pag-uwi, magdi-dinner tayo.

I rolled my eyes at her. Tumakas ako, Chand.

I know my mother. She won’t let me wear this top na patago ko pang binili. Kapag may bibilhin akong ganito, nagagalit siya at agad na tinatapon. I saved my money solely to buy those tops, and she just threw them away? 

Tita knows you are with me. Pumayag siya na mag-dinner ka roon. Besides, she left your house.

Natahimik ako. I didn’t know that, but I knew she let me go because she had a reason. Lately, she’s been acting weird. Pinapayagan na lamang ako kung saan upang makaalis din siya. I know, deep down, she is hiding something from me.

Hahakbang na sana ako ngunit agad kong narinig ang nakakairitang boses ni Chandni na halos sumigaw na.

Oh my gosh, Saoirse…

I turned and gestured what was happening, but she was just standing there like a corpse, so I turned again to walk, but she shrieked again.

Don’t move! aniya sa nanginginig na boses.

I made a face as I turned to glare at her. What is your problem? inis kong sinabi.

W-Wesley is here! I-I saw him w-with…

Damn, don’t tell me it’s Walter?

I feel like the crickets are now surrounding us because she is just staring at me… like an idiot. I rolled my eyes and left her.

Mas binilisan ko ang paglalakad upang hindi niya ako maabutan. Nang tuluyan nang makapunta sa entrance, agad na bumungad sa akin ang mataas na kahoy na mayroong pangalan ng lugar na ito. Binalewala ko iyon at nagmasid nang muli upang makita kung sino pa ang mga pumunta rito ngayong araw na ito.

I pouted. Same faces. Boring. Tumaray ako nang marinig ang boses ni Chandni ‘di kalayuan.

Hindi mo ako hinintay! reklamo niya. I am just trying to tell you that Wesley is here with a girl. Maybe he is still into you. He could make a scene, Saoirse.

Umiling ako. He won’t. Trust me. I winked at her.

Muli kaming naglakad. My mind flew back to the thought of Wesley making a scene. Knowing him, he won’t. I know his intentions. He is not for long-term relationships: naglalaro lang. Well, I didn’t make him my boyfriend because I knew his game. T-in-ry ko lang ang ganoong set up. Well, obviously, I am finding a guy who fits my standards, and Wesley passed them.

Hindi naman ako pumapatol kung kani-kanino. I have high standards, too. Bago pumasok sa relasyon, tinitingnan ko muna kung tatagal sila sa akin.

They’ve always been who they are. Cool and astute. However, as time passes, they will become increasingly clingy and demanding, which may cause me to become irritated. Mostly, I play with men for… fun. Pero tinitingnan ko rin naman ang ugali nila. Kaya nga nalaman ko na pare-pareho lang sila. Parang iisa lang ang tatay.

My thoughts suddenly fade away when I see someone. I held Chandni tightly to tell her that we needed to leave.

What’s wrong? Akala ko okay kayo ni Wesley? takang tanong niya.

I nodded. Yes, si Wesley, pero si Walter, hindi! He just kept on chasing me! M-Maybe he followed us! bulong ko ngunit iritado, kaya naman tiyak na rinig na rinig pa rin.

Saoirse, untag ni Walter, galit.

I could say that he tried to shut down all of that madness, but he just couldn’t! Nanginginig na siya!

H-Hey, W-Walter. What’s up? Long time no see! I laughed awkwardly.

I was still holding Chandni’s hand while we were walking backwards.

Napansin ni Wesley iyon kaya naman agad siyang naglakad sa aming gawi at dinampot ang aking kamay na para bang ang gaan-gaan lang no’n.

S-Saoirse… Takot na bulong ni Chandni.

I looked at her. It’s fine. Y-You can wait there. I eyed the mango three.

No, she insisted.

Sinenyasan ko siya na h’wag nang magmatigas. We will just talk, right Walter? Yumuko ako nang tingnan niya ako sa mga mata.

I didn’t expect that I’d fall into this situation. This is something serious that didn’t happen to me a long time ago, just right now! I swallowed as I tried to smile at him.

Ginamit mo ako, giit niya.

I revoked my hand.

I didn’t. You know I can’t do that to you, Walter. I looked into his eyes.

He laughed sarcastically, making my eyes wide open.

What’s with that laugh? I have never been this ashamed in my whole life! How dare he be sarcastic in front of me?

He glared at me more when I was glaring at him too.

Stop with those cheesy lines, Saoirse. I already know you. Your motives and wants—

Is there a problem?

Agad kong nilingon si Clark. I looked away and sighed heavily. Damn, muntik na ako ro’n.

Walter’s eyes narrowed. He looked at me devilishly. So this is your plan? Humanap ka ng magtatanggol sa’yo!

Nagulat ako sa sigaw na ‘yon. Tiningnan ko ang mga tao sa paligid namin. They’re staring at us! Some of them were taking selfies, but it was clear that they were paying attention to us! Nakiki-usyoso. Animo’y mayroong pinanonood na drama.

You are making a scene, Walter. This is a big place, for pete’s sake! I said firmly, making my voice judder.

He snarled. And you are ashamed now, Saoirse Isla? his voice cracked more. This makes you embarrassed. It’s not a question.

Are you done, Mr. Espinoza? Clark asked irritatedly. Because if you are, let us leave. We still have an important thing to do. Hinila niya na ako papalayo roon.

And you think this isn’t an important matter? banat ni Walter na hindi na sinagot ni Clark.

I was literally gawking the whole time.

The short time we had ruined my day. Then how could I explain what happened earlier? It ruined my day even more: even worse! The people surrounding us were looking at me, spying on me like I did a really bad thing in this world. Humans are the worst of His creation.

I rolled my eyes.

The good thing is, Clark ‘the hero’ came, bulaslas ni Chandni. If he doesn’t come—

I’ll be dead, I cut her off.

I know it’s my fault. The first time I saw Walter, I saw the red flag beside him. I am at fault because my emotions got the best of me. Paano nga bang bumaba ang standard ko nang isang beses? Even my other friends warned me, and yet, I didn’t listen. So smart, Saoirse.

I glanced at Clark. If he didn’t come, it would be the end of the world. Clark isn’t your typical guy. He is mature, intelligent, and kind. He never turned me off—I mean, yes, once. When he became a clingy boyfriend, he let me end us. He is still the best one. His angelic face always suited him and his great personality as well.

You are not mad? I looked at my hands.

Why would I be, Isla? You are just you. Being you isn’t a sin. He smiled as he drank the alcohol.

My lips stretched a little.

Choosing him to be my friend rather than to be my boyfriend is not a bad decision. He can lead the right path for me, seeing that he is years older than me. I’ll listen to him more often.

By the way, what’s with the top? Nakatitig siya sa crop top ko.

I arched my brow. Why? Are you gonna meddle with my clothes now? We are done, Clark.

Since the day we broke up, he never bothered me with the things I wanted. Nito lang naman siya bumalik sa pagiging praning. If this is his way of cleaning things up between us, it won’t work. Never.

Let’s just drink, Clark’s friend offered.

Tiningnan ako ng masama ni Chandni at Clark. I crumpled my hands and sat properly. Wala nga pala sa usapan namin ang uminom. I mean, Clark and Chandni won’t let me, especially since we will go to their house for dinner. Clark invited us to check on me. I know it. Lalo na’t kalat na ang hiwalayan na naganap noong nakaraan lang.

He is here too! Chandni whispered in my ear.