Toxic Relationship

By Abu Sayed Zahiduzzaman

This book, Toxic Relationship: A Psychological Point of View, might give one hope, a sense of understanding and learning on how they should behave with difficult relationship. It will help individuals make proper decisions during difficult situations with people that they were about. This book covers various topics on toxic relationships between family, work, friends, and also discusses some of the theories that the author has developed regarding these topics. After reading this book, the reader will have a global knowledge of toxic relationships and hope to cope with them. The book will help the readers realize that they may not be the only ones going through hardships. The author of this book discusses various types of situations that can occur between boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, friends, colleagues, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. It covers relationships in details and also discusses separation and divine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504965316

Abu Sayed Zahiduzzaman

Abu Sayed Zahiduzzaman is 39 years old, and he likes to read and write. He has written two books: Schizophrenia: a patients perspective and Toxic Relationship: A psychological point of view. He studied at the University of Windsor in Ontario, Canada. He majored in Psychology and graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in the year 2003. He used to play ice hockey during his Teen life, but since he got an injury at his back, he has been skating only. Since a few years, he has been passionate about photography. He enjoys taking pictures of nature and beauty. He was invited to several weddings which gave him more desire to do photography. However, he still likes to take pictures of nature and things.

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© 2015 Abu Sayed Zahiduzzaman. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 12/03/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-6530-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-6529-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-6531-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015919915

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

About the author

Acknowledgments

Abstract

Chapter 1 Relationships in General

Chapter 2 Psychological and Sexual Harassment at Work and at Home

Chapter 3 Situations that can arise in a couple

Chapter 4 Abnormal Relationships

Chapter 5 Theories of Marriage and Love

Chapter 6 Separation and Divorce

Chapter 7 Religion, Marriage, Culture and Divorce

Reference

About the author

Now talking about the author,

Abu Sayed Zahiduzzaman was born in Bangladesh and immigrated to Montreal, Quebec at the age of 8. He studied in French throughout elementary and high school, and in English in College and University. When he was a teenager he loved to play ice hockey. He played for the PEYO in his youth (Parc-Extension Youth Organization). He started in Peewee (B) from age 11-12, and moved up to Bantam (A) from 13-14, and then to Midget (B) hockey when he was 15-16. He decided to stop playing hockey after a sport-related injury. Occasionally, when he has the time, he enjoys playing chess with his friends or acquaintances. From 1999 to 2003 he studied at the University of Windsor in Ontario. He graduated with a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Psychology in 2003. After graduating, he found a love and passion for reading. Since then, he has read more than 200 books. He was married for 5 years during which his wife gave birth to a lovely daughter named Samiya Zahiduzzaman. After her birth, he decided to write a book relating to psychology and interpersonal relations, entitled Toxic relationship: a psychological point of view. It is only in recent years that he has discovered his innate talent for writing. This book may be interpreted differently according to each reader and their personal context, but all will be able to relate to it in some way. Writing this book not only gave him hope, it also made him stronger as a person and a better man. His hope is that this book provides both enjoyment and a source of advice to its readers.

Acknowledgments

First of all I would like to thank my family; my mother Ziaun Nahar, my father Abu Sayed Nuruzzaman, and my sister Shibly Nahar for supporting me through all the hardships, in the past, and the present. I know I can always count on them and that means so much. My parents have helped me in various ways from a very young age and helped me through challenging times. They always encourage me to do good to others. They also taught me to be respectful toward others. I would also like to thank my not-so little sister who is always so kind and respectful towards me. She has grown into a very open minded and down to earth woman. Thanks to my true friends, for all the support, you know who you are! Thanks to my colleagues for always being so nice and encouraging, as well as my supervisors and boss for their kindness, patience, and encouragement. Lastly, I would also like to thank Khalid Hussain (Shaheen) for designing the cover and back pages of my book, Toxic Relationship: a Psychological Point of View.

Abstract

This book contains 76,771 words and discusses all types of toxic relationships between parents and their children, teachers and their students, between friends, coworkers, lovers and couples. It also covers relationships between animals and humans. This book will shed light on psychological problems that one may face on a daily or occasional basis. It also talks about psychological and sexual harassment at home and at work. It will also give a brief overview of theories about love, marriage and divorce.

The book will not only touch on various types of relationships, but it will also provide some tips on how to better manage oneself when looking for an interview and will discuss some reasons for why one may not be getting a job easily. Chapter one will discuss relationships in general, chapter two will examine psychological and sexual harassment at work and at home. Chapter three will consider situations that can arise in a couple. Chapter four discusses abnormal relationships, chapter five examines theories of marriage and love, chapter six discusses separation and divorce, and chapter seven gives a brief overview of religion, marriage, culture and divorce.

This book will also discuss a few religions and some of their characteristics. At the end, a brief list of questions to ask oneself before ending a relationship will be provided. Before making any kind of decision, one should think twice and ask themselves some of those questions. This can be an exercise to help confront hardships and find answers to personal questions. Instead of remaining in darkness one may find that this book will shed light on the path one should take with whatever relationship they are struggling with. They will thus learn more about themselves and their partner.

Chapter 1

Relationships in General

Defining relationships

Relationships can be defined in various ways and represents different ideas worldwide. Some see it as a connection, association, or involvement of some sort. Others may see it as a bond between two individuals by blood or marriage. Most people can agree that it involves emotional ties between people. Relationships can include sexual involvement.

The word relationship is pronounced [ri-ley-shuh n-ship]. Dictionary.com lists the following synonyms for the term ‘relationship’: dependence, alliance, kinship and affinity, consanguinity(2015). The label of a relationship can be applied to liaisons formed either by birth or by marriage. Kinship, similarly, denotes common descent and implies a more intimate connection than relationships: the ties and obligations of kinship (Dictionary.com, 2015).

This book will describe various types of relationships, and will include descriptions and analyses of romantic relationships of heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual orientations. Of course, relationships between siblings, spouses, children and their parents, friends, teachers and students, people and animals, cyber relationships, and countless others will also be discussed. The issues of separation and divorce will be examined, along with psychological harassment at work and at home.

Before launching into more depth on these topics, let it be mentioned that the relationships discussed in the following page are limited to relationships only known to humanity at the current time and age. In many years from now, when humans reach the peak level of technology, they may experience different relationships with alien or novel species. Earth is already the host to thousands of species of life, which suggests that this could be the case elsewhere in the universe. The past could not foresee our present, but our present emerged and grew from the past, just as the future of humanity will from the present.

Relationships start as soon as one is born on Earth. Mothers and fathers are given their child upon birth. For parents, this is the beginning of hopes and dreams and for the newborn it is the start of many relationships, some of which will be beneficial, some of which will be toxic. Welcome to Earth, young one, and congratulations to one’s parents for having chosen to read this book. The journey of life begins today as do relationships with siblings, parents, relatives and friends. How does this new life define relationships? There is an entire life ahead to experience, explain, and understand where one stand

Babies have important responsibilities such as drinking milk and water, sleeping, playing, and remaining clean. However, being infants, they depend on their parents to do all of the above for them - their main job is simply to cry or scream when something is missing. This keeps parents very busy, but also brings much joy to families. With age, relationships between children and their parents change and grow. Parents’ devotion to their children is apparent in the love and sense of responsibility they show to their offspring.

Birth is seen in various lights depending on culture, beliefs, and religion. Women can be venerated and seen as holy to some, while simply following a normal path to others. On average, it takes nine months to carry a pregnancy to term. In the grand scale of life, nine months is a very short time for a person who lives many years. However, time is irrelevant to the strength of the bond a mother develops with her child in that time. This phenomenon can only be explained by women who have experienced this.

On the other hand, the father may not always expect or be as open to having a child. The ideal is when both parents-to-be have the desire to have a child together. To be a parent is to take on responsibility. Most parents spend the majority of their time with their children - only a small percentage fail to show love and care for their offspring.

A recent study; Study of relationships between adult children and parents (2009) was conducted between parents and children and found that most experience tension and aggravation towards each other. It also found that parents are generally more concerned by these tensions, and that concerns are greater when children are older. The researchers identified tensions related to a variety of topics, including personality differences, past relationships problems, children’s finances, housekeeping habits, lifestyles, frequency of communication. Mothers and fathers both reported more tension in their relationships with their daughters than with their sons. A possible explanation for this is that daughters generally have closer relationships with parents which involve more contact, providing increased opportunities for tension to arise.

Relationships between children and their parents differ greatly from relationships between siblings. Bonds between siblings are lifelong and not as ephemeral as those between friends. It could very well be that for most people, their longest relationships is the one experienced with their siblings, as parents pass away, friends drift apart, and romances fade. Siblings also share the same parents, similar experiences and memories, common sorrows and tensions when the nuclear family is facing challenges.

Many families choose to build family trees together. This is a way to identify heritage and ancestry and to visualize how families expand. Family trees answer many questions, but they also incite more. Children may want to know where they come from and eventually may even wonder how their parents maintained healthy relationships.

Parenting techniques vary widely between families. Many parents teach their children early on to respect them regardless of age difference and discourage any negativity or harmfulness within the relationship. Parents choose to build positive relationships by spending time with all the siblings and doing activities as a family. Children ideally are always treated fairly and parents avoid favouritism between their children.

Celebrations are a way to make memories between parents and children. The ideal parents always seek healthy relationships and if any arguments arise between siblings, parents encourage them to work their problems out between each other. When negative situations come up between siblings, parents teach their children to compromise and negotiate with one another in order to find a solution. As children get older, parents should encourage them to maintain good relationships with their siblings even if they live apart. This is important as siblings are a good source of support when one is facing hardships, because they are so close to the affected person.

Of course, brothers and sisters can come in many forms. Traditional siblings are brothers and sisters with the same mother and father. Half siblings share either the same mother or the same father. Step-siblings are brothers and sisters who are not related biologically, but whose parents are married to each other. No matter what type of siblings they are, their relationships with each other are important.

Relationships with older people

Life is a challenge for everyone. Everyone is first born and grows older slowly, then suddenly becomes a teenager, an adult, a mother or father, and all too soon a grandmother or grandfather. Some may ask what is left for them after all that. Not everyone ages mentally at the same time, but everyone eventually faces similar challenges. Retirement, for example, can be stressful for some people. Some even go through depression or get various illnesses. As individuals age, they think increasingly about death. Relationships also change with age. Some partners face problems because of changing family situations, changing ambitions, or even because of hormonal changes (like menopause). Menopause in women can lead to confusion, boredom, and anxiety. Some women feel they cannot tell their partners what they are living, and struggle to tell anybody at all

For some senior citizens, having too much time on their hands can actually cause extra stress. Some seniors may have expectations from their children and can feel abandoned and upset if their children do not spend enough time with them. However, many understand that their children are also parents and, as such, have parental responsibilities. Of course, granddaughters or grandsons enjoy grandparents’ companionship. They enjoy walking, talking, and playing games with their grandparents. Some grandparents even raise their grandchildren while their children are at work or busy with other things.

Relationships with parents

Every individual alive have parents, some are fortunate enough to live with them and to grow with them. Some people however, may never have lived with or even seen their parents. There can be many causes for this, for example, due to parents’ death or adoption. Today, the case is increasingly that children are raised by one parent only. This could be because either the mother or the father left home when the children were young, or later on because the parents broke up or divorced.

Children may have different values or beliefs than their parents. This can sometimes lead to conflict or gaps in communication. Certain issues may be avoided to prevent the creation of extra stress. At home, parents are the authoritative figures; sometimes the father is more so than the mother and vice versa.

Parents almost always try to protect their children from unknown or bad situations. They also may influence them in certain ways to mold them to their ideals. The reason is simple, they wish the best for their children. Listening to one’s parents and discussing one’s values, beliefs, and moods leads to constructive relationships between parents and their children.

The recipe for a quality relationship is simple: be respectful, and disagree politely. Remain calm, and refrain from unfounded accusations. State points of view and be a team player by avoiding selfishness. Find many solutions to a problem. Use various techniques such as brainstorming too sees issues from different perspectives. Furthermore, think of the various outcomes of a possible solution. Be a good listener, use communication both ways, and remember that the best time to have a conversation is when all parties are calm and relaxed. Usually, parents are supportive and want to build good relationships with their children. Refrain from abusive behavior and be a good negotiator, a good friend, and a good leader with one’s parents or one’s children.

Heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual relationships

There are three main types of sexually-driven relationships: heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual. In the Vocabulary.com (2015) website, heterosexual persons are described as being attracted to the opposite sex. Boys who are sexually attracted to girls and women who are sexually attracted to men are heterosexual. Heterosexual relationships have long been considered normal in our society. Married couples or parents are usually imagined as being between a man and a woman.

However, being heterosexual is only one sexual orientation. Other people are gay, or homosexual. Our culture is slowly starting to accept that heterosexuality isn’t the only acceptable sexual orientation. The more commonly used word for heterosexual is straight, implying that homosexuals are somehow crooked or unconventional in society.

Bisexuality is defined in the Biologue.org (2015) website as describing people who are blessed with the inborn capacity to form enduring, physical, romantic and emotional attractions to those with the same sex and to those with opposite sexes or genders. There may be an individual attraction for one gender over others which can be fluid and changeable over time.

Relationships between teachers and students

The relationships between teachers and students are really important since they spend around 5 to 7 hours which each other per day and almost 9 to 10 months together yearly. It is really important that students develop good relationships with their teachers. Having quality bonds can motivate students to pursue their education further, especially among young children. A good teacher is always memorable. Having a positive teacher helps students excel in their learning. When teachers educate their pupils in a way that is enjoyable and constructive, they are well respected in their classroom.

Many children have different ways of learning and achieving their goals. Some may learn quickly, others take more time. This is why experienced teachers play such an important role. Teaching can be difficult when students do not respect their teachers the school rules and regulations.

It is necessary for teachers to monitor students in order to ensure proper understanding of the subject matter. Gaps in communication make teaching more difficult. Understanding the students’ needs and difficulties is crucial to effective learning. These issues may involve problems doing homework or confusion surrounding a subject. With respect and good communication comes a good relationship between a teacher and a student. This increases the likelihood of a student pursuing higher levels of education. Most of the time, appreciation for a teacher leads to appreciation for a class in general. This leads to improved academic performance. Some students even remain in contact with their favourite teachers after graduating from their class. In some cases, teachers become friends or mentors. The student may rely on the teacher for advice or further learning. The best teachers are always memorable.

14 types of relationships

There are various types of relationships in our society. The following list will be discussed in the following pages: toxic relationships, controlling relationships, lost-love relationships, open relationships, give and take relationships, past-time relationships, sexual relationships, unhappy Relationships, long distance relationships, difficult relationships, secret relationships, abusive relationships, one-day relationships and true relationships.

1. Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can appear perfectly healthy from on outsider’s perspective, but can be entirely different on the inside. For some reason, these relationships are very difficult to understand and typically do not last too long. Typical signs of toxic relationships include anger, unhappiness, frustration, and annoyance directed at one’s partner. There are many reasons why a relationship could be considered toxic, whether it is platonic or romantic. These situations can often become difficult and cause for sorrow.

2. Controlling Relationships

In many relationships, one partner takes on the role of leader while the other seems to follow. Some partners attempt to dominate the other and make them follow their ‘rules’. Those being dominated may not realize that this is the case right away. It may take some time to notice that ‘disobeying’ incites aggressive rebuttals. When the repressed partner realizes what is happening, he or she will likely feel controlled, leading to unhappiness and a sense of loss.

3. Lost-Love Relationships

Certain relationships are born of a sense of connectedness brought about by common experiences in past relationships. Sometimes, these kinds of relationships are referred to as rebound relationships. These are characterized by the search for a partner who will take the place of the previous one. Their purpose is to fulfill an emotional need. Thus, a new relationship is created by two people who lost past partners and who are looking for someone to love them in their place, and to prevent a sense of emptiness.

4. Open Relationships

Open relationships are particular and require both partners to be very open to one another about their sexual desires and habits. They may have genuine feelings for each other, but may enjoy have sexual relations with other individuals, with the consent of their partners. Sometimes, either one of both individuals seek sexual stimulation outside of the couple to enhance sexual satisfaction.

5. Give and Take Relationships

These are characterized by how partners choose to accept each other’s’ differing values. People in these kinds of relationships like to negotiate and compromise when issues arise. Both choose to compromise and keep the other happy giving and taking when it is time to do so. These relationships are based on mutual understanding and respect.

6. Past-Time Relationships

Past-time relationships refer to relationships that are not serious enough to be taken to the next level, but that are enjoyable enough in the present to maintain. Therefore, these temporary relationships are strictly characterized by their focus on pleasure. Their length is very unpredictable.

7. Sexual Relationships

Sex is an important aspect of romantic relationships. However, once both partners feel they have thoroughly discovered one another’s bodies, it can sometimes happen that sexual attraction fades or that the sexual routine becomes boring to one or both. Sometimes, some choose to have a partner strictly for sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

8. Unhappy Relationships

As relationships change over time, some realize that they are no longer happy with their partners. They feel the need to move on but are held back by how they fear society will view them if they leave their significant other. They can also fear giving a bad example to their children or want to avoid hurting them emotionally. A motive other than desire and love for one’s partner is what keeps the relationship alive, but this often leads to some staying in unhappy relationships.

9. Long Distance Relationships

Strong emotional ties, deep love, and a strong sense of connectedness push certain individuals to pursue relationships regardless of physical separation. However, this distance can lead to jealousy, insecurities, and suspiciousness. Some long distance relationships succumb to these factors, and others prove