Our sponsor this week is Tallo. Check them out! Visit our website, talkingtoteens.com, to sign up for our newsletter so you'll never miss an episode!It can be jarring to raise a tween. One day they are our cuddly kids, and the next day they seem to want nothing to do with us! They start saying our jokes are lame, our style is dated, and we just “don’t get it.” The tween years can be a contentious time for both parents and tweens. Our kids are taking the first steps into adulthood, and as scary as it might be for parents, for tweens it might feel awkward, uncomfortable, and lonely. Their bodies are changing and so are their brains. Tweens, in addition to developing more complex thinking, start experimenting with who they are. Hence why they might seem wildly different month to month, day to day, hour to hour! Tweens might argue more as the desire for autonomy peaks, and they might even practice lying. But it’s also an incredible experience for parents: they are witness to the extraordinary process of a young person figuring out who they are in the world. To help us untangle the confounding changes happening in the tween years, we’re joined by Michelle Mitchell, author of the new book Tweens: What Kids Need Now, Before the Teenage Years. Michelle Mitchell is an educator, author, and award-winning speaker who has conducted extensive research, surveying over 1,600 parents and 600 tweens, for her latest book. (We’ve spoken with her a few times before on the show about self harm and puberty.)In our conversation, Michelle walks me through the transition in tweens thinking, as well as how to talk to tweens about their emotions, confidence, same sex attraction, technology, body image, and lying. We will also explore how tweens and parents think differently about friends, plus the differences between concrete and complex thinking in tweens and how to support tweens in their cognitive development. Spiking AutonomyThe tween years for most kids are defined by a heightened desire for autonomy which might show up as more arguments, more omissions, and a general pull away from family life and toward other social groups. Fortunately, the need for autonomy peaks around age fourteen—it won’t last forever, and by keeping lines of communication with our tweens open, we can lessen the growing pains of autonomy. Michelle offers some insights she gleaned during research for the book to ease tensions caused by heightened need for autonomy. Michelle reminds us tweens are still looking for guidance from adults, but they might feel awkward about asking us. Just because a tween doesn’t ask their parents questions, doesn’t mean they don’t have any!Michelle shares with us the most commonly asked questions from tweens in conversations about puberty and sex—two topics the tweens she spoke with felt most uncomfortable about. Many tweens feel awkward about topics related to their own developing bodies. In knowing ahead of time what questions our tweens might have, parents can be prepared to bring up the topics if their teen doesn’t. At the same time, tweens will inevitably ask questions that parents might find awkward, basic, or uncomfortable. It's important to approach our curious tweens with compassion. Kids need to be taken seriously and given room to ask their questions free from judgment. Otherwise, parents risk sending the message that they can only handle certain topics of conversation. Keeping Communication FlowingThe tween years are full of experimentation with who one is and, let’s face it, a lot of self-consciousness! This increased wariness about others’ opinions, could mean teens share less with their parents for fear of being judged. And clamming up and self-isolating for people in general, but particularly with tweens, can lead to mental health issues beyond normal feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or sadness. If a tween comes to us with a big emotional claim, Michelle emphasizes the importance of validating tweens’ emotions. Even when a tween’s f