In Your Sons & Daughters' Shoes: The Mistakes Parents Make

By Ashley Aurthurton Massicotte

This book looks at the various mistakes some parents make at three different stages of their sons and daughters' lives, namely Childhood, Adolescence, and Adulthood. These mistakes are not highlighted with the intent to offend parents or to make them look bad - as the author is a parent himself - but rather they are highlighted in order to identify and suggest possible ways of dealing with, resolving, or even avoiding these mistakes.

The author's intent is to help make the world-wide community a better one for all of us parents, and our sons and daughters. It highlights a number of practical experiences, some of the author himself, hoping that these experiences will help others realize that we can actually make a difference.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 26, 2008
• ISBN: 9781467841047

Ashley Aurthurton Massicotte

I was born and raised in a quiet rural area named Gomier on the Nature Isle of Dominica. From the time I was small, I always had a love for reading and writing. When I started secondary school, I became more exposed to novels. I was impressed by many of them and as a result, I was inspired to become a writer. Although my first impression was to become a fiction novelist, life experiences influenced a change to become a poet. During these years at secondary school, I wrote and lost a number of poems and soon after I stopped writing. However, being an English major at Caribbean Union College re-inspired me to get back into writing poems. After all, it had been my dream, so I had to live up to it. Writing poems has now become a hobby, especially during the early hours of the morning – between 2:00 & 4:30 - when almost everyone and everything is either sleeping or resting. At such times it is easy to concentrate and to reflect on my experiences and also those which others have shared with me. I do not wish to keep these thoughts and ideas to myself; I want to share them with the world. My hope is that these poems will help change the lives and situations of many people of different types, ages and classes. I wish to leave a smile on everyone’s face; I want to connect with the world and make people’s lives sweeter.

Book preview

In Your Sons &

Daughters’ Shoes

The Mistakes Parents Make

by

Ashley Aurthurton Massicotte

V00_9781438904740_TEXT.pdf

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive, Suite 200       

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2008 Ashley Aurthurton Massicotte. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 8/19/2008

ISBN: 978-1-4343-9389-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4678-4104-7 (e)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Parents and Their Children Ages 0-11

Laughing & making jokes about misbehaviors rather that teaching the right way from the wrong

Allowing small children to make major decisions on their own

Using FOWL language when speaking to, and setting poor examples

Leaving their children’s teaching & training to grandparents, nannies, siblings, teachers and others

Not teaching them to respect others

Not spending sufficient time with their children

Discussing their children’s issues/problems with others

Blaming children when they

(the parents) should take the blame

Sex talk

Not planning for their children

Abuse

Giving bad / negative advice to them

One dad’s excellent advice

Parents and Adolescents

Section II: Introduction

Sex

Drugs

Giving lectures rather than discussing

Failing to follow up on rules and instructions

Saying I LOVE YOU but not showing it

Not allowing their teens to breathe their on oxygen

Money

Not teaching them some crucial basics of life

Parents and Their Adult Sons & Daughters

Section III: Introduction

Not realizing their role changes as their sons/daughters get older

Not respecting their educational and career goals

Trying to dictate their lives

Supporting them in wrong doing, and failing to encourage them to do right

Not giving them support when it is needed

Depending on their sons/daughters for almost everything when they can still help themselves

Trying to live their lives through sons/daughters

Conclusion

Acknowledgements

I must thank God for His guidance and insight, and also for the patience in writing this book. I also give thanks to my parents who I make reference to a few times in this book. Thanks as well to those who I interacted with – my family and friends – whom I observed for an extended period of time during my life and discovered, learnt quite a few things. It is because of their experiences, their knowledge, and mine that I have been able to complete this project. I must also express my deepest gratitude to Ms. Josephine Lewis, who occasionally showed interest in my progress - that was an encouragement to me.

A special thank you goes to the owner of Carpe Diem Publishers, Andrew, my friend out there in Australia, who gave so much professional advice free of charge – that I greatly appreciate, and appreciate you for. I am particularly grateful for the willingness of Dr. Mary Manz Simon in allowing me to use a few quotations from her writings – she indeed is not just a great writer but her writings also had a positive influence on this book. To the few other writers from whom I quoted, thank you as well. Finally, thanks to my wife whose side I would leave very early some mornings as it is my favorite writing time; thank you darling!

To everyone else who contributed in one way or the other, thank you and may God richly bless you all!

Introduction

PARENTS! Hmm, who are they? There are many varied views on who parents should be or who they are. In truth, people have numerous definitions for parents based on their experiences with their own parents, friends, neighbors and others in society. But does anyone know exactly which of those many views are correct? Are there any set, established, penned rules as to whom parents should really be? Well, how could there be when parents may be different due to their cultural backgrounds, beliefs, values and experiences? Parents should be parents no matter where they are or what culture they embrace. A simple definition of a parent is one who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother. There are also legal definitions of a parent:

a. A person who begets or brings forth offspring; esp The natural parents of a child born of their marriage

b. A person who legally adopts a child

c. A person or entity that owes to a child a legally imposed duty of support

d. A stepparent where designated by statute

While all of these are acceptable and fitting definitions of a parent, there is still more to it than what they state. The following encyclopedic definition is more suited for the purpose of this book: Parenting comprises all the tasks involved in raising a child to an independent adult. Parenting begins even before the child is born and may last until the death of the parent or child. Parenting is a part of the relationship within a family (http://encyclopedia.laborlawtalk.com/Parent#Culture).

There are many different kinds of parents in our present world. To some individuals their parents are their best friends; to some their favorite memories; to others a shoulder to lean on and probably even persons that they can trust, depend and rely on. Sadly though, not everyone is as fortunate to have or to have had these sorts of parents. To some their parents are a sickness, a headache; to others a memory of scars and pains; to some, aspects of their lives who they wish had never existed. But what seems to be the saddest and most painful of them is that to some the word parent does not exist since they never had the presence of a parent in their lives.

Communities and societies today are plagued by complaints and criticisms of parents, on how they are, what they do, what they don’t do, what they should do, what they should not do and more. This book is in no way a vessel of negative or destructive criticism, but rather a means of identifying some of the major and crucial mistakes that parents make, in an effort to make our world a better place. If you are a parent or planning to be a parent, do not even consider reading this book under the assumption that this is just another author who probably had a bitter childhood and is lashing out at his parents. No, he assures you that this is not the case. There is no denying that there are those who know very little about parenting and there are also those who know a lot about it. Beyond this though is the fact that no parent is perfect and there is always room for improvement. Yes, this is what this book is about: identifying the major mistakes that some parents make in an effort to improve the whole aspect of parenting, and family life on a whole.

Does the author hate parents? Oh no! Some parents are really wonderful. In fact, the author is a parent himself! More so, his parents are wonderful and without parents, none of us would be here to read this book. In fact, if there were no parents then the author would not be in existence and as a result, this book would not be published at all.

The book covers three main stages of life: Childhood, Adolescence and Adulthood. The author will highlight the mistakes that parents make in each of these three stages. Some of the mistakes identified may be common in all three stages; however, there are those which are specific in only one or two of these areas.

Well, what are we waiting for huh? Let’s get into this; let’s see what this project is really about. Oh yes, you are welcomed; flip this page over and don’t stop reading until you have carefully read and examined all the pages of this book. Together let us make the world a better, happier, and more peaceful place. If we have better families, we will have better schools, churches, communities, countries and indeed, a better world.

Parents and Their Children Ages 0-11

Laughing & making jokes about misbehaviors rather that teaching the right way from the wrong

Societies and communities, local, religious and political leaders, and all concerned citizens are struggling to deal with increasingly complicated problems and issues created as a result of unacceptable behaviors and actions of adolescents, adults and sadly at times, children. Many researchers blame these misbehaviors and acts of ill discipline on peer pressure and the negative influences of older persons in society. While these are contributing factors in many cases, they are not the only causes of these problems – neither of them can be crowned as most responsible.

Molding and shaping the mind is most effective and successful during the early stages of one’s life. The values instilled in a child before he/she reaches adolescence are most likely those which will be showcased as that child grows older and develops into an adolescent and eventually into an adult.

However, many wait until their children have reached adolescence to correct them or to show them the areas where they are going wrong or embracing wrong practices. By this time it is already late since children begin to adopt certain behaviors and practices even before they begin to speak. If one observes a child closely, he/she will realize that by the time a child is five, he or she would have adopted certain behaviors.

Some parents see correcting a child at a very young age as burdensome to him/ her. Many of them are fearful of not being loved and appreciated by the child if he/she is corrected or pointed in the right direction. One of the common phrases that one may hear from some parents is, Oh, he/she is just a child, there is no need to spoil the fun. He/she will grow out of it soon enough. Yeah? True? Most of them are sadly but truly mistaken. Whether the child will love them after being corrected should never be the concern of the parents. Their concern should be on preparing, shaping and molding that child for the future.

Not wanting to take correction is a very common childish trait; however, parents should not allow the sad faces and tears to sway them from what is to be their firm and true responsibility. Actually, some children are brilliant enough to show sad faces in order to prevent their parents from scolding or correcting them. Don’t let the sad faces prevent you from doing what needs to be done.

It is true that as an individual gets older, he/she has to make some crucial decisions that will determine the type of life that he/she will lead. However, children are to be guided in their decisions and in many cases, decisions are to be made on their behalf. Years before one is old enough to make his/her own decisions, parents should prepare him/her for these decision-making moments.

But how? you may ask.

Children would normally look to their parents for guidance, protection and the likes. Therefore, in those early years it is vital for the fundamental principles, guidelines, values and beliefs to be laid. These can be considered as the foundation of the children’s future. The decisions that people make daily are mostly based or guided by their accepted values and beliefs, and many of these are learnt while they are still in the childhood stage of life. In other words, the bulk of these beliefs and values are those passed on by the parents.

An extremely critical issue here is that of RESPECT. Often – especially in Caribbean societies – the elderly folks complain of the obvious lack of respect displayed by whom they refer to as the younger generation. While on some occasions it may be a case of generation gap value differences, it is true that the younger ones are less respectful now than ten or even just five years ago. What is the cause of this? In order to find the answer, one has to look closely at the training that most persons receive in their childhood years.

As I sit here in retrospect, I realize that my experience a few years ago is fitting for this point. Come along with me as we take a journey back into the year 2000.

It was the second semester of my first year at Andrews University Extension Campus-Caribbean Union College in Maracas Trinidad; some young persons visited an area in Trinidad to share of the little that they had. That day many of these young person’s hearts were touched and quite a few of them decided to temporarily and unofficially adopt some of the babies in that area. Although I was not one of those who visited the area on that particular day, somehow I was one of those along with my girlfriend at that time who adopted one of these babies.

Let’s call him Ronnie. Ronnie was only five months old when I held his tiny body in my arms while walking down to church one Saturday Morning. The memories of that moment will forever live with me. At that moment there were many thoughts running through my head. Ashley, are you sure you know what you are doing? What if you hurt the person’s child? Ah, nah man, after all I had a sister who was more than eight years younger than I am – at least I should know how to hold a baby. Boy, that is not the point. Caring for a baby especially one who is not even yours is a great and frightening responsibility. Don’t worry man, things will be cool.

No one was aware of those thoughts but they were there. As the weeks passed by, I began to feel more comfortable and then after visiting the area on a few occasions, I had made a final decision: I was going to do as much as I could for this little boy while I am here. Each weekend as we would keep him and care for him, that purpose became clearer in my mind.

In my home church in Gomier, Dominica, it was not a practice to feed children inside of the church building. So although some individuals fed their babies inside of the College church, we would always take him outside to feed him.