Love Before Fear

By Emily Aube

Love Before Fear introduces a brand new way of healing anxiety. Through spirituality and relatable stories, sufferers of all kinds can achieve permanent healing. In Love Before Fear, you will learn about your anxiety, and the reasons behind it. You will then be able to heal your phobias, eliminate your triggers, break up with your bad habits and release your energetic blocks. Expect to master how to love yourself, and your life, by shifting and training your mind to naturally choose love before fear. This book aims to teach you how to manage relapses and body symptoms for a lifetime. By reading Love Before Fear, youll be able to engage into your purpose fearlessly while simultaneously gaining the courage to bring your light to our world. If youre ready for a life beyond your wildest dreams, Love Before Fear is for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Aug 18, 2014
• ISBN: 9781452519524

Emily Aube

Emily is the founder of anxietyfreecommunity.com, an online community where anyone can learn, assist and educate about mental health issues and recovery. She is an anxiety-free life coach based in Toronto who works with clients from all over the world. As a recovered anxiety and panic attack sufferer, she has made it her mission to teach many around the globe that long-term permanent healing can occur through shifting our perspective from fear to love. When Emily isn’t typing very fast on her computer, or writing in her journal, she’s on a plane to California, at the beach, or talking with strangers she just met about their deepest secrets.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD

I t was 5:49 a.m. when I looked at my iPhone on March 18. I had been tossing and turning for hours in my bed. My mind was filled with anticipatory anxiety about a job I committed to taking before a recent surgery. My body was exhausted yet my mind couldn’t seem to shut off. I had dropped out of university for a semester because I was too anxious to cope with daily dues. I was now supposedly stress free. However, I found myself in the same state I had found myself months before when I had exams, papers, and responsibilities.

I had been accustomed to paralyzing, scary thoughts since being diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder at age twelve. But the ones I found in my head now were, by far, the most powerful ones because they were hitting a dead end. I did not feel as though my anxiety had improved since moving back home, even though I had reentered my comfort zone and had surgery to help a medical problem. What if my unhappiness was caused by nothing significant and it simply dragged on no matter what my circumstances were for the rest of my life?

Sitting up in my bed, I remembered a few days prior. I had woken up with a dark and hollow feeling at two o’clock in the morning. I cried by myself, half-heartedly hoping someone would hear me and save me from my own misery. I thought about prescription pills. It crossed my mind that they might be the only things that could help me at this point, and this did not sit well with me. I did not like how my thoughts were, in a sense, suppressed by anti-depression medication. A voice in my head kept telling me, But you aren’t normal; you’re never going to be normal. You need the pills. You can’t do it alone. I recognized my ego’s voice, and then I heard my father’s voice chime in too: How do you expect to be a journalist if you can’t even go work at a coffee shop? I cried harder. How foolish was I to think that I could write for gigantic magazines publications or interview very famous people when I couldn’t muster up the courage to go work a local coffee shop.

It was not that I was afraid to work at the coffee shop; I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to perform to the best of my abilities or have to call in sick because I did not feel well due to a poor night’s sleep or a panic attack. In high school I was criticized by my absences several times. Although this chapter in my life was over, I had a lingering feeling from high school that I was not correct in who I was. I had never felt like I was normal or like I fit in. It was not normal to miss so much school. It was not normal to stay in your room often or to be alone as often as I chose to be. Most of my peers were out partying every weekend, while I tried desperately to bank in hours of sleep to be able to survive my school week. I was always tired, but most of all, I always felt weak. Above all of that, it was fear that truly dominated my life.

In many ways, it was unusual that I was someone who had depression. I didn’t suffer from lack of motivation per say; I never had a problem excelling in school or working hard to get to goals despite setbacks I encountered. I did not let my academics slip out of my fingers even though I wasn’t always present at school. I knew this effort was crucial for a day when I didn’t feel so scared. I could have given up or took my own life, but I never wanted to. Why? Because the hope of the day I would no longer be scared seemed to live within me despite my negative thoughts or cynical remarks.

I have to be honest—people who seemed happy all the time often annoyed me. I did not figure it was possible to be in this kind of emotional vibration at all times. How did they not get affected as easily as I did?

I centered back to the present moment since I did not know the answer to my question. I looked at my phone; it was now 6:41 a.m. I tried to breathe—1,2,3,4, holding the breath in, 5,6,7,8, and out. I remembered a technique from a self-help anxiety book. What is my body trying to tell me? Why am I anxious? What is my life mission? How can I follow it? I asked God, the Universe, or my angels, whoever could hear me, to help relieve me from my suffering.

The air around me was still silent as I fell flat in my own company. I felt nauseous and a general sense of discomfort within my own being. I knew in principle what was wrong, but I didn’t know why I couldn’t just get over it. Why was I so scared to do something that was simple to everyone else on this planet? Everyone slept; everyone worked every single day. Most people did not suffer from panic attacks because of this. Why did I have to be different? Why was I emotionally unstable? And why could no one stop me from being so?

What followed was a moment of periodic self-confidence; a voice within me made me question if normal was an ego-created concept. What if there was no such thing as normal? What if I were to celebrate being different and make something beautiful out of it? I had no idea if it could work. My ego certainty told me there was no way, but what if it did? What if the voice in my head telling me to do this was right? I could already see myself glowing. Something right then and there shifted, in my bed in the early hours of the morning of March 18, and I will never be quite the same.

I realized that here is why: You know what I really want to do in life? I want to write things that will make people want to take action. I know that’s the best feeling as a reader, to feel like you’ve found your answer in someone else’s words. I want people to read what I write and, even if it’s just for a tiny little minute, feel like something within them resonates with what I’ve written. I want one or one million people to read what I write and feel like jumping up and down. I want their passion to be restored for a moment. I want to inspire people like my own mentors have inspired me with their words. So I decided that morning, with the help of this voice in my head, that I was to start writing. After all, it’s what I wanted to do in life, so why not start? I now knew the voice of my soul.

In that moment, I hoped that this very sentence would be in a book very soon, one that was designed to help you celebrate being different and overcome your anxiety—permanently. There is no normal in any other world but the physical world, a world that needs inspiration that comes from authenticity. It was with that that I got to work. It was now 9:46 a.m. I didn’t know what I had gotten myself into, but the voice inside of me was telling me that it was going to make me extremely happy.

CHAPTER 2

ANXIETY: A USER’S MANUAL GUIDE

D o you think you have anxiety? Often, the word anxiety is used very casually because we all have it. We feel it before a big presentation at work or before a date with someone we really like. Anxiety is a part of life, and in some cases, it’s a necessity. Say you are an attacker’s target. It is your nervous system that will shoot adrenaline through your body to give you super human powers for a period of time to assure your best bet at safety. I say super human powers, but beware, I am not a magician, and I’m very far from being a health practitioner or medical doctor. By super human powers I mean the capability of running faster, being stronger, and acting in an effective matter to fight off the threat temporarily. This is what adrenaline is supposed to do for us. This kind of response becomes a problem when it is being fired when there is no threat. When this happens, it’s called a panic attack.

This is probably the right time to disclose that all the information I will be providing about anxiety in this book is based on a personal experience perspective and not a medical one. However, don’t lose hope in me just yet. Although I can’t prescribe your medications or certifiably explain to you what exactly happens through your neurons when a panic attack occurs, I can bring you relief and hope. How you may ask? Well, with my own journey and by sharing the solutions I found to save myself. It all starts with this simple Anxiety User’s Manual I have created to understand anxiety from a relatable point of view. At the end of this book, I hope to have enlightened you and given you strategies to heal yourself from anxiety in a permanent way. That’s our big goal here: to heal you from this agony permanently. I must warn you, this is not a quick fix and it demands effort, participation, and a lot of self-reflection. However, if you are ready to change your life and to put an end to your suffering, I am right there with you. Shall we get started?

I have had a blog for a few years where I post about my personal experiences with panic and anxiety disorder, in hopes that maybe one or two people will read it. I do this hoping that someone will get slightly inspired and ask for help or start talking about their struggle, just like I did. One of my end goals with this book is to get a community of us going, one where we can support and educate ourselves and others. I’ve created a Web site where anyone from anywhere around the world can join an anxiety-free community. You can post your own stories, comment on others, or simply learn more about the condition you or a loved one has been living with. You can find this at http://www.anxietyfreecommunity.com. I encourage you to visit the site while you’re reading Love Before Fear, for additional tips or if you have any questions. It’s also nice to discover others who’ve been thinking or living like you, who are also on this healing journey. I’ve pinpointed major questions about anxiety that are asked frequently. I will be answering them by creating an easy-to-follow guide for you and your friends or family members who are interested in learning about anxiety disorders.

How do I know if I have anxiety?

Answering this question is simple. You most likely have felt anxiety at one point or another in your life, which is very normal. However, if your levels of anxiety are so high that they affect your daily tasks, this is when it becomes a problem.

What does anxiety feel like?

Anxiety has a wide range of psychological and physical (yes, physical) symptoms. The most common psychological symptoms are a feeling of being stressed out or burnt out; daily fatigue or exhaustion; and uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts as well as feeling worried, scared, irritable, or panicky. The most common physical symptoms are stomach issues, sleep disturbance, heart palpitations, shaky limbs, tension headaches, or chest tightness. Many severe anxiety sufferers will complain about feeling surreal or not feeling in their body.

It’s important to note that these are the most common symptoms. There are, however, many different symptoms you can experience, such a brain fog or dissociation. We will talk much more about different symptoms as we go along.

Do I have an anxiety disorder?

Chances are, if you have an anxiety disorder, you will notice it. It’s not a silent disease in the sense that it will not go unnoticed by you or your body. Of course, it can go unnoticed by other people because it has no physical proof, such a broken arm. You may look more tired or be more irritable, but if you do not speak up about how you’re feeling, most people will never suspect anything is going on. The best indicator of a possible anxiety disorder is incontrollable anxiety that is affecting your daily functioning. In other words, you will know to seek help some way or another because your anxiety levels will stop you from being able to complete your daily dues, such as work or school.

An anxiety disorder can affect your eating habits, sleeping habits, and work or concentrations habits, as well as your social habits. You may have trouble keeping up with a normal pace (your best friend’s pace, for example). Additionally, since your nervous system and immune system are closely related, it could have impacts on your physical health. Anxiety disorders can take a hold of your life and may make you feel like you have no control over yourself or your body. To get a proper and accurate diagnosis, it is imperative that you visit your doctor and share what you are going through.

What is an anxiety disorder?

There are six major types of recognized anxiety disorders. They are as follows, with a brief description. (Feel free to complete your own research based on the information I provide if you feel you need more details.)

Generalized anxiety disorder: GAD is present when your worry is excessive and maybe unrealistic. You may feel a constant feeling of fear over you, as if you are not in control of your life or your thoughts.

Panic disorder: Panic attacks are characterized by feelings of terror that happen without