Abandon [Relation]ship!: Get Off of the Relationship Roller Coaster & Attract the Love You Desire

By DeNeidra Harris

Get off the relationship roller coaster of toxic relationships and attract the love you desire!

 

Did your last relationship leave you feeling exhausted with nothing else to give? Do you find yourself becoming angry because you've wasted so much time investing in relationships but have nothing to show for it? Do you still secre

• Language: English
• Publisher: The D.Elle Group LLC
• Release date: Sep 23, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578950426

DeNeidra Harris

DeNeidra Harris is a self-love & healthy relationship advocate and coach. She has been a lifelong champion of women empowering women. It is her mission to empower women to love themselves in the highest regard, trust their discernment as it pertains to relationship red flags, and employ boundaries when interacting with romantic partners. In her free time, she promotes her platform as a lifetime pageant queen and creates memories with her family and friends. For more information, visit www.DeNeidra.com.

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DeNeidra Harris. © 2021

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means- whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic- without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and punishable by law.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

ISBN: 978-0-578-90974-5 Paperback

ISBN: 978-0-578-95042-6 Ebook

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Contents

Dedication

Introduction

1 There’s Value in Healing

2 Forgiving Yourself

3 Forgiving Them

4 Root Causes

5 The Secret about Secrets

6 New Beginnings

7 Do Your Work

8 Love Yourself More

9 Move Forward

10 Create Your Boundaries

11 Enforce Your Boundaries

12 Maintain Perspective

Epilogue

DEDICATION

Iam in complete awe of what God has done for me. I absolutely have to thank my heavenly Father, who I imagine gave me lots of glorious side-eye in my heyday but never gave up on me. I am so eternally grateful. Thanks, Dad!

This book is dedicated to every young Paula, DeNeidra, DeAndrea, Paisley, Nikkie, Brianna, DeNita, and Beth. And to all the ladies who are still on their quest for love.

May we never forget what we so desperately needed to know back then.

INTRODUCTION

Hello there! Thank you for purchasing Abandon [Relation]ship! Get Off of the Relationship Roller Coaster & Attract the Love You Desire .

If you’re holding this book, then…

You deeply desire to be loved, valued, and married from a healthy perspective.

You’ve spent X amount of years in relationships waiting on the promise of a ring, husband, or family, but it didn’t happen. Now you need to know how to move forward.

You are tired of the on-again, off-again roller coaster dating cycle caused by ignoring early warning signs and not being true to yourself and your needs.

You are looking to be restored after having been in a toxic, draining, or unhappy relationship.

If you can relate to any of these, then you are reading the right book. I’ve spent 13 years compromising and loving real hard in relationships I should have never entered into. The worst part is that I still did not get what I wanted. I’m excited to share with you the keys I’ve unlocked to overcome each of the relationship scenarios I mentioned above.

I can speak to you about this because I spent 10 years in one relationship waiting for my ring, a wedding, and children. Guess what? It didn’t happen. That’s right. I held out hope for 10 years. What I know for sure now is if I had acted in my own best interest to the early red flags and trusted the small discerning voice that screamed no and run, I would have made much better use of my 20s.

However, things changed for me in my 30s because Old Helen is GONE! This is one of my favorite declarations made by the mistreated female protagonist in Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman.¹ It resonates with me because it was said at the moment when Helen, the main character, told her ex-husband, a man who needed her help after he mistreated and tossed her aside, that she was a new woman. The nice, passive, and meek woman he undervalued was gone.

In real life, how often do we get the opportunity to be a part of rightsizing mistreatment? Hardly ever. This is what Abandon [Relation]ship! is for me. This book is an opportunity to make sure that, going forward, we are dating and in relationships from our most healthiest places. I’ve used the principles shared in this book to establish a new, healthy way to operate in dating relationships for myself. Where I used to be super flexible and endlessly understanding (basically accepting being treated any way), I’ve now established personal boundaries and been able to identify the source of my behavior. This has helped me to heal and require more from myself and others.

The pursuit of the love you desire is an intentional process. It requires us to be both vulnerable to receive someone into our lives and fully aware of what we need. This is then paired with the commitment to be true to ourselves so that we do not settle for just anyone.

By the end of this book, I hope you are able to reflect and see how some of your past bad experiences are the key to unlocking your future healthy relationships. I also desire you to feel empowered to take the steps necessary to heal and restore yourself to your full glow. If you follow this process, you will completely change the trajectory of your dating experiences and set the stage for rich, healthy, and loving relationships going forward.

The steps detailed in Abandon [Relation]ship! are designed to teach you how to get off the relationship roller coaster by learning from your past and attract the love you desire by operating true to your needs. You will be empowered to walk away, as needed, from unhealthy relationships.

After you finish this book, I double dog dare you to begin your journey immediately! If you do not identify how you can apply these principles to your life now, you will continue the circular loop of going in and out of nonreciprocal, purposeless relationships that leave you feeling exhausted, unloved, undervalued, unappreciated, and stuck. You deserve so much more than what you are settling for. Do you want to know how I know? Because you are in the same place I once was. Remember?

I want you to experience the relief I felt when I released the burdensome weight of my past relationships.

I want you to experience how empowering it is to be in a happy, healthy heart space and to walk away from a dating experience or relationship that no longer serves you.

I want you to experience what it feels like to get what you want instead of taking what you can get.

I want and encourage you to get off of the relationship roller coaster and choose to love yourself more to attract the love you desire.

I’m cheering for you!

XOXO,

DeNeidra

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¹ Perry, Tyler. Diary of a Mad Black Woman – Film. IMDb. 25 Feb. 2005. Web. 12 Jan. 2021.

Chapter

One:

THERE’S VALUE IN HEALING

In today’s society, it is not uncommon to go from relationship to relationship without pause. We see it among friends in our everyday lives and on our favorite TV shows. There was even a catchy song lyric about taking your man’s friend if he started acting up. We’ve been conditioned by years of influencing content to push forward full steam ahead into our next relationship without providing immediate care to our personal state of emotional well-being. Looking back, I can see now that I followed this ideology far too closely because I was a habitual non-healing relationship jumper well into my adult life.

In my early 30s, I walked away from a 10-year relationship and rolled right into (and I do mean right into) a new relationship with someone I should have never given my phone number, let alone dated. In hindsight, this was like jumping from a skillet into a frying pan, then cannonballing right into the center of an active volcano! This relationship transition resulted in what I would say was probably the most depleting two years of my mid-30s.

When I walked out of my 10-year relationship, I was emotionally broken. My career was on track and banging, but my personal life sucked. My hair and nails were not up to my standards. I had put on weight, so I walked around in baggy shorts and loose shirts to try to cover up. I imagine I looked pretty haggard. One day, I remember my best friend at the time coming over and saying, DeNeidra, you’ve got to get yourself together, girl. Then, she started to clean up around my apartment and insisted that I go get dressed in something other than baggy clothes.

I was in a really bad space. My belief that I was worthy enough for someone to love and give me what I wanted (marriage and a family) was completely shaken. I was so used to being disappointed. Whenever my ex didn’t come through, I was left feeling disappointed and alone. His failure to act confirmed, yet again, that he couldn’t be counted on. My relationship bar was already extremely low when Mr. Man stepped into the picture. He was a charmer, and his sweet compliments cost me a lot as our relationship progressed. By the time it was over, I was mentally exhausted, emotionally empty, and financially depleted (my credit card bills were racked up)!

Because I did not take the time that I needed to heal and