The Gift of Past Relationships: Learning From Your Past to Find the Love You Deserve

By Kristen Crockett

Are you holding your future hostage by focusing on your past? Single, married, or divorced, this book enables you to explore who you are and what you need by examining the factors and characteristics that are important to you in a relationship. Discover more about yourself, including your patterns, communication style, emotional triggers, and other aspects which encourage self-awareness and ultimately lead to a healthy and compatible relationship.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 9, 2011
• ISBN: 9780984691401

Book preview

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PREFACE

From the time that I was little, whenever we talked about love and dating, my father always looked at me and said the same thing, Make sure you find someone you are compatible with.

Throughout my relationships, I heard that comment so many times that I never truly thought about what it meant. At one point in my life, I looked around to find that my closest friends were either divorced or in the process of getting a divorce. And most of the other people around me were in relationships that were crumbling.

It wasn’t a coincidence that all of those relationships had one similarity: none of them had very much in common with their significant other. They certainly hadn’t paid attention to my father’s advice but then again, neither had I.

Having been through my share of not-so-great relationships in my teens and twenties, my father’s words made me analyze my past in a way that I never had. I looked for patterns in my relationships and identified the characteristics that I did not want to have in my next one. I figured out what I really needed to be happy and I stopped settling for okay.

It was only when I truly understood who I was that I was able to make the right choice for a partner. I finally got it right and met an amazing guy, but only after several relationships characterized by stress, tears, and bad choices.

As a life and relationship coach, I saw too many men and women repeating their mistakes and ending up in unhealthy relationships. I wanted to empower people to make better choices instead of allowing their past to make their choices for them. So I designed a workshop for individuals and couples to begin their own journey of self-discovery and find out who they are, what they need, and what makes them happy.

The idea for this book grew out of the success of the workshops. It enables people of all ages to learn how to embrace their past in order to view their future with an open mind and heart. This is the book that I wish someone had given me a long time ago. I hope you embrace it, enjoy it, and learn from it.

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING FROM YOUR PAST

As a kid, our mistakes, scrapes, and bruises pushed us to conquer our fears. Our scars on our knees and elbows taught us when to let go of the monkey bars at just the right time to make it across. And our sore wrists and dirty jeans taught us how to jump out of a swing at the perfect height to land on our feet. Falling down simply meant that we had to figure out a better way to accomplish what we wanted.

But sometime after elementary school, our fears took control. Our childhood monkey bars turned into adult relationships. We traded our physical pain for emotional scars. Our scrapes, bruises, and falls evolved into broken trust, bruised hearts, and unrequited love. Instead of being motivated by our past relationships, we began to dwell in them, repeat them, or avoid them altogether.

But just as our playground experiences taught us a lesson in perseverance; our past relationships grant us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our needs. Failed relationships can be a catalyst for change if we allow our failures to teach us rather than hinder us. We know what we want, by what we did not receive. We know how we desire to be treated by how we allowed someone to treat us.

Throughout the following chapters, you will begin to explore who you are and what you need. You will examine the factors and characteristics that are important to you in a relationship. And you will have the opportunity to discover more about yourself, including your patterns, communication style, emotional triggers, and other aspects which encourage self-awareness and ultimately lead to a healthy and compatible relationship.

If you are single, the chapters and exercises will give you a better idea of who you are and what you need in order to be happy in a relationship. Being aware of who you are enables you to choose relationship partners who are better suited for you and means you are less likely to overstay your welcome in a stale relationship.

If you are currently in a relationship, this book will provide you with ways to use your past to strengthen your relationship. It will enable you to understand more about how you operate as a couple. Whether you choose to complete the exercises alone or as a couple, you will be able to identify aspects of your relationship that you would like to improve.

After reading this book, you will have the necessary tools to make positive choices and be in charge of your own happiness. You will gain clarity on how your past has impacted your relationships, what patterns you have developed, and what you need to find the love you deserve.

CHAPTER ONE

THE NINE-LETTER RELATIONSHIP KILLER

There are times when something does not sit right with