Loving Freely: A Guide to Cultivating Lasting Relationships

By Alexis Thongdeng

Loving Freely is a refreshing, contemporary, and spiritual approach to building long-lasting romantic relationships.

Alexis focuses on the aspects of balance, optimism, and selflessness to ensure longevity in matters of love. Through thoughtful introspection and true-to-life examples, Loving Freely provides the tools to both defy the divorce rate and live a happy life that is complimented by a partners presence.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 5, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504916332

Alexis Thongdeng

Alexis is a happily married, mother of three, who strives to help others form lasting marriages. She has been married to her husband for nearly ten years, and together they have found many ways to create a harmonious life. The have 3 small children together and reside in Florida.

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© 2015 Alexis Thongdeng. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 06/03/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-1632-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-1633-2 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1    You

Self-Esteem

Balance Of Ego

You Are Your Reaction

Chapter 2    Early In The Relationship

Red Flags

Early Communication

Owning Our Past

Early Intimacy

Chapter 3    The Commitment

Moving In

The Home

Fidelity And Needs

Hobbies And Individuality

Chapter 4    Blending Friends And Family

Friends

Family

Your Position

Chapter 5    Fighting And Disagreeing

Money

Roles In The Home

Fighting Fair

Chapter 6    Consideration

Questions

Monitoring Ourselves

Intimacy After The Honeymoon

Expectations

Redefining Romance

Chapter 7    Maintaining

Communication

Listening

Trust

Being Flexible

Give And Take

Chapter 8    Navigating Problems

Lying

Infidelity

Snooping

Jealousy

Story Telling

General Attitude

Addiction

Intolerance

Chapter 9    Having A Family

Preconception

Self-Care After A Child

Chapter 10    The Bigger Picture

Soulmates

Manifestation

Chapter 11    Conclusion

Dedicated to Gee, the most selfless person I’ve known.

INTRODUCTION

If you find yourself here you are a lover, you desire a great love, and you are worthy of one. Love is mistaken to be a complex thing, when in fact it’s one of the simplest human capabilities. Isn’t it a fundamental truth in life that all humans desire love? It’s chemically written into our genetic makeup, oxytocin, called the love hormone. Any mother can tell you about the oxytocin experience and effect: sudden, undying, and unconditional love. But that word, unconditional, is what separates a motherly love from romantic love. The differences are conditions and expectations. We grow up expecting things to be a certain way, fooled by fairytales and romance movies. The good news is that real love is so much better than the fictitious stuff. Real love is deeper than petty romantic gestures, it’s unshakable, it’s ever evolving, and beautiful.

So if falling in love is easy, why are relationships so hard? Why do they fail more than fifty percent of the time? Why do lovers fight? There are so many unique and personal answers to those questions that will be explored in this book. Real, loving relationships aren’t hard, they’re actually easy, but not effortless. They involve thinking outside of your own needs and wants and focusing on the wellbeing of the partnership and your partner. You might be saying But I’m not the problem. It is important to remember that you are responsible for yourself in both life and in love. You’re responsible for what you bring to the table, for your words, actions, and for your commitments. No one person can single handedly grow or cultivate a lifelong relationship without the same contribution from their partner.

If you’re looking to fix someone stop here because, you can’t. You can however, change your expectations, your thoughts, or you can you start again. Sometimes what we think is someone else’s problem is really our own because realistically, who’s problem is it that your partner is not who you want them to be? The point isn’t to lower your expectations, but to begin with healthy expectations by setting a bar that’s attainable. We strive to love another human in a way that is gentle and accepting, not critical. You’ll find that loving kindness generates so many fruitful, long-lasting relationships, and loving kindness begins with yourself.

It is my wish to bestow upon you some lessons that are tried-and-true, in the hopes that you might also experience a love that is weightless, enduring, and long-lasting.

I once asked my dear friend Jen if she and her husband fought. Her answer was short and sweet, No. I didn’t know if she was bluffing, if I was screwed up, or both. It turns out she was being honest because now, many years later, I’ve found myself in Jen’s shoes. I’m unsure if there is such a thing as a relationship without disagreement. That would interfere with our nature to some extent. You don’t have to feel the same way about everything, you just have respect that you have differences. There is however love without drama, abuse, fighting, intolerance, and cheating. It’s a good place to be, it’s easily attainable, and it starts with you.

I am no psychologist, but