Picking Up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself For The Love And Relationship You Deserve

By Dee Simone

Picking up the Pieces will help you attract the love of your life and keep him. Because it encourages you to hold a mirror up to yourself, this book challenges you to face the reality of how you’ve been holding yourself back in your dating and love life.

The first half of this book will guide you through making positive, internal changes using strategic exercises along with tailor-made affirmations. The second half is comprised of dating advice that helps you identify what your Mr. Right looks like while you gain valuable knowledge that will help you navigate the dating world.

Coupled together, this will ultimately bring about the amazing love you truly desire and deserve. You’ll not only be bursting with confidence, but you’ll also be equipped with the tools you need to quickly weed out the frogs and live happily ever after with your prince.

This is a life-changing journey to a better you and better relationships. Are you ready for the ride of your life?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dee Simone
• Release date: Mar 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370143153

Dee Simone

Dee Simone is your dating and life coach extraordinaire. She’s an author, speaker, attorney, and certified mediator with a degree in sociology. Dee also writes dating advice articles for online publications and created Dee’s Dating Diary (www.DeesDatingDiary.com) to provide women with valuable dating advice they can use in their everyday life.

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Author’s Note: The author of this book is not a licensed social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist. This book is not intended to provide legal advice or replace any psychological counseling. Contact a local licensed attorney or mental health professional for legal advice or psychological counseling.

Copyright © 2017 by Dee Simone

All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced- mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying- without written permission from the author; exceptions are made for reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in published reviews.

ISBN-13: 978-1542566698

ISBN-10: 154256669X

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017901686

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, North Charleston, SC

Cover design by Damonza

Interior design by Damonza

For press and publicity inquiries, coaching services, or public speaking, please go to YourDeeSimone.com.

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Introduction

Chapter One: A Look Back – Your Past Relationships

Chapter Two: Drop That Emotional Baggage

Chapter Three: The Dilemma of Doubling Back to Your Exes

Chapter Four: Your Self-worth Matters

Chapter Five: Positivity Is Key!

Chapter Six: Who’s Giving You Dating Advice?

Chapter Seven: Let Your Guard Down

Chapter Eight: The Importance of Dating Consciously

Chapter Nine: The Necessity of Destigmatizing Being Single

Chapter Ten: Create a Realistic Laundry List

Chapter Eleven: The Purpose Of Dating

Chapter Twelve: Getting Ready For Your First Date

Chapter Thirteen: Optimize Your Confidence With Your First-date Outfits

Chapter Fourteen: Location, Location, Location… Of Your Date

Chapter Fifteen: Courtship Is Not Dead

Chapter Sixteen: First-date Protocol

Chapter Seventeen: Watch For Red Flags

Chapter Eighteen: Make Him Wait To Have Sex

Chapter Nineteen: The Magical Moment

Chapter Twenty: Maintain Your Identity & Value In A Relationship

Chapter Twenty-one: Don’t Treat Your Boyfriend Like A Husband

Conclusion

INTRODUCTION

It has become quite common for women to complain that there are no good men out there. Women are quick to date men who are wrong for them and who treat them poorly, but in the same breath they say, There are no good men.

There are two problems with this. First, when you date men who aren’t good for you, you reinforce your perception that there are no good men. I mean, if all the men you deal with are no good, then every man out there must not be good, right? Wrong! When you continue to date men who are bad for you, or when you maintain poor relationships, you jade yourself about the quality of men that exist in the world.

Second, when you tell yourself that there are no good men, you limit your ability to find a good man. This may make more sense if you think about it in terms of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, when you say (and believe) there are no good men out there, you won’t put as much—if any—effort into finding good men. Since there are no good men, why look for them, right?

When you believe that there are no good men, you allow yourself to accept men who aren’t good. After all, good men don’t exist, so you have to take what you get, right? But in actuality, your brain just wants to validate your beliefs in the real world. Your brain wants you to be right, even if that means having a life filled with unhealthy relationships.

Therefore, you have to be careful about the dating beliefs that you hold because they may just manifest themselves in your everyday life. Furthermore, if you want a good man, you have to better yourself, cultivate your confidence, let down your guard, and eliminate your bad dating habits. After all, a good man deserves a good woman.

About Me

I decided to write this book because I genuinely want to help women break the cycle of bad relationships and find the amazing love they truly yearn for. I majored in sociology when I went to college, which is the study of social behavior, but I just knew I was going to be a lawyer. I loved learning about socialization, social norms, and people’s behavior. Sociology allowed me to seriously develop my understanding of behavior and interactions between people. I had this strong interest in and passion for social interactions, yet I navigated toward law school.

Even while I was in law school, I helped women work through their dating and relationship issues, but I didn’t realize I was satisfying a deep, innate desire to coach women into cultivating greater, healthier relationships. It wasn’t until I became a licensed attorney that I knew my true calling was not the law.

I must say that I didn’t start out as an expert dater, but I was always a great learner and looked for ways to improve my own interactions with men. What separated me from the rest of the pack was that I quickly picked up on many key issues that affected the quality and viability of not only my own relationships but others’ as well. Ultimately, I made the mistakes and learned the hard lessons, and I hope that sharing my knowledge will help other women avoid as much heartache as possible. In discerning my true calling, I knew it was time to become the dating and life coach that I’d always really been. Now, I’m an attorney, certified mediator, and dating and life coach, and I’m eager to share my wisdom with the world!

About This Book

This book is meant to help women attract and cultivate healthy relationships with great men. This book is different from other relationship books because it seriously addresses the most important aspect of having a great, loving relationship—YOU!

You are the first step in attracting your perfect partner. It’s easy to blame men for your relationship problems, but it’s not easy to take responsibility for your own actions and choices. It takes two people to be in a relationship, so instead of spending your energy blaming men for your failed relationships, you need to use that energy to better yourself.

The process begins with acknowledgment and acceptance. You have to acknowledge and accept the role you’ve played in your dating life. You have to accept that you may be the reason for your failed relationships. Whether you’re picking the wrong men or lowering your standards and settling, you have to better yourself before you can expect better relationships.

Many women don’t want to hear that they are to blame for their unhealthy or failed relationships with men, but it’s the truth. You choose the men that you date, you choose the men with whom you enter into relationships, and you choose to accept subpar behavior from men. So, it’s you.

Once you’re able to take responsibility for the choices you’ve made in dating and relationships, you can then begin to make better choices and, ultimately, attract better relationships. If you’re unwilling to accept any blame for your bad relationships, the chances that you’ll have better ones are slim to none. Only by engaging in some serious introspection can we begin this journey to a better you and, consequently, better men.

The first half of this book will address the things that you’re doing that prevent you from attracting quality men and quality relationships. You have to make certain changes within yourself in order to attract and keep that good man you want. You’ll notice there are exercises throughout the book to help you identify and work through important issues. In addition, I’ll help you create tailor-made positive affirmations that will enable you to cultivate your self-worth and boost your confidence.

In the second part of this book, I’ll dive into my dating advice to help you identify and attract good men and keep their attention for the long haul. Although many women have a laundry list of things they want in a man, many of the items on those lists don’t actually address the traits or qualities that a good man would have. I’ll help you define what a good man means to you and create a realistic laundry list that will enable you to identify that man when you meet him.

By the end of this book, you’ll be equipped with knowledge that will empower you and put you in a position to attract quality men and have great, healthy, loving relationships. This journey won’t be easy, but what’s worth having never is. So buckle up, open your mind, and get ready for the best change of your life!

To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.

~ Simone de Beauvoir

PART ONE

CHAPTER ONE

A LOOK BACK - YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS

The first thing we have to address on your journey to having better relationships is your past relationships. But why? Why must we look back at those relationships you left behind? We need to look back at your past relationships for six important reasons.

You need to identify the type of men you tend to date and determine whether there are any repeating patterns in your relationships.

You need to recognize the poor (or even bad) behavior you’ve accepted from men.

You need to learn lessons from your dealings with men.

You need to avoid carrying emotional baggage from one relationship into the next.

You need to recognize and correct the relationship problems that you created or enabled.

You need to determine the qualities you do and do not want in a man.

With that being said, what have your past relationships been like? Were they loving or argumentative? Were they painful or comforting? Were they honest or deceitful? Were they filled with cheating? These are very important questions that you need to honestly ask yourself and figure out.

You have to recognize and be aware of the dynamics of your relationships. Only by recognizing what you’ve accepted and endured in relationships can you take actions that promote better results in dating, the results you actually want—the great man, the great love, the great relationship.

The Relationship Playback

After every breakup you should do the relationship playback, which is the process of playing back a relationship in your mind. It’s like hitting rewind in your head, going all the way back to the beginning of the relationship, pressing play, and watching your entire relationship play out like a movie.

When you rewind and watch your relationship play out, it’s different from what you actually experienced during the relationship. Why is that? It’s because you now see your relationship from a different perspective. The relationship playback gives you an opportunity to see your experience more objectively.

Have you ever broken up with a boyfriend, and when you reflected on the beginning of the relationship, you noticed red flags that you either didn’t pick up on before or wrote off for one reason or another? If so, didn’t you then think, Wow, the signs were right in front of me the whole time? For some strange reason, hindsight is 20/20. You have so much more clarity when you look back on a situation and aren’t in the moment.

The relationship playback is your chance to see all those signs that were showing you a particular man wasn’t a good match for you. You get to see the red flags that were actually foreshadowing the different problems that were going to come up. What once seemed like small, unimportant, or innocent things may seem like obvious red flags during the relationship playback.

This process isn’t easy. It’s mentally exhausting and can be emotionally draining because you’ll be reliving any negative experiences that occurred. Some people may think, Why relive the past? However, reliving the past is imperative because it enables you to learn and grow from it in order to move on to better relationships.

Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.

~ Lemony Snicket, The End

In chapter 8, I discuss the importance of trusting your gut instincts, and what’s great about the relationship playback is that it will validate your instincts and increase your ability to trust yourself. When you wrote off those red flags, hoped they didn’t mean anything, and were proved wrong, this should have told you, Hey, I need to trust myself more often and stop making excuses for men.

Embracing the relationship playback will help you improve the quality of all your relationships going forward. If you’ve never done the relationship playback, make a commitment to yourself today that you’ll start doing it after every breakup or failed dating attempt. The wisdom you gain from it is well worth the effort.

Exercise #1

To help you gain more clarity on your past relationships, I’d like you to do an exercise on some sheets of paper. We’ll be doing exercises throughout the first half of the book, so you’ll need to grab several sheets of paper at once or even a new, clean notebook that you can dedicate to these exercises. You’ll need to refer back to some of these exercises later in the book, so please don’t throw away your papers after any exercises.

For your first exercise, I want you to make a list of ALL your past relationships, whether they were officially a relationship or not. You should also include men that you dated for more than two months or any men that had a significant impact on you regardless of the length of time you dated.

To make this list, you’re going to write down every boyfriend’s name on a separate piece of paper. Under each man’s name, you’re going to write some things down about him and the relationship you had with him. Don’t worry—I’m going to walk you through this step-by-step. Please note that when you answer the questions below, I want you to elaborate on each answer unless it can be sufficiently explained with one or two words.

I want you to address how you met. Who approached whom first? What was the conversation like? What was said?

Describe how he treated you when you initially met and during the relationship. Was he considerate, attentive, uncaring, or selfish?

Write down how he made you feel throughout the relationship. Did he genuinely make you happy? Did he make you feel insecure or self-conscious? Did you feel like you didn’t have his attention? Did he make you feel stupid, small, or replaceable? If he made you feel insecure about yourself, explain exactly what he did to make you feel that way.

Describe his good and bad behavior in the relationship. Was he emotionally supportive? Emotionally unavailable? Did he cheat on you? Write down the positive and negative aspects of the relationship.

Who was the pursuer in the relationship? Who did most of the calling and texting? Who did most of the asking out?

How long did the relationship last?

Write it all down! But make sure you leave some space after each ex because we’ll come back to this list.

Once you’ve finished compiling your list, I