How Did She Get Him? Become Girlfriend Material & Ditch the One Night Stand or Friend Zone Label

By Stacy Freeman

Get the Love and Commitment You Really Seek

Ever wonder why certain women consistently attract quality boyfriends? What makes them so special? And why are you forever single despite having as much, if not more, to offer?
Stop scratching your head, asking “Why not me?” The secret to landing men is convincing them you’re girlfriend material, and for some reason, you’re just not doing that.

The good news is there’s hope. Anyone can become girlfriend material with the proper insight. It’s time to open your eyes to exactly what men look for in a girlfriend, and how you’re misrepresenting and sabotaging yourself.

By the end of this book you’ll be able to:
•Clearly communicate high value so he’ll eagerly swoop you off the market
•Crush first impressions or change a guy’s minor opinion of you
•Exude a playful, exciting, and cool personality that make men salivate
•Identify unappealing traits and thoughts, and squash them before they squash you
•Stop getting used for sex, friend zoned, or strung along for a ride

If you’re finally ready to leave the single life behind and light a fire under the man you want to give you the title you deserve, let’s begin!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stacy Freeman
• Release date: Aug 17, 2017

Stacy Freeman

Stacy Freedman is a best-selling author who empowers women with honest, helpful advice about important, and sometimes taboo, matters of the heart. Her book like The Friends With Benefits Rulebook, and How did SHE Get HIM? have given countless women their dignity and pride back. When not writing books or blogging, she can be found on all the popular social media sites @stacyfreedman.

Book preview

HOW DID SHE GET HIM?

HOW DID SHE GET HIM?

become girlfriend material & ditch the one night stand or friend zone label

Stacy Freedman

Author of The Friends With Benefits Rulebook and Wear the Pussy in your Relationship

Copyright © 2017 by Stacy Freedman

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Published by: FutureMe Publishing

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional advice. If professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

– From a Declaration of Principles jointed adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations.

Printed in the United States of America.

First Printing, 2017

www.StacyFreedman.com

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

Always a Girlfriend

Girlfriend vs Wife Material

Book Structure

SECTION I – Look Like a Girlfriend

The First Impression

Physical Attraction

Best Face Forward

Damage Control

SECTION II – Act Like a Girlfriend

The Cool Girl

School Yard Games

Drama, Drama, Drama

Good Influence

Be Trustworthy

Preserve Some Mystery

What’s your Intention?

Have Options

Push and Pull

Friends and Family

Be Exciting

Let’s Talk About Sex

SECTION III – Talk Like a Girlfriend

Sell Yourself

One of the Boys

The Sound of Silence

Say What You Want

Communication is Key

P is for Passion

Make Him feel Good

SECTION IV – Think Like a Girlfriend

Be Confident

High Self-Esteem

The Thought That Counts

Cater to Him

Think Different

Be Realistic

What YOU Really Want

SECTION V– Walk Like a Girlfriend

High Value

Dating Apps

Innuendos

Free Agent

Recognize Game

Fold ‘Em

Go Get Him

SECTION V– Addendum

Thank You

Introduction

Nothing sucks more than wanting to be in a committed and serious relationship with a man you find attractive and think you would be compatible with, only to end up with string after string of dead end hookups, slow fades, or outright blow-offs. You can’t help but feel confused, used, and rejected, and questions like, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ ‘Why do I keep attracting these type of men?’ and Why won’t guys see me for more than sex? are bound to crop up after a litany of non-starter relationships.

Let your friends, sisters, cousins and mom tell it, it’s not your fault! You’re a perfect, wonderful catch who can do no wrong. The problem lies in men; they have commitment issues and are obtuse for not seeing all the amazing qualities you have to offer.

I hate to break it to you, but while there are lots of commitment-phobic guys only looking to get laid out there, many men are open to being in a relationship and would not hesitate to do so if the right woman came along.

Look, your friends and family mean well when they try to protect your feelings by absolving you of any blame, but what good does that do to get you out of your rut and where you want to be? Luckily, I’m not here to sugar coat things or tell you what you want to hear. If you really want helpful answers, you’ve got to ask the right people the right and often hard questions—single men and objective women in serious relationships.

For example, what’s the common denominator between you and the men you’ve dated that won’t commit? The hard answer is, you. Could it be that something about you is preventing guys from wanting to date you seriously? The real answer is, yes. What are the women who have no trouble becoming girlfriends doing right? The multi-faceted answers are all revealed in the pages of this book.

But first, perhaps we should start with the most pressing question given the title of this book, since you can’t strive to be something you can’t define: What does it mean to be girlfriend material? You wouldn’t think the answer would be complicated or difficult but it is to a lot of folks. Quite simply, girlfriend material means being the type of woman that men want to enter meaningful, exclusive relationships with. Essentially, it’s when a woman possesses certain qualities that make it easy for her to be envisioned as a viable partner.

Amazingly, a lot of people take issue with the term or vociferously disagree with it for a variety reasons: they say it promotes not being yourself; different people look for different qualities in their partner making the term devoid of universality and therefore null; it’s sexist because it promotes women aspiring to appeal to men; and, it implies some women are capable of not being girlfriend material.

Off the bat, I want to stress that while it may offend some people and disappoint others, many of the implications are fair points that carry some truth to them. The reality is that some women scare guys off faster than my cat attacking a new ball of string. They act, look, say, and think in a manner that project a message to men as clear and bold as a Stop, Do Not Enter (a relationship with me) sign, and the smart guys take heed.

Such women give off a bad girlfriend vibe to the men they date, and therefore will never graduate to the next level of a relationship. If being yourself means you exhibit undesirable qualities according to your guy, then don’t hold your breath waiting for the label you seek. I’ll spare you the old adage of the definition of insanity, and just say that sometimes a change will do you good.

Now, the ditch the labels police make a fine point when they intimate that the precise qualities each person looks for in a significant other isn’t identical. Obviously, some people value certain things more than others. However, there are core indicators and sticking points that matter to both genders regardless of nationality, religion, or creed—nobody wants an unfaithful or abusive partner, am I right? Clearly, these are topics worth exploring as your track record with men may hinge on you coming up short in one of these core areas.

That being said, it should be stressed that while there is overlap with the base stuff good relationships are built on, men and women tend to prioritize different things in relationships. Thusly, we have popular sayings like ‘men look for sex and women look for love’.

This is the reason "How Did She Get Him" is geared towards women and not all genders—not because I am being sexist and letting guys off the hook for meeting certain standards to be considered boyfriend worthy. That’s simply a book for another day. Besides, most men are the ones tasked with asking women out, making them the deciding factor for a relationship to develop into something serious or not. Therefore, wanting to appeal to men, the primary initiators of most serious relationships, makes perfect sense.

Furthermore, you’d have to be crazy to think men don’t face the same hurdles and judgment for finding a partner that women do. Surely, you’ve encountered guys you would classify as boyfriend material, and conversely, not boyfriend material. So you see, neither gender is playing to win this game called finding love alone.

To address the criticism that being girlfriend material is problematic because it implies some women are inherently not, let me just point out that every one of you reading this can probably think of at least one guy you could pull if you wanted (or were willing to lower your standards). Therefore, technically every woman is girlfriend material to someone out there.

However, it’s safe to assume most women don’t want to just be the girl of a random someone; they want to be the girl of a cute, funny, amazing guy who makes them excited and weak in the knees. Therein lies the problem: the guys they want to seriously date do not reciprocate their feelings.

I say all of that to say, yes some women are seen as girlfriend material to the men they want, who are the only ones that count, and others are not—quite yet. Focusing on the fact that all women can be in relationships with random unwanted guys isn’t particularly helpful to anyone. At the end of the day, term there must be mutual attraction and desire from both parties for a relationship to work long term.

The good news is any woman can become girlfriend material to the man she actually wants to attract—it’s a learned set of skills and behaviors that I promise you will know how to harness by the end of this book. Yes, it may mean evaluating and changing, because you obviously can’t change anyone but yourself. Again, there’s nothing wrong with change when it’s for the better.

If you choose to follow my advice, be prepared to finally get what you’ve been longing for, what you have until now only been able to admire from the outside: a man that not only wants to sleep with or date you shortly before disappearing—but one that will love, cherish and bestow upon you the title of his girlfriend, may he be so lucky!

Always a Girlfriend

It wasn’t until 2012 that I knew what it was like to feel as though I was not girlfriend material. Before then, I could never relate to being used for a one night stand, being led on only for sex, being with guys who were totally not into me, or being the pursuer instead of the pursued.

You see I am what you might call a serial monogamist; all my life I have had boyfriends—the majority lasting for a few years at a time. There were short bouts of singledom between relationships, but they never lasted very long. Guys I met and fancies wanted to enter long-term, serious, relationships with me pretty quickly after meeting me, so my reality was that getting a boyfriend was a piece of cake. If anything, I found myself being the elusive girl that did not want to be tied down and would often end up in committed relationships despite my initial best efforts to be single and fancy free.

In retrospect, I attribute my knack for conquering the dating world to having a lot going on. I have always been business minded and cannot remember a time I was not immersed in a project. Additionally, since I thought that I had a lot to offer, I was confident that any man would be lucky to have me, so I was never desperate for a single guy to be into me and it showed through in my dress, speech, and my actions.

I realize this might seem to support the old standby dating advice of love only coming along when you are not looking or least expect it, but that is not the point that I want you to take away. There were guys who I found attractive, and I can remember meeting certain guys and wanting them to be my boyfriend; I looked and the guys I looked at returned my advances, so it all worked out swimmingly—in terms of entering and maintaining a decent length relationship, that is.

To be clear, it’s not like the guys I would end up dating were chopped liver. Surely if one has no standards at all, securing a boyfriend can be pretty easy and straightforward to do. As discussed though, most girls don’t just want any old body. My boyfriends have always been quality guys with a lot going on for them as well: looks, height, humor, ambition, and brains. I’ve always been attracted to smart men and would encourage other women to screen for that quality as well.

I can remember having a boyfriend as far back as elementary school. Now obviously, elementary school relationships are nothing serious and worth writing home about—although there are some couples out there whose playground romance are still going strong. Nicholas White (yes, I still remember his name) was totally in love with me and wanted to be my one and only the tender age of ten.

He was one of the taller boys in school, on the fast tract to becoming the school’s valedictorian, handsome, and came from a very good family, with its nucleus still in tact. He pursued me with much valor, and finally succeeded in winning me over with his love letters, phone calls, and lunch dates in the cafeteria. I can recall him bringing his father over to my house to meet my parents and we couldn’t have been more than 11 or so at the time since this was in the fifth grade. That’s what I call good pickings!

My first noteworthy boyfriend came my sophomore year of high school. I met T in history class of my picturesque school in New England. I happened to sit down at his table since it was the only open seat besides the one next to the not so pleasant smelling kid who mumbled to himself and doodled pictures of roller coasters constantly.

T was a laid back guy with freckles, bright blue eyes and sandy brown/blonde hair. He was easy to be around and had the friendliest demeanor, as well as the widest smile, with perfectly straight teeth, I had ever seen. This made it very easy and comforting to be around him.

I had no idea of my future beau’s intentions towards me until one day he asked to walk me home completely out of the blue. Well, mama didn’t raise no fool! That one action was enough to put him on my radar and out of the ‘friend only’ box, into prospective boyfriend box. From that day forward, we would exchange shy glances whenever we’d see each other and flirt and meet for breakfast every morning, but I considered myself a free agent since he hadn’t made a move to officially ask me out. When one month went by and it was clear we were into each other but no title was forthcoming, I set my sights elsewhere and informed him of such without demanding anything of him.

A few days later, T was able to work up the courage to issue an official request and we proudly proclaimed to the world our new relationship status of boyfriend and girlfriend to our friends. When two years later our relationship would come to an end because he had transferred to a new school and we were long distance, I had a new boyfriend by the end of the week. That may sound fast, but

Reviews for How Did She Get Him? Become Girlfriend Material & Ditch the One Night Stand or Friend Zone Label

[shannon Hardy · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

this book changed my life for the better. loved it