Mindful Love: A Practical Guide for Healing Yourself, Finding the Love of Your Life & Maintaining a Healthy Long-Term Relationship

By Jason Kwan

Have you ever noticed how some people have a fulfilling love life with someone who genuinely cares about them while others struggle with their relationships? We often think that’s just luck or genetics. “It’s just the way things are…”

But what if “bad luck” were actually due to our upbringing, self-beliefs, and ways of communicating? What if we could learn and change if we were given the right tools and paths to self-discovery?

We can. This is specifically why I wrote Mindful Love.

This book is perfect for you if you:

- Are seeking a long-term relationship

- Have experienced heart-breaking breakups before and find it hard to get past the resulting trauma

- Always end up with the wrong person

- Have difficulties handling conflicts within a relationship

- Easily overreact to relationship issues with anger or anxiety

I have experienced severe breakups before. I have dated the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I studied techniques from pickup artists because I was terribly insecure, and I made a lot of mistakes in my romantic relationships. Fortunately, since then, I have met someone special and I have learned how genuine, loving, long-term relationships work. I decided to pack all of what I’ve learned into this book so that you can avoid my mistakes.

Here are just a few of the things this book can help you with:

- Identifying traumas and limiting beliefs that are holding you back from having a healthy relationship

- Displaying your personality in an authentic and attractive way during first dates

- Using the right lens to find the right person to start a relationship with

- Understanding your partner on a much deeper level right from the beginning of the relationship

- Learning simple yet powerful communication techniques that will help you effectively resolve conflicts with your partner

- Handling breakups with the kind of mindset and methods that will minimize any traumatic effects

And so much more.

This book is really close to my heart—I truly believe what you’ll find here will help you experience love in its fullest and purest form. If you don’t enjoy the book, I will refund you any time, no questions asked. If you have any questions about the book or anything involving relationships, feel free to email me at [e-mail].

Let’s start your journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publishdrive
• Release date: Nov 28, 2021

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Imagine waking up every morning and seeing your most beloved person in the world right beside you—the person who loves you for who you truly are, who supports you during your downtimes, who enjoys hearing your life stories. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have arguments, but when you do, you manage to resolve conflicts quickly. Both of you also give each other the freedom to explore your passions and interests. You grow together as a team.

Would that be the love life you want?

If your answer is yes, this book will give you the exact steps you need to take to achieve that kind of love, from finding your dream partner to maintaining a great long-term relationship. There are five sections within this book, with each section relating to a certain phase in a relationship.

The first section is Working on Yourself First. This covers how to become a better version of yourself before you go out to meet and date people.

The second section is Choosing Your Partner Wisely. Assuming you have a couple of dates under your belt, how do you decide which person to start a long-term relationship with?

The third section is Starting the Relationship with a Solid Foundation. Say you just started a relationship with someone special. How can you start strong to ensure that both of you get on the same page as soon as possible?

The fourth section is Resolving Conflicts. When you and your partner have conflicting opinions, how can you express your feelings clearly without hurting him/her?

The fifth section is Handling Breakups. Learn in advance how to let go of a relationship if it doesn’t work out!

I don’t see myself as a love expert—in fact, I’m still a student of romantic relationships. But I wrote this book because I have experienced a lot of pain and trauma in my relationships and I wished that someone could have given me this kind of guidance and support. I am just here to share my experiences and what I’ve learned. Love is an important aspect of life, yet schools don’t teach us how to love and love tends to be a taboo subject in society. Hopefully, this book can help you experience true love without having to make all the mistakes that I’ve made!

I’m not going to solely focus on techniques or skills—rather, I want to encourage you to explore why you might have unhealthy behaviors and false limiting beliefs when it comes to your intimate relationships. Oftentimes, what hinders you from having a great love life isn’t about your partner or your techniques, it’s about psychological wounds from your childhood.

The topic of romantic relationships is something close to my heart. If you are experiencing tough times or have any questions, feel free to email me at [e-mail], and I will respond to you personally. And if you want to learn how to reach your full potential in wealth, health, and relationships, sign up for my weekly newsletter at

http://sendfox.com/jasonkwan.

Thank you for buying this book. I’m here with you during every step of your love journey.

— Jason Kwan, Hong Kong, 2021

PART I

Working on Yourself First

This is the most important message of the entire book: heal yourself before getting into any relationship.

No one has a perfect childhood because no parents or caretakers are perfect. When our developmental needs aren’t met at a young age, that can leave wounds. These wounds are known as childhood trauma, and they tremendously affect how we behave in our intimate relationships.

It isn’t until we start healing our wounds and developing an honest, compassionate, and functional relationship with ourselves that we can begin to experience healthy, loving relationships with others.

In this section, we will look at where our unhealthy behaviors, thoughts, and feelings come from, and then we’ll eliminate our false limiting beliefs and restore our true self. We will also discuss the principles of dating and concrete areas where you could improve yourself. After that, you’ll be ready to start meeting and dating people!

Chapter 1:

You Must First Understand and Love Yourself Before You Can Love Another

"They say love is blind, but it’s trauma that’s blind.

Love sees what is."– Neil Strauss

Truly Know Your Past Before (Recklessly) Jumping into Any Relationship

A bad romantic relationship could hurt both you and your partner. Not only that, it might even lead to trauma and resentment for the rest of your life. Sometimes it’s not that we deliberately want to be in a bad relationship, but psychological wounds from our childhood experiences cause us to subconsciously behave in unhealthy ways within an intimate relationship. That’s why you need to prepare yourself to fully understand your past and to love yourself. Only then can you have a healthy relationship and minimize the chances of experiencing trauma after the relationship ends. (If it does in fact end—it might not!)

In this chapter, I’ll talk about how dysfunctional relationships with parents and the resulting childhood trauma may be negatively affecting how you behave within an intimate relationship. We’ll also explore why self-awareness and self-love are the keys to improving your chances of having a healthy relationship with your partner.

Before I jump into theories and strategies, let me first share how my childhood has affected my own intimate relationships.

My Story: How My Overly Protective and Critical Parents (Plus a Heart-Breaking Breakup) Affected My Love Life

First off, I believe parents try their best to raise us in a healthy way. However, none of the parents in the world are perfect—their own upbringings and childhood experiences may affect how they treat their children, and they are probably a victim themselves, too. Feel free to blame them for everything that’s wrong with you, but don’t forget to give them credit for everything that’s right.

I was born to a middle-class family, the child of parents who were perfectionists. My father was always angry and critical, and he used to scold me a lot whenever I made mistakes with my homework. I can even remember a time when he tried to slap me because I was eating my lunch too slowly. (I think I was around six years old at the time.) My mother had a better temper, but she was overly protective—she would plan out and do everything for me, from finishing all