You're Worth It

By Julian Smith

“You’re Worth It” is a reality check, aimed at helping realize that we usually are our own biggest obstacles in finding and maintaining healthy and meaningful relationships. It's also aimed at helping people realize that relationships aren't perfect and will only be as successful as the amount of work we put into them. Ultimately, it's aim is to help everyone realize their True Worth!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Julian Smith
• Release date: Sep 16, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452368351

Julian Smith

JULIAN SMITH received a Banff Mountain Book Award and a Lowell Thomas Travel Journalism Award for Crossing the Heart of Africa: An Odyssey of Love and Adventure. The coauthor of Smokejumper: A Memoir by One of America's Most Select Airborne Firefighters, he has written for Smithsonian, National Geographic Traveler, Wired, Outside, and the Washington Post, among other publications. Julian lives in Portland, Oregon.

Book preview

You're Worth It

Published by Julian Smith at Smashwords

Copyright 2010 Julian Smith

There are tons of problems I hear when it comes to why relationships don't work. More times than not these problems are just excuses for our individual failures, inadequacies, and or insecurities that cause us to not be willing to fight for the success of a relationship, these include the classic pet peeves and personality clashes. However there are those situations that are flagrant misuses of trust, wanton acts of selfishness, and downright physical or mental abuse. All too often with these problems, we being overly critical of ourselves forget the value of our self-worth, and convince ourselves into believing that these types of relationships are natural and we don't or can't do any better.

I am not a relationship counselor nor do I have any psychology degrees, however, this book is aimed to help those reading it get over themselves and realize that sometimes we are our own biggest obstacles in finding and maintaining meaningful relationships. Successful relationships require more than just being in the right place at the right time to meet the person of your dreams, it takes a correcting of the mind set that everything will be perfect at all times and the coming to realize that every relationship will have it's ups and downs, it's how one responds during those down times that usually plays a key factor in whether a relationship turns out successful. It's necessary to remember that fairy-tales are just that; utopian ideologies that most frequently never materialize and leave the one who rested their hopes on this ideal, in shambles because of what they've been brainwashed to believe by the absurd representations of relationships in the media. This book is also aimed at those who've gone so far as to convince themselves that they don't deserve out of a relationship and stay and continue to take the abuse whether it be mental or physical. We all need a reality check at some point so that we can be reminded that we're worth it, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS. WE'RE WORTH COMMITMENT, WE'RE WORTH FAITHFULNESS, WE DESERVE RESPECT! But the only way to get that from others is to first learn to give that to ourselves.

Chapters

1. Learn To Let Go of Past Relationships

Why Relationships Fall Apart

2. Weak Foundation(Absence of Friendship)

3. Expectations

4. Ineffective Communication & Selfishness

5. Abusive Partners & Self-Esteem

6. Infidelity

Building Blocks for Success

7. When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe It

8. Do's and Don'ts in Relationships

9. Love or Infatuation?

10. Sex in a New Relationship

11. You’re Worth It

SECTION 1

CHAPTER 1

Learn To Let Go of Past Relationships

He's not like my last boyfriend; he doesn't do things for me like my ex did. My ex wouldn’t have done something like that. How many of us have been a friend to someone saying those words? How many of us are guilty of saying those types of things ourselves? Probably all of us at some point have said something along those lines. But what most of us don't realize is that we severely handicap ourselves emotionally and put undue strain on any current or future relationships by unnecessarily comparing a new or current interest to those relationships from our past.

Many say it's easier said then done to let go of past relationships, and I'd have to agree. It's not easy to do, but it is desperately necessary if a successful relationship is what you desire. Now, let's be real, it is totally impossible to completely forget about past relationships, and trying to do so, is not at all what I'm implying. What I'm saying is that we have to come to the realization that there are healthy and unhealthy destructive ways of remembering our past relationships. And if we dwell too long on past relationships we'll miss out on some possible great opportunities. So then the questions arise, how do I move on with my life after a break up? How long should I wait before getting into a new relationship?

Every person is different; there is no set standard on the amount of time it'll take for you to get over your past relationship. However, the first thing that needs to be done after a relationship ends is to be brutally honest with yourself about that relationship and the reasons it ended, AND NO THIS CAN'T BE DONE IN A WEEK! An honest examination of your self should give insight into who you really are and what you're really looking for, without answering those things you won't be able to move forward. Knowing one's self is of extreme importance, and one must come to grips with the fact that the relationship ended for a reason and must accept whatever responsibility they have in the reason the relationship ended. Only once this step is accomplished can the person move on, if this step is not reached then you'll carry the burden of having no closure in that past relationship into your new one. Closure is found within yourself, the other party involved is not necessarily needed for your personal closure, because no matter what answer they give you, it'll never be a good enough explanation. If you don't reach this closure within yourself, your new interest will have to make up for all the deficiencies of your previous partner, you'll be expecting them to have all the positives of your last relationships and none of the faults therefore placing undue burden on them to be themselves and everything your ex never could be.

By allowing yourself time to find closure and figuring out precisely what you want out of a relationship, you greatly increase the odds of your relationship being successful because your focus will no longer be in the past and on what could have been. The emotional ties to your ex need to be severed. It's extremely important to remember, THEY'RE YOUR EX FOR A REASON! You can't possibly hold onto the memories of that relationship so dear to your heart, and actually think your heart is open to your new interest. The longer the amount of time that an ex has a hold of your thoughts and emotions, the longer it's going to take for Mr. or Mrs. Right to connect with you, and if their attempts to do so take too long, there's no guarantee that they'll keep trying to get through to you, they may decide to cut their losses and move on, then you're alone again. So now that you've started down that path of being able to move forward and find a meaningful successful relationship, let's take a good look at some of the things that cause relationships to fail.

SECTION 2

Why Relationships Fall Apart

CHAPTER 2 - WEAK FOUNDATION (Absence of Friendship)

If you were to poll every home builder around the world, what's the most important thing needed to build a strong long lasting home.......the first thing that would come out of every single one of their mouths would A STRONG FOUNDATION. Now with that in mind, take a second and try to answer this question, what's one thing that starts a relationship off on the right path or would be considered a strong foundation? Many people feel it's chemistry and that's not a horrible guess. Many other more delusional people feel that looks and raw physical attraction are what build a strong relationship. I laugh at people who say that because they're confusing what may have been the first thing to attract them to that person with what will build a strong lasting relationship. What is it that I'm referring to??? FRIENDSHIP.

Friendship is defined as the co-operative and supportive behavior between two people. A relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection for one another, an exhibition of loyalty and or mutually helping behavior. There is a trust that neither party involved will do harm to the other or allow harm to come their way. Friends desire the best for one another, they sympathize and empathize with one another, and they’re honest and truthful with one another at times when others may not speak the truth.