Finishing School for Women

By Roman Plastich

The smallest things can create tension. If you have an argument, you might have been taught never to go to bed angry, and he might have been taught to sleep on it because after rest the brain is more rational. Nobody is right or wrong here, but two different approaches can cause further disagreements. That is a small example. When it comes to making extra money or going to the kids soccer game, having a bigger house or having more time with the kids, sharing and helping each other or dividing choresthese situations can really create a divide between partners. Personality plays a big part tooactive adventurer compared to couch potato, nature lover compared to big-city lover. Clashes in personalities can be enough to make a couple miserable after many years of compromising and giving in. Yes, you may go through rough times sometimes, but dont you think you would choose to be with someone because you are happier with that person in your life than you would be on your own? Women have a right to have their needs fulfilled, to receive affection from a man, to receive as much love as they give.

Many relationships turn into a struggle for power, but it doesnt have to be that wayfor men or women. In this guidebook geared for women but useful for anyone, you can learn how to find common ground with your partner. But to do so, you first need to know what youre really seeking in a relationship.

By examining what motivates yourself and your partner, youll be equipped to answer critical questions:

If youre single, should you try meeting people in person
or online?
Why in the world would someone cheat if he or she
has a loving partner?
How can you fix a
broken relationship?
When is it time to abandon
a partner?

Too often, instead of working toward a common goal, people avoid doing what they dont want to do, and they lose out on having a real partner. But when you find a true teammate, youll be more satisfied with life and better equipped to accomplish your goals.

Stop selling yourself short, and start getting what you want out of relationships with the tools, insights, and strategies in Finishing School for Women.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491731666

Roman Plastich

Roman Plastich was raised in Eastern Europe before immigrating to Canada. The father of two children, he is divorced but still on good terms with his former wife. He lives in Toronto, Ontario.

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Copyright © 2014 Roman Plastich.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-3164-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-3165-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-3166-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014906573

iUniverse rev. date: 08/18/2014

Contents

Preface

Introduction

Understanding Yourself And What You Are Looking For

Chapter 1   I Woke Up Dreaming Black and White

Chapter 2   Who Are You?

Chapter 3   We Are Wired Differently

Chapter 4   How to Meet a Man

Creating An Environment For The Right Man

Chapter 5   Online Dating

Chapter 6   Dating More than One Man

Chapter 7   Setting Up a First Date

Chapter 8   First Date

Chapter 9   Second Date

Chapter 10 Sex the First Time

Establishing Yourself And Your Expectations In A Relationship

Chapter 11 Developing the Relationship You Want

Chapter 12 How to Keep Your Man

Chapter 13 Why Men Cheat

Chapter 14 Fixing your Relationship

Guidelines To Go By

Chapter 15 You Can Look, But Don’t Touch

Chapter 16 Relationships are Hard Work

Chapter 17 90 Percent / 10 Percent

Chapter 18 Don’t Take Out His Fangs

Chapter 19 Special, Not Essential

Chapter 20 The Point of No Return

Chapter 21 Guidelines

To the women who know they deserve better

and the ones who are manipulated to believe differently.

This book was inspired by Pamela Rizzo.

PREFACE

This book is a practical and useful way of responding to and dealing with your relationship challenges. All the stories are true, and they have been shared within a circle of friends with no fear of repercussion. The stories are from people who grew up in a culture of manipulation in which people are led to believe one partner needs the relationship more than the other … where it is believed that men can get away with everything they want … where men and women are encouraged to satisfy their own needs before they address their partner’s. It’s not a survey or a report from experts who have spent years in classrooms analyzing other people’s lives. If you want to get the uncensored truth, you cannot rely on putting a microphone in front of a stranger and asking him what happened behind closed doors. They only way to know is to be there.

INTRODUCTION

I have always been fascinated by the way people’s perspectives change when things happen to them in their relationships in comparison to how they feel when it happens to their friends. They can be rational, give good advice, and point out the obvious to their friends, but when they find themselves in a relationship with the same challenges, common sense goes out the window. Women are more susceptible to that because of their kinder nature and desire to live happily ever after.

We’ve all had broken hearts. Some of us have said, Never again! And some have believed it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved. I belong to the first group, and the men who had an influence on my friends and me were of the same mentality. Here’s what we were taught: Being in charge in a relationship is the way to go. There is no such thing as equal partners. It’s always better getting things done your way than deciding together. Relationships are about power. If you’re not the one in control, the one wearing the pants, she will take over. If you give her a finger, she will take the whole hand. To win in this game you need skills; you need to understand women’s weaknesses. If you gain this knowledge, you will be able to manipulate them.

As it is with anything else in life, if you behave a certain way often enough over a long enough period of time and associate with the people who hold the same beliefs, you will get good at it. Many times I’ve heard, You should write a book or start a blog. I get this from guys who have had trouble with their ladies. I’m glad I didn’t. It would be a much different book from the one you are reading now. Instead of trying to teach people how to have happy and healthy relationships, it would just teach men how to manipulate even more.

Until a few years ago, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. What is it like to have someone that you want to be with all the time? What is it like to have a partner and a best friend all in one person? I know that, at that time, I would be laughing at these words and swearing that I would never say them, but as I said, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

Of course it took a woman to show me the right way of thinking—the right woman for me. There are a lot of good women and good men out there, but the match has to be perfect. The problem is not that there is a one-in-a-million chance that you will run into that person; the problem is that we don’t have the skills to connect on that level. Yes, you need chemistry and passion. You cannot fake or teach that. But chemistry and passion are not enough to make it work.

I have been inspired by my girlfriend, Pamela. She took me from that never again mind-set to the better to have loved and lost than never loved again mind-set. She took me from love is for teenagers who don’t know any better to you’re never too old to fall in love. I hope this book helps millions of couples to wake up the love that they had for each other in the beginning of their relationships and helps millions of singles to create their own forever-and-ever relationships. Even if I get only one e-mail saying, Thanks, your book helped me find what I was looking for, it will be worth the effort. If you knew me and what a skeptic I have always been, you would have no doubt that my advice can work for you. I wish all of you will be able to find what I have.

UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

CHAPTER 1

I Woke Up Dreaming Black and White

I never noticed whether we dream in colors or just black and white until the morning after I lost Pamela. I just had the most vivid dream. I don’t remember the dream; all I remember is that it was so black and white. I don’t even know what the message of that may be; I just know it really left an impression on me. That was the very beginning of this book. My emotions, thoughts, and outlooks on certain things started to become so clear to me, just like my black-and-white dream. I started to understand the rationale behind the outlook Pamela had on relationships. She used to say that she would like to open a finishing school for women. Women need to be shown how to demand the respect and love they want and deserve from a man … how to set the standards by which a man should treat them. Too many women have been doormats in their relationships. Their kindness has been abused by their significant others. Women have suffered throughout history at the hands of men without a chance of a change or the possibility of getting out of such relationships. Even in this day and age, many women stay in relationships in which they are miserable rather than leave. I believe that is because women are relationship oriented. They will try for a long time to make it work. Despite all that, sometimes they will come to a point of no return. More and more divorces today are initiated by women who feel they have been constantly giving and giving and receiving nothing in return. They take care of the home, the husband, the kids, and everybody else’s needs and get little in return. One day they just reach a point of saturation, and they are gone. That’s when men find themselves thinking, What happened? Often relationships break down because women simply cannot relay their messages to men in a way they can understand.

Ladies, I did not write this book to show you how to leave your man or how to stay in an unhappy marriage. I wrote this book to show you how to find the right man for you, how to show him what you have to give, and how to show him what you expect in return. True relationships should not be power struggles; rather, they should be partnerships between two equal, loving, and respectful partners.

Yes, I know you agree. You’ve heard it all before, and it’s easier said than done. But as long as you are ready to give it a shot and carry on a relationship in a way a man can understand you, it’s very possible. Men will adapt; we will make changes. We will start doing things for you just to hear you say, I Love You. Thank you. You’re my hero. I’m so lucky. Right now, many men will do things for their women only when they really have to, when they are constantly nagged, or in order to collect points that they can use later when they want to do something without their partners, like going golfing or fishing or engaging in any other hobby. Men have a hard time experiencing or even believing in the kind of relationship in which we do things just for love—especially those we call alpha males, who see too much, experience too much, and have been womanizers all their lives.

These alpha men, too, will get married. They will love their wives the best way they know how, but they will hardly stay interested in that one woman after she offers no challenge and never rewards his ego. These men know how to do little things—romantic gestures, moments of sweetness—that will earn them points they can trade in for their other interests. But that crazy love they felt for you in the beginning will not stay with them just because they said, I do. At first they may do nice things just to put a smile on your face, but that behavior will fade away unless you know how to demand it from them, and I’m not talking about communicating with him verbally. That’s what you call it; we call it nagging.

My father told me two things about relationships: First, Never run after a bus or a woman, because there will always be another bus and another woman. That one is pretty self-explanatory. Second, Make sure your woman loves you a little bit more than you love her. There you go. How can you go wrong with that? While you girls are dreaming about your perfect wedding, we are learning a different song. The one who loves more has more to lose. The one who loves more will sacrifice more. The one who loves more will always make sure to please you, to put your needs before hers, to make sure you are happy even if you don’t give half as much back. What lovely advice. Well, my father didn’t know better, and neither did I. I was a pretty good son in that regard. All you need to do is seem to pay attention to her, remember a few little things from time to time that she has said, and she will think you have been listening. Make small romantic gestures, and they will mean the world to her. It’s called collecting points. Well, that was before the Pamela era.

Of course I would have done the same thing to her if she’d let me. On our second date I told her jokingly, You love me. You just don’t know it yet. She laughed and said, You and a hundred others. Now that’s an alpha female. There were no hundred others, but her confidence in the fact that, if I wasn’t there, a hundred others were ready to take my place showed me what kind of woman she was. She would not sit at home and cry over me if it didn’t work out after six months. She would move on. This is not the sort of woman that many men can please and keep around. It takes a real man to keep her interested, and of course I thought I was that man. Every man wants to be that man. We don’t want a woman any man can have, just like you don’t want a man no other woman wants.

So she turned me from a womanizer to a woman lover. The more I understood how