Marriage-Never Give Up!

By Thomas S Klobucher

Tom Klobucher's book, Marriage-Never Give Up!, contains ten piercing stories of couples in real trouble who learned to view their marriages and their spouses in a new light, and it made all the difference in the world.

Could you imagine that happening to you?

Anyone who is married knows that

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nextis Press
• Release date: Nov 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9781735780016

Thomas S Klobucher

About The Author: Thomas KLobucher! Thomas S. Klobucher, aka Tom, is a future based Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker and the CEO of Thomas Interior Systems, Inc., a Chicago area office planning and furnishings firm that he founded in 1977 with the corporate vision to "Improve The Office Work Environment". As a six-time winner of the Top Twenty Best Places To Work In Illinois, the Thomas team has advised and assisted well over 25,000 organizations through-out the Chicago area and the Midwest, in improving their office work environments by helping them to create great places to work for their people. Creating a great place to work is not just about buying office furniture, it is all about TRANSFORMATION. We are in the transformation business! Helping businesses and organizations to transform their workplaces into EPIC GREAT PLACES TO WORK. Engaged workplaces where the employees are number one! We help create a priceless collaborative environment where employees are fully engaged and happy, and always put the customer first! This is transformation! This is what we do! THE GREAT WORKPLACE REVOLUTION Tom's book, The Great Workplace Revolution, takes the reader through the twelve essential strategies for creating a great place to work, and provides the tools to better understand and leverage the unique giftedness of the five distinct workplace generations that will be working together in this most exciting decade. "First of all, I have to say that I LOVE THIS BOOK. I think it should be required reading for everybody who runs a company. It is so humane and sensible. It is engaging, clearly written, and smart. www.TheGreatWorkplaceRevolution.com THE GREAT WORKPLACE TRANSFORMATION The Great Workplace Transformation provides the tools businesses need to create great places to work while helping leaders understand how to accommodate the growing reality of multiple generations working side by side in the workplace. The practical, hands-on sequel to Klobucher's highly regarded 'Great Workplace Transformation' shows leaders, front-line employees, and everyone in the between how to wage "a revolution where everybody wins." The Great Workplace Transformation will help you "fast track your organization into a truly great place to work... help you hire and retain the most, creative, loyal, and growth-driven employees... and transform your workplace into a powerhouse that thrives during the most challenging and exciting multi-generational decade in history. www.TheGreatWorkplaceTransformation.com THE TAILOR'S SON Tom's Third Title is The Tailor's Son. THE TAILOR'S SON is an authentic American story on classic themes: father, son, and the healing power of belief. This book is a moving illustration of a loving look back at the perils of youth, the distance that can arise between father and son, and the potential for reconciliation and complete life direction change for the better. www.TheTailorsSon.com RETIREMENT: THE BEST IS YET TO COME! RETIREMENT: The Best is Yet To Come, provides us with "The Retirement Road-map for the time of your life." What is the secret to a successful retirement? Tom shares twenty-five BOLD STEPS to a happy, positive, fulfilled and engaged retirement. And why is this subject so important today? Staggering data on the consequences of 78 million Baby Boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964) who will be entering the rolls of retirement, over the next three to six years. Research shows that most of this age group has done little or no preparation, for this life changing event! www.Retirement-TheBestIsYetToCome.com TRANSFORMATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS. NEW RELEASE 2016 Discover Your Lifetime ADVANTAGE! This is a learning tool book for all generations that traces our positive Transformational Relationships from early childhood to our Senior years. It prepares us for our VERY BEST LIFE! Visit: www.TransformationalRelationships.in

Book preview

Marriage—Never Give Up!

© 2020 All Rights Reserved, Thomas S. Klobucher.

Published by

NEXTIS PRESS

476 Brighton Drive

Bloomingdale, Illinois 60108 USA

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the author.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: This publication is designed to provide authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. The publisher and author make no representations or warranties with respect to accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought out. The publisher or author shall not be liable for any loss of profit or other damages.

Cover and Interior Design: AuthorSupport.com

Cover Imagery: Shutterstock

Author Photography: Michael Hudson Photography

Hardback: 978-1-7357800-0-9

E-book: 978-1-7357800-1-6

Printed in the United States of America

This book is lovingly dedicated to my parents, John and Rose Ann Klobucher, whose marriage was a great and enduring example to my four siblings and me, all of whom by God’s grace have had lifelong marriages.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Read This First

STORY 1: A Marriage Prison Break

A VITAL SIGNS ASSESSMENT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

STORY 2: Breaking The Secret

STORY 3: A Marriage Mentor

STORY 4: Back To The Center

STORY 5: Sticking It Out

STORY 6: Just One Thing

STORY 7: Lesson Learned

STORY 8: Don’t Miss The Boat!

STORY 9: The Greatest Gift

STORY 10: The Eye

NOW WHAT?

APPENDIX 1: Essential Tools for a Great Marriage

APPENDIX 2: 50 Stepping Stones to a Great Marriage

APPENDIX 3: Five Devotionals to Help You Connect

APPENDIX 4: Additional Resources

APPENDIX 5: Four Positive Touchpoints

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First and always, I want to give thanks to God the Father for the opportunity and privilege of writing books.

I am grateful to my lovely wife, Carol, for her collaborative influence on the content of this book. Carol is my soulmate, partner, best friend, encourager, and the one person who always makes me want to be a better man. I know how great marriage can be because of her faithful love to me for over 50 years!

I thank God for the memory of my oldest sister, Rose K. Kammerling, who saved my life and guided me as a young man to do the right thing, and who was always there for me in times of need. She was a solid rock of strength.

Through their marriage, my parents, John and Rose Klobucher, left a powerful and positive example that my siblings and I have followed in the form of lifelong commitments to our spouses. I pray that my children, grandchildren, and all who follow behind them will discover the same profound joy that we have found.

Thanks go out to all of the associates at our firm, Thomas Interiors, who make it a truly great place to work.

And I also want to thank Mike Cleary, my editor and friend, who guided and inspired me to stay the course on this, my ninth book; Stuart Hackett, my very competent assistant on this project, who helped me to stay on track and brought significant input and wisdom in numerous areas of the book; Jerry Dorris of AuthorSupport.com for the cover design and layout of the book interior, along with much advice along the way; Troy W. Hudson, who delivers the messages of my books in audio format with an exceptional blend of skill and warmth; my longtime friend Ed Hoover, who was the first person to tell me I needed to write books; and Ray Pritchard, mentor and friend; David Seitter; Dann Spader; Lee Streater; Daniel Wallace; and all the others who offered support, advice and encouragement along the way.

Special thanks go to you, the reader, for investing your time and attention in this book. As you read, my hope is that you will discover the priceless treasures that come with the lifelong commitment of marriage.

READ THIS FIRST

I think it’s safe to say that every family has been stung by the scourge of divorce. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who was not personally impacted by at least one divorce, whether it took place in their family or that of a close friend.

In a way, perhaps it’s not surprising. Those of us who are married know that the marriage relationship has a way of revealing the depths of our character—both to our spouses and to ourselves. The lifelong commitment of marriage invites spouses to bare their souls to one another, and it’s an invitation that’s different from others because it cannot be declined. As weeks stretch into months, and months into years, and as the challenges of life multiply, the most basic truths about who you are will find expression.

That’s what life together is like. For many, the unspeakable joy of lovingly gazing into your spouse’s eyes on your wedding day and promising everything to them is eventually eclipsed by the answers to some very basic questions, such as: How will I respond when my spouse leaves the dishwasher wide open for the fifth time this week? Or: What will I say when I want to get out of the house and do something fun, and they just want to veg out in front of the TV? Or: How will I react when my spouse wants to go on an expensive vacation, but I want to save for our kids’ college expenses?

Depending on how we respond to these kinds of situations, the questions that confront us sometimes become more serious: Why does it seem that we never agree about anything anymore? How long has it been since we last smiled at each other? Why do I enjoy the attentions of a coworker or an acquaintance at the gym so much more than spending time with my spouse?

When the waters of marriage stir our souls, what rises to the surface can be surprising. This person with whom we were so excited to walk through life together starts to seem like an impediment. Where we once shared our souls with one another and happily sought out ways to make one another’s dreams a reality, now it becomes easy to doubt our spouse’s sincerity, commitment, or basic goodwill. Or we just wonder if we ever really knew the person to whom we pledged our life and love. We ask if we were fooling ourselves all along.

If any of this resonates with you, that may be because it’s probably true of every marriage to some degree. We forget that, don’t we? Sometimes we can feel so alone in the daily struggles that come with marriage that, not only can we not imagine how to navigate the situation with patience and grace, but we can’t imagine how anyone ever could.

Whatever your experience in marriage has been, I want you to know that you’re not alone! If you feel that your spouse has transformed into a person who is unrecognizable to you, or if you’ve done and said things to your spouse that you deeply regret, or if you can’t see how you could ever care deeply for the person you’re married to the way you once did—in short, if you feel that your love has died—this book is for you!

You see, not only do I believe that no marriage is beyond repair, that no person is ineligible to experience healing, and that no couple is truly lost—I believe these things about your marriage! On top of that, I believe that, while there’s lots of work and struggles ahead for those who take on the challenge of restoring their marriages, it’s not just the right thing to do—it’s the best thing to do! I know couples who have forgiven the unforgiveable, who have re-opened their hearts and rekindled their love for someone who once felt like an enemy. They tell me that restored love is deeper, richer, and better than anything else they’ve experienced.

Plenty of couples have found themselves at a fork in the road that is just like the one that stands in front of you. Those who choose the way of divorce, feeling that there was no reasonable alternative, seem to carry an enormous weight of doubt, self-pity, an inability to entrust themselves to anyone again, and a host of piercing unanswered questions about what would have happened if they had responded differently.

Those who choose to separate sooner or later seem to come to the very sad place where a friend of mine, whom I’ll call Neil, arrived recently. Neil, who is in his early sixties, mentioned to me that he had recently spent some time looking back on his decision to leave his wife of nineteen years, a decision he’d made nearly two decades ago. With his permission, I want to share some of his reflections with you now.

Neil said to me, Years ago, I walked out on my marriage, which was in a very bad place at the time. I’ve spent almost 20 years now wondering how my life would have turned out differently if I had stuck things out. Looking back, I don’t know if it would have been possible to save the marriage, but I do know that I wish now—and every day—that I had given things another chance. The problems that my wife and I were having seemed very serious and very painful at the time—so painful, in fact, that it felt impossible for me to live with them for even a day longer. But in the years that have passed, a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t asked myself if I was in too much of a hurry to bring things to a conclusion. The truth is that I blamed my wife for a lot of things back then, but I didn’t see my own role clearly. I didn’t see what I had done to get her to the point where I didn’t feel like I knew her anymore. Now, I can’t stop thinking about what I did to help poison the well. She has since found someone new, leaving me to realize, over and over again, that I had plenty to do with creating the circumstances that led to the collapse of our relationship. If I had realized that at the time—if I had a chance to do it over again—I know I would suggest that we do much more to save the relationship than we ultimately did. I think things could have turned out very differently for us and the people we love. And I think they should have.

I’ve written this collection of stories, reflections, and practical tools for couples who find themselves confused about how they got to where they are now, for couples who are almost out of hope, for those who feel that ending the relationship is the most honorable thing to do and may even feel coldly rational or even selfless about it. This book is for couples who find themselves staring at major relationship crises like infidelity, drug and alcohol abuse, financial chaos, and the all-too-common phenomenon of simply growing apart.

Do you think divorce is a solution? Based on my observation of no small number of couples who chose to separate, divorce doesn’t resolve