Awaken to Love: A Mindful Path to Healing Your Heart and Transforming Your Relationship

By Mia Rose D.Ed

In this powerfully perceptive book on the spiritual journey of love, psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Mia Rose shares her wisdom on creating happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships. Bringing the insights of contemporary psychotherapy together with the universal truths of the great spiritual traditions, she sets aside the traditional methods of couples therapy to help you tap into your deepest capacity to love fiercely and fearlessly.

You can choose a joyful path in your intimate relationship if you are willing to let go of the past and align your actions with your vision of what you truly desire in love. You will learn the true meaning of love and how to

stop living in the centre of your painful emotions;
tune in to your inner voice of wisdom;
bridge the gap between your mind and emotions;
celebrate happy moments;
embrace the dance of intimacy and passion;
practise mindfulness to stay in the flow of love; and
create a real spiritual bond that lasts a lifetime.

Filled with love illuminations and mindfulness moments, here is a reflective, heartfelt and enlightened guide to creating a soulful and fulfilling relationship with your life partner.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Oct 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781452507552

Mia Rose D.Ed

Dr. Mia Rose is a psychologist with over twenty years of experience in the relationship field. She is a powerful voice in modern spirituality and has established an international platform for her inspirational message about the beauty of love. Visit her online at www.miarosepublications.com.

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Copyright © 2012 Mia Rose, D.Ed (Psych)

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Balboa Press rev. date: 10/19/2012

CONTENTS

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

PART I

FINDING HOPE IN PAIN

Relationship as a Spiritual Path

Wisdom Calling

The Key to a Happy Relationship

Transcending Fear

Embracing Change

PART II

HEALING YOUR HEART

Loving Yourself First

Beyond Heartache

Releasing Old Patterns

Rising above Thought

Managing Intense Emotions

PART III

TRANSFORMING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Living By Your Own Truth

The Soul of Conflict

The Essence of Forgiveness

The Dance of Passion

The True Meaning of Love

Endnotes

Acknowledgements

About the Author

For John

snapshot

if it’s light that reveals the matter

that allows a peek into the soul

and exposes the essence

of loneliness

your words are light to me

if it’s light that illuminates longing

that reveals the soft-edged shadows

the winding heart trail

of yearning

your gentleness is light to me

if it’s light that makes the body gleam

that gifts its brilliant spectrum

the fiery dance of limbs

of lust

your adoration is light to me

if it’s light that transcends our sins

that mellows the darkness

and paints the sunrise

of serenity

your being is light to me

i’m writing with light

with love

this snapshot for you

FOREWORD

The point I would most like to get across prior to your reading the content that follows is this: Mia lives what she writes. I know. I’m lucky enough to experience her love on a daily basis as her life partner.

When Mia first approached me with the notion that she would like me to write the foreword to her book, I was somewhat skeptical. I thought, I’m the worst choice! People will just see it as the partner of the author advocating for all the obvious reasons. At that point I had not read any of the chapters of this book. After partaking of her work I realized I was indeed the best person to make comment. Mia practices the essence of every chapter in Awaken to Love in our relationship.

What you don’t know about Mia is she is humble and avoids the spotlight. She does not seek attention and is an incredibly private person with a deep connection to the universe. This book, however, bares her relationship soul. Yes, there are plenty of relationship books around. The difference with this one is that the insights on offer have been obtained by way of Mia’s personal journey. Any psychologist can write from the perspective of the knowing therapist, but to make yourself vulnerable by means of offering your own shortcomings as the vehicle to get the message across, in my opinion, takes courage. Ironically, the message of the book is just that: be bold to obtain the love you want.

This is not a book for those hoping to find romantic, enduring love based on fluff. Awaken to Love is an honest account of the work required by the individual seeking to labor for the love they deserve and want. This is a book that encourages the reader to partake of self-analysis in order to unearth the blocks to obtaining deep, connected intimacy with others.

Having been in Mia’s life since she began this work, I have been the recipient of her love before and after the writing of this book. If the place she has taken our relationship based on the principles of her book is an example of its power, I implore you to read, apply, and adapt its content to your own relationship journey. Entering into a committed relationship, I have learned, means you will become vulnerable to being hurt, but where the potential for hurt exists, so too does the potential for great love.

I hope Awaken to Love helps you discover that life is too short to play it safe.

—John Glanville

Psychologist and Author of Beating the Best

PREFACE

In the course of our lives, we all stumble in and out of love. We are always seeking connection, togetherness, and support. No matter how overwhelming the obstacles, it is in relationship that we experience the oneness of things. And when we finally recognize our oneness, we become whole.

~ Love Illuminations

When I look at the crushed expression and rigid bodies of clients who step into my office for relationship therapy, I wish I could wipe the furrows from their brows, feed them something scrumptious, and make them whoop with laughter. I want to say, Relationships don’t have to be so intense. Love doesn’t have to hurt so much. You’re allowed to relax into each other. It’s okay to be happy.

Where does the joy go after those first few years of rapturous infatuation? It seems to dissolve in the busyness of life. We are all so tired these days. We try to love, but sometimes it feels as if the wells of love have run dry.

One thing is certain: when your most valued, intimate love relationship falls apart, it is impossible to be happy. Whether you and your partner are slowly drifting apart, or disharmony and conflict reign, relationship problems carry a special kind of loneliness that has a different texture from that of being single and alone.

Professionally, I’m a practicing psychologist working with people on the verge of a breakup to resolve their relationship issues, yet personally I know how difficult it is to revive the love, passion, respect, and fun needed to make a failing relationship work. For a long time in my own marriage I held myself together, tight and tense, terrified of exploring my wants and needs, not knowing how to step into the fullness of life with all its risks and promises. I wanted to break free, but I was petrified of hurting my husband and children, displeasing my family and friends, and going against the norms of society.

Leaving a marriage of twenty-three years wasn’t easy, and even though I was the one who chose to end my marriage, there were plenty of days when my prayer was to stop breathing. The time after the divorce was the most challenging period of my entire life. The dissolution of that relationship rocked the very foundation of my being, and it left me feeling flawed, enraged, and helpless to manage the damage that was inflicted on everyone affected by it. Not only did I make a break from all that was known to me, I also shattered the image I had of myself as a role model and leader in my field. I’m grateful to say that my clients were more forgiving than many of my peers. I tried to cope with the judgment of colleagues by withdrawing from my professional circle. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise as I’ve since realized how little I had in common with many of my critics anyway.

If I put my psychologist’s hat on, I can see that I developed a massive adjustment disorder after moving out of our family home. Everything around me looked and felt completely foreign to me. I moved through my days in what seemed like dense fog. I was tormented by guilt and rejected by family and friends, but by far the hardest thing to deal with was witnessing my daughters’ struggle to come to terms with the breakup of our family. It tore them apart.

The love relationship I had entered into started out with a deep connection that I believed to be absolutely unshakable… but guess what? I took myself and my own issues into the relationship with me. I was stuck in patterns that were preventing me from simply being happy. I tried, and then I tried harder, but I was so bogged down in my painful emotions that I had no idea how to embrace the transformational path I was on.

It didn’t take long for the cracks to start showing in the new relationship. I was still trying to come to terms with loss and transition, and I struggled to fulfill my partner’s needs because of my own pain—and so the disconnection began. It took years of moving back and forth between the deepest love that I had ever felt and bouts of bottomless anguish as I helplessly watched us drift apart before I finally worked out the simple but profound truth of how to best heal my heart and transform our relationship to consistent happiness and harmony.

Fast-forward seven years. I am happier and more at peace than I have ever been. My partner and I live in a small seaside town at the foot of the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. My relationship with my daughters has long been restored, and now that they are old enough to live their own best lives, I count them among my very best friends. I am humbled to touch the lives of thousands of people across the globe with my Love Illuminations, inspirational e-mails that arrive in their in-boxes, to remind them of the beauty and enduring power of love.

When you are deep in the belly of trauma and pain, it is quite natural that you would wish it away. And after the anguish is over, you might still prefer that it had never happened. But what I know for sure is that the most challenging times of your life are also your teachers—if you allow them to be. Although I don’t advocate that anyone remain in an abusive relationship or a relationship that has clearly run its course, I know without a doubt that it is possible to heal your heart and awaken to true love by stepping into your power with awareness. The challenge is to let go of the past, celebrate the moment, and embrace the transformative power of pain.

Healing may seem out of reach when you’re in the grip of intense emotions, but it is possible to transform your relationship if you assume you are on your way to better pastures and gain clarity on how to alter your course. I will show you how your relationship responds to your energy about it and how there are more possibilities for happiness than you may realize. It is in your power to become a conduit for the natural divine joy that may be dormant in your life right now. As you shine the light of awareness on your relationship and let go of the limitations you have constructed around it, you will be amazed at how your life expands energetically to attract ideas, inspiration, and manifestations that correspond to your vision of a happy, healthy union.

I have experienced healing in my own life, and as a psychologist, I see it in the lives of my clients who are willing to look honestly and fearlessly at their own situation and take on the challenge of transformation. Often, the very fact that you and your partner are drifting apart can be a wake-up call and an opportunity to make the necessary changes to get a relationship not only back on track but better than you ever hoped it to be.

Today, I am profoundly grateful for my life partner and the relationship we share. What I learned is that the more I accept that everything is exactly as it should be at any given time, take full responsibility for my part in creating the love relationship that I yearn for, and consciously nurture our love on a daily basis, the more deeply we connect. Mindfulness is key. The more I pay attention to what is really happening inside me and between us, the easier it is to stay in the flow of love, and the happier I feel.

Making a relationship work is an ongoing challenge. Connection is not an event that happens once and then you are done with it. It’s a never-ending process that blends all the trepidation and exhilaration of a rollercoaster ride. If happily ever after was easy, everyone would be living the dream. But the reality is that happiness and harmony don’t come effortlessly—not to anybody! It’s all too easy to repeat the same old patterns, drift apart, and drop into a pit of despair when love feels like nothing but hurt. Of course there are still bumps on my own relationship journey, but I notice more and more that when I listen to my inner voice of wisdom, transcend my own fears, and find the courage within myself to present to my partner what is sometimes very difficult to give, the closer we get and the easier it is to stay connected.

So this is my message: an unhappy love relationship makes for an unhappy life—but it doesn’t have to be this way. It is possible to transform your relationship into the highest form of love by consciously creating the connection, compassion, intimacy, passion, fun, and easy laughter that fill the walls of a happy home. What may keep you from being vibrantly happy in love is often just a lack of focus. Instead of living in the center of your painful emotions triggered by past events and things you cannot change, you have to actively engage with whatever makes your soul sing. We need to share more walks in the woods, midday naps, and midnight feasts. We need play and humor and music and flow. We need pure gratitude for the miracle of love to move though us like flowing water.

At this point you may wonder if you can renew your relationship on your own or whether your partner needs to be actively engaged in the process of transforming your relationship. Although I can’t promise that a relationship will be saved if only one partner does the work, I can only remind you that modern science has in recent decades verified what