10 Universal Rules of Love - Plus One (second edition)

By Stephanie Gray

10 Universal Rules of Love – Plus One creates space for the reader to have an honest conversation with her/himself about how they love. The universal nature of the rules means that this book applies to women and men no matter what label you wear: heterosexual or LGBTQIA, Gen X or Millennial/Gen Z, PhD or street professor, wealthy or workin

• Language: English
• Publisher: SLG Publishing, LLC
• Release date: Mar 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9780578640556

Stephanie Gray

Stephanie Gray is a former international professional athlete turned author, love coach, and inspirational speaker. During her 20-year award winning corporate career as a consultant, relationship builder and sales coach, Gray perfected her skills in Adult Learning. To make a broader impact through teaching lessons in love, she transferred those skills to embark on the journey of becoming a love coach, author and speaker. Gray seeks to serve people who want to build, grow and sustain healthy relationships. Through a multi-media platform, she is creating a global community that supports the personal and emotional growth of its members. By teaching her audience to identify and repair emotional wounds, and nurture healthy relationships, Gray helps love seekers unearth the highest and best version of love that they've ever experienced.

Book preview

10 UNIVERSAL

RULES OF LOVE

PLUS ONE

(Second Edition)

Guiding Principles to Understanding the Fundamentals of Love

STEPHANIE GRAY

SLG Publishing, LLC

10 Universal Rules of Love - Plus One (Second Edition)

Guiding Principles to Understanding the Fundamentals of Love by Stephanie Gray

Copyright © 2020 SLG Publishing, LLC.

Atlanta, GA 30324

[e-mail]

All rights reserved. This publication may not be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in whole or in part by any means without the written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review; nor may any part of this book be reproduced, stored in retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or other without written permission of the publisher.

ISBN: 978-0-578-63925-3 (Print Edition)

ISBN: 978-0-578-64055-6 (eBook Edition)

Edited by Raquelle Harris

10 Universal Rules of Love Plus One was first published August 2017.

www.slgpublishingllc.com

www.stephanielgray.com

Dedication

This book is dedicated to love.

The elusive love I have searched for my entire life, and have recently discovered, lives within the God in me. Thank you God for showing me, through loss, how to love myself.

─ Stephanie Gray

Table of Contents

Introduction

RULE 1: THE TAPE DON’T LIE

Nightclub Lights vs. Sunlight

Garbage In, Garbage Out

RULE 2: LOVE IS PART ART AND PART SCIENCE

First Law of Motion: Inertia

Second Law of Motion: Acceleration

Third Law of Motion: Karma

Universal Law of Attraction

The Trip

RULE 3: TO UNDERSTAND THE LEAVES, OBSERVE THE TREE FROM ITS ROOTS

The Growth of a Woman and Her Fear

The Insidious Injuries

Self-Examination

RULE 4: HAVE REAL INTIMACY

Who’s The Cheater?

Pseudo Intimacy

Authentic Romantic Intimacy

RULE 5: KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EXPERIENCING LOVE AND BEING IN LOVE/INFATUATED

Falling In Love/Being Infatuated

Experiencing Love

RULE 6: HONESTY IS THE FOUNDATION OF TRUST AND TRUST IS THE FOUNDATION OF RELATIONSHIPS

The Cookie Jar

The Lie Equation

How Do You Trust Again?

Can I Trust You?

Can I Trust Me?

RULE 7: FORGIENESS AND ACCOUNTABILITY ARE REQUIRED

Forgiving Yourself

Forgiving Others

The Cell

Steps to Accountability and Self-Forgiveness

Sustaining Behavior Change

RULE 8: DON’T BE A LAZY SOULMATE

Instant Gratification

Relationship Laziness

An Excuse to Stay in a Bad Relationship

RULE 9: DON’T FALL PREY TO DIMINISHING RETURNS

I Am Not What I Do or Who I’m With

You Get Out What You Put In

Sometimes The Best Thing Is Just To Let Go

Deciding Whether or not to Let Go

RULE 10: REAL LOVE BEGINS WITH SELF-LOVE

Meal 1

Meal 2

Self-Love and Completion

Two Houses

PLUS 1: FINDING FOREVER REQUIRES RESILIENCE

The Journey

The Toolkit

Respect

Kindness

Patience

Communication

Commitment to Work

Introduction

R

ules are interesting because they can be binding or liberating. Some people live their entire lives just to break rules, and I must admit there is some validity to that. When the rules are designed to oppress or create an uneven playing field in any way, I would argue that breaking those rules is essential to survival. But there are some rules that actually help keep us safe and understand how to play the game. Without rules, sports couldn’t exist. There would be no roads, cars, or buildings because engineering couldn’t exist. And the 10 Universal Rules in this book are similar to the rules of sport or engineering. They are designed to keep you safe and provide the structure on which you can build a solid foundation for love.

What I am going to offer here may challenge your belief systems. It may challenge what many of you have been taught or socialized to believe about relationships, pain, self-love, self-loathing, and, most especially, self- truth. It will ask you, what is your truth, and are you living in it? It may make you uncomfortable and deeply reconsider how you’ve moved through love relationships until this point. But if you learn one thing, if you open your mind to new thoughts and possibilities, if you have a conversation with yourself in a way you would have never before, if you are compelled to have more self-reflective thoughts, that means you have accepted the challenge, and grow.

My curiosity, travels, and studies have led me to connect with individuals from various backgrounds, locations, beliefs, lifestyles, abilities, and motivations. I have taken time to research the CsD (Doctors of Common Sense) and PhD holders. I have become a student of people and relationships during the past 20 years and over thousands of conversations with people from all walks of life. My past partners have become objects of my study — not just my affections. My friends, their friends and our families have all presented learning opportunities for me. Even strangers that I have interviewed, intentionally or unintentionally, have allowed me to compile my research and develop the assertions I will present to you in this book.

The common thread in all of these people is their search for love. The rules in this book, seek to demonstrate that there are principles in love that apply to everyone no matter the race, gender, age, sexual orientation, level of education or success, relationship status, or even location. Although these labels separate us, the inherent desire for love is the common denominator for all of us. Therefore, these guiding principles can be useful no matter which label(s) you wear. These rules are universal because love is universal; and no matter how much popularity, wealth, success or education you’ve acquired, no matter how much you try to deny it, at the end of it all we are all searching for true love.

The goal of this book is to challenge your emotional intelligence and some of things you have accepted as social norms. It is also to give you fresh perspectives on universal topics that will reactivate dormant neurotransmitters that have been anesthetized by over stimulation from both social and mainstream media. Through this challenge, it is my sincere hope that we learn more about the subject matter and ourselves. I hope that these rules help you see your own truths, engage in enlightening conversation, get comfortable with being uncomfortable which spurs change, and ultimately begin to have healthier relationships with yourself and with others.

If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable as you read this book, you are very likely right where you need to be. Not because I get pleasure in causing discomfort. But because nothing grows in a comfort zone so the self-examination and exploration that it will offer you is intended to push you beyond your boundaries. As humans, we naturally take the path of least resistance, so if you feel compelled to step away to digest what’s being presented, go ahead and take a moment. But, make sure you come back to finish the book because if read and acted upon, this book could reshape your thoughts and actions about love. This book is ultimately about you and your journey. It is an earnest effort to help you in ways that I have been helped, and in ways I wish I were helped. But it only works if you take accountability and action — for yourself.

If you’re ready, let’s dive into these liberating rules and embark on this journey together. At the end of this voyage, it is my sincere prayer, that you are forever changed.

RULE 1

THE TAPE DON’T LIE

F

ailure is the best teacher; any wealthy person will tell you that. But there is a caveat. Failure is the best teacher if you take the time to self-reflect or as they say in basketball, Go back and watch the tape. When you do, you will then have the opportunity to evaluate the actions that may have led to the failure, and make the necessary corrections to prevent them in the future.

When I was a professional athlete, any time my team lost or played a horrible game, we had to go back and watch the game film, so we could see our mistakes. We could lie to our teammates, and even lie to our coaches about what we did or didn’t do in a game. We could even try to lie to or convince ourselves that we had other intentions. Maybe we had the correct intentions, but those intentions didn’t translate into actions. None of that mattered while watching the tape because, as the saying goes, The tape don’t lie!

Sometimes watching the tape meant we would be momentarily embarrassed in front of our teammates. Sometimes it meant that we would get cursed out by our coaches for blatantly disobeying the game plan. Sometimes it meant that our teammates would tease and ridicule us for weeks to come. But it always meant that we could see the mistakes, discuss them, and have our coaches design a correction practice plan that would kick our collective asses, as a reminder not to make those mistakes again. It meant that we had an opportunity to correct the mistakes. But without the tape, how would we even know what our mistakes were?

During the game, or while life is happening, adrenaline and emotions are so high that sometimes you don’t even remember when you’ve had a great game, not to mention a bad one. You cannot watch the game while playing it, so the best