More Than Her Truth

By Ebony M. McFarlane

For Essence, a joyful little girl living in Bronx, NY in the 80's; had its challenges. Though she was not aware that she would face one of the biggest challenges with the death of her mother by the tender age of eight. The once joyful girl turned into the girl with the imprinted tears on her face. When family should have been there to assist her on her journey of life, she was left to face the world on her own. Finding out the one that she loved so dearly and put on a pedestal was the cause of the death of her mother, turned her world upside down. Knowing that not every day or week would be good and that it is not realistic, perseverance was a must. Will she become the statistic that her father spoke over her life or become the women of God that she was chosen to be?

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 27, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098383787

Book preview

Golden Days

As I tossed over in the bed, I smelled a familiar scent. I opened my eyes. Is that baked macaroni and cheese? Is that strawberry cake? I asked myself. I sprang up from my bed, in a sprint, remembering it was a special day. My fifth birthday. A cute, chinkie-eyed, brown-skinned girl. As I reached the kitchen, I see my mother as busy as ever. She looked at me with a smile and said, Good morning Mahogany. Good morning mommy, I replied. My mother was a woman of few words, but she was strong and self-aware. With just a look she could give you a whole paragraph of thoughts.

I sat at the table and watched from a distance as my mother graced the kitchen, almost as if dancing a waltz. She cooked so well and with love. I always asked to assist her, but always got a shake of the head meaning, just watch. Little did she know, I always watched her.

I got up and walked back down the hallway to my brother Jacob’s room, only to see he was still sleeping, as always. My siblings are going to sleep their life away, I always thought to myself. So, I ran into the living room to watch a little Saturday morning cartoon. One of my favorites was on, Gummy Bears.

Not much later, my mother started to prepare us all for my birthday party. This included a hot comb to this voluminous head of hair of mine. The torture of that process! It made momma proud though and feel accomplished once completed. My mother then pulled out this beautiful royal blue and white dress. Just my size. As I was putting it on, the doorbell rang. People were already arriving.

Many of our guests were neighbors from the building, who were bringing either their children or grandchildren. It was one of the happier days I can remember. My father, Jacob, did not make it home until the end of the party. It did not matter because I loved him so much and daddy could do no wrong in my eyes. We finished the evening by taking plenty of pictures. Who could have known that the smiling faces for these pictures would be some of the last ones shared together? Who could have known that a little girl’s childhood would abruptly come to an end?

The More, the Merry

Chapter 1

My mother worked here and there throughout my childhood. But for the most part, when she had a child, she would stay home to raise them until school age. Me, just turning five, encouraged her to embark on finding employment and placing me in a preschool. I did not enjoy this one bit and was not ashamed of expressing that to the fullest. I cried anytime my mother was not in my presence, and that is all I did. No food, no play time, just tears. So, preschool did not last long, and I was back home with my mother as I wanted.

It was not long after that my mother would then decide to embark on another journey. She wanted another child. This time, through foster care. At that point, it was my sister Anitria, the oldest, my older brother Jacob Jr., and I, Mahogany. My mother’s pregnancy with Jacob Jr. was very challenging when during the delivery, it was discovered that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. The lack of oxygen led him to have disabilities. He could not see, which led to eye surgery to correct his sight. The functioning of his legs had also been affected. At eight months old, he was wearing glasses and had braces on his legs to assist him with walking. Prayerfully, my mother made sure that Jacob could make it and have a fulfilling childhood and life.

I wondered why after going through so much with Jacob, she chose to have me. Though I am grateful that she did. Though she still felt that her time for raising children was not over. I always wanted a younger brother. So, I was all in for the journey.

They began the process and got through all the paperwork and background information. Soon after, we were given a baby at some point. They would come and go. We had one baby for a couple of months who had some disabilities at seven months. He could barely move his head and could not roll over. Mom and I worked with him to assist, and by the time he left us, he was able to move his head and crawl. It started to affect us badly having the babies come and go. My mother started to ask how to have a child that we could eventually adopt.

Then came Christian. He was the cutest little boy, filled with so much joy. He was taken from his mother at birth for some reason I was never disclosed. He quickly became a part of our family. You could even tell that daddy took a special liking to him. I just knew in my heart we have found my little brother for life.

What’s Going On?

Chapter 2

Full time second grade student with some anger issues. Yes, that was my title at this point. Most of the time, I day-dreamed about what I could be doing other than sitting in this classroom. My goal was to push the limits of everyone around me, even myself. Maybe I sensed a change in my environment, or something was brewing. All I know is that the only good times were with my little brother and mother. Everything else annoyed me.

I was cordial with children my age, but I was not making it my business to make friends. Jacob attended the same school I was in but in Special Education classes. I almost never saw him during the school day, but sometimes I would see him during recess. He had his own friends. I did not even have friends in my neighborhood. We lived in Co-Op City and a lot of the children were at least three years older than I. If I did hang out outside, it was always with an older crowd, especially since Anitria was six years older than me.

Jacob Jr., though three years older than me, was not as aggressive as myself. He was more laid back. Not very assertive. A go with the flow attitude. This can be a blessing and a curse if not balanced right. He was less likely to defend himself because he was a lover, not a fighter. That is not helpful when someone wants to bully or take advantage of you. That became the case for him with a boy named John. John would literally pick a fight with my brother every day after school while we walked home. Because it was my brother’s battle with another boy, I did not get involved, with hopes that Jacob Jr. would find the courage to defend himself.

One day at school, I stepped out in the play yard for recess. I started playing tag with my peers when one of Jacob’s friends ran up to me. John took Jacob’s watch and won’t give it back. I was tired of John and he has had it coming for some time. I ran over to where they were in the yard.

I located John in the yard. Now this boy had a mouth on in him and proceeded to be boastful and talked about how he would beat anyone if they came in his way. In the middle of his speech, I grabbed him by the front of the collar and stated, Where is the watch? John replied, I don’t have a watch, with his hands up. I proceeded to drag him to the metal gates of the yard. Slamming him against them I stated, Give me the watch now! He then went into his pocket handed the watch over, I then stated, If you ever take anything from my brother again, I will beat you senseless!

When we got home that day, Jacob Jr. told our parents what I did for him. They were so proud, especially my father. My father proceeded to talk to Jacob Jr. on how he should not let this boy put his hands on him and stated, If you come in this house again complaining about this boy, you will get the beating, not him!

The next day walking home for school, John showed up and decided to pick a fight with Jacob Jr. Jacob Jr. fought back and won.

It seemed like these days my father would get home from work later and later. My mother, Essence, was the homemaker all on her own. My father did not ever attend church with us, which was a ritual every Sunday. Unless my mother planned for us to do things together as a family or to attend extended family functions, he would be home smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer.

One evening while I was in the living room watching TV, I heard something unfamiliar in the back room. So, I walked quietly to the back room to see what was going on. Realizing it was coming from my parent’s room, I peaked in. Only to see my mother crying and my sister holding on to her. I wondered who made my mother cry? What has happened?

My greatest fear at that point in my life has happened. They were taking Christian away from us. When my mother finally told us all, I could see in her face how shattered she was. This was the second time I had ever witnessed my mother cry. My father tried to console her, but I knew there was nothing that he could do to sooth a stab in the heart. I felt the same exact pain but refused to let a tear fall from my eye.

Christian was being taken in by his biological uncle and there was nothing we could do about it. Once Christian was settled in with his uncle for a couple of months, they allowed us to go a visit. During that visit, there was such a weird vibe. Christian’s uncle had a wife and three boys of his own. Why did he have to take Christian away from us? The family was not the friendliest, they were almost on the defense. Christian was not his jolly self. He had only known my mother as his mother. Leaving the home seemed to make my mother more torn. So, my father decided that we would never go back. Later, I found out that my mother was still reaching out to them, only to learn that Christian had a broken leg from supposedly falling off the bed. Likely story.

When It Rains, It Pours

Chapter 3

It is as if she went into a deep depression. She still functioned. Though mommy was looking thinner and thinner. Her health was fading, and everyone seemed to know what was going on but me. Back then as a child, you were seen and not heard. So,