After All These Years

By Rose McDonald

The fear of being set free kept me in my cage. Your fear can set you free, but only if you free them first. After that, fear has no power. When we question what we feel and think, we allow the transparency of those thoughts and emotions to find their way to the surface. We can uncover fears layer by layer to see what lies beyond. Fear is very often irrational and driven by a deeper source, maybe even an old wound.

If so, this book was written specifically for you to help you realize that you have greatness on the inside of you. This is a book that will give you peace and can help you find your purpose as you begin to go through a healing process of things that you feared from your past that you allowed to hold you back. It will allow you to see yourself the way God sees you.

This book will let you see that God did not abandon you and that he was carrying you through the storm the whole time to allow you to see that the storm doesn't always last. Weeping may endure overnight, but joy cometh in the morning. So today is a new beginning for the rest of your life. Let fear go and tell yourself that no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). Thank you, Jesus, for setting me free. Now I can fly.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9781098095031

Book preview

Chapter One

My Story

Chapter One

My name is Rose Marie McDonald. I was born in a place known as the windy city in 1955, the oldest of nine kids. We slept in two beds, side by side, and had a let-out couch. There was only one bedroom. We never knew what to expect. The next morning, because of the crowd, when we wake up, we might have a foot on our face and somebody lying on our back or finding the one on the bottom up at the top. If one of us got a whooping, we had to listen to that one cry all night until they fall asleep. I remember saying, Shut up, and go to sleep, and they would start all over again. I was thinking in my mind, This is going to be a long night.

Momma said we didn’t need friends because it was nine of us. She would say we had all we needed. I wanted a friend because that would make me less responsible for my sisters and brothers. At least I thought so. I hated being the oldest. I would wish that I was the only child.

Because I had to do everything, there were so many days that I would be so upset with my momma for having nine kids. But I love my sisters and brothers, and I always protected them. Welfare checks paid the rent and mostly supported the family.

My mom worked in a school cafeteria for a while and at a laundry service; but eventually, that got hard to do. It was just too much. Mom tried to earn an income from home to take care of us too. When Mom would call my sister, who was next to me, she would drop her head because she had no more time to play. I saw that look on her face as she began to cry. I would tell her, You can go back outside. I will do your chore. What a big smile that would be on her face. To see her run and play.

I didn’t know how it felt to slide down a sliding board, swing on a swing, jump rope, or play hopscotch. I never had a chance. My childhood was taken away from me. I became a young parent at an early age and helped in raising my sisters and brothers. I had to wash, iron, and cook, always taking care of them. I felt like there was no one there to take care of me.

My sister, who was next to me, and I started going to the store for other people, and they would pay us. We even started doing other chores such as cleaning their stove and mopping their floor—whatever they needed to be done. We would do it just to get paid. My sister and I became a team. We were so happy we would giggle. That meant a lot because we had money to give our mother.

I remember the times we didn’t have almost any food. Momma would say that she was not hungry. I would say the same, so she could eat, and then I would go to bed hungry. A lot of times, I would eat out of the garbage, so they can eat. We only had money sometimes to buy one chicken, a pound of rice, and a box of sugar. So we could have something to drink, I would steal some packages of Kool-Aid from the store. Sometimes, we had mayonnaise sandwiches, peanut butter and no jelly, and beans without meat.

We love cornbread but didn’t have it much. It was like a treat, and we would be so excited. You could see the look on our little faces once my mom made biscuits. They were so hard, like rocks, that the rats ran right past them! So we all were hungry that night. I called my grandma when I got up. She brought us groceries and made us some cornbread. We hollered, Yay, we got cornbread. We even received food stamps and still ran out of food. Mom would sometimes give us $2 and food stamps. No one could tell us anything that day.

We would go to the store just to get candy and potato chips and pop. After that, our stomach would ache all night. Wow! Holding our stomach, we didn’t want to look at any more candy or potato chips and pop. The only friend we had was that pink stuff known as Pepto-Bismol. I yelled out, No more candy, give me the rest of it! And they started crying, We want our candy. You’re going to eat it up. Then I said, I don’t want your candy. Look what it did to you. So I said, You can go outside for a little while. That was the only thing that shut them up in making them forget about their candy in chips.

Chapter Two

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Chapter Two

When we were coming up, my mom was strict, especially with the older ones. When I think about that today, I can say, Thank you, Mom. We could not go in and out of other people’s houses, and we could not stay overnight or eat, even if they offered us food. She taught us to be clean and polite and say, No, thank you, even if our stomach was growling. Mom was strong in some ways. She was also weak when it came to drinking and guys.

Mom started going out all the time and leaving me there by myself to take care of the kids. Sometimes, she wouldn’t come home until the next day. I wanted to call the police, but they would take us from our mom. I couldn’t let that happen. I love them so much. After all, they are my sisters and brothers. The holidays are just around the corner. That would always be our favorite time of the year. We would get so excited because we knew we were getting a present.

So I would go through life pretending like nothing ever happened. Did you? It was my way of coping.

We always had beautiful holidays, Christmas and Easter. They were always special. Mom loved Christmas lights, and we always had a white Christmas tree with red bulbs. Our house would be lit up. It’s funny just writing about it. It makes me feel as though I am right there. Maybe it’s because tomorrow is December 1st. Christmas is just around the corner.

I remember one year. Mom surprised us, and we all got a coat. Our grandma always gave us money. She knew we would give it to our mother. So my auntie would try to get us some nice things, while the other family members would give us pencils, apples, and orange because they said it was too many of us.

Wow, the other cousins got an outfit. But we were still happy even if they labeled us as the black sheep of the family. I would hear them say this all the time, It’s just too many kids. Like I didn’t know because I would say it too. I would also hear them talking about my mother. It would make me very angry. Our life was not perfect, but I love my mother because she is still my mother at the end of the day, and I did not want anyone to say anything bad about her and because she only did the things that she knew how to do.

Even every Christmas and Easter, we had to go to church. Mom couldn’t afford to get herself anything new. She would just stay home and wear her duster. She would go to the store that was called the Big Ben and get two pairs of shoes for $5 and at Payless shoes that were two pairs for $10. Even then, some of