How To Say No: Stand Your Ground, Assert Yourself, and Make Yourself Be Seen

By Patrick King

Finally get what you deserve and stop “letting it slide” - without guilt, fear, or awkward tension.

Saying no - just thinking about it sounds awkward, right? But that’s the barrier between you living your own life, and living for others. Get what you want, starting immediately.

Stop sacrificing your own needs. Quit the agreeableness and accommodation habit.

How to Say No examines the psychology of those unable to stand up for themselves. It’s not as simple as wanting to avoid awkwardness, and it’s not about the correct sequence of words. You’l dive deep and learn about your beliefs that are holding you back, as well as how to conquer them in short time.
Saying no is the most liberating thing you can do for yourself, and this book tells you how to get there from inside to out.

Swift tactics to gain respect, set boundaries, and ask for what you really want.

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real life experience.

How to decisively say NO and stop being taken advantage of.

•The counter mindsets you must change, and the mindsets you must replace them with
•A multitude of categories for how to asset yourself
•The easiest and least tense ways to simply say NO
•An examination of your beliefs surrounding acceptance, love, and self-worth
•Boundaries and how to ruthlessly enforce them

Stop putting others first and start treating yourself better.

Who are you living your life for? Do you feel like you are exhausted by the time you can finally pay attention to your own needs?
Do you finally wish that you could free yourself from self-imposed burdens and put yourself first? Learning how to say no and assert yourself is the most amazing tool that no one ever taught us. Start changing your life today.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publishdrive
• Release date: Mar 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9798729974498

Patrick King

Patrick King is a social interaction specialist/dating, online dating, image, and communication and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California. His work has been featured on numerous national publications such as Inc.com, and he’s achieved status as a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author. He writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and relationships. Learn more about Patrick at his website, patrickkingconsulting.com.

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How to Say No:

Stand Your Ground, Assert Yourself, and Make Yourself Be Seen (Without Guilt or Awkwardness)

By Patrick King

Social Interaction and Conversation Coach at www.PatrickKingConsulting.com

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< < CLICK HERE for your FREE 25-PAGE MINIBOOK: Conversation Tactics, Worksheets, and Exercises. > >

--9 proven techniques to avoid awkward silence

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1: The Importance of Saying No

Why Saying No is So Essential

Why We Struggle to Say No

Reason 1: You Want People to Like You

Reason 2: You are Afraid that You’ll Miss Out on Something if You Say No

Reason 3: You Genuinely Care

Reason 4: You Feel You HAVE TO Care

The Psychological Root of Never Saying No: Codependency

Chapter 2: Reset Your Mindset About Saying No

Getting Rid of Counter-Mindsets

Change Strategies for Counter-Mindsets

Rewriting the Script that Saying No Makes You a Bad Person

Rewriting the Script that Saying No Means You Don’t Care

Rewriting the Script that Says that Saying No Means You’re Selfish

Chapter 3: Train Your No Muscle - Proven Tactics to Help You Say NO

Kinds of Assertiveness

Mentally Preparing Yourself

Changing Your Behaviors and Beliefs One No at a Time

Saying No Strategically with the Right Tone

One Final Tactic: Buy Yourself Time

Chapter 4. Setting and Enforcing Boundaries

Choosing and Enforcing Your Boundaries

Toxic Takers

Chapter 5: Build Your Self-esteem and Self-image

Self-Esteem Boost Technique One: Kill Comparisons

Self-Esteem Boost Technique Two: Examine Your Core Beliefs

Self-Esteem Boost Technique Three: Be Nicer to Yourself!

Summary Guide

Chapter 1: The Importance of Saying No

Imagine a couple is planning their wedding. Because both come from big, close families, everyone gets involved in the plans, and soon, every parent, aunt, uncle, cousin, and distant relative is weighing in with their opinion on how things should be done. The engaged couple, wanting to be nice and show how appreciative they are for all the help they’re getting, accept more and more interference, saying yes to every new person added to the guest list, despite their reservations. They hold their tongues when people ignore their wishes or steer things in a different direction.

You probably already know how this story ends: soon, the wedding doesn’t remotely resemble what the couple originally wanted, and stress is at a fever pitch. Eventually, one or both of them loses their temper and puts their foot down. The families on both sides are hurt and confused. Sheesh, no need to be rude! If you didn’t like it, why didn’t you just say so?

If you’re reading this book, chances are you’ve had a similar experience in your own life, and would like to know how to avoid reaching this kind of breaking point again. Good communication, empathy, and knowing how to compromise are wonderful skills to have, but in this book, we’ll be talking about a skill that is relatively undeveloped in some of us: the art of saying no.

Having firm and healthy boundaries that you are comfortable asserting is a non-negotiable part of good mental health and self-esteem. But learning to say no is about so much more than simply putting your foot down with pushy family members to save some drama. The benefits of speaking up to defend your own boundaries and limits go far beyond this.

Why Saying No is So Essential

Saying no is about respect. Respect for ourselves and for others. When we say no, we assert our own boundaries, and this communicates to both ourselves and to others that we have value, and also that we have values, i.e. we have principles, goals, and limits that we care about protecting.

Saying no is a conscious, deliberate act. It empowers you because in saying this is not what I want, you are also essentially saying what you do want, and in so doing, shape your own life. If you can say no, you take back your own power and agency and correctly balance other peoples’ desires, needs, and demands with your own.

If you can say no from a healthy and conscious state of mind, then you know how to set your own intention and direct your life in the direction you want it to go according to what’s important to you. And the more you do this, the more confident you feel in your dreams and goals, and in your right to expect a life of your own, to do with it what you want.

However, if you never say no, you end up deferring to other people’s ideas of who you are, what your life should look like, and what you should do. You put their needs, expectations, and comfort before your own. Suddenly, you are bending over backward to make it easier for them to achieve their desires, all the while ignoring or dismissing your own. The end result is that your desires and opinions seem less important, your dreams go unfulfilled, your limits disrespected, and, in short, your life takes on a shape that makes it convenient for others, rather than being something that you designed for yourself.

We don’t only say no when things impinge on our values, though. No is a practical word—it helps us cut down on stress and respect our own limitations. We can’t do everything! Even if there’s a bunch of things you genuinely want to say yes to, it takes maturity to home in on your priorities and say no when you feel overwhelmed, or have your mental and emotional resources stretched. Though we might not like it, time and energy are always limited quantities. We need to budget them just as we budget our limited finances.

When you say no firmly and with confidence, people end up putting more value on your yes. Rather than seeming like a doormat who will do anything, people come to respect your time, and know that you will respect theirs by being honest upfront about what you can and can’t do for them. When you value yourself, you communicate this to others, and you actually end up avoiding confusion, awkwardness, overwhelm, or guilt from saying yes when you shouldn’t. You only boost your own sense of worth and bring more authenticity to your relationships. You don’t take things personally and don’t allow guilt to control your life.

Finally, one great benefit of mastering no is that you give yourself so much more time and energy to pursue what you really care about, i.e. all those things you can say a hearty and resounding yes to!

Are you a person who is constantly over-committing?

Many of us are trained to think of YES as such a positive, helpful, and healthy word. But this word can be surprisingly destructive. Maybe your job demands too much of you, and you work unpaid overtime or answer emails late at night when you should be relaxing. Maybe you end up doing all the chores, or agreeing to all the organizing for your social group or PTA. Maybe you have a pushy family or a partner who you feel makes constant demands that you can’t ignore. Between work commitments, children, family, studies, life admin, and relationships, most of us have a lot of demands not just on our time, but on our money, our emotions, and even our physical energy.

Here’s a fact about life: there will always be more to do than there is time to realistically do it.

So, knowing this, we can either adjust ourselves to respect these natural limitations, or we can attempt in vain to do it all . . . and fail anyway.

Many people who chronically say yes to everything and overcommit believe they are doing so because it leads to a rich, full life, or it makes other people happy, or it solves problems, and so on. The truth, however, is that overcommitting is bad for everyone involved. The irony is that in trying to do too much, we often do barely anything at all. When we bend over backward to win approval, we seem to get it the least, and when we violate our own boundaries to make others happy, they seem the least happy of all.

Overcommitting often comes with a heightened need for approval. You may possess some of the personality traits associated with overcommitting, including being an ambitious perfectionist and liking to be in control. But the downside is obvious—no matter how much we might pretend we’re superhuman, at some point our energy does run out, leaving us exhausted or even with a few health complaints.

It’s a bitter irony: in trying to be perfect, we are often forcefully confronted with our own limitations or even with outright failure when we push ourselves too far. In trying to impress others, we take on so much that we can’t help but disappoint them or let them down when we can’t juggle as much as we thought we could. And when we chase that feeling of being omnipotent and able to take on anything, we can quickly find