Intentional Communication: Emotional Validation, Listening, Empathy, and the Art of Harmonious Relationships

By Patrick King

How to read between the lines and eliminate conflict while improving every single relationship.
Communication is not just chit-chat, and it is not just the words coming out of people’s mouths. It’s like an onion with layers and layers of nuance, and the deeper you go, the more important it becomes. It has the power to transform your relationships, and thus your life. Learn how to utilize this powerful tool to the fullest.
All the tools you need to become the most effective communicator you know.
Intentional Communication is about the most important skill you can ever possess: how to clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings, and receive the same from others. It sounds simple, but then you realize that every day is filled with misunderstandings, passive-aggression, missed opportunities, and emotional outbursts. Why?
Genuine communication that leads to long-lasting relationships is rare, and it’s not easy to discover the gaps that hold us back. This book shows you the way and draws deep into both human psychology and usable tips and tricks to transform the way you relate to others.
How to truly hear people’s thoughts and emotions, while also clearly expressing yours.
Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real-life experience. He used to be turbulent relationships where dueling monologues was the norm. What changed? Implementing the techniques in this book.
The most essential mindsets to ensure comfortable, vulnerable, and satisfying relationships. The biggest obstacles to healthy communication and listeningWhat true validation is, and the powerful catharsis it providesThe concept of self-differentiation and how it will change you foreverWhat an Imago dialogue is and how it can save marriagesYour unconscious contribution to conflict and passive-aggression, and how to conquer itWhat empathy and curiosity have to do with each other
How to be immediately trustworthy and empathetic.
People don’t have the time to give you second chances. Put your best foot forward by understanding what really matters in communication. Relationships are the key to happiness and fulfillment, and this book unlocks them.
Apply these principles anywhere: parties, networking events, dates, and family get-togethers.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publishdrive
• Release date: Nov 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9798775658205

Patrick King

Patrick King is a social interaction specialist/dating, online dating, image, and communication and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California. His work has been featured on numerous national publications such as Inc.com, and he’s achieved status as a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author. He writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and relationships. Learn more about Patrick at his website, patrickkingconsulting.com.

Book preview

Intentional Communication:

Emotional Validation, Listening, Empathy, and the Art of Harmonious Relationships

By Patrick King

Social Interaction and Conversation Coach at www.PatrickKingConsulting.com

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< < CLICK HERE for your FREE 25-PAGE MINIBOOK: Conversation Tactics, Worksheets, and Exercises. > >

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--How to be scientifically funnier and more likable

--How to be wittier and quicker instantly

--Making a great impression with anyone

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1: The Biggest Obstacle to Real Communication

You versus Me . . . or Us versus the Problem

Assume People are Doing Their Best

Telling the Third Story

Address the Higher Self, Acknowledge the Emotional Self

Mastering Self-Differentiation

Chapter 2: Real-World Skills for Better Communication

The Gentle Power of Assertiveness

But What About Empathy?

Stay Curious

Humility: The Rarest Virtue

The Patience to Let Others Be

Chapter 3: What to Say and How to Say It

Understanding—and Removing—Emotional Barriers

Active Listening Techniques

Watch Out for Conflict Triggering Language

Test Your Assumptions

Listening and Nonviolent Communication

Chapter 4: How to Own Your Emotions

Getting off the Projection Carousel

Meet Your Own Needs

Have the Courage to be Yourself

Working with Your Inner Child

Summary Guide

Chapter 1: The Biggest Obstacle to Real Communication

Deep human connection is the purpose and the result of a meaningful life—and it will inspire the most amazing acts of love, generosity and humanity.

- Melinda Gates

Each of us shares this planet with 7.8 billion other people. Really let that sink in for a moment—7.8 billion people, all completely unique, all playing out from birth to death and epic saga filled with love, fear, change, adversity, hope . . . just like you. A handful of people in that 7.8 billion are those who you love and cherish. But there are also the people you will work with and for, the people who can help you excel and achieve, the people who need your help and your unique gifts, and the people who are going to challenge you to evolve in ways you can’t yet imagine.

Despite our being jam-packed and full of possibilities to connect, the world today is set up to reinforce an illusion of separateness. We may feel that we are fundamentally alone in our experience, with our sole responsibility being to advance our own narrow interests, gain material security, or bolster our egos against a hostile and uninterested universe. And yet . . . in our most vulnerable moments, we remember what really matters: deep human connection.

If there’s just one skill that will guarantee you a happier, more successful life, it’s the ability to have compassionate, cooperative relationships with other people. Whether it’s with your family members, friends, colleagues, or romantic partners, there’s no area of life that isn’t improved when you get on better with the other humans in your world. Poor relationships are arguably the most significant public health risk—without proper communication, we are unable to parent, unable to love, unable to lead in business, unable to negotiate, and entirely unable to make sense of our lives in our friendships, our families, our communities. Communication is nothing less than the fabric that stitches all 7.8 billion of us together.

In this book, we’ll be looking at practical ways to transform yourself into someone who is likeable, communicates well, and has meaningful, productive connections with others. Though this might be an area of difficulty for you currently, the good news is that all of us have the capacity to improve the way we connect and communicate.

You versus Me . . . or Us versus the Problem

Let’s begin, however, with all the things that stand in the way of us being the compassionate, emotionally intelligent people we want to be. If people desire better relationships, then why do they find it so difficult to cultivate them? Unfortunately, our world is geared up to emphasize the narcissistic, the competitive, and the combative in us, while there is comparatively little training or education on how to engage cooperatively with our fellow man. The first step to learning to be better, though, is acknowledging what isn’t working currently.

In this book, we’ll keep returning to several core concepts and mindset shifts that underpin our approach to improving relationships. Perhaps the biggest one is simple: it’s how we frame arguments.

Imagine a married couple who have exactly the same argument every few months. The wife feels emotionally neglected and sidelined while the husband works, and her fears mount until she raises the issue. She says, I feel unloved, and he hears, You don’t love me. You’re doing something wrong. He goes on the defensive and starts explaining how hard he works—to support her! Isn’t she grateful? Does she think that she’s perfect? The wife feels even more unloved.

There are countless examples of these boring old arguments a million times over all across the world. You’ve probably had some of them yourself, right? What they all have in common, though, is that they position the other person as an enemy. It’s them versus you. Many of us go into combat mode so automatically that we literally cannot think of any other way to communicate. If you disagree, doesn’t that logically make the other person your adversary?

The answer is no! Communication experts understand this point: That it’s always you and the other person as a team working against the problem, rather than you and the other person working against one another. The goal of conversations is never to declare a winner. It’s to create harmony, connection, and understanding. Imagine it as partner dancing, rather than martial arts!

Simply get into the habit of saying, We’re on the same team, and you’ll find this instantly brings you both into a more cooperative mindset. When you have a relationship with someone, healthy communication is geared toward protection and maintenance of that connection—not to hurting the other person, blaming them, or finding out who is the villain and who the hero. This latter approach is like doing salsa dance with someone and trying to compete to see who can get to the end of the song fastest—not only does it not make sense, nobody will enjoy the experience!

Disagreement or conflict does not need to be an invitation to go into war mode with another person. For the couple above, they can really start to shift the issue when they realize that they love one another and are both on the same side. The wife loves her husband and wants to spend time with him; the husband loves his wife and wants to provide for her. When they stop seeing one another as the source of the problem, they can appreciate this monumental fact and put it front and center.

No offense and defense, but teamwork.

No blame or guilt, but honest identification of the problem, and a joint effort to fix it.

No you and me, but us.

Your enemy is not the other person, but whatever is standing in the way of your connection.

No winner and loser; we win together, or we lose together.

Often, people get into heated arguments because deep down they feel threatened, unloved, unheard or disrespected. These needs can be so strong and overpowering that they temporarily eclipse the need for relationship harmony. But here, we make a mistake: this zero-sum thinking has us believing that either we get what we want, or the other person gets what they want. So, if we feel like we are not getting enough understanding or love, we assume we have to take it from the other person. If we want to feel right, we assume that we need to make the other person feel wrong.

Of course, in a healthy relationship of any kind, goodwill, love, and respect are not finite quantities that have to be squabbled over. Everyone can be right! Or on the other hand, two people can differ in their opinions, yet there is no problem and no reason to fight.

An emotional