Fake Forgiveness Is Toxic for Relationships
Accepting an apology or brushing off a slight can benefit the offender and the offended alike—but only if you really commit to it.
“How to Build a Life” is a weekly column by Arthur Brooks, tackling questions of meaning and happiness.
In Robert M. Pirsig’s 1974, , the author describes a device he calls “the old South Indian Monkey Trap.” It consists of a hollowed-out coconut with some rice inside, chained to a stake. The coconut has a hole in the top just large enough for a monkey to insert its hand but not big enough to remove a fistful of rice. While villagers watched from a distance, Pirsig writes, a hungry monkey would reach in and become trapped, unable or unwilling to give up its handful in exchange for its freedom. The villagers could then walk right up and take the monkey away.
