Born to be You: The Most Difficult Lesson I Had to Learn is I am Worth Recovery

By Shannon Patricia

Shannon shares her inspirational life story including her struggles with low self-esteem and “Never feeling good enough.” Trying to live up to society’s stereotypical perceptions of “perfection.” The detrimental effects of emotional bullying and her long struggle with bulimia nervosa; alcohol and drugs, which almost cost her, her life. Combined with her extensive challenges with depression and anxiety.

Shannon is passionate about being a positive, life changing force for others and giving a voice to the importance of Mental Health and Emotional Wellbeing. She believes that her journeys travelled, and life lessons learnt, have not merely been for her exclusive benefit, but to help others.

Her book offers readers a wealth of insight and tools, for both the sufferer, as well as their parents. Tools and recommendations for addicts and suffers of emotional instability, which she has found incredibly helpful, on her roads to recovery.

Shannon has conducted in excess of 150 talks nationwide, reaching audiences of approximately 860 000 people. She has also been privileged to appear on several TV and radio platforms, together with writing articles for numerous magazines and internet portals on the above subjects.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shannon Patricia
• Release date: Feb 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005184025

Shannon Patricia

Shannon shares her inspirational life story including her struggles with low self-esteem and “Never feeling good enough.” Trying to live up to society’s stereotypical perceptions of “perfection.” The detrimental effects of emotional bullying and her long struggle with bulimia nervosa; alcohol and drugs, which almost cost her, her life. Combined with her extensive challenges with depression and anxiety.Shannon is passionate about being a positive, life changing force for others and giving a voice to the importance of Mental Health and Emotional Wellbeing. She believes that her journeys travelled, and life lessons learnt, have not merely been for her exclusive benefit, but to help others.Her book offers readers a wealth of insight and tools, for both the sufferer, as well as their parents. Tools and recommendations for addicts and sufferers of emotional instability, which she has found incredibly helpful, on her roads to recovery.Shannon has conducted in excess of 150 talks nationwide, reaching audiences of approximately 860 000 people. She has also been privileged to appear on several TV and radio platforms, together with writing articles for numerous magazines and internet portals on the above subjects.

Book preview

Born to be You

The Most Difficult Lesson

I had to Learn is

I am Worth Recovery

Shannon Patricia

© Born to be You 2020. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or replicated in any form.

Introduction

A person will perish if they have no vision for their life.

In order to be who God created you to be,

you need only ever be yourself.

We must challenge who we think we are

in order to discover who we were meant to be.

I allowed the world to determine my worth, relying on substances to help me feel alive. Addictions such as: Bulimia nervosa; alcohol; drugs; nicotine; sugar and caffeine, which almost cost me my life. I was frantically trying to find purpose in all the wrong places. My burning desire to find myself and my soul-purpose on earth, became my life-long quest. I yearned for something greater that would fill the void, which I felt deep within my soul. Still, I knew that there was a much deeper meaning and purpose to my life, than what I had known it to be. I longed to find that special, something which would finally make me feel content and whole.

Emotional/Mental Health has often had negative connotations to it, which I believe may have hindered many sufferers’ former desires for recovery. Emotional wellbeing should be just as important in maintaining, as for instance, one’s physical health.

My vision is to give a voice to the importance which Emotional Health has in our lives. There is no need to feel ashamed and there is no need to suffer in silence. Hopefully by sharing my experiences, it will further assist others and hopefully prevent others from following suit. I believe that this is my life purpose which God has created me for, and I now obediently follow Him every day of my life.

I believe that I have travelled my journey, not only for my own life lessons, but to be able to assist others in their quests, as well. I believe that God has preserved me because of what is within me. He has preserved me for a greater purpose and I wholeheartedly believe that my purpose is to reach out and help each one of YOU!

I pray that I can be a positive, life changing force for others, inspiring them to live their lives to their absolute fullest, by being the very best versions of themselves. Ensuring that we are able to live the life we were destined to live. Being free from living lives governed by consuming addictions which ultimately result in self-destruction, prison, institutions and ultimately death. For it is then, when my life’s journey will be given meaning, knowing that I have survived and been able to share in my life lessons, by being able to assist YOU with yours.

Depression is the number 1 disability in the world today.

And yet, 75% of sufferers are untreated.

23 people in South Africa alone, commit suicide

every day.

Approximately 800 000 people, in the world.

That’s 1 person every 40 seconds!!!

Choosing Life

Today I choose life. Every morning I awake, I choose joy, love, happiness and laughter. I want to feel the freedom and peace that accompanies the ability to make mistakes and to have choices. I don’t want to experience pain, disappointment and negativity. I no longer deny my humanity but choose to embrace it.

Today, I choose to feel alive!

Nothing that you have ever had to undergo will prevent you from enjoying an amazingly wonderful future, if you walk with God in faith. God loves you more than you will ever imagine, and He wants you to live with victory over sin, so that you can possess His promises for your life today!

People disappoint you, and they will disappoint you, because after all they are only human. God never does. Whenever people don’t approve or love you. God loves and accepts you fully and completely. He knows your worth and loves you unconditionally. Regardless of your shortcomings and mistakes made.

I was also so busy waiting for my fabulous life to begin, that I wasn’t allowing myself to fully appreciate it for what it was right now!

Thank you for affording me the incredible opportunity to share my life experiences and lessons learnt with YOU.

There is no time like the present, to live your best life ever!!!

Recommendations

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has been the victim of an addiction of some sort and to family members and friends who are supporting the victim.

I have shared with you a variety of tools which can assist you on your journey as I have suffered extensively from an array of different addictions. As an addict would know, there is a constant challenge to stay on the right road and this book will certainly provide you with those tools.

25% of the world suffer from Emotional Health challenges of some sort, so there is no need to suffer in silence, or be ashamed of your addiction and/or emotional instability.

Words of Thanks

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all my amazing family members and friends who have stood by me through good times and extremely challenging ones.

My family have taught me what the true meaning of having a close and supportive family is. We have assisted one another through every challenge faced and we continue to learn lessons along the way. My family continue to show me what unconditional love is. As well as providing me with infinite support, which have ultimately proven to be valuable life lessons learnt. To this very day, we remain a very closely connected and loving family. Love each one of my family members, madly!

My two incredible Children, Tristan and Paige. My angels, words cannot begin to express my love and appreciation for you both. You remind me every day what a privilege it is for me to be your Mom. I am so proud of the mature adults you are becoming. Huge, tight hugs to each of you, Mmmwaaah!!!

To my incredible husband, Chris who had so many reasons in the past to leave and still, you decided to stand firmly by me and love me unconditionally. Thank you, you are a greater man for it! It is with tremendous thanks and gratitude to each one of you that I can write this book today.

You have each played such an instrumental role in my life and I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for each and every one of YOU? Thank you for always believing in me. Thank you for continuing to inspire and support me over the years. I love and cherish each one of you.

I would also like to thank and make special mention of Akeso Crescent Clinic and all the medical staff. You all played an integral part in my recovery and I learnt a great deal from you all. May your holistic approach to recovery stand me and all your patients, in good and healthy stead, forever more.

Thank you to Pastor Chris and New Life Church for enabling me to grow in my faith and journey with Jesus Christ. You have assisted me through so many different facets of my life over the past decade and blessed me with invaluable knowledge and inspiration. Thank you for accepting me and my children unconditionally. I love being part of your congregation.

All my love and appreciation to each single one of YOU.

Thank you for being, YOU xx

Contents

1) Never Feeling Good Enough as a Child Growing Up

2) The Power of Words – Becomes Your Belief System

3) Reclaiming my Power – Forgiveness

4) Forgiveness Sets You Free

5) My Turn-Around Point

6) Choosing Happiness

7) A Mother’s Most Precious Gift – Her Children

8) Finding your Passion and Living it!

9) Finding my Mr Prefect

10) Finding Our way Back to God

11) Feeling Strongholds Breaking Down

12) Who are We?

13) Life is a Roller-Coaster Ride - Admitting that You have a Problem

14) What is Addiction?

15) How do You Know if You are a Drug Addict?

16) How do You Know if You have an Eating Disorder?

17) Knowing When to Seek Treatment

18) What is Depression

19) What is Anxiety?

20) Emotional Bullying

21) Life as a Recovering Addict

22) Tools to Help You Stay on the Rails to Recovery

23) The 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous

24) Stages of Recovery

25) Trigger Inventory

26) A Loving Note for Parents

27) Getting to Know the Real You

28) What is Spirituality

29) Living in the Now

30) Self Esteem and Self-Confidence

31) Enjoying a Healthy, More Balanced Lifestyle

32) Being Mentally and Physically Fit

33) Additional Books by the Author

Life’s Pathway

You’ve overcome so many things,

and every time, you’ve grown

Through sheer determination

and the wisdom that you’ve shown.

So, as you face this journey,

from the moment you begin,

Know that God will guide you,

and you’ll have the strength to win.

Hello There!

Alrightie then, so who am I? My name is Shannon, Patricia and I was born on the 9th July 1974 in Empangeni, Kwazulu-Natal, South Africa. Being true to my roots, I still support the Sharks rugby team to this day! As I couldn’t pronounce my English surname, I would call myself, Shannie B which many of my lifelong friends still call me today! Ha ha!

I have always been very proud of my family, and their many accolades achieved throughout their lives. My Dad, was a Civil Engineer and my Mom, was a Nursery School Teacher. My brother, Ryan is 16 months younger than me. I loved my little brother, Ryan and called him, I as I couldn’t pronounce his full name. Whilst we were in Nursery School and Primary School together, we were thought of as being twins as we were the same height, and both had snow white blonde hair. Here are a few photos of me as a baby.

I refer to my wonderful family as the Italian Mafia. Ha ha! Because if anyone messes with any one of us, you’ll have the entire family army to contend with.

In the late 70’s we relocated to Johannesburg and lived in Helderkruin, Gauteng, South Africa for 10 years, where I went to Ridgevale Primary School. Here are photos of me when I was about 2-3 years old.

Below are a few photos taken of Ryan and I.

My Dad was a very influential person in our lives and was an exceptionally high achiever. He was Head Boy in high school, achieved the highest marks in South Africa for applied mathematics when he was in Grade 11. He was 1st team tennis, cricket and soccer and had 16 scrolls on his colours blazer which were sewn over the two pockets on each side. He later graduated with several degrees, cum laudé. I was always extremely proud of my Dad for all his extraordinary achievements, but I do remember thinking to myself, How on earth do I begin to compete with all of these achievements? Shhhooooeeewwwweeee!!!

Never Feeling Good Enough!

Very quickly, I learnt that unless you were 1st in everything that you did, your efforts were done in vain. And even when you did excel, there was never real acknowledgement for it. Having an exceptionally high IQ unfortunately did not mean that my Dad had an equally high EQ (Emotional Intelligence) So, we only really received hugs on our Birthdays and Christmas Day.

I wasn’t exceptionally good or competitive in ball sports and so grew up in my brother’s shadow. I always wanted to be as good as he was in sports, so that my Dad would at least include me in their so called friendly games together. But sadly, I was always the spectator watching their games. Never one of the players, on the field. I spent my entire childhood trying to obtain my father’s stamp of approval, but sadly to no avail. I also wasn’t an exceptionally academically minded student. And so, I constantly felt like an absolute misfit in my own family. Never quite feeling as if I truly belonged. Below is a photograph of me when I was about 5 years old, still in Nursery School.

The Power of Words – Becomes Our Belief System

I became aware of the detrimental effects which many people and events had on my life. So many things others say about us can create false limitations and beliefs for us. They can carry so much power and influence that they shape our future. Where, what we were told about ourselves growing up, then begins to control and limit us today.

People of authority underestimate the amount of influence they have on our youth. It’s scary to discover just how many people have been hurt by what their Parents or Teachers have said to them growing up.

Approximately 85% of our world’s population has been negatively affected by their childhood.

My Dad would often make fun of my body, by referring to it as a Grunburger wine bottle. Which is not at all complementary for an adolescent young lady growing up. When people would complement me on perhaps the shape of my legs, my Dad would always joke and say, Yes, if she had another 2, she could kick-start a Boeing. The joke would always be on me and if I didn’t laugh along to his jokes, then I was told that, I didn’t have a sense of humour. It didn’t take too long for me to develop an inferiority complex about not only my figure, but my legs as well.

We also had a family friend whose nickname for me growing up was, Fattie. Although, I was mortified whenever I was called this, but I daren’t challenge him, as ‘he’ was the adult who should always be respected. Always respect the rank, is what I was always taught. I was also told by a close family member that I was, a compulsive eater. I was deeply offended and affected by this remark. And it haunted me for decades to come. The other incident which I recall experiencing was when we went to visit my paternal Gran. Having not seen her for some time yet, she greeted me with a, Oh, you’ve gained a lot of weight since the last time I saw you. Hmmmm! Lovely to see you too Granny, is what I was thinking.

Also, at school one day, in Health Education, all the students in the class were required to have themselves weighed. When it was my turn to climb onto the scale, my Teacher gasped in amazement. As if she was shocked to see how much I weighed. This left me feeling absolutely mortified and from that day onwards, I refused to wear shorts or a leotard for any sporting activities held at school.

It was at this time when I was chosen to be the lead character in our school play that year, and it was required of me to wear a lime-green leotard for my character. When it came to dress rehearsal, I locked myself in the same Teacher’s storeroom, refusing to come out. As I was now too ashamed to come out and show the class what I looked like in this leotard. On the day of the school concert, I was dressed in the lime-green leotard and went on stage to take my place. I forgot all of my lines and frantically ran off the stage, feeling completely humiliated. By this stage, I strongly believed that I was fat, and that I had a serious weight problem. Afterall, how could all 5 adult’s name calling and remarks, all be wrong? Here is a photograph of me at this time in my life.

Now correct me if I’m wrong! But looking at the above photograph of me, taken when I was in Grade 5. (Age 10 years old) as well as looking at the previous photographs enclosed of me thus far. Do I look like a girl who had a weight problem??? Did I have any reason whatsoever to feel fat, watch what I ate, or had any reason to feel conscious about my weight??

No, not at all!!! I didn’t even have any fat whatsoever, too lose and yet because of people’s silly, thoughtless remarks made and nicknames given to me by figures of authority, I was led to believe that I was indeed FAT and that I was a compulsive eater. Our minds believe everything you tell it, regardless of whether it is true or not. If only these people knew just how much pain and damage they had caused in my life. Perhaps they would have acted differently? Emotional bullying is often underestimated as we don’t physically see the damage caused. Unfortunately, we cannot heal the damage by simply putting a bandage on it!

We are taught that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me. Hmmm, well I beg to differ. Perhaps in public I never gave the people bullying me, the satisfaction of the extent of the hurt which they were causing me. But believe you me, behind closed doors, that pain penetrates straight to the bone.

Still, I didn’t want to stay stuck in my past and I certainly couldn’t keep blaming these people for my addictions. It was my life and I didn’t want my past to define me. Instead, I wanted it to help shape my future. My past merely consisted of a compilation of pivotal life lessons which I had to learn. And I certainly wasn’t going to allow them to be my life sentence.

Life is 10% of what happens to you and

90% of how you choose to react to it.

Perception Becomes Your Reality

When I was 12 years old, my Dad had an affair. My Dad had this idea that I could be best friends with his mistress’ Daughter who was a year older than me. So, one day, I went to meet them all and visited their home. The Daughter of his mistress was a champion sportswoman. She had all her trophies, medals and rosettes proudly displayed on the mantel piece in their family lounge. Wow! At that moment, I immediately interpreted my Dad’s decision to leave our family as personal rejection of me. I believed that he wasn’t leaving my Mom, he was leaving ME! As I wasn’t Head Girl, I was only a Prefect in school. I didn’t play 1st team in any sport, but 2-3rd team instead. I later returned home to pack all my Dad’s belongings into black bags, told him his fortune and told him to get out and to leave our family alone!

During this time, I emotionally shut down and placed a barrier around my heart that no-one else could get close to. I was adamant that never again would any man hurt or betray me to the extent that my own father had. And so, I kept everyone at arm’s length and never allowed them in. I felt as if I was carrying the world on my shoulders. I was so busy trying to be my Mom’s rock, but who was being mine?

My wardrobe