Expecting Perfect Behaviour from Imperfect People

By Tosin Ojumu

A short ebook from my relationship series and blog: "Finding Mr Huggie-Wuggie" that is all about building an outstanding foundation for an outstanding Christian marriage. This ebook contains 8 articles:

Expecting Perfect Behaviour from Imperfect People
"...To put it simply, life presents many challenges.
Some of these challenges could make or break our marriages. So here’s the thing: we know that the people we marry are not perfect when we marry them and will not become perfect over the course of our marriages. And yet for our marriages to survive, our spouses have to consistently make the right choices when faced with these marital “make or break” challenges, as we also will need to make the right choices when we are equally faced with our own challenges.

Anticipating the Pressure Points of Your Marriage
“...I was thinking that in a marriage, the same issues will predictably occur time after time in that marriage, to cause friction, disappointment etc. I was also thinking that for many people, it will be very, very easy to identify what these issues are, or what they will be within marriage, if you are not yet married. Often it will be very straightforward to guess the reactions of our spouses or would-be spouses to different issues, the things that will trigger different responses, insecurities etc...”

To Be Honest...
“... I am starting to think that “romantic” simply means “you and me, together, celebrating our togetherness”. It is also not about buying a package of ready-made romance that someone else has already put together for us, but rather investing our time, our skills, our efforts and our creativity to tenderly, skilfully and painstakingly craft something that is personally meaningful to us...”

Revised Relationship Schedule
“... From observing other people’s marriages, many times I have seen issues crop up which might have been avoided altogether if either spouse, or both of them, had been more deliberate in thinking towards and planning for an excellent marriage before marriage. Possibly the most obvious example of this is when someone is married to a dreadful spouse – rude, inconsiderate, self-centred, lazy, immature, irresponsible – possibly all of the above, possibly even worse. And I think to myself:
“What were you looking at?!”...”

Within the Marriage Itself
“...Sometimes it will happen that we will endure, or overcome, for years, (and years, and years, ...even decades) and then surprisingly capitulate, or compromise. This is something that I remind myself of all the time. As a Christian, I need to guard against complacency. Not only that, but I need to keep fighting, keep pressing ahead in Christ, with ever greater determination. I need to keep crying out to God that He would keep me grounded and rooted in Him...”

“...But he’s not a Christian!”
“...But then it finally dawned on me: the reason why I’m always noticing guys who are not Christians, and never seem to notice guys who are Christians, is because guys who are not Christians so vastly outnumber guys who are, and there simply are not that many Christian guys to notice, especially with my fussy criteria about prayer and being biblically grounded! How simple is that?!...”

Being Mrs Huggie-Wuggie!
“... And so I realised – finally – that my task is not to find some guy, and manage to squeeze out huggie-wuggie characteristics from him, where they don’t naturally exist. Rather, my task is to find someone who is also naturally like this, and whose huggie-wuggie level is the same as mine, who also naturally yearns for these things, and values these deep conversations. And that to me was an amazing relevation, although I’m suspecting that it should have been a little more obvious to me...”

And "The Difference Between Love and Lust"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tosin Ojumu
• Release date: Jun 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463449738

Tosin Ojumu

Hello, my name is Tosin and for many years I have sat down and thought through questions about how to have an outstandingly successful marriage, and what I need to do before I get married to best ensure that successful marriage. Over the next few weeks and months I aim to publish a new ebook everyday from my blog and relationship series "Finding Mr Huggie-Wuggie." Visit my blog address listed here to see the full list of ebooks as well as video excerpts for each ebook :)

Book preview

Expecting Perfect Behaviour from Imperfect People

Copyright 2019 by Tosin Ojumu

Published at Smashwords.com

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

Table of Contents

The Difference Between Love and Lust

Expecting Perfect Behaviour from Imperfect People

Anticipating the Pressure Points of Your Marriage

To Be Honest...

Revised Relationship Schedule

Within the Marriage Itself...

...But he's not a Christian!

Being Mrs Huggie-Wuggie!

Cover image by 3209107 from Pixabay

The summary for this ebook is available on my website at https://huggie-wuggie.com/excerpts/ebook-expecting-perfect-behaviour-from-imperfect-people/

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The Difference Between Love and Lust

This article was previously posted on my blog "Finding Mr Huggie-Wuggie" on 12 October 2013.

To see this article in other formats please check out my website at: https://huggie-wuggie.com/excerpts/the-difference-between-love-and-lust/

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I came across an article with this same title a few weeks ago. It was also from a Christian writer. I had already read many of the other articles on his blog and I had generally agreed with what he said, and very strongly. However, with this one article, what he said just did not ring true in my spirit. I could not bring myself to agree with his viewpoint. And then that got me thinking on the subject. And then it occurred to me that this is quite an obvious article for me to write myself! Why have I not written this article before? Answer: for the following simple reason: Most articles on this blog come about as a result of my thinking deeply about relationship issues that perplex me. I sometimes share these posts as a way to get my own thoughts straight on different issues. And then sometimes, I will forget my own proposed solutions - and I will come back and revisit these thoughts to try to grasp the issues afresh. However on this one topic, the difference between love and lust, I've always felt quite clear on the issue, so I've never found myself trying to think deeply to understand it. That does not mean that I am immune to lust. What it means is that I understand perfectly well what it is if and whenever I let myself succumb to it. There is such a difference between this issue, and the difference between love and infatuation, for instance, where I have already written a few articles but still struggle to truly understand. And yet infatuation and lust are sometimes used as synonyms for the same thing.... But anyway.

So anyway, I have always been quite sure that I understand this issue - but one thought occurred to me that has made me pause for thought in my confidence - but perhaps more on that later.

OK, let's start with lust, because I feel that that is easier to define. Lust in the sexual sense is when you see someone, and you are attracted to their physical attributes, and you want to use them only to gratify your own sexual desires, without any thought of genuinely serving them according to their own real needs. Or lust is when the primary reason for entering the relationship is the hope of how the other party will satisfy you sexually. Or lust is when you look at this person and you cannot see them in any other way except sexually.

I guess the reason why this issue can be so difficult for many of us is because sexual attraction is a good and necessary part of romantic relationships anyway. In a truly loving relationship, yes, there should be deep attraction, but our aim within that should also be to serve our spouse in whatever they truly need, whether that is sexual or not. As Christians, we should put our spouses first, while putting our own needs second. We should aspire to see our spouses as full human beings with meaning, beauty and worth beyond their sexual identity. We should cultivate care and compassion for their lives and their concerns. Lust does none of these things. It does not merely take, it grabs. It certainly does not give, as true love should do. It treats other human beings as objects to use then discard.

I think that this is the way lust works. Through pornography or sexually explicit literature we focus and we focus on the gratification that these things promise until this thing becomes so big in our minds and our hearts that it almost consumes all our thoughts. In Biblical talk, it is as if it becomes a god to us. As human beings, we find it so easy to become enslaved to self-gratification, whether that comes through sex, or food, or lavish extravagant living.

So with many people who act lustfully towards others, I'm sure that if they were controlled by their rational minds, they would be able to acknowledge that they were dealing with people, not objects. However I believe that in extreme cases the lust would have ensnared them so much that they