Soulmate?: Have You Really Found the ‘One’?

By Allan James Miller

Soulmate? Have You Really Found the ‘One’? is a short researched narrative book dedicated to immediately unhinging the ridiculous notion that there is only one person born on this earth who is meant to be with you. In fact, there are many potentials out there, and I’m glad of it, because if there were indeed only one, what a sad state of affairs that would be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 21, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483515243

Book preview

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Introduction

In my previous book, entitled Dating the Married Woman: Tale of a Male Mistress (BookBaby, 2013), there is a chapter devoted to the subject of finding the ‘one’. You know what I mean: the reaction a guy/girl has to meeting someone who takes their breath away, spending a load of time together, some mind-blowing sex, and then the former decides that this person must be my ‘soulmate’, the ‘one’, as the target is more commonly referred to. Sounds romantic and so ‘happy ever’ after doesn’t it? Nonsense. Not to say that it can’t happen, and I know many couples who have been together since they started dating as childhood sweethearts. But with the vast number of marriages ending in divorce and the probable equal amount of break-ups between non-married couples, does anyone really believe in the notion that there is only one person who was ever and will be right for you, and that after a relationship ends that’s it, all is done? Only if you’re an idiot.

If you honestly believe that there is and will only ever be one person for you then you’re a sad case. Sorry for the early insults, but there is no way that this can be true. Naturally, after a relationship ends and you end up ruminating for what seems a lifetime as to what went wrong, the next thing you know someone else comes along, blowing your ‘one’ thinking out the window. In fact, a better term for what we are talking about is ‘one of many’. Let me give you a simple scenario: you move from your present location to a new city – it doesn’t matter where – and lo and behold, before you know it you have met someone else. Is it fate that you moved to the new city just to find this girl (or guy)? Or could you have moved to any of a given number of cities and regardless of the one you chose, you would have met your dream person there? I used to think about this a lot: why is it that in each and every location I moved to, I would find a new love interest? Surely God (or whomever or whatever you believe in) wouldn’t have me on a cosmic scavenger hunt to find that one special person for me. Or was it simply a simple fact that no matter where you are in this world, someone can cross your path and affect your life forever as a new love interest. This, then, leads me to believe that no matter where you live or new city or town you move to, there will always be a potential partner for you: ‘one of many’.

This book, Soulmate? Have You Really Found the ‘One’?, is meant to contradict the silly notion that, upon birth, there is one and only one special person who is designed for you, and who is meant to share each and every waking and sleeping moment with you, forever and amen. This type of thinking leads to complete desperation and clinginess on your part if you believe in the ‘one’, and probable torture for the potential partner you have your eyes fixated upon. It can lead to your own neediness, stalking, excessive monitoring, worrying, and a number of other social ills (and kills) that lead you to believe that this person that you idolize MUST be the one for you, without any other option. And what if the object of your affection doesn’t reciprocate the way you feel? Scary thoughts. Going a step further, even if the person you adore has some modicum of like for you, that can become a major embarrassment as you now start to think that he/she definitively loves me, when in fact all he/she does is like you. The tendency to exaggerate the facts gets worse as you end up trying to convince your family and friends that this must be the one person in this universe meant for me.

When I was in high school, I used to cringe at how often I would see a guy who was around 18 years old meet a girl, fall in love, and proclaim his life was set, now that he had found the ‘one’. It just didn’t make sense to me. There was so much growing up to do, things to do, see and learn, and I was quite sure, from my own estimation, that any girl I had met was in all likelihood just a stepping stone to the person I would end up being with in the future. Perhaps I had better foresight than some others, but my cringes would turn to disbelief as these same 18 year old guys would then pronounce that we’ll get married soon, get a car and a house, and have a couple of kids. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having a plan, but I began to notice that the guys who were saying this were in fact the ones who were so desperate to latch onto someone that they figured that it’s now or never, particularly in such an early stage of life. For someone unbeknownst reason, these same 18 year olds would carry on with this vision and started looking physically old, as if they had transformed into a middle-aged adult overnight. Of course they weren’t old, but it just seemed that way. Trying to be too mature, and too desperate, without considering the many possibilities that the future might indeed hold. To be fair, many are guilty of this mode of thinking at an early stage of adulthood, and it could be a result of family or peer pressure to hook up with a partner very early in life (which to me is even worse, even when given the excuse that we can learn to fall in love. Yuck.). Yeah, ok. But as I noted later on in life, I found that many acquaintances and colleagues held on