Faith - Through the Storm

By Jez Smith

I have suffered on so many fronts, losing my health to losing my family
and all the pain that that caused me. I spent a whole year and more
seemingly holding on through the worst storm I have ever been in.
Physically there is still a long way to go and a long road is still before
me but I know that God is not finished with healing me. Physically
my recovery has been very slow and frustrating and I am sure that my
frustration has shown itself in the pages of this book, however I can clearly
say that I would not be where I am today without my faith in God. One
Sunday members of my church prayed for me because I had just had
results that showed that their was no nerve activity in my legs below my
knees and that according to the doctors showed that I did have nerve
damage in my legs, however a week after their prayers for me God gave
me the strength to walk into church on my crutches. I had been able for
some weeks to walk short distances around my home on my crutches with
splints controlling the position of my feet so that I did not drag my toes
on the floor. Although my lower legs were not healed of their weakness
God gave me the strength to walk further than I had ever walked before,
and for me that told me that without prayer we can not overcome or
expect to see positive results. Prayer is always the answer as is Jesus! I still
find today that I have to be very careful with how much I do on any given
day as busy days do result in me being very fatigued. My energy levels do
dip quite badly, living with disabilities does mean doing things differently
and adapting and I have found that every day has its own set of challenges
where it comes to my physical weaknesses. However I have found that
when I lean on God he always gives me enough strength for each day.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Mar 30, 2012
• ISBN: 9781467894555

Jez Smith

Originally from a small town on the outskirts of Manchester, Jez Smith Joined the British Army in 1995, serving in many countries including active service in Kosovo and during 6 years service attained a qualification in oral and written English. After leaving the Army Jez worked as a lorry driver, until falling seriously ill with a rare neurological illness in 2008 that paralysed him from his neck down to his feet. Jez spent the next Year in hospital, including a short stay in intensive care. One night he felt the presence of Jesus and knew that from that moment on he was in safe hands as God ministered into his life, caring for his every need. This is his remarkable story of courage and faith through the darkest days of his life. Today Jez is able to walk short distances with walking aides and writes and performs music that the Lord gave him during his illness and thanks God for the journey that has deepened his faith beyond all comprehension.

Book preview

FAITH—

THROUGH THE STORM

JEZ SMITH

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© 2012 by Jez Smith. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 03/19/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4678-9453-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4678-9454-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4678-9455-5 (e)

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This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

CHAPTER 1

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

CHAPTER 2

MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR THEE, 2 CORINTHIANS 12 VERSE 9

CHAPTER 3

A NEW ANGLE OF ATTACK

CHAPTER 4

MORE GRIEF

CHAPTER 5

CHRISTMAS 2008

CHAPTER 6

VISION OF TROUBLE AHEAD

CHAPTER 7

SUNDAYS ARE FOR GOING OUT

CHAPTER 8

BACK IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME

CHAPTER 9

MORE HEARTACHE

CHAPTER 10

A NEW HOME

CHAPTER 11

MOVING IN AND MOVING ON

CHAPTER 12

THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH

CHAPTER 13

GOING HOME

CHAPTER 14

NEW BEGINNINGS

CONCLUSION

To all my friends and family, and all who have prayed for me.

You all helped me along the way and I thank God for you every day

CHAPTER 1

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

October 2008, the start of another busy month! I worked as a lorry driver delivering linen to hotels. My work took me all over Derbyshire and south Yorkshire, the work itself was heavy manual handling on a daily basis. Often requiring me to lift the linen up and down stairs at the hotels, Put on top of that running kids church on Sundays and being the father of two young children = life being always busy.

At the beginning of October I had no idea what was about to transpire but it would see me hospitalised, put through at times things that seemed unbearable, but see my walk with God deepen beyond anything I thought was possible!

I had begun that October feeling a little under the weather I remember in the week before I fell ill feeling really lethargic and as that week progressed I was really struggling at work, my energy levels seemed to be so low and I was almost willing the week to end so I could rest over the weekend. By the Sunday I was still not very well and stayed home from church, my wife was really concerned about me being ill but I told her I would be fine and sent her off to church with our two children. However my struggles continued and on Monday morning I was still no better and had to take a day off work and go to the doctors, he gave me some pills to take which by the Tuesday evening seemed to have sorted me out, so I rang my boss at work to tell him I would be back in work the next day.

Wednesday was always the busiest day of the week for me with lots of heavy deliveries and by mid morning I could tell that I had probably come back to work a day too early. My body felt so weak! It was the kind of feeling you get when you have had a really tough work out at the gym; everything afterwards just feels like such an effort. I struggled through the days work and felt so relieved when I finally arrived at my last Hotel to make the last delivery of the day. As I got out of the lorry I became really aware that my left leg was very tight around my calf muscle, the only way I can describe it is that it felt as though I had pulled a muscle and it was bad enough for me to be limping with it. I was really thankful that there was not a lot to deliver to this hotel and I was soon on my way back to my works depot.

I parked my lorry up in the compound at work and as I got out of the lorry I noticed that my limp had in fact gotten much worse, even though it had only taken me forty minutes to drive back. I limped my way into the office and my boss frowned at me and asked me what I had done. I told him I was not sure but told him that I had pulled a muscle in my leg and told him not to worry and that I would be in work the next day.

That evening my limp got even worse in fact it was no longer a limp it was now so bad I was tripping up over my left foot, my wife looked on as I struggled around the house on it with a worried look on her face. On Wednesday evenings our church holds small group bible studies. One week I would go and the next week my wife would go or if we had the money we would get a baby sitter for the evening and both go. Although every so often the study would take place at our house. That Wednesday it was my wife’s turn to go, she was worried about leaving me at home with the children as I was struggling so badly but I told her that if I needed her I could ring her and get her to come home. Just after she had left I gave my baby daughter her last bottle of milk before taking her to bed. My leg was really bad now and just getting up the stairs holding my daughter in my arms was a struggle all of its own, the effort that it took just to do that was tremendous, something was not right but me being me I felt that I could struggle on. I went and checked on my son who was sound asleep so off I went back downstairs. With the children tucked up in bed I sat down for a few minutes trying to decide what to do, it was never much of a hard decision to make as I never really watched much TV as all it seemed to be filled with in the evenings was soap opera’s. It was guitar for me, I had two guitars one acoustic and one electric the beauty of the electric was that I could play with my head phones on so not disturbing anybody else, plus people might not want to listen to the noise that I made with it anyway. I had been playing guitar for around one year after years of not playing and had had some lessons to help get myself back in to the groove.

A little later my wife came home and immediately asked me how my leg was, I told her it was no better and if anything it was worse than before. I still felt that a good nights sleep would make all the difference though. When my alarm went off the next morning I knew straight away that it was not good, in fact it was even worse than it had been the day before, my whole left leg now seemed to be dead and it felt like someone had tied a lump of lead to it. I struggled to get dressed and then went down stairs doing my best not to wake my wife and children up. Getting down stairs was a mission all of its own and the safest way seemed to be sat down, it seemed totally crazy I had not gone downstairs sat on my bottom since I was a child but here I was in my thirties reduced to having to get down that way. The unbelievable thing was that I still felt that after a quick hobble around downstairs I would be OK to go to work. I even made a sandwich and packed my work bag and on top of that hobbled up to my car only just able to weight bear through my left leg. God knows how stubborn I am and I truly thank him for what happened next, I got into my car and I tried to put the clutch down with my left leg, but it never happened! I just did not have the strength. I sat there a moment pondering over what had just happened or not as the case was and decided to have another go only to get the same result.

I just shook my head in disbelief. I rang my boss to tell him I would not be in work, when I explained to him what was going on, he sounded fairly worried and asked me to keep him informed as to how I got on at the doctors. So off to the doctors I went again for the second time that week, I had an appointment for eleven O, clock and without the ability to drive I had to rely on the bus, the nearest bus stop was about a five minute walk from my house but with a leg that was like dragging a lump of lead around it made that walk more like fifteen minutes. I arrived at the doctors with just about a minute to spare and had only just sat down when I heard the buzzer go indicating that one of the doctors at the surgery was ready for his next patient and yes it was for me. So I struggled back up onto my feet and limped through to his room.

My doctor was not used to seeing me twice in a year let alone twice in one week and I am no expert at reading body language but his tutting and shaking of his head told me he did not like what he was seeing, he performed various tests on my left leg most of them involving the use of his hammer trying to get a response from my nerves at the knee. Finally he was finished and asked me to take a seat. My doctor told me he was ringing the local hospital in advance and that he wanted me to go straight there so that they could investigate further what was happening. He asked me if I knew anyone who could take me to the hospital and I told him that I would ring around a few friends to see if anyone could help. I made my way back into the waiting room and I was met by my wife; she asked me straight away what the doctor had said and I could see the concern written all over her face when I told her he wanted me to go to hospital, as usual with me I told her I would be fine and that it was probably just a precaution. I asked my wife if she knew anybody who could take me to hospital and she said she would ring our friends house where she had just come from as the women had just met together for morning prayers. A few moments later she came back into the waiting room and told me Helen one of our friends would gladly take us.

After a short wait my doctor poked his head around the frame of the door and handed me a medical card, he told me that I needed to go to the accident and emergency department once I got to hospital and then book in with them and give them the medical card. My wife arranged for one of our other friends to pick our son up from school and after a quick pit stop at our house to pick up a few things for our daughter and some bits for me just in case I ended up spending more time in hospital than any of us thought I was going to; we were off. Helen was fantastic and I thanked her for dropping us off that afternoon, she had to dash off back to the estate we all lived on, to pick her eldest daughter up from school. I never really liked hospitals all the waiting around always drove me insane but that was going to have to change and very quickly, after seeing a nurse and explaining what was going on for what seemed the millionth time that day I had to then endure having my blood taken. I was never pleased about having needles stuck in me but I was very aware that they needed to take bloods to find out more about what was wrong with me.

After what seemed like another thousand years sat in the waiting room I was finally called through to be seen again this time by a doctor and once again I had to recite what had gone on. Followed by the same tests my doctor had performed on me back at the surgery, after the doctor had finished his examination he asked me to go and wait in the waiting room again. My wife looked really shattered and had already fed our daughter one bottle of milk in the time we had been at the hospital, I told her that if she needed to go I would be fine and would ring her the minute I knew anything, but my wife told me that she could hang on for a little while longer before ringing Helen who had already offered to pick us up when we needed to go home. Not that long after that I was called through by a nurse and I thought I was going to have to relay the events again, only to find that they were actually admitting me to a medical assessment ward at the hospital.

I should not really have been shocked but the longest I had ever spent in hospital was one night and that had only been for a routine operation on my left knee when I had been in the army so to suddenly find out that they thought I was ill enough to be admitted was quite a shock really. My wife looked more nervous than ever and really worried and I have to say that deep down I too was petrified. The date I arrived in hospital is etched in my memory like a wound you would rather forget about, the ninth of October 2008. This would be my first night away from my family and it was the scariest I had ever had, during my time serving in the armed forces I had seen active service and had experienced many dangerous incidents, but there I had always known what I was letting myself in for; this was the unknown, and I have to say this filled me with more dread and worry than anything I had faced before.

Saying goodbye to my wife and my baby daughter a little later was heart wrenching and it hurt me so much to know that my little boy was going to be going home that evening and I was not going to be there for him. I felt so sad that he was going to have to go through this. I knew that my wife was really hurting too and I could not comfort her either, it was a moment where I totally felt like a fish out of water. I had always been so strong but now my body seemed to be getting weaker and I did not know why. That first night in hospital was awful I felt so guilty and sad, I was cut off from my family and my only thoughts were how much they needed me. That night I prayed to God so many prayers over so many things I don’t think I have ever had so much time in my life to just talk to God but I was making good use of the time I now had.

My whole body seemed to be getting weaker and I felt totally out of control. Just days earlier I had been fighting fit and healthy. No one had yet given me any indication of what they thought was wrong with me, but I was aware of how weak I was becoming and it was happening fast. When I had arrived on that ward I was able to get myself to the toilet which was only two bed spaces away from me but by the late evening I was needing a nurse to hold my left arm and give me some support so that I could make it there.

Whatever was wrong with me it was taking over my lower body, my legs were feeling very strange and hot and with a sensation of pins and needles. I was such a mess myself, I don’t even recall what time I finally fell asleep or if I did get much at all but the next morning as I woke up I realised that I needed to go to the toilet so I called a nurse over to help me. As I began to swing my legs out of bed, I was instantly aware of how heavy they were. Yes I had described my left leg as being like a lump of lead but now it was both legs and they felt infinitely heavier than they had a day ago, in fact my left leg was so heavy now that I could not move it without having to use my arms to help.

I sat on the end of my bed and the nurse put his arm under my left arm to help me get up, I put all my effort into getting up but even with the help of a nurse I just could not do it the strength had simply gone and there was just no way I could get up. The nurse went off and came back a few minutes later with some strange bottle with a funnel on it, you will have to pee here he said and handed me the bottle and then closed the curtains around me, I have got to say that I was so embarrassed the nurses station was only a few feet away and there were women nurses sat there too. Its a stupid thing really to be embarrassed about! Nurses have seen I am sure every body shape and naked bit of flesh there is to see but that did not stop the way I felt as I sat there trying to work out how I was going to manage to do this whilst sat on my bed, however it did not take me that long to overcome my initial fears. I sat there feeling so fearful and simply could not understand where my strength had gone. As that morning went by and after explaining again and again to the ward doctors what was happening or as it was that less was happening the afternoon was soon upon me and visiting hours on the ward began and my wife arrived with my mum and stepfather. By that time other parts of my body were shutting down, it was like all the fuses were blowing one by one and there was no way of resetting them.

Me and my wife hugged each other, neither of us able to make any sense of what was happening. I did my best to put everyone’s mind at rest telling them that I was sure I was going to be OK, but the honest answer was that as the day wore on and I continued to get weaker I felt more and more worried about what was happening to me. The doctor had not really been much help when I had asked him about it; he just told me that they were running blood tests to see what was wrong and that I should not worry as everything they could do was being done. The truth though is that your mind does wander and you end up thinking up all sorts of reasons why something like

Reviews for Faith - Through the Storm

[jezsmith-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is my debut book, and tells my story of falling seriously ill and how God ministered into my life through the next year, through trials and difficulties.