Memoirs of Madness Laced with Laughter: A Journey into My Manic Depression Episodes

By Roxanna Jones

I lived through the darkest episodes of manic depression. My story is true and very detailed about my episodes. Some of what you read will probably make you laugh, and other parts are dark but need to be told. Maybe you know someone who is bipolar or you yourself suffer from this illness. I believe my honest story will help you understand what it is to be bipolar. It has taken me ten years to build the courage to put my story out there. If it helps even one person, I will know it was worth it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496929853

Roxanna Jones

I have lived with manic depression for 40 years. My experiences, provide a very personal look at what my mind is going through during an episode. I have been able to control my illness for many years now, and I pray that my book will comfort others, and maybe prevent them from making some of the mistakes I have made.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

I opened my eyes and looked around the small room I was placed in.

I had my arms and legs in restraints lying on a very narrow hospital bed. How did I get here, what happened? As I lay there, I started to remember the events that had transpired the night before. I had not been acting myself for several days. My husband had finally looked for advise from my family and my mother pleaded with him to take me to the hospital.

My husband walked with me to a small hospital room with one of the admitting nurses. I know he was scared because after ten years of marriage this was the first time he had seen me like this. I remember him asking the nurse if she knew what was wrong with me. The nurse didn’t have any idea at this point but said this was probably the worst of it. I was deposited into my bed and my husband told me goodbye and said he would be back.

What happened next was probably the reason I was locked in this room wearing restraints. The night shift nurses came in to meet and check on me. There were three nurses two female and one male. It just so happened that they were all people of color. To this day I have no idea why I did this but once my new nurses entered my room I jumped up and yelled FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, GREAT GOD ALMIGHTY I’M FREE AT LAST then I tore down the drapes. Well they all three grabbed me and carried me to my room with restraints, the last thing I remember going through my mind is that they were taking me there to behead me, why I do not know!

Now as I lay there thinking about all this I was in and out of having clear, sane thinking. I remember looking to my right and seeing a mirrored wall. As I viewed my reflection, I was horrified. I looked so awful as I hadn’t taken care of my hair and make-up in days. I truly look crazy alright. When I explained to my youngest son years later how awful that was for me, he laughed till tears fell down his face because he knew how particular I was about my looks and so in my mind this was one of the most horrifying events that could happen to me. Now mind you, we laughed together as we both knew that was the least of it but yet the most out of charter I could be.

I lay there dozing off for a while when a very nice man of color came in to take my blood pressure. I woke up and looked at him thinking I know this man is Jesus, Jesus has come to help me. I must not have been as good to my people of color as I could have been and that was my sin, that is why I am here. I had always taken a special liking to that race, especially the way they worship. I don’t know where my head goes when I get sick but so much of what I think is really not how I feel, it’s just so unfair how my mind turns on me.

After my new found savior left my room I dozed off again. When I woke up I saw a women looking at me through a small window in the door to my left. One by one, people peered in at me as if I was a freak on