Memoirs of Black Gay Men

By O. Og

We were created equal, unique and beautiful. We crave freedom.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 16, 2013
• ISBN: 9781291388039

Book preview

Memoirs of Black Gay Men

MEMOIRS OF BLACK GAY MEN    

Part One

O. OG

About the Author

The African Mud brewed its best. A young man with soul yearning for eternity.

I was bred with emotions, love, affection and kindness. One day, an angel crossed my path and his voice has remained my lullaby. I carry my cross of anonymity.

I fear that I cannot be who I am but I can be what I am expected to be. I am on the down-low.

This is who I am.

Ano Nymous

Chapter 1 - Tunde Agba.

Tunde Agba

Lagos, Nigeria

Age – 26

I looked outside through my hostel window and many thoughts rushed through my mind. I felt a stream of blood pumping through my veins. I felt rage when I thought of my actions, and I felt hatred towards myself. My mind drifted and I was filled with guilt. I whispered angrily, Burn in hell, Tunde! Just rot in hell!

I picked up my mobile phone from the study desk, wanting to call one of my best friends. I need a miracle, and spiritual cleansing. I whispered those words to myself.

I sifted through my mobile contacts and decided that Andrew was the best person to talk to. He was open-minded and might understand my plight. But I struggled to press the dial button as so many thoughts were going through my mind. Andrew’s open-mindedness might not stretch to the idea of two men sharing an intimate moment. He might disapprove of my actions and even end our friendship. How could I hide my shame?

I looked behind me and there was Ade, lying naked in my bed. He seemed peaceful in his sleep. Ade had told me that he often left his worries behind and enjoyed each moment for itself, but I guess I am not built like that. I worry even about little things, and this was a big deal for me. This was the first time I had experienced an intimate moment with someone of the same sex, and it didn’t feel right. I went to the side of the bed where Ade was sleeping and tapped him on his back. Wake up, Mister: you have to leave now. He turned around and looked at the wall clock.

Hey, Boo! he replied. You do realise it’s five in the morning? I can’t leave at this time!

He looked astonishing in his godliness. I couldn’t help but melt at the sight of his eyes. He was about six feet and two inches tall, with a muscular body. He wore a low skin fade haircut. His lips were thick and round, and often, when he spoke, I could only concentrate on the movement of those lips. His chiselled chin sent fluids down my spine. Ade’s eyes were the brightest eyes I had ever seen. His thick thighs and his rounded bum cheeks would make any man or woman fall on their knees. His caramel brown skin was spotless like that of a newborn, and he smelt like dark chocolate. I love this man, I muttered as he looked at me.

I’m not your boo; you barely even know me! You have to leave now, Mister: it is almost 6 a.m. and students will see you coming out of my room… I’m straight. I don’t want to be persuaded to join your club. You have to leave now!

The shock on Ade’s face was captivating. There was a minute’s silence; it felt like an hour. Then he finally responded.

Do you realise we kissed each other last night and spent the night naked in each other’s arms? You enjoyed every moment of it from what I can remember and I know you like me a lot. Why are you treating me like a piece of shit? He paused to get an answer, and when I didn’t reply, he continued: Oh, I get it. You’re the NSA type, right?

I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t even know what NSA meant. I was just upset with myself and totally confused. I finally told him,

I need some time for myself and that time starts now. Besides, I had too much to drink last night; I can barely remember what happened.

He could tell I was lying, he could see the guilt on my face; but I didn’t care.

He got off the bed and put on his briefs. He asked if he could have a shower but I responded abruptly,

No, you can’t. He knew he had to leave the room and he did that without hesitating.

I went to the bathroom and had a shower. The shower lasted for an hour. I needed to scrub away my guilt and shame.

After the shower, I came back to my room. Already I felt like I needed another scrub. My eyes were bulging and bloodshot from crying excessively. I stood naked in front of the mirror and shouted,

Who am I? What have I become?

I went into the kitchen to prepare some scrambled eggs. As I sat to eat, I began crying again. Everything seemed weird and I couldn’t understand myself anymore.

My name is Tunde Agbatede, but my mates call me Tunde Agba. I was born 26 years ago into a religious family. My father is a retired accountant and mother was a TV journalist. She died few years ago in a car accident when she collided with a passenger bus carrying thirty people. Ten people died in the crash including my mother. It has been three years since she passed away and I am still grieving over her loss.

My father is Catholic and my mother was a Presbyterian.