Mental Illness

By Jacque Maria Ellison

This is a true story of how I coped in a mental hospital for five weeks. Hopefully, after reading this, it will give other people who are going or who have went through the same experience and ideas of how to cope. So many people suffer in silence with a mental illness. Why do a lot of us suffer in silence? Why do we hide? Why do we feel ashamed? I realized that if I opened up and talked about my illness and if a lot of other people opened up and talked to someone, there would not be such a stigma to mental illness. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It takes a strong person to get through and come out the other side. Nobody wants to live the event that caused so much pain, but if we face it with courage we wont have to live it again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Mar 3, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504937993

Jacque Maria Ellison

She is a first-time author who tells her story from the heart and who regrets nothing. Even if she could, she would not change anything in her past; rather, she looks back with gratitude because if it weren’t for her past, she would not be the person she is today.

Book preview

Chapter I

It was Thursday 18th September. I had a very tough week that week. Seeing to my three children and preparing a surprise party for Grandad Robbie who was going to be 80 in a few days time. I had often been this busy as bringing up three children was not a simple task. However it had been a typical Thursday for me. Everything seemed fine or so I thought.

However this was my seventh night with very little sleep. Why I was not sleeping, I do not know. I thought it was being so busy and eventually I would get back into my routine of sleeping. Surprisingly I did not feel tired. I kept on going about by daily routine but probably neglecting myself a little. I had been that busy I had not sat down to have a good meal. Ignored the shaking in my hands and body. I was too busy to stop to pay attention to the shaking in my body that week. I had never experienced anything like that before so just kept on going. Very silly really as I now know this was to be the start of my mental illness. My body was trying to let me know, give me a few signs to get me to slow down. Of course I ignorantly ignored all signs that all was not well. I now realise I should have stopped and listened to my body. I should have unloaded some of the things that weighed me down. I should have lost some of the baggage.

I felt a bit paranoid as well with my family and again ignored this as well. I was a strong character and was not going to let these feelings get in my way. The party went well on Thursday night. I was so pleased and proud that I had arranged this party and all had went extremely well. Again did not get any sleep that night either.

Woke up the next morning, Friday. Felt very unwell not myself at all. Asked by husband if he would take the day off work so I could get some rest. My husband did not want to take day off, as he was very busy at work that week. I finally got him to take the day off. I was very ill at that time and did not know it nor did my husband. He knew I was not myself and a bit panicky but again passed no remarks thought it was just the start of flu. That evening I went on about my usual routine and had a job part-time supervisor in a nursery school. I done my usual chores in the nursery school but my head was buzzing. Could not understand what was wrong with me but knew all was not well. I had never experienced anything like this before.

After I got the school chores sorted I just had enough. I sat on my hunkers and started to cry, head on my knees, tears streaming down my face but did not know what I was crying for. It was the first bit of release my paranoid, silly head got that evening. That cry had relieved me of some of the pain in my head. I was hysterical, crying begging for help but there was nobody there to help me.

I wanted to get away from my life. I then made the decision to drive to my sisters’ house. I locked the school that evening got into my car and headed to her house, which was about twelve miles away. Dear knows how I drove there in the state my head was in I will never know. I remember just wailing and crying the whole way to her house. When I got there I parked up my car and did not wait until she opened the gate I just jumped the wall. My body was that full of adrenalin I wanted to see her I jumped the five-foot wall to her house with no difficulty at all. To my sisters’ surprise I was never that energetic but when your head is buzzing with pain it is amazing what your body will do to protect itself.

My body was so full of adrenalin. This was my body’s way of responding to being in danger. Adrenalin was rushing into my bloodstream to enable me to run away. This happened because I believed the danger was real. It was the body’s alarm and survival mechanism. It works so well, that it often kicks in when it’s not needed – when the danger is in our heads rather than in reality.

I will never forget my sister and her husband’s expression on their faces when they saw me. I was a physical wreck, my hands and body trembling, my face trembling uncontrollably as well. I could tell my sister and her husband were scared when they saw me. They knew something was not right. They asked me what was wrong and I told them my husband and his family were out to kill me. I now know this was a panic attack I was right in the middle of, though it was not going away after a few minutes. In my paranoid head I believed every utter word I was coming out with, but my sister and her husband knew that what I was saying could not be true. They had never seen anyone or me in this way before, so did not know