I Want to Laugh: Funny Jokes, Quotes, One-Liners and the Health Benefits of Laughter All Inside This Book

By Derrick Ellis

The recommended daily dose of laughter is 15 minutes a day. I WANT TO LAUGH gives you the health benefits of laughter. For example, laughter lowers Blood Pressure, promotes better sleep, increases natural killer cells (to attack cancers and tumors), improves respiration, and much much more. In addition, there are hundreds and hundreds of jokes, quips, and quotations for almost every occasion. That's right this book will provide the quotes and jokes you need to get your day or night going with excitement. After reading only a few pages, readers will find themselves emailing these side-splitting jokes to friends, family members, and co-workers.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 25, 2010
• ISBN: 9781449072070

Derrick Ellis

Derrick Ellis is a seasoned touring stand-up comedian. He works comedy clubs all over the country. Mr. Ellis has written four other books. This is his first collection of horror stories. He resides in Los Angeles, CA where he enjoys helping the youth. For more information on him log on to www.derrickellisbooks.com or www.funnywearclothing.com.

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Table of Contents

Introduction

Gas Prices and the .99 Cents Store

Researched Information on the Benefits of Laughter

More Benefits of Laughter

While We Are in This Recession

What’s So Funny?

Funny Quotes

Life Inside the Comedy Club

Funny Comedy Jokes & Quotes from Richard Pryor & Rodney Dangerfield

What Made Me Want To Be a Stand-Up Comic

Some More Quotes and Jokes from the Hottest and Legendary Comics of Our Time

Laughter Can Cure Racial Tension

Funny One-Liners from Comics You Are Familiar With and Not So Familiar With!

Dry Humor

Jokes to Tell at Work

Laughter Is All I Need

More Jokes to Laugh At!

Classical Blonde Jokes and Clean Jokes

Funny Inspirational Quotes To Get You Through the Day

Hilarious Pick Up Lines That Are Fun

Keep the Laughter Coming

Off-Color Humor

I Need a Lawyer

The Conclusion

Acknowledgements

Something About the Author

Introduction

Welcome to I want to laugh the book, by the way, my name is Derrick Ellis and I’m a stand-up comedian. I’ve written this book to inform you about the Health benefits of laughter as well as entertain you through some of my material as well as other funny material. As you will see in my book, laughter is very healthy. It lowers Blood Pressure and cortisol level (stress hormone), promotes better sleep, increases natural killer cells (to attack cancers and tumors), improves respiration, oxygenation and blood circulation, improves self confidence and self esteem, provides an internal work-out, and much much more. The recommended daily dose of laughter is 15 minutes a day. Also, within these pages, there are hundreds and hundreds of jokes, quips, and quotations for almost every occasion. There are clean jokes, dirty jokes, excruciating puns, merciless put-downs and funny one-lines; humorous quotations and thoughtful epigrams from the likes of Mark Twain; wisecracks by some of the world’s funny and favorite comedians, ranging from Rodney Dangerfield and Richard Pryor to modern-day performers such as Derrick Ellis to Joe Torry, Sommore, and many more.

We know once again that laughter is very important and healthy. This book will provide the quotes and jokes you need to get your day or night going with excitement! By the way, you never know when a good laugh or joke could land you that big job that you’ve always dreamed about. I have included jokes relating to work, lawyers, relationships, bar jokes, and much much more!!! After reading only a few pages, readers will find themselves emailing these side-splitting jokes to friends, family members, and co-workers. For example, I’ve realized due to the recession, I’ve been force to take my dates out on the bus, chic going to ask me how I expect to be a gentleman on the bus, I said Hell, you get on first! This is just one of the many great jokes that I’ve incorporated in this fun and helpful book. We all know laughter is medicine to the soul, therefore, I’ve suggested that my readers attend a comedy club and see all that goes on inside it. I think you’ll find it to be very enjoyable. Also, you might even catch the comedy bug and want to try and cure some of the world problems through laughter yourself. Also, I give you tips on how to become a stand-up comedian yourself. However, all and all the purpose of me writing this book again is to inform and entertain my readers. I want you to laugh!

Gas Prices and the .99 Cents Store

When I look up the word laughter it simply states it’s a movement of the muscles of the face, particularly of the lips, with a peculiar expression of the eyes, indicating merriment, satisfaction, or derision, and usually attended by a sonorous and interrupted expulsion of air from the lungs. Now that’s a sophicated definition; however, laughter is the key to happiness. I know for me when I laugh, I release all of my emotions all at once. I’ve been told that laughter is the best medicine, I believe that! With the economy being in the state it’s in (referring to 2009), I find myself having to laugh so that I won’t cry. With the gas prices being as high as a Giraffe’s ass, I really need to laugh. Speaking of the gas prices, Gas is so high, I decided to take my dates out on the bus, chic going to ask me how I expect to be a gentleman on the bus, hell you get on first! I know gas is high, I put $10 dollars in my car that put the car on E!

Since the economy is in a recession, I find myself shopping at the ninety-nine cents store on a regular basis. They have all kinds of products in the ninety-nine cents store. They even have clothes in the .99 cents store. I ran into a pair of jeans in the ninety-nine cents store, I had to buy them. However, I wash them one time they were panty holes. One thing about the ninety-nine cents store you can buy food there. I had a cold one day so I went to the .99 cents store to buy some soup, they had Campbell’s soup but it was spelled k.....a.....m.....b.....e.....l.....l, I say what the hell it’s just a misprint. I bought it and took it, it cured my cold but my feet swollen up. I was like this soup has side effects!

Hello, my name is Derrick Ellis and I’m a stand-up comedian. I’ve decided to write this book to entertain the reader through some of my stand-up material, other funny material, as well as uplift people who may be unhappy in this time of recession and limited employment opportunities. Also, I would like to motivate the reader to be whatever he or she wants to be in life. I want you to laugh. Laughter is a healing activity.

Laughter moves lymph and oxygenates your organs: At the biophysical level, laughter moves lymph fluid around your body simply by the convulsions you experience during the process of laughing; so it boosts immune system function and helps clear out old, dead waste products from organs and tissues. Remember that your lymph system doesn’t have a separate pump; your body needs to move around to properly circulate lymph fluid so that your immune system can carry out its natural functions. Laughter is a great way to support that.

Secondly, laughter increases oxygenation of your body at both the cellular and organ level. By laughing, you intake vast amounts of oxygen in huge gulps, and you repeat this process in a sort of temporary hyperventilation session. This is the natural result of laughter, and if you watch someone laugh, you will notice these biophysical effects.

Laughing also boosts circulation, so at the same time that you’re distributing oxygen around your body, you’re boosting the circulation of your blood; you’re exercising abdominal muscles; you’re exercising the muscles of your face; and you’re enhancing the flexibility of various joints throughout your body. So it’s a bit of physical exercise and healthful body movement as well.

The harder you laugh, the greater this effect. If you can find a way to put yourself into a state of rolling, outrageous laughter, you’re going to get a fantastic physical workout from it. In fact, the next day, you may even find your stomach muscles are sore. Have you ever laughed so hard that your stomach hurt and your facial muscles were exhausted? That’s some serious