Zombie Dude, Where's My Pizza?

By Shantnu Tiwari

All Blue and Shake ever wanted was a pizza.

Instead, they got a zombie who tried to eat them.

This time, the monsters made a mistake. Stealing our heroes’ pizza means war!

A horror comedy story, for those who like zombies and pizza (but especially pizza).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shantnu Tiwari
• Release date: Nov 6, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536500424

Book preview

Chapter 1

The story starts when we killed our pizza guy.

Totally beat him to death.

Before you ask, no, we are not psychopaths. Well, I’m not. Shakes says that he isn’t, especially since he’s a member of the British Bakery Association.

And I’m like, how does that matter?

And he’s like, totally matters, dude. See, he says, the British Bakery Association is a group of people who love baking, who follow exact standards of cooking. The cake must be exactly ninety centimetres, must be baked for exactly fifty minutes, and must be soft and spongy.

I say that doesn’t even matter, and besides, the standards differ for each cake.

Shake says I’m getting off the track. The point he’s making is the discipline, the hard working ethos, the dedication to quality and perfectionism, all mean that he is the most disciplined person in this town.

I ask him if he’s confused a cake baking course with the army Special Forces. Did they make him run miles and miles round the forest singing Hai Ho!, did they throw him from an airplane and teach him how to kill people with nothing but his bare hands and a lemon drizzle cake?

Shake says I’m being silly now.

I say he’s the one being silly. We were talking about being psychopaths, so why did he bring up his membership of the British Bakery Association?

He says it proves he cannot be a psycho. How many members of the BBA do I know who are psychopaths?

I say I don't know. It’s not like I have done a statistical analysis.

But none of that matters. Because A) The BBA has nothing to do with not being a psychopath and B) just because Shake attended one baking course six years ago, and hasn’t baked a cake since, doesn’t make him a baker. And besides, he only attended that class because the teacher was hot. And married.

Shake nods at me. Finally, he says, something we can agree on.

I turn to our dog, Mahatma Gandhi. "What do you