P.o.r.e. 1
()
About this ebook
This is a little handbook on life, which isn’t packed with mumbo jumbo stuff. It won’t make you thin or rich or stop you a smoking, which is good because hospitals need patients, they’re their life’s blood (especially in haematology). The little widgy book logically supposes a few weirdo things and, contains some hyperbolic humour. The main logical question isn’t one that is usually asked in pubs ... never mind answered.
The answer, which is obvious may make other questions pop into your mind, if you have even the slightest interest in what life is. We’re told that we don’t know what life is, but, we have things called beliefs, so ... do you believe that?
Frankie Lassut
I am the one being shaved; the other one Nim, is is a looney bin now!I went to see a psychic years ago who ended up as my girlfriend; she didn’t see that one coming! But she was extremely honoured. However it ended badly i.e. it rained heavily as I buried her body and I got soaked. No! You don’t really want to hear about it, it’s depressing; I was joking about the burial. She told me that I was to uncover a talent I had ... Well, another psychic told me that as the first one was dead; I was lying when I said I was lying. Nothing happened for quite a while. Suddenly I realised I needed a ‘job’ quite badly as I was beginning to drink halves. No, not a boob ‘job’! I went for the cheap option i.e. the surgeon gave some socks to shove up my jumper when I go out. I got a ‘job’ (have you got boobs on your mind?) because someone told me that bus-driving was easy because you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel. She was about six, a wise woman ... that’s called an oxymoron. Fantastic! I thought get the job and in a couple of days I’d be driving all the nice passengers around and about seeing all the sights for a fraction of the cost of a tour bus; and we’d have a roof in case it rained. Easy! First of all though there was the training; and I entered hell.I was born in Cumbria in a little ex-iron ore mining town called Millom. It was only small, a one- horse town; the horse was called Peg. It had a pedigree name too, but I can’t remember it at the moment: Peggy Suss? However, I got fed up and left as I was the only man in a town full of women and they were all lesbys; I’ve always been lucky. I went to Blackpool and attended the photographic college. I then moved to Coventry and met the psychic who would tell me what was going to happen. I could say now that the rest is history. Well it is, but obviously not history as that’s all made up anyway. Then I got the job bus-driving, which as I said is easy ‘you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel’. The bus station management weren’t pleased that she had said that though, so she was tried and sent to Guantanamo Bay; they have a section for young kids who are bad to the bone.The job was so mad that I thought it would be a good idea to write out some posters and stick them all on the wall of the bus station. The other drivers enjoyed them, but the management tore them down, the badstars (that’s an anagram of astards +B). I carried on and ended up with a manuscript for a book, which, by the way is ‘brilliant’. The management didn’t like it, but bollocks to them.I couldn’t stop writing after that episode and I’ve been writing ever since, mostly cheques to people, such as the mortgage people and the gas board etc. I am so brilliant that I’ve lost all my friends because I wrote about them in my style which I believe is called Bizzaro. My inner being is a bit of a crazy horse, because whatever I write it has to be in that style, even the horror. It just goes that way. ‘Ordinary’ writing to me is like lemonade minus the bubbles ... I can’t bring myself to do it; but thank God I can still bring myself off. I need a selfie stick as I do that because the close focus on the phone won’t do it; how else am I going to post them on the Dark Web?Writing is like a drug. When I was writing my Millom book, the pictures that flashed into my head were so funny to me that I laughed myself into hernia-ville; my stomach tore. I got injured writing.You see, hernia-ville, a retirement home for people with stomach hernias; no comedians are booked to appear at that place.So, my writing is brilliant, so read the bloody stuff!I have actually suffered for my art. I won’t go to hospital to get it fixed because, well, I’ve written about that friggin place too.All that and now I’m an international bestselling author. I’m the only author in this world who has sold books on Mars (eat your heart out Tony Robbins), so I can say with certainty that Martians have fabulous senses of humour.What a profile!
Read more from Frankie Lassut
The Amityville Bother Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Flark and the Day of the Priffids Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Plastic Christmas Card Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Party Goes On, On the Furthest Side Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSatan's Advocate Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsShelley and Stoker Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Music of Your Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Trial of Mr Splish Splosh and Other Short Bizarro Stories Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Undertaker's Ball. Part two of 'The Care Home' Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings"John Smith" Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Boot Tree Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWarm Your Cockles Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFour Tales of Awful Horror Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe ‘Well Kept Secret’ Legend of Robin Hood Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Care Home Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Demon Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Feeeel Innit! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHeart Beet Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Bible According to Monkey Joe Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsI Want My Mummy! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTop Dollar Zombies Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Tomb and Its Collection of Arty Facts Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Story of The Black Grouse Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe NHSs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLove & Light Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsManitas De Tortura Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to P.o.r.e. 1
Titles in the series (7)
The Little Pink Well Being Bible (For Women Only) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Little book of Mumagination Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsP.o.r.e. 2 & 3 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsP.o.r.e. 1 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Secret Life of Hospital Food Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsP.o.r.e 4: Shopping for Mumbo Jumbo Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Gift of Dementia Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related ebooks
Stand Up to Stand Out: Expressing yourself in the most powerful way Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsP.o.r.e. 2 & 3 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFourteen Life Hacks for a Moderately Successful Life: How I Became a Moderately Successful Writer Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings101 Ways To Happiness Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Little Book of Random Thoughts Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAppearances to the Contrary, FIVE MACABRE TALES OF MISCHIEF, MAYHEM AND MIRTH Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAnxiety: Overcome It and Live without Fear Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/526 JUMPSTRAPS : Twenty-Six Thumb rules of Entrepreneurial Bootstrapping Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Little book of Mumagination Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLife in a Nutshell Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Undertaker's Ball. Part two of 'The Care Home' Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsComedy Fillers: 200 Quips & One-Liners Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWilder Thoughts Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMarco Polo and Motherhood Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDon't Laugh, A Woman's Playbook to the U-R-In Line for the Women's Public Bathroom... Again! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSoupy’s Joke Book Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Funny Thing Is... Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Stop Talking, Start Doing: A Kick in the Pants in Six Parts Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I Don't Like Your Kids (And Other Things I'm Afraid to Admit) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsI've Got the Poop Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFuck Aging: Live a Kick-Ass Second Half Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCompletely Inappropriate Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDid I Really Change My Underwear Every Day?: One Geezer's Handbook for (Temporary) Survival Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow To Straighten Up Your Act In One Week & Keep The Money In The Country Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDog Only Knows: The Word of Dog Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Therefore, I Think: (Science and Philosophy Poetry) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThings My Son Needs to Know about the World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Happily Never After Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsYou're Doing Great!: And Other Reasons to Stay Alive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
General Fiction For You
It Ends with Us: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Fellowship Of The Ring: Being the First Part of The Lord of the Rings Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Priory of the Orange Tree Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Life of Pi: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Alchemist: A Graphic Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5You: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The King James Version of the Bible Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Outsider: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Heroes: The Greek Myths Reimagined Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Meditations: Complete and Unabridged Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beyond Good and Evil Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Unhoneymooners Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mythos Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Silmarillion Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beartown: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Two Towers: Being the Second Part of The Lord of the Rings Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Ocean at the End of the Lane: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nettle & Bone Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Foster Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Cloud Cuckoo Land: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dante's Divine Comedy: Inferno Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Cabin at the End of the World: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Persuasion Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nineteen Claws and a Black Bird: Stories Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Second Life of Mirielle West: A Haunting Historical Novel Perfect for Book Clubs Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The City of Dreaming Books Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Labyrinth of Dreaming Books: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for P.o.r.e. 1
0 ratings0 reviews