Bar Jokes

By Mahesh Dutt Sharma

Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humour. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.
This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter. We earnestly believe that our collections of hilarious jokes will displace your worries and gloom with lots of Ha-Ha’s.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mahesh Dutt Sharma
• Release date: Jan 11, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310192883

Mahesh Dutt Sharma

Mahesh Sharma, a prestigious author and journalist, has written more than 1550 Hindi and English books. His book, "Mahatma Gandhi," won the M.P. Govt. Gandhi Darshan National Award in 2010. He also won Purvottar Hindi Academy, Meghalaya, Shilong Award twice, Natraj Author Award etc.. He is a freelance writer and writing is his passion.

Book preview

Bar Jokes

By Mahesh Dutt Sharma

Published by Mahesh Dutt Sharma

Smashwords Edition

© mds e-books 2014

Smashwords License Statement

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Preface

Laughter is as essential for us as breathing is. The life becomes a big boredom without humour. Whatever be the merits of today’s busy and hectic life, it certainly has taken away laughter from our lives. Mental breakdowns we see around are proofs of it.

This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter. We earnestly believe that our collections of hilarious jokes will displace your worries and gloom with lots of Ha-Ha’s.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 1

Drunk: Give me a hot dog.

Boy: With pleasure.

Drunk: No, with mustard.

*********

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes Rs. 78.

But I already paid you! Don’t you remember? says the customer.

Okay, says the bartender, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did.

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did.

The customer then goes outside, sees a friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. Sometime later, the bartender leans over and says, You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed that they had paid. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get his butt kicked.

The man interrupts, Don’t bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.

*********

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she’s ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn’t care what time I came home.

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she’s ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he’s home so late.

Hey, why aren’t you sleeping? he asks.

I was, but I came in to tell you that we’ve got to sleep on the couch tonight, because my mother is sleeping in our bedroom.

*********

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, I want a Rolling Rock and a shot of whiskey for my friend here.

There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey; he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy’s face. Then he ran back.

The guy with the box said, I’ll have another Rolling Rock and a shot of whiskey for my friend here.

After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man’s face, then dashed back.

The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.

He said, If you spit in my face again, I’m going to cut your pecker off.

The leprechaun laughed and said, Leprechauns don’t have peckers.

Then the man said, If you don’t have peckers, then how do you pee?

By spitting, said the leprechaun.

*********

A man walks into a pub